Sweethearts wearing letters?

[NikkiB]

My boyfriend lavaliered me, and though I get along with all of his brothers, my necklace is the only TKE letters I wear. I have shirts with "Tau Kappa Epsilon" written out on them, but none with letters. I was told by a different brother, however, that I was allowed to wear stitched letters, but my boyfriend was not allowed to anymore, because he had "given" me his letters. I'm still not allowed to wear the crest, or know any secrets, ect (which is fine, because i'd never reveal mine). Another brother told me that my being lavaliered made the brothers think of me as "equal to a brother, no better, no worse, just our equal, and not just some girl" which made me feel very loved. It seems to vary by chapter and the guys in the chapter...

[ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl]

Originally Posted by NikkiB

My boyfriend lavaliered me, and though I get along with all of his brothers, my necklace is the only TKE letters I wear. I have shirts with "Tau Kappa Epsilon" written out on them, but none with letters. I was told by a different brother, however, that I was allowed to wear stitched letters, but my boyfriend was not allowed to anymore, because he had "given" me his letters. I'm still not allowed to wear the crest, or know any secrets, ect (which is fine, because i'd never reveal mine). Another brother told me that my being lavaliered made the brothers think of me as "equal to a brother, no better, no worse, just our equal, and not just some girl" which made me feel very loved. It seems to vary by chapter and the guys in the chapter...

Yeah, cause I'm pretty sure "equal to a brother" wouldn't fly with the Deltas here, no matter whose girlfriend you are. Pikes are the only other ones I've seen lavalier around here and I don't get the impression they would consider a lavaliered girlfriend to be equal to a brother either. A brother's a brother, a girl is a girl...I feel the same way about boyfriends of our sisters, too. They aren't equal to a sister...they aren't just "some guy" either in a lot of cases. There's some we all know and love and they're kinda part of the family, but in the way a stray kitten is (not that I'm calling them a kitten or something...it's an analogy)...it's cute, you love it, but it isn't your sister. It's a cat.

Considering a girl to be equal to me looks like they wouldn't apply the "bros before hos" rule...and they always should. I was a "Delta Chi girl" before I started dating my boyfriend...they're my favorite people outside my sisters to hang out with, and I'll go to their parties before any other fraternity's, and if they needed help with something I wouldn't mind helping...but the only one of them that should see me as an equal is my boyfriend...and none of them but him are an equal to my sisters.

[DSTRen13]

Originally Posted by GeekyPenguin

This never stops being funny to me. You wouldn't "let" anyone touch your letters? What if in a crowded elevator somebody bumped into your tote bag with letters on it? You would throw down?

You really don't understand the difference? Seriously?

[1908Revelations]

Originally Posted by DSTRen13

You really don't understand the difference? Seriously?

Exactly! There is a clear difference!

[Ohsass]

Originally Posted by fantASTic

Wow, this surprises me on how strict a lot of people are on this. Our sweetheart this year was given a sweatshirt with stitched letters and "Sweetheart 2007" underneath it. He wears it, and it's cute. We love him!

As far as lavaliering goes..I was VERY surprised to see ThetaChiGuy being so upset about someone wearing his letters, since the QXs on our campus are very liberal with lavaliering here. One of our sisters got lavaliered after dating about five months, and she has letters from them. It's not uncommon.

Ohsass, I don't understand why it's okay for you to have a Lil Sis sweatshirt but not for a lavaliered woman to borrow a letters sweatshirt. Can you reason that out for me?

Fantastic, I see your point. So maybe the best way to explain this is that though I wore the letters, there was no question of my position in the eyes of the fraternity with "Lil Sis" prominently displayed down my sleeve in large letters. Therefore I was not wearing solely the letters without any other distinctions. There was no question of my position in regards to the Fraternity.

Another point that I've seen in this thread that I feel is a good one is that even pledges are not permitted to wear the letters. In my husband's case, their pledge t-shirts said "Delts" and not the letters until after initiation.

More food for thought, what if a girl wore a houses letters but was not lavaliered? What if a non-Greek college student was wearing a houses letters? Where is the line drawn? I think the point is that it is waaaay out of line to try to pass yourself off as a member of a group that you do not belong to nor have earned the right to claim affiliation to.

[Ohsass]

Originally Posted by Ohsass

Fantastic, I see your point. So maybe the best way to explain this is that though I wore the letters, there was no question of my position in the eyes of the fraternity with "Lil Sis" prominently displayed down my sleeve in large letters. Therefore I was not wearing solely the letters without any other distinctions. There was no question of my position in regards to the Fraternity.

Another point that I've seen in this thread that I feel is a good one is that even pledges are not permitted to wear the letters. In my husband's case, their pledge t-shirts said "Delts" and not the letters until after initiation.

More food for thought, what if a girl wore a houses letters but was not lavaliered? What if a non-Greek college student was wearing a houses letters? Where is the line drawn? I think the point is that it is waaaay out of line to try to pass yourself off as a member of a group that you do not belong to nor have earned the right to claim affiliation to.

one more thought here...I was also lavaliered. I wore my necklace almost every day, it was small, not conspicuous and really only meant something to Greeks who understood the significance. The difference here is subtlety and respect.

