LB's/Dating/Frat Hoes

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

smc112 there are certain people we like to be around and certain people we don't like to be around. That's not being judgemental to me.

Ditto.

The key is that once you (general) realize who you don't want to associate with, go on about your (in general) business instead of slinging the person's reputation through the mud. As it relates to this topic, the "hoe" label exists because people were running their mouths. As it relates beyond the issue of sex, there are a lot of things and people that we don't associate with. Go on about your (general) business and don't volunteer info that ruin someone's reputation.

[smc112]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

To me, a relationship begins with a decision to date only ONE person and ends in a formal engagement or a difinitive dissolution of the relationship. I don't take the multiple partner thing lightly. IMO, courtship either ends in an engagement or a breakup, not when you're involved with 2 and 3 jokers at the same time.

I'm glad to see you've included the bible in this discussion. When you get a chance read Solomon 2:8-3:5.

I agree that people should be dating towards marriage. Why waste time dating a person that you can't see yourself ever marrying? Like my pastor says, "If you aren't ready for marriage, then you shouldn't be dating!"
Also, dating various people at one time can have a lot of repercussions.

Anyway, what book where you referring to? Is it Proverbs or Ecclesiastes? You wrote Solomon, and I wasn't sure which book you wanted me to read because Solomon wrote both books.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by smc112

Anyway, what book where you referring to? Is it Proverbs or Ecclesiastes? You wrote Solomon, and I wasn't sure which book you wanted me to read because Solomon wrote both books.

My bad. I was referring to the Song of Solomon. 2:8-3:5

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by smc112

I agree that people should be dating towards marriage. Why waste time dating a person that you can't see yourself ever marrying? Like my pastor says, "If you aren't ready for marriage, then you shouldn't be dating!"
Also, dating various people at one time can have a lot of repercussions.

Exactly. To me, IMO it's a waste of time dating just to be dating. A lot of jokers date to just date. Hey, whatever floats their boats.

But yes, I agree with you 110%. To me, dating is a prelude to marriage. A lot of young jokers are concerned about when they are ready to date. Like you said, they're ready to date when they're ready to begin the process of choosing someone to marry or when they have convictions they will not compromise. When I date, I look for the spiritual disciplines and spiritual direction evident in the life of the woman I'm dating. I never rely on the "someday I want to" or "I know I need to" or "after I'm married, I hope to" pointless statements. I look for the evidence "today" right now in the life of the woman I'm dating. The women that just want to date for the hell of it and not date for a long term, monogomous and serious relationship, I leave alone.

All of this no commitment, multiple joker, let's screw garbage that's been discussed in previous posts on this thread is some sick $%#@!

[smc112]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

A lot of young jokers are concerned about when they are ready to date. Like you said, they're ready to date when they're ready to begin the process of choosing someone to marry or when they have convictions they will not compromise. When I date, I look for the spiritual disciplines and spiritual direction evident in the life of the woman I'm dating. I never rely on the "someday I want to" or "I know I need to" or "after I'm married, I hope to" pointless statements. I look for the evidence "today" right now in the life of the woman I'm dating. The women that just want to date for the hell of it and not date for a long term, monogomous and serious relationship, I leave alone.

You are right about people beginning the process of choosing someone to marry, when they have convictions they will not compromise. In order for people to have convictions, they must first have a relationship with God. When you mentioned that people are sleeping around with various partners and not looking for a monogamous relationship, those people do not have any guidelines or standards to abide by. In other words, they have a sense of lawlessness. God is the one who sets guidelines for people to follow by. When you have a relationship with him, you have to answer to a higher authority and you aren't going to feel "comfortable" doing the same things you used to do. For one thing, if people aren't loyal to God or looking for a "serious" relationship with him, they aren't going to be loyal to anyone let alone a monogamous relationship. The root of the problem is that they don't have Jesus. Before people even think of dating or getting married, they need to develop a relationship with him. Without Jesus within a marriage, it is bound to fail.

That is why it is so important to be equally yoked with whomever you marry. I noticed you mentioned that you wouldn't even consider talking to a woman who makes statements like, "someday I want to" or "I know I need to" or "after I'm married." You are right! That is your red flag that she might not be on the same spiritual level or that you might be unequally yoked. It is so important to be on the same spiritual level. You don't want to have a partner that's not on the same level of faith. When you believe God for something, you need someone there that has faith and not speaking doubt or unbelief. Also, you need a praying wife who knows how to stand in the gap and pray for her husband. When you become married, you become as one. So be very careful who you choose to become "as one" with! If you do meet a nice young lady that you feel might not be on the same page spiritually at first, you might want to wait for a year or two. Step back and let her develop a relationship with God, and then let God tell you when the right timing is to think of going further in your relationship. If you aren't willing to wait on someone to develop a relationship with God, then ask God to send you someone who is already saved and believing the same things you are. There are plenty of saved women on the planet, and God can direct you towards one! It is just an individual preference. Either wait on the individual you've had your eye on or just move on and find someone you are already equally yoked with. Also, don't wait too long. If you see that person's not making any progress toward God, you definitely need to move on! Another thing, don't ever be deceived. You can decipher when folks are serious about doing right and the ones who just tell you what you want to hear. A tree is known by the fruit it bears.

