In-law venting thread - Page 6

WinniBug · #76 12-29-2009, 01:47 AM

So here's a question for ya...
If your in-laws invite you to Christmas at their house at 11 am, when you have to drive about 45 min. to get there, and expect you to stay at least a couple hours wouldn't you expect there to be food of some kind served? Brunch, lunch, snacks, etc...?
Or am I just too presumptuous?

DrPhil · #77 12-29-2009, 02:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WinniBug

So here's a question for ya...
If your in-laws invite you to Christmas at their house at 11 am, when you have to drive about 45 min. to get there, and expect you to stay at least a couple hours wouldn't you expect there to be food of some kind served? Brunch, lunch, snacks, etc...?
Or am I just too presumptuous?

I would expect to eat brunch or lunch there. I guess that didn't happen.

That's something that you or your spouse may suggest in the future if the in-laws weren't thinking along those lines.

We divide most holidays among both of our families and make it very clear that we expect food if we're doing all of this traveling.

On Christmas day we drove 2 hours to arrive at family #1 for a normal brunch (because family #1 didn't want to do a Christmas dinner due to other commitments) at 11:30am, stayed for 4 hours, and drove an hour to family #2 for the official Christmas dinner.

WinniBug · #78 12-29-2009, 02:43 AM

Ugh, Mr.Bug had to work on Christmas day, so we went to his parent's for Christmas on Saturday. His mom told us to get there around 11ish. We drove about 45 min to get there, stayed until 3, and no mention of food whatsoever...except the peanut butter chocolate balls his sister made at about 2 that I almost wanted to devour!

dreamseeker · #79 12-29-2009, 02:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WinniBug

So here's a question for ya...
If your in-laws invite you to Christmas at their house at 11 am, when you have to drive about 45 min. to get there, and expect you to stay at least a couple hours wouldn't you expect there to be food of some kind served? Brunch, lunch, snacks, etc...?
Or am I just too presumptuous?

yes...i actually read it a few days before christmas that its the proper thing to do.

ellebud · #80 12-29-2009, 02:36 PM

Ok. I'm Jewish so when anyone comes to my home, be it 11 or 3 in the morning I always am ready to offer/cook/order in food. Yes, you were invited at brunch/lunch time. There should have been food and drink. (I do not necessarily mean liquor)

Just a suggestion(s): This was, at one time, your husband's home. Why didn't he just go the the refridgerator and start making food? Or ordering in...on their credit card? Or..next time just say, "We're hungry...we're going."

AOII Angel · #81 12-29-2009, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ellebud

Ok. I'm Jewish so when anyone comes to my home, be it 11 or 3 in the morning I always am ready to offer/cook/order in food. Yes, you were invited at brunch/lunch time. There should have been food and drink. (I do not necessarily mean liquor)

Just a suggestion(s): This was, at one time, your husband's home. Why didn't he just go the the refridgerator and start making food? Or ordering in...on their credit card? Or..next time just say, "We're hungry...we're going."

Husbands rarely can take that initiative with their own families in my experience! I'm so lucky....I NEVER see my in-laws!!! Don't ask...it's too long of a story. I just count my blessings!

ellebud · #82 12-29-2009, 03:18 PM

When my husband is hungry, he will make SURE that he is fed. We probably would have left. But, in my experience, most mothers of all backgrounds be it Italian, Portuguese, Persian or..... won't let you sit down without offering something. Shame on them. Even if your DIL wasn't your 100th pick, civility is the watchword of the day.

And since I am much closer, hopefully, to becoming a MIL than most on this board I will remember these words and my experience(s) and never repeat them.

AOII Angel · #83 12-29-2009, 03:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ellebud

When my husband is hungry, he will make SURE that he is fed. We probably would have left. But, in my experience, most mothers of all backgrounds be it Italian, Portuguese, Persian or..... won't let you sit down without offering something. Shame on them. Even if your DIL wasn't your 100th pick, civility is the watchword of the day.

And since I am much closer, hopefully, to becoming a MIL than most on this board I will remember these words and my experience(s) and never repeat them.

