"You'll end up where you were meant to"... - Page 6

aopinthesky · #76 01-26-2003, 10:53 PM

was not reading GC when you first started this thread, but I was glad to see that you bumped it! I do agree that things DO NOT always work out for the best and PNM's do not always end up "where they were meant to be". I cringe every time I see someone say that on GC. I am from the South and although my school is not SEC, nor is my daughter's, I have seen odd things happen to many of my friends and hers during recruitment. Sometimes there is just no explanation for why a PNM does not get bid other than the luck of the draw. Thanks for your wisdom on the subject!

carnation · #77 01-26-2003, 11:45 PM

That statement about "people going where they're meant to be" bothers me more every year. I have now watched 3 classes of my daughters' peers go through rush--mostly in SEC schools but also in other Georgia schools--and I have watched the cream of the crop from their high school get cut heavily and quickly. I was devastated for so many of them after rush last year...all these girls who should've been snapped up by the strongest, most involved sororities were left with 2-4 sororities out of 15-18 after second parties. Gorgeous, sweet, intelligent girls with great recs--and all the alums from around here were going, "HUH? What happened?"

And so I can't say they ended up where they were meant to.

adduncan · #78 01-27-2003, 12:22 AM

I just ran across this thread--I can't believe I haven't seen it before now.

Wow.

I hate to say it, but Carnation's initial thread-starting post brought back a flood of feelings of disorientation and disappointment and bitterness that I remember from rush days.

In some ways, it's reassuring: as an undergrad, I thought I was the ONLY one who had a terrible rush experience. I was afraid to talk to anyone about it at the time--everyone around me was getting bids to their first choice, picking out gowns, tracking down white dresses.....and here I am trying to paint a fake smile on my face for them so I wouldn't get branded a sour-puss.

I think an important thing to point out to PNMs is that sometimes it *doesn't* work out. But even if it doesn't, that doesn't mean you are an oddball or an outcast. It happens, but it's not something to be ashamed of. I wish someone had told me that 15 years ago, instead of having to struggle to figure it out for myself.

Thanx to everyone who contributed to this topic.

Back in the saddle again.....

Adrienne (PNAM-2003)

justamom · #79 01-27-2003, 08:07 AM

As a committee head for my son's Senior Party, I've had the opportunity to meet a TON of mothers I didn't know. Though the number attending LSU seems to be a tad lower ths year, the questions about "rush" are starting to come up. Same old thing...nobody really knows what to do or how to go about lining things up. When a mother told ME-"Don't be upset if your daughter doesn't get a bid..." I was rather insulted! I thought HOW IN THE HELL COULD THAT HAPPEN-HA!

Well, she WAS indeed lucky considering it was the largest rush in recent history. I am no longer insulted. In fact, I am trying to think of a less BLUNT way to say it to these new mothers. Thank goodness she and I were reading GC, because we KNEW it was a possibility to go bidless. That thougt never entered my MIND. To be pumped up and unaware (as MANY were) might have left her bitter as well. A year has gone by now and she doesn't like rush.
She hates the fact that for many, there is no obvious reason WHY they are cut OR kept. She wants to work in the background rather than face hurting anyone.

WPISweetie · #80 01-27-2003, 10:42 AM

Wow! This is a really interesting topic. When I started rushing, I KNEW that the other sorority on my campus was the one for me. It was where I was meant to be - there was just no question. I know a lot of you followed my rush thread, so I don't really have to explain the way things changed for me. Yes, I was crushed when I got cut from the sorority I was "meant" to be in. I wasn't sure at first when I took my bid from AGD, but I figured it was at least worth a shot. And that was the smartest decision I've ever made in my life. Although I couldn't see it, I really was meant to be an Alpha Gam. Even though I'm not a sister yet, I've already grown so much from the sisterhood, and I feel like I have a lot to give back to the chapter.