***Sorry for such the long reply, but you struck an interest when you started talking about marriage and folks doing right. LOL

[smc112]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

My bad. I was referring to the Song of Solomon. 2:8-3:5

I read the passage. It was rather interesting. I haven't read Song of Songs that much. Anyway, it was interesting what my bible's commentary had to say about this passage. This is what my bible's commentary said: "If love is so wonderful, as this poem beautifully sings, shouldn't people pursue it recklessly? Yet, the beloved warns them not to. Three times she urges others not to force love, but to let it develop at its own rate. Love should wait for its proper time."

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by smc112

You are right about people beginning the process of choosing someone to marry, when they have convictions they will not compromise. In order for people to have convictions, they must first have a relationship with God. When you mentioned that people are sleeping around with various partners and not looking for a monogamous relationship, those people do not have any guidelines or standards to abide by. In other words, they have a sense of lawlessness. God is the one who sets guidelines for people to follow by. When you have a relationship with him, you have to answer to a higher authority and you aren't going to feel "comfortable" doing the same things you used to do. For one thing, if people aren't loyal to God or looking for a "serious" relationship with him, they aren't going to be loyal to anyone let alone a monogamous relationship. The root of the problem is that they don't have Jesus. Before people even think of dating or getting married, they need to develop a relationship with him. Without Jesus within a marriage, it is bound to fail.

That is why it is so important to be equally yoked with whomever you marry. I noticed you mentioned that you wouldn't even consider talking to a woman who makes statements like, "someday I want to" or "I know I need to" or "after I'm married." You are right! That is your red flag that she might not be on the same spiritual level or that you might be unequally yoked. It is so important to be on the same spiritual level. You don't want to have a partner that's not on the same level of faith. When you believe God for something, you need someone there that has faith and not speaking doubt or unbelief. Also, you need a praying wife who knows how to stand in the gap and pray for her husband. When you become married, you become as one. So be very careful who you choose to become "as one" with! If you do meet a nice young lady that you feel might not be on the same page spiritually at first, you might want to wait for a year or two. Step back and let her develop a relationship with God, and then let God tell you when the right timing is to think of going further in your relationship. If you aren't willing to wait on someone to develop a relationship with God, then ask God to send you someone who is already saved and believing the same things you are. There are plenty of saved women on the planet, and God can direct you towards one! It is just an individual preference. Either wait on the individual you've had your eye on or just move on and find someone you are already equally yoked with. Also, don't wait too long. If you see that person's not making any progress toward God, you definitely need to move on! Another thing, don't ever be deceived. You can decipher when folks are serious about doing right and the ones who just tell you what you want to hear. A tree is known by the fruit it bears.

***Sorry for such the long reply, but you struck an interest when you started talking about marriage and folks doing right. LOL

Nope not long at all. This all makes sense and I couldn't have said it better myself. God comes 1st in everything always.

I want to just add a few things. IMO, I think those who are faithfully committed, regard their relationship as their most priceless possession, kind of like a genuine treasure. At least that's the way it is for me. Solomon's wife said "If a man would give for love all the wealth of his house, it would be utterly despised". I found that in Song 8:7. Basically, that's just saying, no amount of money could purchase the love you feel for your spouse or be worth destroying your marriage or relationship. I think this is an important concept to consider when it comes to the work each partner chooses to do. I don't think any job or career is worth losing a spouse over regardless of what jokers say.

I've also seen couples who seem to go their separate ways even though they're still together. Basically he does his thing, she does her thing, and the two of them rarely do the same thing. To me that's not faithful commitment. To me, a great relationship calls a person to a oneness of identity with another person. The bible teaches that Husbands are to love their "own" wives just as Christ also loved the church." "Husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies". To me, this type of love is very personal, and I believe it requires a certain loss of self to take another person so completely into your life that you make the other joker's concerns equal to your own. To me, that's faithful commitment. In a relationship, I wouldn't see it any other way. Let me stop before I keep going, because I'll end up typing all night long. LOL

A relationship between a man and a woman is meant to be shared by two people, and no more than two people.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by smc112

I read the passage. It was rather interesting. I haven't read Song of Songs that much. Anyway, it was interesting what my bible's commentary had to say about this passage. This is what my bible's commentary said: "If love is so wonderful, as this poem beautifully sings, shouldn't people pursue it recklessly? Yet, the beloved warns them not to. Three times she urges others not to force love, but to let it develop at its own rate. Love should wait for its proper time."

