Suicide?

[Carolina5577]

I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to post here. I only know a little about Greek life, but am learning so much more recently! At D's school, freshmen have to wait till spring to rush. There is only a small percentage of Greek students (5%). D decided not to rush as a frosh, just didn't want to. Then at the urging of many buddies in ABC sorority, she finally decided to give rush a try this fall as a sophomore. She decided early on to "suicide" ABC sorority. I've been reading this very thread on Greekchat all this past week and warned her not to "suicide!" (So thank-you everyone, at least she was warned!) But D felt she'd rather not be Greek at all than belong to any other than ABC. Well, D did not get a bid. She just got this news today! I'm surprised at how much real pain I feel for her. She feels a little misled too; so many ABC girls told her she'd get a bid from ABC, and were looking forward to having her as a "sister!" I know I'm getting this second hand from her.... Trying not to ask too many questions. Don't want her to think I'm worried. (And I do know she'll be ok, she's a survivor! And 95% of her classmates are not Greek....) I'm thinking maybe someone in ABC really did not want D to join! Don't know what else to think! Or what to say to her.....

[UGAalum94]

Please remember that often the case is that a group actually likes a girl but is limited in the number of spaces available. It is possible that the group would have been pleased to have her as a member but the method they use to rank girls didn't put her close enough to the top, rather than that anyone worked to kept her out.

[Drolefille]

Also, let her know that no one in ABC should have been promising her bids. They can't do that by the rush rules and no one girl has that power. She'll never know how that vote went, and she shouldn't obsess over it.

[Carolina5577]

UGA and Drole, Thank-you. I agree with you both. It really helps me to chat on this board, because I feel there is no one else who understands! Funny thing is she is not telling me or her dad that she is bothered by this. She did let on to her older sister that she is "peeved." I'm glad she has a biological sister, I don't and wish I did. And I guess I've been a little curious lately about sorority life....never having experienced it. Both my daughters and I have close women friends, and friendship is a wonderful thing! So funny thing is: I think I'm more bothered by this than she is! Oh well, I shouldn't obsess, I know! Thanks again for your thoughts.

[FSUZeta]

mom, we never want our children to experience disappointment or unpleasantness-that's just being a parent.

i am sorry that your daughter did not receive the bid that it sounds like she had been promised. it is really rotten when that happens. i am sure that her friends who are members of that sorority truly did want her to join and are very disappointed and embarassed that the sorority did not extend her a bid.
that is exactly why the national panhellenic conference has the rule that sororities are not supposed to bid promise.


if the campus has such a small amount of kids that go greek, i would venture to guess that should she decide to re-rush and didn't let friends influence her, she might have a positive outcome. best wishes to her, no matter what!

[Carolina5577]

Thank-you, FSUZeta. I tend to get caught up with her trials and tribulations; she's my youngest. I know she'll be ok, no matter what, especially since so few at her school are Greek. This would be very hard at a school with a large Greek system. I've been trying hard not to talk to her too much about it, unless she asks my opinion. Really don't want her to think I'm worried. (Sure have learned a lot reading this message board, and have learned more than I ever thought I'd know about rush/recuitment!)

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by Carolina5577

Thank-you, FSUZeta. I tend to get caught up with her trials and tribulations; she's my youngest. I know she'll be ok, no matter what, especially since so few at her school are Greek. This would be very hard at a school with a large Greek system. I've been trying hard not to talk to her too much about it, unless she asks my opinion. Really don't want her to think I'm worried. (Sure have learned a lot reading this message board, and have learned more than I ever thought I'd know about rush/recuitment!)

I love your attitude! I'm sure a mother can never look on as her child gets hurt without feeling horrible, but at some point, parents have to let their children fall down without running to help them get back up. I hope your D will figure out if she really would rather be ABC than not greek at all. Time will tell.

[misstip12]

why is suiciding "risky?"
is it b/c the other sororities find out you suicided and that looks bad so they won't give you a bid?

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by misstip12

why is suiciding "risky?"
is it b/c the other sororities find out you suicided and that looks bad so they won't give you a bid?

If you hang all your hopes on one sorority, you may not get a bid.

Even if you're on that sorority's bidlist, you may not end up high enough on the list to fit into their quota. Any other sorority that wants you won't be able to get you. AND since you didn't maximize your options you're not eligible to be a quota addition (I think, I know someone will correct me if I'm wrong) which is essentially a bonus member for a chapter during recruitment.

[jwright25]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

If you hang all your hopes on one sorority, you may not get a bid.

Even if you're on that sorority's bidlist, you may not end up high enough on the list to fit into their quota. Any other sorority that wants you won't be able to get you. AND since you didn't maximize your options you're not eligible to be a quota addition (I think, I know someone will correct me if I'm wrong) which is essentially a bonus member for a chapter during recruitment.

You are correct!

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by jwright25

You are correct!

Cool beans. I get the rules for snap bids and quota adds mixed up sometimes although they're quite clearly different.