Ordering high end on the first date. Is it rude or is it just me?

[Tulip86]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

And you NEVER make the decision about who is paying

I do quite frequently decide who's paying... our regulars include a bunch of guys (about 30-35 y.o.) who hand me one creditcard each and I have to draw one behind my back! So funny

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

It's cool. I've already had three...therefore at this moment EVVVVVVVVVVVVVVERYBOOOOOOODY is my best friend.

I attempted to do housework after #4. I later found the Baker's Joy in the fridge. Fail.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by honeychile

Has anyone ever gone to a restaurant where they hand a menu with the prices to the man and one without the prices to the woman? I only went to one of those one time, and I found it more than a little offensive.

I asked about that a few pages back too. I think that happened to me after husband #1 but before husband #2, so it was probably 1990 or 1991. I don't think that has happened since then. However, I rarely go to restaurants of that caliber anyway. I wasn't offended at the time. How long ago was the for you, honeychile?

[WaterChild]

I went to a hotel restaurant earlier this year that gave my dad and me menus with prices on it and my mom one without prices.

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I asked about that a few pages back too. I think that happened to me after husband #1 but before husband #2, so it was probably 1990 or 1991. I don't think that has happened since then. However, I rarely go to restaurants of that caliber anyway. I wasn't offended at the time. How long ago was the for you, honeychile?

The whole night was offensive to me! It had to be about the same time that you encountered this, 1991-92. I was very defensive then - but I wanted to get something mid-range price and couldn't tell. (hmmm... how much that going for lately?)

33, it was the restaurant at Jennerstown Playhouse, if you've ever been.

[AGDee]

See, I kind of felt like it took the pressure off. I mean, obviously, the prime rib or lobster is going to be at the high end. Pastas and chickens are going to be low-middle. I don't remember what I ordered. I don't even remember who took me there...lol. Too many dates in my lifetime apparently...

[33girl]

Originally Posted by honeychile

The whole night was offensive to me! It had to be about the same time that you encountered this, 1991-92. I was very defensive then - but I wanted to get something mid-range price and couldn't tell. (hmmm... how much that going for lately?)

33, it was the restaurant at Jennerstown Playhouse, if you've ever been.

Green Gables? Yes, many times. Consider that being there in 1992 was like being anywhere else in 1952. Time passes sloooooooowly up here in the mountains.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by Tulip86

Working in quite a high-end restaurant, I always hand the bill to whoever asked for it. Handing the bill to the male just because it's assumed he's going to pay seems dated to me.

I belong to a private club and I've occasionally taken dates there for post-dinner drinks or dessert when we've hit about date #3 or #4 (figure he's going to be around for a while, plus it's nice and intimate--good for conversation). You can't pay cash or card; it simply goes to your account.

Most of the staff knows me and knows that I'm the member and they give me the chit...sometimes, however, the newer staff gives the chit to my date. They obviously do it because he's the guy but it's still really funny.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I belong to a private club and I've occasionally taken dates there for post-dinner drinks or dessert when we've hit about date #3 or #4 (figure he's going to be around for a while, plus it's nice and intimate--good for conversation). You can't pay cash or card; it simply goes to your account.

Most of the staff knows me and knows that I'm the member and they give me the chit...sometimes, however, the newer staff gives the chit to my date. They obviously do it because he's the guy but it's still really funny.

Munchkin03 is paying for GC lunch!

[Cen1aur 1963]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Lesson learned: Stop talking just to talk and make yourself clear. Manners and moderate are subjective and cultural.

[I have been at gatherings where ordering less expensive or smaller amounts of food was interpreted as the person not having a good time and being ready to leave.]

If this is such an issue for you, find a way to respectfully convey (or politely say) "order whichever entree (singular), 2 drinks, and dessert (singular) that you want." If the "whichever entree" part scares you because some entrees are expensive, take your date to a less expensive restaurant. Look, adults need to stop acting so cautious and scary over things that may be silly in the longrun. You have more exciting things to spend your brain and time on than contemplating and reflecting on a dinner date. Get it said, get it done, and move on to more exciting things.

A smart person who has an issue with what their date is ordering would find a way to respectfully take the lead. Afterall, I would never want to date a man who could not respectfully tell me when to STOP ORDERING if he is the one paying for it. Even a "having to wash the dishes to pay for this" joke can work depending on the context.

ctfu @ the singular comment. I'll keep that in mind, because I'm hooking up with her next weekend.

Originally Posted by 33girl

No, this is exactly where you went wrong. "Order whatever you want" - that translates as "hmmm, this dude is trying to be Mr. Big Spender and impress me. Ok baby, it's on. 42 lobsters please!!"

When you take a girl to a restaurant...it's obvious that she'll order whatever she wants. The days of a man choosing the meal with zero input from the woman are long gone. If you feel the need to state the obvious, it will get twisted.

I just said that because I didn't want her to feel like she had to order light. It wasn't really the food that was costly, it was all those drinks she ordered.

You lost me on the second part of your post. Who said I was choosing her meal for her? I don't recall saying that.

Originally Posted by TonyB06

What precipitated you saying "order whatever you want?" Had she asked your opinion on any of the menu items? Had she asked if you'd dined there before?

Her menu selection is one of the many unstated markers that you pay attention to, particuarly on a first date. People will usually, through their actions, show you far more than they will tell you.

Even saying "order whatever you want" should not have been taken as an invite for her to go buckwild on the menu.

I'm going out with her next weekend. I never judge my dates off a menu selection. I just mention this one, because I was just trying to get other opinions to see if I was being too harsh.

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

lol
Why did you tell her that? I mean, why was that even necessary?

You've never told someone to take their time, but didn't really mean for them to move so slowly after you told them to? Same difference. I was trying to make her feel comfortable, she just got too comfortable.

[etadrisophila]

It wasn't really the food that was costly, it was all those drinks she ordered.

So how do you think you should handle that possibility the next time?

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by etadrisophila

It wasn't really the food that was costly, it was all those drinks she ordered.

So how do you think you should handle that possibility the next time?

Hopefully he will learn that dinner (and drink) dates are not the only type of date.

I always considered dinner dates to be one of the lazy options when getting to know someone. They are less lazy than going to the movies (no talking, no looking at each other...womp womp).

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Cen1aur 1963

You lost me on the second part of your post. Who said I was choosing her meal for her? I don't recall saying that.

Saying to her "order anything you want" implies that there would be a time when she COULDN'T order anything she wants. It's kind of like if you went to the bathroom and she said "go ahead and unzip your fly before you pee." Tellling a person to do something they're obviously going to do anyway makes them think you're trying to get them to read between the lines.

[ZetaGirl22]

When hubby and I went on our first date I had him order first to see where on the menu he was operating LOL! He went for the most expensive thing on there. I figured I was good after that LOL

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by Cen1aur 1963

You've never told someone to take their time, but didn't really mean for them to move so slowly after you told them to? .

Yes, I have, but that's not the issue. This thread isn't about me, it's about you, and your financial mistake(s) that you made on your date. If you understand what your actions will cost you, perhaps you won't be so quick to do things that are detrimental to your finances. Your mistakes and failings can be your greatest teachers if you accept their lessons. My final advice to you is (like I've said a million times on here) if you spend enough time with her, she'll eventually become transparent -it's impossible not to. People can hide behind a representative for only so long. Until you have an understanding of that, and patience, you'll continue to make dumb decisions. Like I said, have some patience. Do that, and before you take the next step, you'll know what you're stepping into.