Mental Health and Taboo topics in OUR community - Page 7

darling1 · #91 02-21-2008, 11:22 AM

there are going to be times when you are not going to see the light. this is always hard for me. for a few years, if i was able to get to therapy, that was a feat. the work is hard, which is why the support system is so key. you can't be fearful. i know this is easier said than done. but think about your future. for me, at the critical times, my goal was to be able to deal with my stuff and get through school. or it was to keep going to therapy so i would have a healthy relationship with my then boy-friend, now husband.

think about some motivators that may encourage you to dig deeper. (((teena)))

Quote:

Originally Posted by teena

I swear, I am not kidding. About two weeks ago, I told someone that i think that I suffer PTSD. For real. I was acting wiggy about something, crying and carrying on, about somethign I shouldnt have been that upset about.

Ok. Here is the the question, what if you start digging and trying to get to the root of your issue, and you wind up worse off than you were initially. Thats my fear.

Ideal08 · #92 02-21-2008, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by teena

Ok. Here is the the question, what if you start digging and trying to get to the root of your issue, and you wind up worse off than you were initially. Thats my fear.

I have gotten mad at many a therapist for trying to get me to talk about something I did NOT want to discuss. I'm an avoider, so if I didn't bring it up, I'd think to myself WTH are you to bring it up? But I realized that if I truly knew what worked and what was best for me, I wouldn't be lying on their couch. I had to trust the process. If it got TOO painful, I'd be honest and say, "I can't do this right now." But I knew I had to at least try cuz I could not keep living (or dying, really) like I was.

I am here to tell you, whether you dig it up or not, IT WILL COME OUT. A year or so ago I had a memory of abuse come to me that I had completely forgotten (it happened when I was 10 and I was 32 when I remembered). This ripped my life apart. APART. The memory was so vivid, too. I didn't believe anything like that could happen, so to have it happen to me was disturbing, to say the least. I was PISSED that it had been hidden in my subconscious for so long and had the nerve to come out. Honestly, WTF? Weren't we doing fine without it? And what was I supposed to do with that mess? The memory came out while I was at a volunteer training for the Rape Crisis and Abuse Center. In the middle of the training session I had to go to the restroom and try to get myself together. I'm glad I was at this training, because I ended up joining one of their support groups and that helped me BEYOND BELIEF!!! My therapist had me write down EVERYTHING and doing that made me remember some MORE stuff I had forgotten. Not only did she tell me to write it down, she told me to READ it to 5 people. I flat out told her she was the one that needed to be on the couch if she thought I was about to tell anybody ANY of that mess. But she told me that I had to share it in order to gain back control. Since I felt so OUT of control, I did the friggin' exercise, but I was pissed the entire time. I read it to my manfriend, my two best friends, and my support group (NOT my family, I still haven't told them, and it wasn't even a family member that abused me). OMGoodness, when I got done I felt SO relieved. I was able to talk about the abuse with others and not feel ashamed about it. And in hindsight, I realized that's when my weight began to drop; the pounds melted off. My physical health improved with my mental health.

But this took TIME. What I truly wanted to do was try to forget again cuz I wanted to hurry up and feel better NOW. That didn't work, obviously. But what I learned was that there are SO many people who have experienced the exact same thing, and not just women. And I also learned that it was possible I had been wrong about my depression/anxiety for years. I thought it was because of the death of my parents in 1993 (which my therapist says I still haven't grieved, but I'm not ready for that, either), but maybe it was due to this hidden memory. I learned as I learned every day that The Almighty is perfect in every way and that it was not meant for me to carry that memory; it came out exactly when it was supposed to.

So don't be afraid of things getting worse. Like any wound, it gets worse and itchy before it actually heals. All storms have to get horrible before they pass. This is no different. We're all apart of the same universe and it shows.

Remember: there's nothing wrong with being afraid. Courage is doing it scared. So if you're scared, DO IT SCARED!!!

(((((teena)))))

teena · #93 02-21-2008, 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ideal08

I have gotten mad at many a therapist for trying to get me to talk about something I did NOT want to discuss. I'm an avoider, so if I didn't bring it up, I'd think to myself WTH are you to bring it up? But I realized that if I truly knew what worked and what was best for me, I wouldn't be lying on their couch. I had to trust the process. If it got TOO painful, I'd be honest and say, "I can't do this right now." But I knew I had to at least try cuz I could not keep living (or dying, really) like I was.