Yeah, I like Song of Songs too. Solomon's wife pointed out another aspect of faithful commitment. She said "Many waters cannot quench love, nor can the floods drown it". I found that one in Song 8:7. That to me means love is meant to be an eternal flame. (as long as there's no cheating involved) I can't deal with that mess. One woman for one man and one man for one woman. Period.

[smc112]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

That to me means love is meant to be an eternal flame. (as long as there's no cheating involved) I can't deal with that mess. One woman for one man and one man for one woman. Period.

Yeah, cheating breaks the bond of trust. That is why Jesus said that it is the only lawful reason to get a divorce, because he knows that the trust is broken. I do have a question for you. Do you think it is wrong to date other people while you are single? I've had the mentality that you are free to talk to whoever while you are single. I'm not talking about sleeping around with various people. I'm talking about going out on dates and getting to know another individual. I feel that people should always keep their options open while they are single. You might find that the other individual might be more compatible with you and might be a better fit for a mate. Anyway, getting back to the original question. Do you feel that it is wrong for single people to date others? For an example, my sister was dating this guy and their relationship was always up and down. She met another guy while she was talking to her boyfriend. Guess what? The other guy she met, they got married and have been married for 6 years now and have two children together. If she were so adamant about a monogamous relationship, she wouldn't have ever met her husband. So I in a sense feel people need to keep all options open while they are single. What do you think?

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by smc112

I do have a question for you. Do you think it is wrong to date other people while you are single? I've had the mentality that you are free to talk to whoever while you are single. I'm not talking about sleeping around with various people. I'm talking about going out on dates and getting to know another individual. I feel that people should always keep their options open while they are single. You might find that the other individual might be more compatible with you and might be a better fit for a mate. Anyway, getting back to the original question. Do you feel that it is wrong for single people to date others? For an example, my sister was dating this guy and their relationship was always up and down. She met another guy while she was talking to her boyfriend. Guess what? The other guy she met, they got married and have been married for 6 years now and have two children together. If she were so adamant about a monogamous relationship, she wouldn't have ever met her husband. So I in a sense feel people need to keep all options open while they are single. What do you think?

Yeah, technically you are free to see other people if you're single(not married). You're not married, so technically it's o.k. It's just me. I only commit myself to one woman at a time, and if she's not the right one, I end the relationship, take a break for a while to work on myself, and then I move onto the next one. I never get involved with other women while I'm involved with my own. What you're doing isn't wrong because you are not married to him, but I do think the person you are seeing should be on the same page as you. Since you're not having sexual relations with other men, I don't see anything abnormal here. Honestly though, if you're having 2nd thoughts about him, you should let him know and break it off before you start to see other men. To me, I think it's only fair and the right thing to do.

When it comes to relationships, I think a lot of times people too often become consumed with the emotion of "romance", and very quickly after marriage, we find that the romance evaporates to reveal two very flawed jokers in a difficult world, which could have been the case with your sister if she would have married her X. I would rather stay with one woman and involve no other woman until I see my current relationship isn't going to work out. The reason why I mention how people get caught up in the romance of it all is because they don't realize that sooner or later they'll discover that the bright and happy romance has devolved into everyday living, and that's when they discover that their spouses have a shortage of character and virtue, then couples become discouraged and frustrated. This is why a lot of couples get divorced before the ink on the marriage license has dried. Me? I have to go in for the long haul. If I start to feel that she's not good for me, I would let her know before I started seeing another woman. No relationship is going to be roses, not even a marriage. I'm not sure what your situation may be, but IMO, as long as two people are physically attracted to each other, and have respect and love for each other, I don't see why they need to split or see other people.

I think what happens from the beginning in these relationships today, is people are quick to fall into romance, and then later, quick to bail out of commitment.

If you are involved with someone, whatever you may be going through, my advice to you is to make sure he is serving you. I mention this a lot in the D&R forums. This is important in any relationship. At least it is in mine. When you choose a person to get into a relationship with, especially for a woman choosing a man, because to me, there is nothing more winsome as a servants heart in a potential spouse. You have to ask yourself, is the man (I'm assuming you're a woman.) to whom you are attracted quick to give to others, or quick to go the 2nd mile in serving others? Or does this joker seem to live only for himself, withdraw the needs of others, or pretty much seek to satisfy himself only? A selfish, "do for me and don't ask me to do for you" joker is not someone you'll be happy with long term.

When you get some time, read Genesis 24:14. If I'm not mistaken this should elaborate on why I say a man should serve his woman. If it's the wrong verse let me know, but I think it may be the right one.

I hope you find the right man, if you haven't already.

ETA: Make sure you watch how he behaves when he's under pressure or stress too. That's important.

[starang21]

eff love.

[Little32]

^^Such a cynic.

[DSTCHAOS]

He's lying.

[starang21]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

He's lying.

:wassat:

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by starang21

:wassat:

You ain't neva effed love. Stop trynna ruin love's spiritual reputation.