Would you marry someone in the military?

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by dekeguy

To those who couldn't marry a soldier because it would be just too inconvenient to your lifestyle, contempt is a good word, but it really just does not convey the revulsion I feel at your self centered dismissal of those who guarantee your liberty while they lay it all on the line for you.

Get over it. As grown adults we can pick and choose who we want to be involved with based on our expectations and goals.

I feel no need to show my appreciation for the military by marrying a military man. In terms of a life partner, I prefer a different type of man and a different type of family. If you want to be selfless and put your life on the line, as well as on hold, then that's what works for you and yours. It wouldn't work for me and mine.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by 33girl

That, to me, is better than saying "love conquers all" and naively thinking it's the truth.

Exactly.


Too bad love hasn't reduced the nation's divorce rate. Or the nation's domestic violence rate. That's because the factors that contribute to violence and divorce have little to do with "love."

[dekeguy]

Originally Posted by 33girl

[b]Nowhere did I, or anyone, ever say that they didn't appreciate the sacrifices the men and the women of the military make for this country and its citizens. They simply said they wouldn't want to marry someone with that lifestyle. That, to me, is better than saying "love conquers all" and naively thinking it's the truth.

One of my exes had a vasectomy at what some would consider a young age. He told me it was because he didn't ever want to be responsible for anyone other than himself. Now, some people might consider that selfish - I consider it supremely the opposite. He knows he wouldn't be happy being tied down with a child, so he's going to do what is best for him and not subject a child to his unhappiness, rather than reproducing just because that's what society tells him to do.

I wouldn't be happy with the military lifestyle. Therefore, I wouldn't marry a man who is committed to it and make both of us miserable.

===================

I don't recall singling out you or any other specific GCer in my post. I stated my opinion. I believe the gist of my comment was that the military lifestyle, while admirable and honorable, is a tough row to hoe, and is certainly not for everyone. I do admire those who do choose to love and support the men and women of the fighting forces because it is such a difficult path to follow.
I have no problem with those who upon reflection conclude that such a path is not for them. However, I do not admire those who approach the question with shallowness, and I do not admire those who reject the possibility on the basis of inconvenience.
You are certainly entitled to your opinion, just as I am entitled to mine, and mine stands as written.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by dekeguy

===================

I don't recall singling out you or any other specific GCer in my post. I stated my opinion. I believe the gist of my comment was that the military lifestyle, while admirable and honorable, is a tough row to hoe, and is certainly not for everyone. I do admire those who do choose to love and support the men and women of the fighting forces because it is such a difficult path to follow.
I have no problem with those who upon reflection conclude that such a path is not for them. However, I do not admire those who approach the question with shallowness, and I do not admire those who reject the possibility on the basis of inconvenience.
You are certainly entitled to your opinion, just as I am entitled to mine, and mine stands as written.

You don't have to single anyone out. You were clearly stating an opinion of some of the opinions you read in this thread. Since we're all entitled to opinions, we're stating our opinions of your opinion.

No one is seeking your admiration.

[valkyrie]

Originally Posted by dekeguy

However, I do not admire those who approach the question with shallowness, and I do not admire those who reject the possibility on the basis of inconvenience.

Would you marry a woman who weighs 300 pounds?

[DSTCHAOS]

And there went the thread.

[dekeguy]

Originally Posted by valkyrie

Would you marry a woman who weighs 300 pounds?

Since this thread is concerned with whether one would marry someone in the military I am not completely sure how your question seriously relates to military men and women who, as part of that tough path to follow, are required to maintain height and weight standards. However, from my point of view, I have never met a woman who weighed 300 pounds but I have met, formed friendships with, and dated women who considered themselves very overweight. I preferred to think of them as shapely. Please understand that I am not into fat, and conversely I am not into skinny. I am into women who are attractive to me. I would like to think that I would make my judgment on a lady's attractiveness based on criteria a bit broader than her dress size. Probably the sexiest woman I ever met was rather "chubby", but she had an awsome intellect, a wicked sense of humor, and a personality that attracted me like the well known moth to the flame. When I met her she was a grad student at Oxford, and things might well have developed into something permanent except that when I came back to the States she stayed in England. She eventually married a hell of a good guy (damn), and now has a successful career in merchant banking in London while her husband is a sought after barrister who will likely make QC in a couple of years.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by dekeguy

Since this thread is concerned with whether one would marry someone in the military I am not completely sure how your question seriously relates to military men and women who, as part of that tough path to follow, are required to maintain height and weight standards. However, from my point of view, I have never met a woman who weighed 300 pounds but I have met, formed friendships with, and dated women who considered themselves very overweight. I preferred to think of them as shapely. Please understand that I am not into fat, and conversely I am not into skinny. I am into women who are attractive to me. I would like to think that I would make my judgment on a lady's attractiveness based on criteria a bit broader than her dress size. Probably the sexiest woman I ever met was rather "chubby", but she had an awsome intellect, a wicked sense of humor, and a personality that attracted me like the well known moth to the flame. When I met her she was a grad student at Oxford, and things might well have developed into something permanent except that when I came back to the States she stayed in England. She eventually married a hell of a good guy (damn), and now has a successful career in merchant banking in London while her husband is a sought after barrister who will likely make QC in a couple of years.

