What to tell overconfident PNMs

[33girl]

Originally Posted by carnation

Do y'all remember that GCer who told us that at her school on Bid Day, all the PNMs would stand hand to hand in a big circle with their eyes shut? And then the Rho Gammas would walk around the circle and tap the shoulder of those who didn't get a bid and those girls backed out of the circle. Those remaining were told to open their eyes and that they'd gotten bids.

PenguinTrax and I were really upset. Really. I have been to that school's Bid Day since and they give out bids in a decent way now.

I do remember that. It's like that game 7 Up in an evil form.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by carnation

Do y'all remember that GCer who told us that at her school on Bid Day, all the PNMs would stand hand to hand in a big circle with their eyes shut? And then the Rho Gammas would walk around the circle and tap the shoulder of those who didn't get a bid and those girls backed out of the circle. Those remaining were told to open their eyes and that they'd gotten bids.

PenguinTrax and I were really upset. Really. I have been to that school's Bid Day since and they give out bids in a decent way now.

Ugh. That's like Heads Up 7 Up from hell.

I remember hearing of another school where all the PNMs were assembled in one room and if you got a bid, it was taped to the bottom of your chair. If you didn't, there was nothing there. So terrible.

My school had Pref and Bid Night in the same day (Pref started early in the AM at like 9 and Bid Night around 8/9 PM).

The Rho Chis got ahold of the girls who didn't get a bid as soon as possible after matching so they knew not to come to the Student Center to pick up a bid. It still probably hurt for them though because if you live in a freshman dorm, there are several PNMs living on your floor and you get to hear/see them coming back from Bid Night with all their new stuff.

NMs and sorority members also usually wear Bid Night shirts on Monday to class. I can imagine that it's a bummer if you're one of few girls who didn't get a bid and you get to sit in your Orientation class with like 5 other girls who did.

[Alumiyum]

God that's awful. At least on our campus the girls that are released know that the night before and therefore aren't put on the spot.

[SouthernBelle93]

this has been so helpful. I was convinced i wanted to be an ABC because literally all of my friends are, but now i am going to try and go in with the most open mind possible. I would hate to be "that girl." thanks!!

[FleurGirl]

Originally Posted by SouthernBelle93

this has been so helpful. I was convinced i wanted to be an ABC because literally all of my friends are, but now i am going to try and go in with the most open mind possible. I would hate to be "that girl." thanks!!

It's so nice to know that some people read and learn from GC!
Great bump too with deferred recruitment coming up in January at some schools.

[KDMafia]

As I was reading this I was also thinking that there can be a different type of over confidence at smaller/deferred rush schools.

Typically what we happen to see is the belief that since rush is small and not as competitive that whole groups of friends can get into the same house and every year Rho Gammas have issues with girls having "pacts" with their friends to place certain houses first.

Of course one year, one girl stuck with the pack and the other two didn't and they ended up in different houses.

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by KDMafia

As I was reading this I was also thinking that there can be a different type of over confidence at smaller/deferred rush schools.

Typically what we happen to see is the belief that since rush is small and not as competitive that whole groups of friends can get into the same house and every year Rho Gammas have issues with girls having "pacts" with their friends to place certain houses first.

Of course one year, one girl stuck with the pack and the other two didn't and they ended up in different houses.

Ah, yes... back in the day we called that a "package deal." I remember well one very popular pnm from a Southern California high school. She had a posse of friends going through recruitment with her. She let it be known that if any chapter wanted her, they had to also want all her friends.

It backfired. The entire group ended up bidless. Nobody (in any chapter) liked being bullied.

[KDMafia]

I think that is one of the more negative aspects of deferred recruitment. These girls spend a semester together and become super devoted to each other and they are the best friends ever and cannot imagine their life without each other etc etc.

I remember how friendships felt my freshman year and how many of them didn't last because the intensity level is to high to to maintain. Plus you're getting comfortable in a strange environment and once you feel at home it's easier to start to realize some of your friends annoy you or were in reality more convenient than anything.

However, these girls haven't realized this yet. They coming back after there break where they missed their freedom and their friendships and i think the thought of getting split up seems scary.

[FleurGirl]

Originally Posted by KDMafia

I think that is one of the more negative aspects of deferred recruitment. These girls spend a semester together and become super devoted to each other and they are the best friends ever and cannot imagine their life without each other etc etc.

I feel like that's something the PXs should really emphasize during recruitment -- just because you're in different sororities does not mean you can't be friends anymore! Having good friends in different sororities is how you build strong Panhellenic spirit. It's not just a good thing, it's a GREAT thing. I think some PNMs get caught up in the thought that an ABC can't be super good friends with an XYZ, and that's not true at all.