I am here to tell you, whether you dig it up or not, IT WILL COME OUT. A year or so ago I had a memory of abuse come to me that I had completely forgotten (it happened when I was 10 and I was 31 when I remembered). This ripped my life apart. APART. The memory was so vivid, too. I didn't believe anything like that could happen, so to have it happen to me was disturbing, to say the least. I was PISSED that it had been hidden in my subconscious for so long and had the nerve to come out. Honestly, WTF? Weren't we doing fine without it? And what was I supposed to do with that mess? The memory came out while I was at a volunteer training for the Rape Crisis and Abuse Center. In the middle of the training session I had to go to the restroom and try to get myself together. I'm glad I was at this training, because I ended up joining one of their support groups and that helped me BEYOND BELIEF!!! My therapist had me write down EVERYTHING and doing that made me remember some MORE stuff I had forgotten. Not only did she tell me to write it down, she told me to READ it to 5 people. I flat out told her she was the one that needed to be on the couch if she thought I was about to tell anybody ANY of that mess. But she told me that I had to share it in order to gain back control. Since I felt so OUT of control, I did the friggin' exercise, but I was pissed the entire time. I read it to my manfriend, my two best friends, and my support group (NOT my family, I still haven't told them, and it wasn't even a family member that abused me). OMGoodness, when I got done I felt SO relieved. I was able to talk about the abuse with others and not feel ashamed about it. And in hindsight, I realized that's when my weight began to drop; the pounds melted off. My physical health improved with my mental health.

But this took TIME. What I truly wanted to do was try to forget again cuz I wanted to hurry up and feel better NOW. That didn't work, obviously. But what I learned was that there are SO many people who have experienced the exact same thing, and not just women. And I also learned that it was possible I had been wrong about my depression/anxiety for years. I thought it was because of the death of my parents in 1993 (which my therapist says I still haven't grieved, but I'm not ready for that, either), but maybe it was due to this hidden memory. I learned as I learned every day that The Almighty is perfect in every way and that it was not meant for me to carry that memory; it came out exactly when it was supposed to.

So don't be afraid of things getting worse. Like any wound, it gets worse and itchy before it actually heals. All storms have to get horrible before they pass. This is no different. We're all apart of the same universe and it shows.

Remember: there's nothing wrong with being afraid. Courage is doing it scared. So if you're scared, DO IT SCARED!!!

(((((teena)))))

Thank you. For sharing this. I give you and everyone else HUGE props for sharing such a personal piece of yourselves. I am typing a response but I KNOW others are empowered by this who maybe silent readers.

The thought of such a huge endeavor makes me itch. And I am not quite sure Im even ready yet. But I am encouraged just the same.

May God bless, strengthen, heal and encourage all who have posted or are reading here.

*deep sigh*

Ideal08 · #94 02-21-2008, 03:32 PM

Oh, to meet another isolator!!! SOROR, I have had the instances when I couldn't get dressed for work, couldn't even get out of bed. Once a soror that I worked with had to come to my apartment to help me. At work that week she had to take me outside to walk around the parking lot because I got angry and WENT OFF on the phone at work. I could not control stuff I normally had control over. I don't know what I would have done without her at that point in my life. But she understood cuz she had been there and knew she had to get me out of bed and out of the house.

Giiiiiiirrrrrrrrl, the blinds drawn--that hit a nerve. I used to wish I had hotel curtains in my apartment b/c they are so good at keeping the room dark! I didn't even realize how dark I kept my apartment until someone pointed it out. Now I make it a habit to open the blinds every day (even when I don't want to). People would be surprised what a little sunlight will do. First, it's hard to stay in bed and sleep if the room is bright (even though I have a little eye mask, lol). In my last housebound episode, I stopped going to work, didn't go to bible class on the Sabbath, stopped checking my mail, didn't answer the phone, didn't check voicemail, nothing. One of the apartment managers came to my door to check on me because my job called concerned. I hadn't gone in or called or anything. It was my rock bottom. I didn't even call my therapist (which I got ripped a new one for when I finally went in). She helped me figure out it was cyclic and how often it happened. I don't EVER want it to get that bad again. I pay attention to the signs, at least I try to.

Oh, the expectations are WAY overwhelming. I'm joining the land of the living again, and it's hard. First folks want to know WHY I haven't been in touch, and I haven't yet figured out what to say. I kinda just brush over it and never really answer the question. Like you, I'm shocked and blessed that they even still want to deal with me, let along be my friend. My sister gets mad when I don't answer her calls. I've started answering them because she called one day and was like, "DO I NEED TO COME DOWN THERE? ARE YOU BACK ON MEDICATION? WTF IS GOIN' ON??????" I realized she was scared and worried and I can't have that (she has high blood pressure), so even when she is the last person I want to be bothered with (she's also an alcoholic and often drunk dials), I take her calls. Girl, family...

