What Not to Say to a Released PNM

[texas*princess]

Originally posted by kddani
and of course, don't say, "you can always AI!"

hahaha

i second that

[Jestor]

Just a few things here:

1) I think some of the advice here is simply awesome. I was talking with one of the guys in my first choice fraternity tonight about the differences between sorority rush and fraternity rush and he confirmed that the sorority rushes are much more rigorous and strict.

2) Not to sound like a moron or anything, but what does the acronymn COB stand for? I'm guessing it's an informal recruitment period from the context of the posts, but I haven't deciphered the exact spelling, unlike PNM, which I figured out is Potential New Member.

3) I'm interested in learning more about the sorority recruitment process. It seems like there's several rounds to go through for it? I'm obviously just in the middle of my first rush experience, but it seems like for the guys, you just visit each house, hang out at the ones you want to, write down your three top choices and then attend each of said three choices the next night for a longer session, the following day being Bid Day.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally posted by Jestor


2) Not to sound like a moron or anything, but what does the acronymn COB stand for? I'm guessing it's an informal recruitment period from the context of the posts, but I haven't deciphered the exact spelling, unlike PNM, which I figured out is Potential New Member.

Continuous Open Bidding

[Jestor]

Originally posted by JocelynC
Continuous Open Bidding

Thanks.

[carnation]

It's been awhile since this thread was started and because of RFM, cuts are heavy now. Does anyone have any new ideas?

[gatorgeneration]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

Good posts. What are some things TO SAY?

As a PNM that was cut from a big SEC recruitment just about a week ago, I can tell you there are very few things that can make us feel better. I told my mom a few minutes after I got that unwanted phone call from my Pi Chi, and a few hours later I had a delivery for some lovely flowers with a little note that said "Don't worry, there is something wonderful just around the corner. Love, Mom." It made me smile, but I was still rather upset for a few days. My friends, brother, boyfriend all said the things we don't want to hear:

"I never pictured you as a sorority girl anyway." "You'll make better friends somewhere else." "You can always join a club or a 'professional' fraternity." "I told you; you were probably cut because you're a sophomore." (this one obviously hurt the most)

But at least they were there for me, that's probably the best thing. Don't say anything, anything that has to do with Greek life. Go out to a nice dinner, indulge in retail therapy, or something that will get the PNM's mind off of recruitment. Give them a few days, maybe even a week, to be sad, and just be there for them.

If she's still determined to join Greek life (I still am!) then let her know she'll have a better chance at informal/formal recruitments if she meets sorority women, gets involved, and keeps her grades up, and gets those recs.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by gatorgeneration

My friends, brother, boyfriend all said the things we don't want to hear:

[...]

But at least they were there for me, that's probably the best thing.

This is good advice, and the fact that your realize this is going to help you as people you love get hit with major life setbacks (serious illness, job loss, divorce, etc.). I know that getting released from rush sucks so bad right now, but it sounds like you are able to put it in perspective.

[kateee]

Reading this discussion made me drag out my folder from formal recruitment (I save everything. But it's all organized! haha).

I read through it again and found the following statements in Tips for PNM's.
"Do not interpret any remark made at an event as an assurance of an invitation to another event or a bid."
"Chapters are not required to offer bids to legacies and may extend invitations to events as a matter of courtesy"

Included in the folder was a short description of each sororities activites and philanthropy, the Pennsylvania hazing law, a list of the benefits of greek life, recrutiment guidelines, and the four pillars of greek life.

It does not say anywhere in our folder that a girl may not be able to attend pref. parties due to GPA. My friend L got invited back to two parties (out of four), and had been going through formal recruitment with us when she was called into the greek life office and told she was not elligible to go to the parties or recieve a bid the next morning. She was absolutely devestated, and wished that they had done something about her GPA earlier. It turned out happy, she got a COB bid from Chi Omega and is now one of my sisters, and she is very happy. It so turned out we were her first choice. No one had explained to her that being cut from pref due to grades was a possibility. She had assumed that her grades were fine since she had been allowed to attend every other night of recruitment.

[thetalady]

Originally Posted by kateee

It does not say anywhere in our folder that a girl may not be able to attend pref. parties due to GPA. My friend L got invited back to two parties (out of four), and had been going through formal recruitment with us when she was called into the greek life office and told she was not elligible to go to the parties or recieve a bid the next morning. She was absolutely devestated, and wished that they had done something about her GPA earlier. It turned out happy, she got a COB bid from Chi Omega and is now one of my sisters, and she is very happy. It so turned out we were her first choice. No one had explained to her that being cut from pref due to grades was a possibility. She had assumed that her grades were fine since she had been allowed to attend every other night of recruitment.