So, to get back to the topic, I wasn't really devastated by the idea that I was meant to be an AGD, but, rather that I was NOT meant to be in the other sorority. I'm not one to really buy into the whole fate thing - I really believe life is what you make of it. But I think sometimes things happen that you just can't help. It's just so right that you couldn't have stopped it if you'd tried. I know not everyone is as lucky as me, though. I think that a rephrase of the "You'll end up where you belong" is a great idea, because that one sentence can cause an unbelievable amount of heartache for PNMs.

KSigkid · #81 01-27-2003, 08:17 PM

WPI Sweetie:

Check your PM inbox, I just sent you one

UGAnchora · #82 01-27-2003, 10:08 PM

I've noticed a lot of people talking about rushing at SEC Schools. A lot of people on here are from the North and some aren't even sure what the SEC is! So I decided to share my Rush experience from this fall at UGA, which is a big-time SEC school(hello...CHAMPS!

).

I wasn't the homecoming queen or the most popular girl at my high school in a large town/small city in NW Georgia. But I was a cheerleader, captain in fact, in the marching and symphonic bands; had a 3.8 GPA, National Honor Society, school PR groups, Newspaper Editor, yada yada yada. You get the picture.

I applied to UGA and was accepted in December. It took me a while to make my choice between UGA and Auburn, due to the fact I've always wanted to be an Aerospace Engineer. But that lovely HOPE scholarship brought me here....and I couldn't be happier!

Anyways, on to Rush. I wasn't totally sure I wanted to join a sorority, but I decided to give Rush a try at my older cousin's encouragment. I figured, what the heck, at least I can meet people.

I went in with quite a few Recs, thanks to my cousin. I'm also a double legacy in KD and AChiO, Kappa Alpha Theta, and Tri Delta.

Now I should tell you that somewhere between 1200-1300 girls participated in the Fall 2002 Rush.

Round One- Lasted 2 days, since UGA has 18 sororities. We went to 12 on the first day, each for about 20 minutes with 15 minute breaks between each. We would go to each house in large groups. The President and VP Recruitment would introduce themselves and then invite us in. All of the sisters would be there, singing songs and chants. after a few(loud) minutes, a sister would take 1 or 2 of us and ask us very generic questions- where are you from, major, dorm, here's the kicker- "Are you enjoying Rush"(Whatever!!). You get the idea. THen they did the "I want to introduce you to my sisters!" and proceeded to herd us around the room, introducing us to people. At some houses, I felt like I was a piece of cattle, being shoved and herded. It was a big whirl wind.

At the end of the 2nd day of round one, we ranked the sororities. TO be honest, I had a hard time keeping things straight.A lot of girls were super serious about it- they made page-long entries about each house in little notebooks between parties. But a few stuck out in my mind.

I'm just going by memory here...but my first choice was AGD, then KD, ADPi, and DG , Phi Mu, and Theta were way up there too. Then I just listed the others, making sure to put my least favorites at the end.

Round 2- We recieved the cards saying who invited us back, out of 18, only 6 invited me back. I was hurt at first that KD cut me, as well as ADpi, and Phi Mu, out of the 6 that were on there, 4 were some I really loved- AGD, DG, Theta, and A Chi O. The others were a Jewish sorority(I'm a Southern Baptist) and D Phi E.

Round 2 was house tours. At each house a sister took you through, showing you the founders room, chapter room, and the bed rooms. I was in LOVE with the AGD house. I don't know if anyone here has ever seen it, it is a picture-perfect Southern Mansion. AGD was my first choice that day in rankings.

Round 3- Skits. Theta and A Chi O cut me. I didn't really mind, because I wasn't too sure I'd fit in there. My cousin, who was also going through rush, thought it was weird that all the sororities we were legacies in cut me(She had a full list of invitations back every day). So I had basically narrowed my choice down to AGD, although DG was a great place and I loved it.