It's hard especially because I don't have a reason to why I don't feel like talking or being bothered. Sometimes I just don't. Sometimes I'm just tired, and it takes energy to be around people and to talk to people and to be my regular self. And if I'm not my regular self, then people ask what's wrong and I don't have an answer to all that, so to avoid all that, I just don't answer the phone. But I will email cuz people can't tell by email if I'm down or not. So I can stay in touch and not have to be 'human,' if that makes any sense.

My manfriend has no idea how much he helps me when he makes me do stuff by myself, like run errands. Sometimes, I'm just scared to leave the house alone and I want him to go with me and he is NOT on it. But I don't want to become one of the people I read about who can only leave the house with her husband. I don't want to be her, as much as I don't want to go out by myself. It's a constant struggle, me fighting me. Makes me feel crazy and unbalanced. But I realize I'm not fighting me, I'm fighting the depression/anxiety that is trying to control me. So I have to force myself to take control, one day at a time.

That being said, sometimes I want nothing more than to be by myself and do things that don't require other people. Like going to the library and the bookstore or going for walks, activities where I'm out of the house, but still kinda isolated and don't have to socialize.

But I can tell I'm getting better because I don't pray for death anymore. I never wanted to actually kill myself, I just wanted to cease to exist somehow. Or I wanted some freak accident to happen so I could die and not deal with the stigma of suicide. Or I wanted some fairy godmother to send me someone who could go out and live my life while I stayed in the bed. I don't feel that way anymore and what's more, I'm not ashamed that I ever felt that way at all. I want to actually LIVE now. I don't want to just survive; I want to get to a point where I am LIVING joyfully. I'm not there yet, but that's what I pray for now. And it's what I wish for you, Soror PIP777, and the rest of you in this thread. I wish LIFE for us.

((((((((((all y'all))))))))))

OhSoVeryLadylike · #95 02-21-2008, 06:21 PM

I've been seeing a therapist as part of the whole transplant experience. They believe I may have DEVELOPED HYPOMANIA as a result of inactivity. Basically I have sooo much free time on my hand that I spend alot of time analyzing myself and when you think too much about your life, actions, inactions, what you have, what you don't have, who wants you, who doesn't want you, it can be bad on your self-esteem and ambitious or it can make you feel too ambitious.

Like I live at home, because I shouldn't be alone in case anything happens. I have no friends in a two hour distance, I am single (yes people PREACH that people don't need significant other, but it's different when you CAN'T have one because of issues - like not ever being able to have more children, not being where there are people to meet, being the background person, etc and that takes a blow to your confidence also). I've never been prone to depression because I believe that life is what you make of it and that all things turn out in God's fashion. But, these issues I have all rolled together put me in a place of panic.
I am glad I have been able to deal with it. Cause I used to joke to my best friend that I REALLY thought I was losing my mind, cause I was HAPPY but I'd be so despondent about the HAPPINESS that it felt wrong. If that makes any sense.

AKA_Monet · #96 02-21-2008, 07:13 PM

Gentle GCers--

Don't forget that depression is also anger turned inward, toward yourself...

So, anger has WAAAYS to be dealt with. Often in our interactions, we are told not to get angry, especially women, hold in your anger because it is unladylike... What that does is send the anger stressor into various parts of your body that just take the abuse as buffer, but as you get older, it because diseased and pathological that the organ cannot handle it anymore... Or worse, causes growths like cancer...

One way to deal with anger is seek resolution to disappate it. Anger, in and of itself is a "flight or fight" response... Strong-willed people fight... That's not always a good thing... It is viewed as weak if one takes flight... But, as humans, we can disarm our opponents... What that does is calm angry people down, it adds paradox, a defray... And guess what, we have to practice it like an physical exercise. Now, hindsight is always 20/20, but start with those is you do anger suppression. Then eventually, bring clarity to your feelings: i.e. "I am angry because __________________"

Like today, I am angry because a deadline is coming up and I feel it is unfulfilled. I am angry about it because I feel alienated by people I trust...

Follow that format. Avoid "You" statements. And the onus is on your feelings and your anger...

AKA_Monet · #97 02-21-2008, 07:22 PM

Mint teas... Eases stress fast!!! Safe... Anything mint, except candy...

Yoga, kundalini and hatha breaths... Deep meditative breathing...

Drink water. Only 8 oz. per day with exercise.

These practices are to be used inconjuction with your healthcare providers directions.

darling1 · #98 02-21-2008, 09:03 PM

when i discovered the anger piece, it was a lightbulb moment. im going to read this again because its a constant struggle.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Gentle GCers--

Don't forget that depression is also anger turned inward, toward yourself...