Though I was a little sister, I also would not attend a joint function with another sorority at Delts out of respect for that sorority. Again, it gave the impression that you were trying to take a place that was not earned.

I was president of the Li'l Sisters and it was a rule I imparted that that was crashing. Though it wasn't a written fraternity rule, it would present an awkward situation for the Delts to explain. i.e.. "Oh, who is she? She's a little sister. Sure you don't mind them being here too?" The only exception was open parties or parties were Lil sisters were expressly invited.

My advisor husband is attending chapter tonight and plans to bring this up to "his boys". He is going to open it for discussion and follow their consensus. I will be sure to post their reply. By the way, I still have my lavalier and will be wearing it to our Founders Day Formal this weekend. Been a VERY long time since I've been invited to a Delt Formal ;-)

[AOxcutiexPI]

yes at our school, the point of being a sweetheart is that you are like a brother and so as in honor of that they name you their sweetheart and give you permission to wear their letters just like a brother (kinda like theyre own way of intiation)

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally Posted by DSTRen13

You really don't understand the difference? Seriously?

So people try and touch your DST letters? They just come up and start rubbing on them? I don't let random people touch ME so I just don't see how this could be an issue.

[DSTRen13]

Originally Posted by GeekyPenguin

So people try and touch your DST letters? They just come up and start rubbing on them? I don't let random people touch ME so I just don't see how this could be an issue.

You've never had anyone outside of your sorority try to pick up or handle an item, such as a letter shirt, a jacket, maybe even your pin, etc.? ("This is pretty, what does it mean?" "Ooh, I like this color!" "Hey, what is this book?")

The point is, for me, it is not okay for anyone outside of my sorority to handle certain items. If someone attempts to do so, I will correct them. I won't be rude about it (although if it is someone who should know better, I may be a little bit), but I'm not going to let someone be all over my things.

Originally Posted by GeekyPenguin

This never stops being funny to me. You wouldn't "let" anyone touch your letters? What if in a crowded elevator somebody bumped into your tote bag with letters on it? You would throw down?

I didn't tell you about the time my former roommate had to move my lettered hoodie in order to get her Organic Chem book?

I was ready to bust a cap on that bitch.

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally Posted by DSTRen13

You've never had anyone outside of your sorority try to pick up or handle an item, such as a letter shirt, a jacket, maybe even your pin, etc.? ("This is pretty, what does it mean?" "Ooh, I like this color!" "Hey, what is this book?")

The point is, for me, it is not okay for anyone outside of my sorority to handle certain items. If someone attempts to do so, I will correct them. I won't be rude about it (although if it is someone who should know better, I may be a little bit), but I'm not going to let someone be all over my things.

I don't care if they do. It's not like they're putting on my shirt and trying to perp or anything...I carry a pink GPB water bottle and my friends fill it up for my all the time.

[DeltAlum]

Originally Posted by Ohsass

This very thing came up last night. I was lavaliered in the early 80's and did marry my DTD :-) We have been happily married for 21 years.

Clearly, a woman of exceptional taste. Congratulations to you and my Brother Delt.

[fantASTic]

Ohsass: That makes sense. But then would it be okay for a lavaliered woman to have "Girlfriend" or something written on the sleeve, or under letters?

I'm not trying to be controversial, just to see exactly what you feel is okay and not okay, so don't think I'm picking a fight!

[ErinIsBadNews]

Originally Posted by DSTRen13

You've never had anyone outside of your sorority try to pick up or handle an item, such as a letter shirt, a jacket, maybe even your pin, etc.? ("This is pretty, what does it mean?" "Ooh, I like this color!" "Hey, what is this book?")

The point is, for me, it is not okay for anyone outside of my sorority to handle certain items. If someone attempts to do so, I will correct them. I won't be rude about it (although if it is someone who should know better, I may be a little bit), but I'm not going to let someone be all over my things.

So what if you're in a store that sells Greek stuff? Are the sales clerks not suppose to touch it front of you? They obviously stocked the items, so do you have to see it to be offended? I don't get it. Please explain this to me and no I'm not trying to be a smart ass.

[DSTRen13]

Originally Posted by ErinIsBadNews

So what if you're in a store that sells Greek stuff? Are the sales clerks not suppose to touch it front of you? They obviously stocked the items, so do you have to see it to be offended? I don't get it. Please explain this to me and no I'm not trying to be a smart ass.

Those aren't anyone's personal belongings yet, and, as you said, it's their job to do so. I really don't see that as the same thing. What I am talking about is for both of my orgs, I have items that I would consider it rude for anyone not a part of the sorority to handle (my letter jacket, my paddle, my pins, my pledge book (for OPhiA), etc.). I'm not saying that everyone has to feel this way, but to me, I would have a problem with it.