what's the funniest thing you've ever heard a drunk person say? - Page 8

irishpipes · #**106** 02-10-2006, 12:58 PM

I was in San Francisco last Spring sitting on a park bench with my husband when a homeless guy came up and informed us that we were on his bench. He was drunk, and went on to tell us that he served his country and he is sick of people from Denmark coming over to the US and stealing park benches. He got so worked up and insisted we were from Denmark and finally threw his bottle of malt liquor at us (it missed and shattered against the tree right behind our heads.) He got so belligerent that the police had to take him away. It was NOT funny at the time (we were terrified) but now we joke about those damn people from Denmark all the time.

Lindz928 · #**107** 02-10-2006, 02:19 PM

This thread makes me want to see my college friends! It also makes me want a drink.

FHwku · #**108** 02-10-2006, 07:18 PM

my buddy jonathan, who is of age, was drunk 'n passed out in the passenger seat. his girlfriend was sober, under 21, and driving. they got pulled over.

while jonathan is sleeping, the state trooper asks if the guy in the passenger seat is alright. allison proceeds to explain to the trooper that, "yes, he's alright. he just got off a long day at work." a likely explaination. that's why he's so sleepy. of course.

things were going smoothly until jonathan woked up and blurted out, "what the fuck is going on here?" flashlight shines in his face and the question asked was, "sir, have you been drinking?"

"why yes i have been. i'm drunk."

jon has to show his i.d. but the trooper still wants him to step out of the car. jonathan enters drunken legal mode. "if i get out, you'll give me a ticket for being drunk in public."

"sir, step out of the car."

"why?!"

"just step out of the car."

"no!"

sternly, "sir i'm not gonna ask you again."

"I thought you weren't gonna ask me again?"

preciousjeni · #**109** 02-11-2006, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by FHwku
my buddy jonathan, who is of age, was drunk 'n passed out in the passenger seat. his girlfriend was sober, under 21, and driving. they got pulled over.

while jonathan is sleeping, the state trooper asks if the guy in the passenger seat is alright. allison proceeds to explain to the trooper that, "yes, he's alright. he just got off a long day at work." a likely explaination. that's why he's so sleepy. of course.

things were going smoothly until jonathan woked up and blurted out, "what the fuck is going on here?" flashlight shines in his face and the question asked was, "sir, have you been drinking?"

"why yes i have been. i'm drunk."

jon has to show his i.d. but the trooper still wants him to step out of the car. jonathan enters drunken legal mode. "if i get out, you'll give me a ticket for being drunk in public."

"sir, step out of the car."

"why?!"

"just step out of the car."

"no!"

sternly, "sir i'm not gonna ask you again."

"I thought you weren't gonna ask me again?"

WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM????

FHwku · #**110** 02-11-2006, 04:27 PM

he got a stern lecture. didn't go to jail or anything, though.

probably could've been worse. the other state trooper was laughing though. at least one of them had a sense of humor.

KSUViolet06 · #**111** 02-11-2006, 06:01 PM

"I'm smart! I speak Spanish! "Como te llama", that means "hi"!!!

tld221 · #**112** 02-12-2006, 03:16 AM

last night...

me and friend, garrett, in a drunken early-90s singalong:

me: omg, i cant believe you know that song!
garrett: hold on a minute. (looks me square in the eye) not drunk right now, but i'm gonna give you the best turkey-basted babies.
me:

(maybe you had to be there)

Betarulz! · #**113** 02-13-2006, 01:33 AM

I found it funny, but that's mainly because in a recent small group discussion for one of my med school classes, our advisor (who is a physician) told us a story about a patient they had who was a lesbian but pregnant. Apparently the couple recruited a male friend and they ended up using a turkey baster...

marquise1911 · #**114** 06-21-2006, 12:28 PM

"I love you...whatever the hell ur name is! I've loved you since before my mama was born."

I thought it was sweet. She didn't remember.

DeltAlum · #**115** 06-21-2006, 01:03 PM

After having several drinks on a flight from NYC to Denver late on a Saturday night after having televised a football game at West Point, one of the Executive Producers wandering around the parking garage at the old Denver airport in a daze:

"I know I left my car here somewhere..."

Pessimist Null · #**116** 06-21-2006, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FHwku

he got a stern lecture. didn't go to jail or anything, though.

probably could've been worse. the other state trooper was laughing though. at least one of them had a sense of humor.

the only way it would have been worse is if he had gotten out of the car. Its not illegal to be drunk in a car, and no policeman can force you step out. Its illegal to be driving drunk and to be drunk in public. Don't trust the police and don't trust anyone who trusts them. And then everyone dies and is sad. Because I'm a pessimist now.

KSig RC · #**117** 06-21-2006, 03:54 PM

Recently, in Vegas, we were at a Brazilian steakhouse. After bringing around 6 or so meats on swords, the final course was lamb. My buddy Troy, who is WORKED at about 6pm (I mean . . . Vegas), looks at us and goes, "I think more people would eat lamb if it weren't for that whole Bambi thing."

The rest of us kind of looked around for a while, then I got it - I had to tell him that Bambi was a f-ing deer.

Response? "Oh, shit - my bad."

Still BLUTANG · #**118** 06-21-2006, 04:14 PM

this thread is hilarious!

i had a horny drunk friend say "i'm f*cked. drunk me!"

FHwku · #**119** 06-28-2006, 05:59 PM

toward the end of a party in nashville, That Guy comes outside with his guitar. everyone was listen to the stereo, rockin' away pretty hard. Scenester Rock. that's when That Guy precedes to say, "shhh! shhh! everybody shutup, and then a few people help him shush everyone and turn the music down." the entire crowd of scenester kids stops to look, and That Guy starts playing "She Talks to Angels" (Black Crowes.) if you know any Scenester Kids, you know that they don't listen to Southern Rock much. shocked silence. the only person laughing was a 24-year-old oil painter, who thought it was just like a Will Ferrell skit.

That Guy ='s Me. i didn't really care for what they were listening to and i was very drunk and determined to rectify that situation. the painter just told me about this Friday at an engagement party for a mutual friend that i had to play. i fell out laughing.

33girl · #**120** 06-28-2006, 06:14 PM

I'm glad this got bumped. In a variant, I have to say the title of funniest drunk semi-karaoke I've ever heard (i.e. singing along to the jukebox) has been claimed by the guys on my birthday belting out "Do Re Mi" from Sound of Music and "Sing, Sing a Song" by the Carpenters. (Did I mention some semifamous local media guys were included in the group....LOL) And they knew EVERY SINGLE WORD.