So, anger has WAAAYS to be dealt with. Often in our interactions, we are told not to get angry, especially women, hold in your anger because it is unladylike... What that does is send the anger stressor into various parts of your body that just take the abuse as buffer, but as you get older, it because diseased and pathological that the organ cannot handle it anymore... Or worse, causes growths like cancer...

One way to deal with anger is seek resolution to disappate it. Anger, in and of itself is a "flight or fight" response... Strong-willed people fight... That's not always a good thing... It is viewed as weak if one takes flight... But, as humans, we can disarm our opponents... What that does is calm angry people down, it adds paradox, a defray... And guess what, we have to practice it like an physical exercise. Now, hindsight is always 20/20, but start with those is you do anger suppression. Then eventually, bring clarity to your feelings: i.e. "I am angry because __________________"

Like today, I am angry because a deadline is coming up and I feel it is unfulfilled. I am angry about it because I feel alienated by people I trust...

Follow that format. Avoid "You" statements. And the onus is on your feelings and your anger...

pinkies up · #99 02-21-2008, 10:43 PM

OMG, this thread is better than Oprah. ((((hugs to all of my sisters)))) I have seen bits and pieces of myself all up and through this thread. It helps to know I'm not alone.

PrettyInPink777 · #**100** 02-22-2008, 12:49 AM

Soror Ideal08 -- I have no words; can't respond now. You don't even know .... or come to think of it, you so do. I'll be back.

mulattogyrl · #**101** 02-22-2008, 11:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinkies up

I have seen bits and pieces of myself all up and through this thread.

So do I. I can relate to most of the stuff in this thread.

It's surprising to me how many of us suffer like this, yet never know how many more of us are going through the same thing. I have a question - do any of you know any internet resources specifically for Af-Am women dealing with mental health issues? Like a message board or chatroom? I don't know of any but if it's not already out there, it may be something good to start, even with us.

If any of you want to talk you can PM me and I would be more than glad to give you my e-mail or phone number. I have been through much of what you all have been through and I'm also a licensed social worker and about to be a licensed clinical social worker, so I can talk to you not only as a friend but at least give some advice as a professional as well.

nikki1920 · #**102** 02-22-2008, 12:50 PM

((((((everyone))))))

I don't know if there is a source out there for AA women and/or women of color who have these issues (we can't forget our other brown sisters in this struggle). I'm down to work with something like that. I have GOT to get back to school.

I too see myself in bits and pieces of what others are saying. You put words to what I have been trying to explain to people recently about why I dropped out of sight for the last year.

Ideal, check your pm in a min.
Mulattogyrl, check yours in a min, too.

darling1 · #**103** 02-22-2008, 02:57 PM

years ago, i had one on yahoo, but i closed it down.

i would be interested in finding out if there is one. or if anyone is interested in starting one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mulattogyrl

So do I. I can relate to most of the stuff in this thread.

It's surprising to me how many of us suffer like this, yet never know how many more of us are going through the same thing. I have a question - do any of you know any internet resources specifically for Af-Am women dealing with mental health issues? Like a message board or chatroom? I don't know of any but if it's not already out there, it may be something good to start, even with us.

If any of you want to talk you can PM me and I would be more than glad to give you my e-mail or phone number. I have been through much of what you all have been through and I'm also a licensed social worker and about to be a licensed clinical social worker, so I can talk to you not only as a friend but at least give some advice as a professional as well.

OOhsoflyDELTA#9 · #**104** 02-22-2008, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mulattogyrl

So do I. I can relate to most of the stuff in this thread.

It's surprising to me how many of us suffer like this, yet never know how many more of us are going through the same thing. I have a question - do any of you know any internet resources specifically for Af-Am women dealing with mental health issues? Like a message board or chatroom? I don't know of any but if it's not already out there, it may be something good to start, even with us.

If any of you want to talk you can PM me and I would be more than glad to give you my e-mail or phone number. I have been through much of what you all have been through and I'm also a licensed social worker and about to be a licensed clinical social worker, so I can talk to you not only as a friend but at least give some advice as a professional as well.

hey Soror....this is one of the goals I have planned for my own practice, I want to raise awareness about mental health in our community...just seeing the need here on GC makes me continue to press on when my classes are KICKING me in the A$$...for the most part we are educated AA women who have enough information and know how to seek help, but think about the multitude of AA women who don't have the resources to get help...

this is one of the best threads in my time on GC.....

teena · #**105** 02-22-2008, 03:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OOhsoflyDELTA#9

hey Soror....this is one of the goals I have planned for my own practice, I want to raise awareness about mental health in our community...just seeing the need here on GC makes me continue to press on when my classes are KICKING me in the A$$...for the most part we are educated AA women who have enough information and know how to seek help, but think about the multitude of AA women who don't have the resources to get help...

this is one of the best threads in my time on GC.....

YES