Moving in with BF! I need advice.

[AlphaFrog]

GreekGirley is really setting herself up to be a statistic...

If you go into marriage thinking it's this wonderful, magical, story book happening, you're going in with totally wrong expectations that your poor future husband will never live up to. He's not coming home from work every day on his white horse, regardless of whether he did so (and which address he went to) during the courtship/engagement. Even saying that the marriage should have something "special" tells me that you have an immature view of marriage. There is no magic in marriage. There is, however, plenty of work, hardship, sacrifice, tears, and heartache. The ones that survive are the people that accept it, and decide that sharing their life with someone they love is ultimately more important and worth it.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by agzg

KSig, I'm serious here. You're around flaunting yourself, trying to cause trouble for me with my love of MC. Stop it.

Yeah, but I've already given my last name to someone else.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Yeah, but I've already given my last name to someone else.

I'm under the understanding that men can give their last name to multiple people. Do your kids have your last name? Man's gift to woman is neverending, apparently. But as soon as I live with you, I'm sucked completely dry.

Oh well. I've already laid out my plan for name changes after marriage. This could totally work!

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

GreekGirley is really setting herself up to be a statistic...

If you go into marriage thinking it's this wonderful, magical, story book happening, you're going in with totally wrong expectations that your poor future husband will never live up to. He's not coming home from work every day on his white horse, regardless of whether he did so (and which address he went to) during the courtship/engagement. Even saying that the marriage should have something "special" tells me that you have an immature view of marriage. There is no magic in marriage. There is, however, plenty of work, hardship, sacrifice, tears, and heartache. The ones that survive are the people that accept it, and decide that sharing their life with someone they love is ultimately more important and worth it.

So true. I have no fondness for "marriage." Divorce is a necessary evil that is no ones' business but the couple involved. I have a commitment to my husband that started before our marriage. The marriage made it official legally and makes it easier to buy property, etc. Did it change the level of commitment we already had? No. Do I work to keep our relationship strong because of a societal institution? No. I do it because I value my husband, his love and our lives together. The "marriage" is nothing but window dressing on the relationship beneath. The relationship has been going strong for 10 years, the marriage 8.

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by agzg

I'm under the understanding that men can give their last name to multiple people.

I believe this is only possible for terrorists or Mormons. So basically terrorists.

[agzg]

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

On the other hand, I have about 5 colleagues ages 35-60 yo who have significant others, and a few of them have children together, that they've lived with for 10+ years. These people never intended to get married and they haven't waivered.

This is something I learned a long time ago - that when both people want the exact same thing out of a relationship (be that marriage, babies, cohabiting, or just some sexy fun times) it will be full of awesome. The non-awesomeness comes when the two people aren't on the same page and can't talk it out to get there/don't want to try to get there.

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Since we're having so much fun around here, I'll just leave this here.

Yay, yay, yay! A chance for me to quote from Elsa Maxwell's Etiquette Book, copyright 1951.

Whatever stone adorns it, an engagement ring should be a matter of pleasure and pride. Those who are socially insecure will feel they MUST have a diamond. Those who are true individuals will wear the ring they prefer and can afford. Which reminds me of a charming English friend. She chose to have her fiance present her with a jade necklace rather than an engagment ring. "I love jade..." she told me when I admired her necklace, "...its color and the delicate carving to which it lends itself. Diamonds I do not especially admire. I often think how, if diamonds were as plentiful as pebbles on a beach and no more valuable, most people would kick them aside. It would be only those who really find beauty in diamonds, as I find beauty in jade, who would stoop to pick them up."

All of which is true. We are mightily influenced by the value the world puts upon things. And this does us no particular harm - unless we become such slaves to worldly values that we lose, first, our perspective and then our happiness.

A friend's woman apparently bitched about the first ring he gave her and had him go back and get a bigger one. Not coincidentally they're probably getting married in Vegas because no one can stand her/wants to come to the wedding.

[AlphaFrog]

^^I ended up getting the garnet and amethyst heart ring that I posted awhile back to replace the diamond wedding ring I lost. I get way more compliments on it than I ever did on my diamond and I love how personal it is.