HELP! Auburn PNM question!

[texas*princess]

Originally Posted by AuburnPNMmom

That is what I told her!!

Sorry but that doesn't make any sense to me (and maybe even a few others) because you said she didn't know if she would fit with them because she was blonder than they were.

But then there was another sorority that looked like she would fit with due to hair color but apparently they cut her?

So it doesn't really sound like she's worried that they won't like her because she's got lighter hair than they do?

[skylark]

Originally Posted by texas*princess

If they didn't like her, they wouldn't have extended a bid.

Thank you, texas princess, for pointing out this obvious point... I actually thought for a second that I might have misinterpreted the comment. But yeah, they extended her a bid not even in formal recruitment, but in COB! They definitely like her enough to think she could be a part of their group. My guess is that those girls probably haven't given it a second thought that her hair color is different, unless what you are really trying to point out is an unwritten racial segregation issue... (I'll leave that out there, since I don't want to make an assumption out of thin air).

I guess the biggest part of what I don't understand is why any genuine, decent person would hesitate to pledge a sorority if they (1) wanted to be in a sorority so bad they would go through a second formal recruitment as a sophomore, adn (2) liked the girls in the org that gave her a COB bid (which you say she does). What else is there to consider, unless you somehow feel like the sorority isn't worthy of such a top-calibar PNM.

Bottom line: as great as your daughter probably is (I seriously mean this without sarcasm) several of the top sororities didn't think she was as great as other girls and the possibility of changing their minds to the point where she will get one of what would be very few if any chances in January to pledge is so slim that it seems absurd to give those sororities that much power over her happiness. My sincere guess is that your daughter will find out during the course of this year why she wasn't (a) invited back to pref, or (b) ranked high on bid lists. When she does, I'm pretty sure she's going to be pissed at the answer and probably will wish she took one of her COB bids because those girls liked her enough to extend a bid (even though they know going into it that they are not your daughter's first choice).

And by the way, the answer of why your daughter didn't get into these sororities was NOT because she wasn't from Alabama.... this may have influenced slightly but I have never heard of a voting or ranking decision where the state of origin was the deciding factor.

Apologies for the long post...

[AuburnPNMmom]

I think she is going to take the bid - They have a fun night planned and she is excited.

[melongirl]

Originally Posted by AuburnPNMmom

I think she is going to take the bid - They have a fun night planned and she is excited.

Yeah!! I'm so glad!! She'll have fun!

[carnation]

Yay! I can't wait to hear how it pans out!

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by AuburnPNMmom

Oh, I am soo sorry - I didn't mean to get huffy - I just took offense at the insinuation that my daughter was shallow and immature.

It's OKAY if your daughter is shallow and immature. We all were at the age of 17 or 18. I think that you are doing a good job of trying to guide her past that.

It sounds like she took the bid, but a few things that may help her stick with it:

1. Make sure the roomie is not promising her anything. I know of women who depledged a chapter because their roomie promised they would get her in next semester or next year or something. This NEVER works out.

2. You will find countless recruitment threads on here where a woman ended up very very happy in a chapter that was not initially a top choice. My own retro thread is a story like that. Yes, there were times in college, even as a sophomore or junior, when it sucked to not get exchanges with the top fraternities or to have to work twice as hard during rush. But you know what? Every chapter has drama. EVERY CHAPTER. To this day, some of my best friends are women from my chapter. If it helps her to read something like that, point her to GC.

[SWTXBelle]

PLEASE let us know ASAP if she takes the bid (fingers crossed!)

[AuburnPNMmom]

Thanks for that perspective. It makes complete sense..- ...I know she is aware of that .... I know she is determined to give it her all and contribute anything she can to help her group be their best....and I know her well enough to know she will give her best without question. My greatest wish out of this is for her to realize that all people have worth....and that everyone deserves to be given the chance because some girls are shyer than others. and that a true friend is immeasurable. Most of all, I want her to always be postive and never say anything unkind about any one or any group. I have been trying to be sympathetic yet steering her on this path. I think it is going to be okay. I started this thread this morning when I was so worried she wasn't being realistic. Now, as the day has wound down, I appreciate being able to sound off here....even though I felt a few times I shouldn't have - It has helped me as a mom -

[Bamamom13]

You have steered her well. I hope she has a blast!!

