Do you want kids? - Page 7

KSUViolet06 · #91 05-08-2005, 12:01 PM

I don't want kids. I like them, but it's a responsibility I don't want. I'd really rather put all my efforts into my career. I know I'll get alot of flack for saying this, because alot of people say "oh you can have your career and a family too". I understand that, but I have no desire to divide my time and have everything come to a near halt while I'm taking care of a baby.

PhoenixAzul · #92 05-08-2005, 12:50 PM

I have ranted about this before on this board. One of my biggest pet peeves in life are those women who think that they are so damned special just because they chose to have kids. They think it is OK to bring those SUVs called strollers into the tinest store and expect you to yeild to them because they have a stroller (not nec. a kid IN the stroller, but the stroller itself). And those mothers who act like their screaming whining food-throwing children are not disturbing the rest of the adults in a nicer restaurant (McDonalds is a different thing). The parents who refuse to cknowledge that their children are just plain old BAD and in need of an attitude adjustment. Of course their bad behavior is caused by other people, never the parents....

I'm so bothered by "mommy culture" and soccer moms and people who live vicariously through their child's social life.

I'm bothered by the "purpose of marriage is to reproduce"...'scuz me? Do I look like a brood mare? THey did that to Aryan women during Nazi germany...bred them to men to reproduce "pure" babies because that was their purpose. I want to marry for love, to cement my love with my husband...not to be pregnant for the rest of my life until I become infertile and then they take me out back and shoot me like some old cow.

And for all the reasons stated above...I , as a woman who has spent a ton of her own money and time building her education and career, will NOT be having a kid...EVER. I'm not cut out for it. My work would make me a bad parent...away from home at random times of the day, in war zones and third world countries...it wouldn't be fair to do that to a kid. If I'm bringing someone into this world, I'm going to be there for them, and I can't do that in my field. Plus, I'd probably become unemployable for that too...I've got to be able to pick up and move and travel, and not have to worry about the school system or a babysitter or food on the table at the right time.

</rant>

Jill1228 · #93 05-08-2005, 02:02 PM

I am one who desperately wants to have kids, but we are waiting until it is a better time for us. Mr. 1228 has one from his previous marriage (Ms. "ain't no way I am marrying a man with kids" ate her words)

My mother in law (aka Monster in Law) and i were talking about this. I was talking about my friend who doesn't want to have kids EVER!

Hey, whatever floats your boat...it is your body and your choice.

I admire people who say, "I don't think I would be good as a parent so I don't want kids." I wish some other people who have kids that they can't take care of (or won't) would do the same thing. Like the guy who works with me, for example. He and his wife just had their 5th kid and tries to make ends meet on food stamps and earning a base pay of $11 an hour...his wife doesn't work, and they live in a 2 BR apartment. But that is a whole nother issue.

Back to the MIL...she says:
"That is terrible! That is so selfish. Who is going to take care of them when they get old?" WTF?

Hell yeah it is selfish not to want to have kids. Then again, it is selfish to want to have a clone just like you and even more selfish to have a kid so they can take care of you when you get old.

I was reading an article about women waiting to have kids and the women over 40 having kids for the first time is increasing by leaps and bounds.

enter monster in law: "That is terrible! That is so selfish! That is horrible to do to the kid."

So since I am in my late 30s I am going to be one of those horrible women according to her.

I just said to Mr. 1228 "That is YOUR mother!"

The funny thing is the folx who sweat me most about NOT having kids are the folx that have a hella kids who can't afford them without the state taking care of them.

It also irritates me when folx say "you will change your mind". If I do fine. If not fine. It is none of your damned business!

I just don't understand some folx logic.

RedRoseSAI · #94 05-08-2005, 08:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by PhoenixAzul
One of my biggest pet peeves in life are those women who think that they are so damned special just because they chose to have kids. They think it is OK to bring those SUVs called strollers into the tinest store

Argh! That is the WORST! I was once in a small doctor's waiting room and a woman tried to navigate her SUV stroller around the room. After banging into a few people's chairs she said (unappologically) "Sorry, this thing's hard to drive".

THEN GET A SMALLER ONE! Seriously, what is the need for those huge things??

Quote:

And those mothers who act like their screaming whining food-throwing children are not disturbing the rest of the adults in a nicer restaurant

Word. Why can't some parents say "no" to their children? Here's an excerpt from a very funny book called The Three Martini Playdate that deals with this topic:

Once my son was playing with another boy, whom I will call "Butchie." Butchie thought it would be a good idea to punch my son repeatedly in the arm until my son cried. Butchie's father, who witnessed the event, pulled his son aside and told him that it was 'inappropriate' for Butchie to hit his friend ... in the arm. He said it very calmly and reasonably ...