[carnation]

Originally Posted by AzTheta

Ah, yes... back in the day we called that a "package deal." I remember well one very popular pnm from a Southern California high school. She had a posse of friends going through recruitment with her. She let it be known that if any chapter wanted her, they had to also want all her friends.

It backfired. The entire group ended up bidless. Nobody (in any chapter) liked being bullied.

I had no idea this could happen! Can you imagine having to make the space for several girls? I wonder if some popular PNM has ever pulled this off?

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by carnation

I had no idea this could happen! Can you imagine having to make the space for several girls? I wonder if some popular PNM has ever pulled this off?

Yes, Carnation, there were a few popular PNMs who were successful, including in my own pledge class. Interesting note: that group of girls in my pc started out very tight, and within a few weeks they'd all found other friends in the chapter. In other words, that high school clique didn't hold.

I recall that quota was tightly set and there was no such thing as a quota addition. Without going into membership selection details, it did get dicey and tense at times (e.g. the chapter wanted to extend a bid to one or some members of a clique, but not all).

[KDMafia]

Originally Posted by AzTheta

Yes, Carnation, there were a few popular PNMs who were successful, including in my own pledge class. Interesting note: that group of girls in my pc started out very tight, and within a few weeks they'd all found other friends in the chapter. In other words, that high school clique didn't hold.

I would imagine that it might be easier to do with larger pledge classes. At smaller schools though a group of 5 girls could be 2/3 to a 1/2 of the class. The making different friends thing is also true. I knew of 2 girls that went to the same house because they were best friends but it was not where one truly wanted to be. So while one was super excited and became super involved the other just never felt truly at home so their friendship grew apart anyway.

Following your heart and remembering you can still be friends are really important messages but then you think about 18 year old girls and how important their friendships are and I can see how those don't always work. I think that's why it's so important for Rho Gammas to have strong relationships with their PNMs. They need them to be willing to confide if they feel they fit in better. Until they admit that there really isn't always much a rho gamma can do.

[Alumiyum]

Oh, package deals. I hated those. Pledge classes at my school are at the most about 22-24, but usually more like 15-19. Five girls who will not be separated don't have a good chance of getting what they want. No matter how many times we explained that, these little groups would always pop up. But I have to say, I never saw an entire group like that get into the same chapter...and I also never saw a PNM refuse a bid because her friends didn't get in.

We tried so many times to explain that being in different organizations in no way means you can't be friends. Some of my best friends were Chi Os and DGs while I was active. I'd always point that out. But they never believed us...

ETA: I know of several cases of package deals of 2 or 3 girls where 1 or 2 eventually dropped the sorority because they never really felt they fit in there. It's another reason for PNMs to remember they are individuals, not a herd. Just because your BFF is a perfect fit for XYZ doesn't mean you will be...don't join XYZ just because BFF does.

[carnation]

I'm trying to figure out how a PNM would broach that with a sorority: "So, you like me? Then take my 4 buddies." I would love to know how that plays out.

That said, there was a girl who rushed at one of my schools and she was truly the "prize plum" of that year. This being a bed rush, the pledge class sizes were very limited and to the shock of many, a relative of the girl (who normally wouldn't have gotten a bid anywhere, it was felt) ended up in the selective pledge class that Prize Plum was in. I wonder if Relative always felt that on campus:"You're only an Alpha Beta because they had to take you to get Plum."

[33girl]

Originally Posted by KDMafia

I think that is one of the more negative aspects of deferred recruitment. These girls spend a semester together and become super devoted to each other and they are the best friends ever and cannot imagine their life without each other etc etc.

I remember how friendships felt my freshman year and how many of them didn't last because the intensity level is to high to to maintain. Plus you're getting comfortable in a strange environment and once you feel at home it's easier to start to realize some of your friends annoy you or were in reality more convenient than anything.

However, these girls haven't realized this yet. They coming back after there break where they missed their freedom and their friendships and i think the thought of getting split up seems scary.

This was one positive aspect of spending my whole freshman year with a possessive boyfriend and then going thru rush 1st semester sophomore year. LOL.

The only "package deals" when I was in school were legacies and their friends, and those all worked out fairly decently as the legacies understood the concept of membership selection. I think they got a few like what you originally described after I left, and surprise surprise, those were the girls who didn't do squat, didn't hold offices, etc...jacket sisters in other words.

If anyone would have straight up said "you have to take Shrek to get me" I'm fairly sure we would have told her and Shrek to walk their butts on out of our house. If someone's pullling that sort of power play as a PNM, how obnoxious will they be as an initiated sister??!?