Prefs- Cut only by SDT, the Jewish sorority, for obvious reasons. I attended Prefs at DPhiE, AGD, and DG. After the AGD pref, I thought I had my mind made up. Then I went to DG and felt so welcome and comfortable, that when filling out my Bid card, I changed my mind at the last minute and Ranked DG #1, and AGD #2, not even ranking D Phi E because I wasn't interested in joining. The girl I talked to was sweet as can be, but it just wasn't for me.

So of course on Bid Day, I recieved and accepted a Bid from DG and I'm so happy I did so.

Rush at an SEC school is highly competitive. Girls were crying, dropping out, everything. In the end though, I think the majority were happy. I know a few who de-pledged after a few weeks though.

Sorry so long....

houstonchica · #83 01-28-2003, 01:11 AM

Good for you UGAnchora!! I'm so glad you found your home at UGA. I work at the university and have met some of your sisters when they came into my office. They were great girls! I also know your housemother quite well...GO DAWGS!

Angels&Arrows · #84 01-28-2003, 09:44 AM

UGAnchora,

Thank you for sharing your experience. I too am shocked that you were dropped during the first invitational round from several legacy chapters. I am sure it has something to do with the number of PNMs participating in recruitment. Where did your cousin pledge? Maybe she would like to come tell her story!

A&As

aopinthesky · #85 01-28-2003, 03:59 PM

Carnation,
I have given this some thought since you bumped this post, and it worries me when a PNM is posting a rush story and people say (in addition to "you'll end up where you belong") "I know any chapter would be happy to have you in their sisterhood" or "you would make an awesome sister of XXX", or anything along those lines. Unless you know the PNM personally, you don't really know if they would make an awesome sister or not. Some of the PNM's don't look at it that way, though, and they think you know something they don't. I think we just need to be careful all the way around in giving false hope to PNM's, who don't have the experience to take it with a grain of salt. Just my .02 cents.

carnation · #86 01-28-2003, 04:04 PM

Oh, absolutely! That's why Pnguintrax posted that permanent thread about touting our organizations during recruitment. I know as a PNM, I might have believed that the actives and alums on GC had an inside track. You're right on the money there!

XOMichelle · #87 01-28-2003, 07:50 PM

And even though I feel bad for girls who don't get bids from places they want to be, sometimes they haven't the foggiest idea what that organization is about when they do rush. I know I had no idea what chapters had specific problems until my friend became Panhel prez.

You know, it would be wonderful if we all had perfect chapters, there are problems everywhere!!! And we count on new people to come in, love their pledge semester and take positions to keep the chapter running.

-M

ZTAMich · #88 01-28-2003, 09:39 PM

I keep re-reading this thread this week as Formal R. starts at my school this week. It def. has me watching what I say to PNM's who are nervous or torn between two orgs.

As far as my own personal "story" I wasn't invited back to any pref. ceremonies by the 3 orgs I visited on day 2 when I went through Formal R and was REALLY hurt bc I thought I had mad a good showing

BUT I swallowed my pride the following fall and was CROWNed by Zeta *finally* after I almost didn't go back a second time when I didn't get a bid from the first COB event. After all that, a year later I was elected Pres....I suppose tho that I'm a rarity of it "working out"

James · #89 02-01-2003, 10:24 PM

"You'll end up where you were meant to be . . ."

When I read that it sounds either amazingly fatalistic or terifically condscending.

If the relationship was meant to work out it would have or will . . despite what we do . . .

Well gee, if you got cut from every house except the one that no one wants to join, you must be meant to be with them!

Destiny or a perfect match!

I hope no one actually tells people this to reassure them. It would be pretty evil.

carnation · #90 02-01-2003, 11:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
"You'll end up where you were meant to be . . ."

Well gee, if you got cut from every house except the one that no one wants to join, you must be meant to be with them!

I hope no one actually tells people this to reassure them. It would be pretty evil.

AND THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO POINT OUT!!!! It's awful when we say that and then some kid ends up with "that" house and her self-esteem is shot to hell because she thinks that if we wise folks on GC (or her counselor) said it, it must be true.