And anyone would be a lucky woman to have you as an MIL!

WinniBug · #84 12-29-2009, 04:26 PM

Honestly, I don't know why he didn't say anything, or go fix something.

This is the family who, when we were out at dinner and we told them we were expecting, they sat there until LONG after the meal was over until Joel got up to pay.

Another time, around my and my MIL's birthdays (they're about 10 days apart), we went down to see her and went out to a local restaurant and a friend of hers asked if we were treating her for her birthday, she got a nasty snarl on her face and told her no. After the friend left, we told her that we were, indeed, intending on paying for her meal as a birthday treat. She just said "ok" with no remorse or apology in word, action or tone for her earlier reaction to her friend's question.

She doesn't seem to have the common sense or decency that God gave grass.

ellebud · #85 12-29-2009, 06:32 PM

AOIIAngel: Thank you.

Winnibug: Just to let you know that you are/were not alone. When we told my inlaws that we were pregnant their response was, "Oh, a grandkike....." Lovely. And we have paid for many a dinner sans thank you. Perhaps you ordered a side dish (for an extra few dollars) and they were afraid that they would be stuck with the bill. Or perhaps even a drink.....

AOII Angel · #86 12-29-2009, 06:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WinniBug

She doesn't seem to have the common sense or decency that God gave grass.

Ha!

APhi Sailorgirl · #87 01-06-2010, 09:09 AM

Please tell me that we're not only couple who got IL shafting on gifts at the holidays? Apparently DH and I are the only people I know who get a shittastic couple gift of a gc to Lowes (really this is for DH) from the IL's.

Even my parents who had bought us a joint gift earlier, still gave us separate little things.

Oh and I'm never again actually putting thought into a gift for my IL's.

ellebud · #88 01-06-2010, 01:29 PM

So, when my in laws sold their big house (and it was, at 10,000 square feet) and they began giving out stuff that they didn't "need" who got the Steuben (SIL because she already had a collection from her family), the antiques (SIL because she came from wealth, although BIL has only made a living through my inlaws), the fine paintings (yes, we do have a minor collection, but it would have been nice to have shared) and the whole living room set and the lalique? ...not us. Although we paid for half the moving expenses (because we were getting an antique rug that was too big for the IL's home) who got the leather sofas that my son, about to move into his first apartment, really could have used?.....the gardner. (And yes, we paid half to move lots of stuff to the gardner's home.)

...so for the holidays we bought them: liquor...only because we had to spend 4 hours with them.

....what did they get us?....you won't be surprised....BIL and SIL?...a built in outdoor kitchen.

agzg · #89 01-06-2010, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by APhi Sailorgirl

Please tell me that we're not only couple who got IL shafting on gifts at the holidays? Apparently DH and I are the only people I know who get a shittastic couple gift of a gc to Lowes (really this is for DH) from the IL's.

Even my parents who had bought us a joint gift earlier, still gave us separate little things.

Oh and I'm never again actually putting thought into a gift for my IL's.

My dad always gets us separate (yet related) gifts. For example, in 2008 my dad got me a set of steak knives, and live-in a gift card to Omaha Steaks. Separate gifts, to be used together, related to one another.

This won't make you feel better, but my relationship with his mom is getting very much better. We had a great Christmas, save for his brother acting like a complete weirdo and his even weirder girlfriend acting like a space cadet.

Munchkin03 · #90 01-06-2010, 03:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by APhi Sailorgirl

Oh and I'm never again actually putting thought into a gift for my IL's.

After this Christmas, I'm seriously considering not putting thought into a gift for anyone, or skipping this altogether. The family members who complain the most about not getting Thank You cards failed to even acknowledge receipt of presents. I received a kids' Dora the Explorer pajama set. It's not WHAT I received, it was the fact that no one whatsoever (with the exception of my sister and her kids, and one of my uncles) put any thought into what to give at all. It was as if they were just crossing names off of a list. I'd just rather not get a gift than a crappy gift that you just got because you "needed" to get me something.