Wedding Invitation Etiquette Question

[AOII_LB93]

Well realistically speaking, the only people invited are the ones listed on the envelope, so if you are inviting Mr. and Mrs. Paul Smith, and on the inner envelope that is what it's supposed to say, then they are the only ones invited even if they have children. People seem to think that's it's ok to RSVP for more than who are invited because most people don't understand the etiquette of invites in general. Putting Adults only may offend, but if it's what you want, then go for it. Just remember you are going to catch crap if there are a lot of kids, and most people just bring their kids anyhow.

For instance one of my future MILs friends brought her 11 yo daughter to my bridal shower. Granted, nothing out of the ordinary was planned, but generally it's rude to just invite someone who wasn't specified on the envelope, and I barely know the kid. My sister was there, but she's almost 17 and in my wedding.

[BetteDavisEyes]

Damn if this isn't rude. This woman calls me & leaves me a message on my cell phone asking me to place her at so-and-so's table b/c she can't stand certain relatives that will be there so she wants to make sure I sit her w/people she likes. She then proceeds to list the only people she will sit with & if I can't accomodate her, then she can't come & give us our "very expensive" gift. I'm tempted to tell this woman to go f**k herself b/c I'm fast reaching my breaking point of patience w/his side of the family.
Then his mom is pushing & pushing & pushing for us to have a guest book & someone to watch the gifts & wouldn't it be nice if we ask these 2 particular women in her family? If I had wanted them in the wedding, I would have asked them months ago & not 2 weeks before the big day. Jeez. What is wrong with people?

[honeychile]

Originally posted by adpiucf
How does one specify Adults Only? I mean it is one thing to mark at the bottom of the invite "Black Tie" or "Black Tie Optional" ... but can you get away with "No Children"?

I simply put "Adult Reception to be held blah blah blah" on the Reception card. Of course, with my sick sense of humor, I also let it drop that the Best Man had several rolls of duct tape for taping screaming little mouths and that, now that he's out of jail, he's been looking forward to actually taping a child to the wall, several inches up the wall. It worked like a charm!

Originally posted by BetteDavisEyes
Damn if this isn't rude. This woman calls me & leaves me a message on my cell phone asking me to place her at so-and-so's table b/c she can't stand certain relatives that will be there so she wants to make sure I sit her w/people she likes. She then proceeds to list the only people she will sit with & if I can't accomodate her, then she can't come & give us our "very expensive" gift. I'm tempted to tell this woman to go f**k herself b/c I'm fast reaching my breaking point of patience w/his side of the family.

Of course you're near the breaking point!! By THE day, you will be capable of staple gunning anyone who gets in your way! (They're on sale at Ace Hardware, btw) The "happy bride" bit is a myth that only becomes reality when you hit the aisle, realize that this is the last walk as a single woman, and become completely radient at the thought of being The Star.

As for this woman, maybe you should ask her to give you a list of who she possibly could sit next to, and each time she mentions a name, tell her that the person she just mentioned has asked not to be seated with her. Or, the nicer way would be to say, "But I was trying to liven up that otherwise dull table!" or "Everyone else at that table has asked to be near her." Maybe she'll fall for it.

Then his mom is pushing & pushing & pushing for us to have a guest book & someone to watch the gifts & wouldn't it be nice if we ask these 2 particular women in her family? If I had wanted them in the wedding, I would have asked them months ago & not 2 weeks before the big day. Jeez. What is wrong with people?

Do people bring gifts to weddings in your area? If so, having two women watch for potential thieves is better than having to hire a rent-a-cop. Just make sure they each have a roll of duct tape.

[aephi alum]

Originally posted by kansas13
The rule for our wedding, because we had so many friends and family, was that if the child was in college they were invited...unless they were close family or someone that stood up in the wedding like my cousins.

Did you have any families where one child was college-age and another was younger? I can envision some disappointment when 17-year-old Sally is told that her 18-year-old brother John is to be invited, but she's too young.

At my wedding, we were fortunate. There are some relatives on my husband's side of the family who did have small children, but even they were not so boorish as to bring them (they're the boorish type and their children are the most immature spoiled brats on earth). We did invite a few teenagers with their parents.

[kansas13]

Originally posted by aephi alum
Did you have any families where one child was college-age and another was younger? I can envision some disappointment when 17-year-old Sally is told that her 18-year-old brother John is to be invited, but she's too young.

We did have a family like that. It was an older brother and then his two younger brothers were in high school, but with HS boys I would invision it's not that big of a deal if your brother gets invited to a wedding and you are not. The family did not complain, in fact they gave us more $$ then we ever expected them to give us, so we don't think they had a problem with it.
The main reason we did the college rule was because we invited about 450 people and we had to cut the list somewhere. It ended up that 350 people showed up, but my parents and I don't believe in an A and B list so that was the best we could come up with.

[AGDee]

I was the first in my extended Italian family to not invite my cousins' children to my wedding. It was quite scandalous at the time and there was a lot of grumbling. Afterward though, all my cousins said they had the best time at my wedding. I didn't point out to them that it was because they didn't have to chase after their kids!