I wanted to put in my two cents and say that I thought it was inappropriate to mince words when speaking to a four-year-old. ... Being excessively polite, I didn't say anything, but I ask you, why is it so difficult for an intelligent grown-up man to tell his son that his son did somthing bad?

... If I might be so judgemental, punching your friend in the arm is mean. It's bad. You hurt your friend, and you shouldn't hurt people. What is so awful about letting your children know this?

I like this woman. If I do become a mother, this is the sort of mother I plan to be. I think one of the many reasons I don't relish the idea of parenthood is because I don't want to hang out with people like the dad she described.

#95 05-08-2005, 11:41 PM

I wisah i could have more children. My dream was to have at least 2 or 3. My son Matthew is my entire life and i thank God everyday for how blessed i am with him.

I respect people's decisions not to have any , but for some of us who wish they could have more it is a selfish way of saying i can have kids but choose not too! It really bothers me threads like this especially on days like this!

GeekyPenguin · #96 05-08-2005, 11:56 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by cutiepatootie
I wisah i could have more children. My dream was to have at least 2 or 3. My son Matthew is my entire life and i thank God everyday for how blessed i am with him. I respect people's decisions not to have any , but for some of us who wish they could have more it is a selfish way of saying i can have kids but choose not too! It really bothers me threads like this especially on days like this!

Why is it selfish to choose not to? I should not be forced or obligated to breed to oblige you because you think that children are God's gift to the world. Your comment shows that you don't in fact respect the choices of women who don't want children.

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #97 05-09-2005, 09:26 AM

That's not what her post sounded like to me at all.

This thread is fast turning into an "attack women who chose to have kids" forum.

Lady Pi Phi · #98 05-09-2005, 09:46 AM

I don't know if I want to have children. Some days I think I do, other days I think they are obnoxious little rugrats and can't stand them (usually when I see some obnoxius kid on the bus with their parent misbehaving and the parent refuses to do anything about it).

In my opinion, there is no such thing as an unselfish act. You choose to have kids because you want them or you choose not to have kids because you don't want them. Either way it's not about the children, it's about you. So do whatever you want.

sigtau305 · #99 05-09-2005, 10:09 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lady Pi Phi

In my opinion, there is no such thing as an unselfish act. You choose to have kids because you want them or you choose not to have kids because you don't want them. Either way it's not about the children, it's about you. So do whatever you want.

agreed.

Rio_Kohitsuji · #**100** 05-09-2005, 10:20 AM

I want to have babies and my fiance wants babies....so we'll have babies.

However, not for a damn long time!

33girl · #**101** 05-09-2005, 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by HotDamnImAPhiMu
That's not what her post sounded like to me at all.

This thread is fast turning into an "attack women who chose to have kids" forum.

Well, her post overlooked the fact that most of these women who say they don't want to DON'T in fact know if they CAN. I mean, you can't do a female sperm count. The only way to know if you can get pregnant is to try to get pregnant.

Now if someone would come on here and say "I've had 10 abortions but I really don't want kids and won't use birth control" that's the only time I think the word selfish could be used in this discussion and the only person I think cutiepatootie's post could apply to.

jharb · #**102** 05-09-2005, 10:45 AM

I really don't want children and don't really care that it makes me selfish. I'm just not a fan of them, and don't think I'd be a very good parent.

GeekyPenguin · #**103** 05-09-2005, 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by HotDamnImAPhiMu
That's not what her post sounded like to me at all.

This thread is fast turning into an "attack women who chose to have kids" forum.

No, it's not. Having kids can be totally awesome, but just because someone wants more and can't have them doesn't mean they have the right to project that on people who don't want them.

33girl · #**104** 05-09-2005, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by jharb
I really don't want children and don't really care that it makes me selfish. I'm just not a fan of them, and don't think I'd be a very good parent.

no selfish jharb.

A male friend of mine had a vasectomy relatively early in life because he said he never wanted to be responsible for anyone but himself. I'm sure some people would find that selfish, but to me it's far more UNSELFISH to admit that you don't want to do something even when society is constantly pushing you into it.

So many people have kids for the wrong reasons, I think we should have nothing but praise for the people who are NOT having them for the RIGHT reasons.

valkyrie · #**105** 05-09-2005, 11:16 AM

Can someone explain to me how it would EVER be considered selfish to not have kids? That doesn't even make sense. I agree with what Lady Pi Phi said -- hopefully, you decide to have kids or not have kids based on your knowledge of yourself and what you want out of life. If that's "selfish" then who in the world isn't selfish?

I think people get confused -- obviously, if you have kids, you have to be unselfish a lot of the time and put the kids before your own desires. It doesn't follow from that, though, that you're selfish if you don't want to have kids. It just means that you know yourself and know that it's not for you, which isn't selfish at all.