That is because the University and Panhellenic can NOT prohibit a PNM with low grades from rushing. I bet that the conversation that the Greek Life office had with L was that she had been cut from rush, not that she was ineligible to participate at all.

GPA minimums are a requirement of the individual chapters. It is also part of our private membership selection criterion. Every sorority may have a DIFFERENT mimimum. I am sure that in your information packet somewhere, it says that a low GPA may negatively affect the PNMs chances of getting a bid or even participating in recruitment.

[Old_Row]

Originally Posted by kateee

Reading this discussion made me drag out my folder from formal recruitment (I save everything. But it's all organized! haha).

I read through it again and found the following statements in Tips for PNM's.
"Do not interpret any remark made at an event as an assurance of an invitation to another event or a bid."
"Chapters are not required to offer bids to legacies and may extend invitations to events as a matter of courtesy"

Included in the folder was a short description of each sororities activites and philanthropy, the Pennsylvania hazing law, a list of the benefits of greek life, recrutiment guidelines, and the four pillars of greek life.

It does not say anywhere in our folder that a girl may not be able to attend pref. parties due to GPA. My friend L got invited back to two parties (out of four), and had been going through formal recruitment with us when she was called into the greek life office and told she was not elligible to go to the parties or recieve a bid the next morning. She was absolutely devestated, and wished that they had done something about her GPA earlier. It turned out happy, she got a COB bid from Chi Omega and is now one of my sisters, and she is very happy. It so turned out we were her first choice. No one had explained to her that being cut from pref due to grades was a possibility. She had assumed that her grades were fine since she had been allowed to attend every other night of recruitment.

This is confusing. How can her GPA be too low to be able to complete formal recruitment but she got a COB bid right after?

[kateee]

Originally Posted by Old_Row

This is confusing. How can her GPA be too low to be able to complete formal recruitment but she got a COB bid right after?

ThetaLady: I am very confused by the whole situation. She was in my group, and attended all parties until preference, which she told me she couldn't. She may not have been invited back at all, but that is what she told me, although now that does not make sense.

I don't quite understand how she got a COB bid with a GPA too low to participate in formal recrutiment either. My chapter is known for having a high GPA and we have faith that she can bring hers up while here, but it didn't make sense to me either. I love her to death though and her GPA here at midterm is where it needs to be so that works out now. *shrugs*

[Sciencewoman]

The Panhellenic on the campus where I teach and advise has established a minimum 2.6 GPA for sophomores+ and transfers, as a condition of recruitment registration, and they do require a grade release to look up a PNM's grades. They also state that this is the minimum to participate, but chapters may privately require or look for higher GPAs. All freshman are considered to be in good standing/eligible for fall recruitment. They will make exceptions for lower GPA students with a learning or medical disability that is documented in writing by the PNM's physician, but again they specify that individual chapters may still require or look for a higher GPA during membership selection.

It sounds to me like like Panhellenic:

1) has a minimum, didn't realize until later on that the PNM didn't meet it, and was letting her know. This doesn't seem likely, since she later received a bid, but if they called her in (which also seems odd...usually a released PNM is contacted by her Rho Chi/Gamma, but this may be handled differently on your campus), it might have been their error to not catch it, and they decided to make an exception and allow her to accept a bid through COB, or
2) she was released from recruitment and they were trying to let her down gently ("it's your grades, not that you weren't liked"), the reason(s) for which they'd have no way of knowing since membership selection is private, and
3) COB resulted because some chapter(s) didn't make quota/total or had someone decline to accept a bid, and were eligible to COB, so they went back to the pool and decided to make an exception and extend a bid to this PNM.

That's my best guess. In the end, it sounds like it all worked out, and everyone is happy! Congratulations to her and to you on joining Chi Omega!

[thetalady]

Hat tip to Titchou for posting this information in another thread:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~

Please see the MOI (Green Book) 17th edition, Unanimous Agreement #II, Jurisdiction of Panhellenic Associations, Item 1 College Panhellenic Associations, page 29:

C. A College Panhellenic Council shall take no action that infringes on the sovereignty, rights, or privileges of the individual NPC fraternities. Infringements include but are not limited to the following:

i. Requiring fraternity chapters to maintain a specific scholastic grade point average.

ii. Requiring a scholastic grade point average as a condition for a chapter’s participation in membership recruitment.

iii. Requiring a scholastic grade point average as a condition for a woman’s participation in the membership recruitment process.

iv. Requiring a scholastic grade point average as a qualification for pledging or initiation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

She also pointed out that a chapter may pledge a woman without any interference or involvement of CPC via COB.

[AGDee]

But we all know that sometimes University administrations make rules that don't follow NPC agreements too.

[thetalady]

Originally Posted by AGDee

But we all know that sometimes University administrations make rules that don't follow NPC agreements too.

You are right... who knows?