[WarEagle07]

This thread brings up a good point and it has nothing to do with helicopter moms. There is a small but very real problem that exists when some young ladies, who are used to being the "Big Fish" in high school, go to college and suddenly become "Small Fish". These girls leave for college with high hopes and big dreams and one of their first experiences at college is recruitment. This may be the first time in their young lives that they aren't getting what they really want socially, and they see other girls who they feel may not be as pretty, smart, talented...whatever, getting into a sorority that they were released from. Most of the young women participating on this board probably had good transitions to college regardless of how their rush went, but they probably know girls who didn't. I remember when I was in college there were a few girls that I knew who left or transferred out of our large school because they couldn't make the transition. Let's face it, this girl is used to being popular and enjoying all of the perks that come with being well liked by her peers. She is now in a situation where she is no longer popular by her old standards and she is taking it personally. My thought is that a thread focusing on making the transition from "Big Fish, Small Pond" to "Little Fish, Big Pond" may be very helpful to many young ladies. I am sure she will regret characterizing the sororities by their hair color once she has a year or so of college under her belt. It was a very unfortunate choice of words to be sure but I can't fault her for her lack of articulation at her age. I have told my own daughter that college is the great equalizer. Popular kids may not be popular anymore, socially awkward kids blossom and are well liked, and you will be friends with people you may never have hung out with in high school.

[UGAalum94]

ETA: I didn't read carefully enough, and I apologize. I see now that you were suggesting a designated thread.

WarEagle07,

Those very thoughts have been discussed in other recruitment threads. One in particular I can remember was about UGA recruitment last year and the girls who drop out of rush. I'm not saying they shouldn't be discussed again, but it's not really just been brought up this recruitment.

Maybe it too should be its own stickied thread for the recruitment forum, but again, the very people it most applies to are the ones who won't realize we meant them until they either drop out or are left unhappy and even then, what has seemed to happen here is that they still think they are exceptional and the system is flawed.

I'm not someone who thinks that new posters are obligated to research and read from beginning to end any possible thread that touches on a topic, but just because it's the first time something has happened to you (ETA: I don't mean you personally, WarEagle07, I just mean it generically) doesn't mean it's the first time it's ever happened. I just think people are going to be disappointed in the response they get from others who are more familiar with the process if they don't research a little before they post.

[UNCKKG]

I may be joining the thread too late, but I just wanted to add my two cents -- I went through ACC rush, but I know SEC rush well, having grown up in an SEC state, and it is brutal. I agree with everyone who has said that your daughter's chances of getting a bid next year at "top" sororities are slim. SEC schools tend not to be kind to girls who rush twice or to sophomore rushees. The question she needs to be able to answer, in deciding whether to accept the bid that is extended to her now, is: "Will I be embarrassed to be a member of XYZ house?" She has the advantage of being out of state -- she isn't surrounded by friends from high school who are competitive about what sororities they joined. And her roommate is just one person and one opinion. If your daughter thinks she would be embarrassed, for whatever reason, to tell a lab partner or a boy at a party that she's a member of XYZ, she shouldn't join. If there's no embarrassment involved, I would encourage her to take the bid, because if the girls are nice, she will end up having a good time and finding sisterly love. I don't know any girls who were embarrassed to be part of their sorority just because it wasn't the top one. I did have a friend at another school, however, who joined a house that was, unfortunately, known for being a crummy house, and her embarrassment did ruin her experience. If the house that has extended your daughter a bid isn't known as a crummy house, and the only problem is just that it isn't a "top" sorority, I think your daughter should be fine.

[WarEagle07]

[QUOTE=AlphaGamUGAAlum;1512314]
WarEagle07,

Those very thoughts have been discussed in other recruitment threads. One in particular I can remember was about UGA recruitment last year


Perhaps this is why I didn't see it? I've been a lurker for a long time, new to posting though. Sorry for the duplication in any case!

[AuburnPNMmom]

Excellent point. That has come up in conversation....but, I don't think my daughter is embarassed of the house, she is just having to accept what has happened rather quickly and swallow her preferences in time to fully consider this bid. Moreso, it is what others have said to her about this house that makes her hesitate.....which I why I have been hard on her to be less judgmental and decide for herself...Last I talked to her, she was going to accept it. She is there now.

[UGAalum94]

[QUOTE=WarEagle07;1512356]

Originally Posted by AlphaGamUGAAlum

WarEagle07,

Those very thoughts have been discussed in other recruitment threads. One in particular I can remember was about UGA recruitment last year


Perhaps this is why I didn't see it? I've been a lurker for a long time, new to posting though. Sorry for the duplication in any case!

I honestly didn't mean it come of as a criticism of your suggestion. I just wanted to note that it seemed to recur as an issue just like many of the issue regarding posts by parents.

(although to be honest, I don't think any of the UGA commenters at the time were parents of PNMs)

Do you think we need to have separate thread for every SEC school to make sure the folks have a chance to read them? (You only read the Auburn threads? Really? I can't resist any SEC thread.)