[PM_Mama00]

Originally posted by AGDee
I was the first in my extended Italian family to not invite my cousins' children to my wedding. It was quite scandalous at the time and there was a lot of grumbling. Afterward though, all my cousins said they had the best time at my wedding. I didn't point out to them that it was because they didn't have to chase after their kids!

Lol oh shit I can't believe you pulled that off! Our weddings always have little kids running around, but then again those are relatives.

[BetteDavisEyes]

Originally posted by honeychile
Do people bring gifts to weddings in your area? If so, having two women watch for potential thieves is better than having to hire a rent-a-cop. Just make sure they each have a roll of duct tape.

Not really sure actually but my entire side of the family has mailed our gifts to us or sent us gift cards. It's his side that will be bringing them to the wedding though I did ask his mom not too b/c I don't want to have to deal with the hassle of transporting them afterwards but she got offended that I would even be rude to suggest this. Of course, his side is also the side that thinks it's o.k. to put little notes on the invites that tell the guests where we're registered. Lucky for me, my coordinator & I did the invites by ourselves so we didn't put them in.

[honeychile]

Oh, dear! She sounds terribly like my Mother-Out-Law! Maybe she'd like an etiquette book for Christmas!

[BetteDavisEyes]

On that note, I think I'll send one to my mother too. She called to tell me that my cousin & her family is unable to attend the wedding. Well, it turns out that my mother told her that b/c we have some cancellations, she can be invited. My cousin didn't sound so thrilled at this & I still can't believe my mom would tell anyone this. We did not have an A or B list. We simply didn't invite this cousin b/c I haven't seen or spoken to her in over 7 years so I thought I'd rather invite friends I do see & talk to often than a relative I hardly know. I just didn't think my mom would tell her. I think that I need to have a serious sit-down talk with my mom about manners.

[wrigley]

Originally posted by BetteDavisEyes
Not really sure actually but my entire side of the family has mailed our gifts to us or sent us gift cards. It's his side that will be bringing them to the wedding though I did ask his mom not too b/c I don't want to have to deal with the hassle of transporting them afterwards but she got offended that I would even be rude to suggest this. Of course, his side is also the side that thinks it's o.k. to put little notes on the invites that tell the guests where we're registered. Lucky for me, my coordinator & I did the invites by ourselves so we didn't put them in.

As far as the gift transporting after the reception, offer your MIL the opportunity to take the wedding gifts to her house. Because whether or not she tells them, they are always those guests that think the rules don't apply to them.

Tell her that you and Mr. BetteDavis would pick them them up sometime during the day after the wedding or after you get back from the honeymoon.

[BetteDavisEyes]

Originally posted by wrigley
As far as the gift transporting after the reception, offer your MIL the opportunity to take the wedding gifts to her house. Because whether or not she tells them, they are always those guests that think the rules don't apply to them.

Tell her that you and Mr. BetteDavis would pick them them up sometime during the day after the wedding or after you get back from the honeymoon.

Well, I had asked her almost 2 months ago about transporting them & she jumped at the chance. Unfortunately, she then said that she'd only transport them IF we opened them in front of her & her family at MY sisters house & brunch MUST be served. I then said thanks but no thanks. I'll just have my sister transport them to her place & I'll pick them up later. The woman is nuts. I am seriously not making any of this up either. That's exactly what she told me.

[mu_agd]

Originally posted by BetteDavisEyes
Well, I had asked her almost 2 months ago about transporting them & she jumped at the chance. Unfortunately, she then said that she'd only transport them IF we opened them in front of her & her family at MY sisters house & brunch MUST be served. I then said thanks but no thanks. I'll just have my sister transport them to her place & I'll pick them up later. The woman is nuts. I am seriously not making any of this up either. That's exactly what she told me.

She sounds like she needs a good karate chop to the head.

[BetteDavisEyes]

Or a great big slap to the face but I console myself that we are moving over an hours drive away, she doesn't drive freeways b/c she is scared of crazy California drivers, her husband is only home every other week b/c of his job, & we'll be married in less than 2 weeks. I think I can survive till then...I hope. It's funny b/c one of her work colleagues is my friend & tells me that people at work avoid her & have nicknamed her MomZilla b/c of her obsession over the wedding & the fact that we're moving so far away.

[HBADPi]

A bit off topic and not that I'm getting married but this came up at my friends wedding and I'm curious how you handle it.

At her reception people were offered the option of 3 different dinners (steak, chicken, or vegetarian) and you had to mark your choice on your response card. Well once the response cards started flooding in, there were some cards where one person wanted steak and the other opted for vegetarian but didnt specify who wanted what. The mother of the bride was forced to sit down a week before the wedding and call these people to find out which person wanted which meal. Seeing as how I have never planned a wedding, I would never have thought of something like that becoming an issue so I'm just wondering you deal with this beforehand so you're not forced to call half your guest list.