An outsider judging your preference could say "I don't admire a man who would settle for internal beauty when the complete package of internal and external beauty is out there."

See--preferences and things that go along with our ideals and expectations are what this thread is about. You're not under a social contract to date or marry "internally unattractive" women. That doesn't mean you don't acknowledge that such women are probably making some contributions to this world and making some other men happy, though.

[dekeguy]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

If you want to be selfless and put your life on the line, as well as on hold, then that's what works for you and yours. It wouldn't work for me and mine.

Actually, it does work for me. I figure that serving my country didn't put my life on hold but rather it gave me the chance to invest something of myself into my belief in the obligation of public service. If one is going to talk the talk it really does follow that one must be prepared to walk the walk. If you are interested you might find my postings in the AVE ATQUE VALE thread worth reading and perhaps a bit amusing.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by dekeguy

Actually, it does work for me. I figure that serving my country didn't put my life on hold but rather it gave me the chance to invest something of myself into my belief in the obligation of public service. If one is going to talk the talk it really does follow that one must be prepared to walk the walk. If you are interested you might find my postings in the AVE ATQUE VALE thread worth reading and perhaps a bit amusing.

Well congrats to you and your family.

I'm not interested in your story, but suffice it to say that I also feel obligated to do public service. This is why I have been doing community service all of my life and chose the profession that I chose.

[dekeguy]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

An outsider judging your preference could say "I don't admire a man who would settle for internal beauty when the complete package of internal and external beauty is out there."

See--preferences and things that go along with our ideals and expectations are what this thread is about. You're not under a social contract to date or marry "internally unattractive" women. That doesn't mean you don't acknowledge that such women are probably making some contributions to this world and making some other men happy, though.

I didn't realize that I was settling for anything. I thought I was choosing the one whose total persona was attractive to me. I certainly do not consider myself under any social contract to date "internally unattractive" women. To me internally attractive is just as, if not more so, important as external appearance. As my Grand Dad used to say, one must ask what sort of man would prefer jeunne beaujolais to a richly complex claret. Even when I was a small boy I understood that he was not talking about wine.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by dekeguy

I thought I was choosing the one whose total persona was attractive to me..

Eventhough you missed the point and went on a rant, you accidentally supported what we're saying: We're making choices based on what we find attractive and what we find fits our life expectations and goals. That pertains to dating and marrying military men and any other type of man.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by dekeguy

I do not admire those who reject the possibility on the basis of inconvenience.

I'd call the very real possibility of being deeply depressed because my husband is gone for months at a time and raising children largely on my own a bit more than an "inconvenience."

[dekeguy]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

Eventhough you missed the point and went on a rant, you accidentally supported what we're saying: We're making choices based on what we find attractive and what we find fits our life expectations and goals. That pertains to dating and marrying military men and any other type of man.

Couple of thoughts:
First, I believe we are fairly close to agreement here. As I said, I do not have, and should not have, any problem with anyone's decision on such a matter as marriage to a military person when that decision is based on reflection and consideration that the military path either as a soldier or as a spouse is just not for them. In my own experience, I did not choose to be a Jesuit Priest. I thought about it and decided that it was not the path for me. I want to love a woman as a husband. If this proves your point, fine with me. My comment was about my reaction with regard to those who rejected the possibility of marriage to a soldier for frivolous reasons without reflection and consideration.
Second, I don't think I was "accidentally" supporting your position, I was answering a question by stating what has always been my position, that I personally don't like life affecting decisions based on superficial and frivolous criteria. I don't think its appropriate for me to comment on anyone's decision made after reflection and consideration. If this supports your position, then great! I would rather find agreement.
As an OBTW, regarding missing the point, my attitudinal comments are directed to "would you MARRY someone in the military?", and not directed as to who anyone might want to date on a social basis. I think there is a vast difference between the two, and I'm really not anywhere near that uptight.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by dekeguy

First, I believe we are fairly close to agreement here.

Good.

This thread was never really about patriotism and military appreciation, like you tried to make it.