what's the funniest thing you've ever heard a drunk person say?

[tunatartare]

Hahaha the popcorn thing is just great!

[sairose]

Originally posted by TriDeltaGal
sairose...thanks for making my GC night with your drunk stories. Those are hilarious!

LOL you're welcome! I still laugh out loud whenever I think of those!

[RedFox]

Two things that happened on my recent trip to NYC...we were in Times Square at Sephora...my friends and I were quite tipsy from being at a really nice italian restuarant and having lots of wine-- but anyway one of the people working there was telling us about the time his brother threw a party and had $500 cash on his dresser, along with a flat screen tv, dvds, dvd player and other expensive electronics lying openly around. (First off, thats just stupid if he throws a party). However, all the ended up stealing were his Polo socks! What the heck! So my friend Justin goes: "Well, if he leaves $500 on the dresser while throwing a big party, he's asking for his socks to get stolen" It was so funny at the time, we were cracking up.

The other funny thing that happened was my friend Alex and I got back from being out and wanted to go out again because we weren't really tired. It was about 2amish and we had been drinking and here's how our convo went:

Me: It's 2am, nothings open now in Times Square
Him: Things are open, lets just go, cmon!!
Me: Like what? What is open?
Him: YES IT IS!!!!


it was so funny, but now that I read this, ya'll may not think so, but I guess it was one of those you-had-to-be-there type of thing.

But of course, the universal best drunken line ever is....

"I'm not as think as you drunk I am!!!!!!"

Happy New Year everyone!

[GeekyPenguin]

None of these were me, I swear.

So freshman year of college, two of my (drunk in the afternoon) wing-mates decide to take out the boxes from Leah's brand new computer. Rather than go down the stairs carrying them, they decide to go box-sledding. However, they can't just go box sledding - they have to DRESS UP. They put on wifebeaters, hats, scarfs, mittens, and J-Lo sunglasses, then successfully sled down 3 flights of stairs. They're almost all the way outside when they bump into our RD, who sees them just chillin in their boxes. She asks what's going on and they say "Dude, we got a DELL!"

My other highlight would have to come from last night - one of my friends was complaining about sequels to movies for some unknown reason, and was like "Die Hard 999999, Born Again with a Vengeance, blah blah blah - What's next, Paycheck: Deposited?"

[AOPIHottie]

My friend Tommy, king of the stupid quotes drunk AND sober, one night in a bar he decided to start yelling "Anus A**!!!!!" at the top of his lungs. For no reason, no one was talking to him. And so he got my friend to start yelling it too. So this tiny lil girl and this tall broad guy are sitting at the bar yelling Anus A** as loud as possible.
Ok, guess you had to be there.

another time, I absolutly hate being called a b*tch. You can call me anything else except that. and all my friends know this. So my friend(tommy again) is TRASHED on Jack Daniels and wants me to go get beer. I say sure as long as i can have one. He looks at me and says "I already gave you rum you greedy b*tch-Oh my god you hate that word!!!" and grabs me in this huge bear hug and pins my arms down saying to everyone else-"she is out of hitting range, right?" Needless to say as he tried to run away he hit the sliding glass door. Now that was funny.

[AOcutiePi4ever]

"And I am wondering where my eyebrow went." -Natalie while peering at herself in the mirror (as far as I could tell her eyebrow was still where it was supposed to be)

"I need to go put the tape measure in the mailbox" -Natalie, that same nite.

[AOcutiePi4ever]

Originally posted by honeychile
This might be a "you had to be there", but...

My girlfriend & I were driving home from a soccer game. To get from the game to our respective houses, we had to go over a bridge (this is in Pittsburgh, land of a million bridges!), through a tunnel, and on a fairly major highway. We were almost home when K (who was driving) turned to me and said:

K: "Did we go through the tunnel yet?"
Me: (looking around) "I don't know."
K: "Well, did we cross the bridge yet?"
Me: "I'm not sure" (pause) "Should you be driving?"
K: "I'm not driving - YOU are!"

driving drunk??? no no

[AGDee]

My senior year in college, my sister-daughter (Angela) and I were tired of fraternity mixers but they were mandatory so we HAD to go. There was one fraternity guy there who had been a senior when I pledged, so he had been around for at least 7 years and was STILL IN SCHOOL. He was quite drunk at this mixer and when he came over to talk to me, he said "Oh, are you still in school?". I looked at Angela and she looked at me and I said "No, we're alum now! We're both married". He was like "Oh my gosh! I had no idea!". Then Angela pipes up and says "And I'm expecting" and rubs her belly. The very drunk fraternity guy gets this panicked look and says "Can I get you some milk?". LMAO.. it was too funny.

After that, we got into the habit of going to parties and making up outrageous stories to tell to the drunks to get their reactions.

Dee

[AOX81]

When I was in Vegas...

My friend was wasted in our hotel and told some guy that was checking out of his room that he looked like a Century 21 salesman. That night she also said that everything was plurry instead of blurry. I guess you had to be there.

[Betarulz!]

Okay reviving an old thread (hooray for search!)...but this is a pretty good one



"I feel ugly if I don't go home with someone."

Some random freshman girl at a party who was pretty much about to get sick all over the vans carrying people from the primer to the party. The sad thing is, she was ugly.

[amycat412]

there was this one time, when I was backstage at a Bon Jovi concert doing shots w Jon and I asked him to record my outgoing cell VM message for me...

Oh wait, that hasn't happened yet. MARCH 11th BABY.

"Hi this is Jon Bon Jovi, Amy can't take your call right now, please leave her a message."

HA HA HA

[valkyrie]

Originally posted by AXJules
If I DID drink, I would have to be embarassed the most about a time that happened last year in Cancun. I was walking home with my friends at like 5 AM and I saw this brown palm tree leaf on the side walk.
I swear to god it looked like a trout or something, so I yell out, "Hey!!! You should come out with us tomorrow night!"
My friends are like, wtf are you talking about???
I go, 'everyone loves a red herring at a party. It can drink like a fish."
HORRIBLE. They were so confused/embarassed/whatever that I walked the rest of the way home.

This is the funniest thing I've seen all night...er, along with the "if only you were a big giant sausage" excitement.

[amycat412]

Originally posted by valkyrie
This is the funniest thing I've seen all night...er, along with the "if only you were a big giant sausage" excitement.

Can I tell Mr Amycat on Sunday that he is a sausage? OH! I should do SHOTS before our lunch, makle it infinitely more amusing

[USCTKE]

I showed up at one of my friends houses one saturday morning after they had been out partying all night long, I was talking to one of my brothers who was hungover at this point and I asked him how the night went he said "I remember leaving the bar, walking back here passing out, then waking up with my dick in her mouth, then passing back out...hey I think I was sexually assualted last night" before our next meeting when everyone was giving shit about hooking up with that particular girl (a rather nasty one) he said "I think I was assualted, I dont remember giving her consent to suck my dick...at least that is all I hope she did"

[Optimist Prime]

overheard at quadfest '03:

"I'm glad I drove over here, because I'm way to f-ed up to walk."

Wrong. But funny.