Open Letter V

[Sister Havana]

Originally posted by lostnfound117

TO ALL OF THE PLACES WHERE I HAVE SUBMITTED RESUMES:
uh..can one of you please call me back for an interview and hire me for the love of God???!!!!!

YEAH. What she said.

[Nubian]

To JB : Yeah uh...you and the black jokes, not funny. I can let most things roll off of my back, but you are just begging to be mollywhopped. If your little jokes were even a little funny and not completely asinine, I might cut you some slack. But they're not. I don't know who lied to you, but knowing 2 Black people does not make you an honorary Black person. Slow your role blondie, or I'm gonna have to revoke that ghetto pass you gave yourself.

To my apt complex : What exactly does flooding mean to you? When I told you that my apt. was flooding, your maintenance man told me to put some towels down, there ain't that many towels on the planet you wankster! Quit patronizing me, and come over here and do your job! I swear, calling you people stupid would be an insult to stupid people everywhere. The next time I see a flood on TV, i'll just call CNN and tell them to tell those poor people to put some towels down.

If it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any.

[Renegade02]

To my old boss Damon: I am so glad that I saw you today with your fine self. I swear, if you didn't marry that chick....dang!!

To Aramark: I have worked for you for over a year now...when am I going to get my raise (thats not 3%) or get my student mgt. position???

To Papi: I hate that you put X Box live before ME! Oh you know better. Now I am ready to settle down and have my babies. Why you keep playing? We picked out the ring, so do your job homie!

To these spiders: I know one thing, if you don't get up and out my apartment, I am going to bust some caps in your a$$. I don't care how big or how little.

[1savvydiva]

TO CT4:
STOP SCREENING YOUR CALLS AND PICK UP THE DANG PHONE!!! You know my number comes up private when I call from work!!! I'm callin you back in 10 minutes heffa!

Edited because I just realized you are still at work...my bad!

LMAO

[btb87]

Bill (coworker): PUH-LEASE don't tell me how bad McDonald's is for me when you have a pack of Camel in your shirt pocket, and I walk by you and you smell like you just left R. J. Reynolds!!!! At least I'm not sucking down a Big Mack every half hour. . .

[TheEpitome1920]

Mr. Keyes: GO BACK TO THE HOLE YOU CLIMBED OUT OF. You will NEVER beat Barack! You have never been elected to an office in your own state. What makes you think you can come to ILLANOIZE and win??

[Eclipse]

DirecTV: I'm about to pull a Donald Trump on your behind (You're Fired!) How the heck are you going to disconnect my service for nonpayment after we haven't have service for almost a month??? We owed a whopping $48.00 before the service call fees. We pay close to $100 each month (before all of them dang-on sports packages that my husband insists on getting!) and have been customers for over 6 years. That's how you treat loyality? I tell you what, Comcast is looking mightly good, especially since they are offering $400 to "ditch the dish". Don't try me!

Mr Eclipse: I know you want to see your beloved Bengals, but these folks are working my nerves! How 'bout I agree to keep you so busy on Sunday afternoons you don't think about the Bengals???

TonyB06: Shut up!!!!

[CrimsonTide4]

Originally posted by Eclipse
Mr Eclipse: I know you want to see your beloved Bengals, but these folks are working my nerves! How 'bout I agree to keep you so busy on Sunday afternoons you don't think about the Bengals???

TonyB06: Shut up!!!!

To Eclipse: OH MA LAWD!!!

[TonyB06]

Originally posted by Eclipse
Mr Eclipse: I know you want to see your beloved Bengals, but these folks are working my nerves! How 'bout I agree to keep you so busy on Sunday afternoons you don't think about the Bengals???

TonyB06: Shut up!!!!

E, I ain't gettin' ready to argue with that! I love my Bengals too, but ain't a football team on this planet or the next that can compete with uhm, err, good family bonding time

...but let my man come up for air once the playoffs arrive, ok?

[Eclipse]

CT4 & TonyB06: How are both of you gonna quote me??? Dang.... ((adjusting my halo) LOL

[reddawn18]

To my new boyfriend (or thingy as I call him at this moment) Though we have known each other for years, doesn't mean you start neglecting your duty! Call a sista or leave me alone!!

To my associate publisher Stop being so dang nosey! Its bad enough you scare away everyone who wants to stop by my cube to say hi and that your beedy eye burn into my skull, but my desk is my domain! You are the reason, why I keep it a mess.

To my *beloved* coworkers Don't be watching me like a damn hawk. Just because I am quiet doesn't mean, I am up to something.

[btb87]

To all y'all LAST MINUTE, THINKIN' YOU GON' GIT IN THE CLASSES YOU WANT, WHEN YOU WANT 'EM students:

GET THE FREAK AWAY FROM MY DOOR! I will not move any faster because you're sitting there! On the contrary! And for the love of all that's good and pure, please have your $%&n registration form filled out WITH YOUR STUDENT NUMBER ON IT!

And next semester, don't wait until the week before classes start to register! Classes DO fill up!

[#1 Leading Lady]

To my daddy~

YOU DA MAN AND I AM LOVING YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW! You TOLD the Manly Beast (for those of you who don't know Manly Beash = his wife) to get her CHIT, get out, and leave your key on the table!!! Hot diggitty dog....you done the darn thing.

Manly Beast~ I told you don't F with me or my baby. I told you that you better recognize.......who the REAL loves of daddy's life were but you didn't listen.....So hit the road jack...don't comeback no more no more Hit the road Jack!!!

Mommy~ It was so good to see you this weekend. I know dealing with Breast cancer and the chemo treatments aren't easy but you look good with you little bald head! Work it Momma Work it!

Grandma~ It has been 1 year since you left me to be with Lord and your husband........It has been rough without you but I can finally appreciate that you are in a better place. As long as I know you watch over me and Tez daily and your memories lay forever in my heart....I am determined to press my way and make it to join you and Grandpa one day. You two were the apples of my eye and I love you and Grandpa so much.

[Miss. Mocha]

To Pastor D. Darrell

Church was SO GOOD yesterday! You had the Holy Ghost fire. Thank you for being a true man of God. Thank you for not being a shady pastor. Be safe on your trip to London, and congratulations.

To my husband

I really love you. That is all.

To my momma

This whole "re-marriage" thing has not been the easiest thing for me to swallow (though I have been a trooper and kept that from you). It is difficult mainly because I am not overly fond of your choice of future husband. I don't understand why he would tell you that my brother & I are ghetto. On the contrary, I always thought I was a little too prissy for my own good. I don't understand his comment. And why would he tell you that? Didn't you raise us? That wasn't a compliment to your child rearing skills as far as I'm concerned. But I digress.
I'm so glad that you were surprised at your bridal shower on Saturday. I wish you all the best. I love you, and I want you to be happy. If he's the one that makes you truly happy, then I will attempt to welcome him with open arms.
P.S Thank you for waiting until we were both grown and out of the house before you started dating again. Many mothers don't have that presense of mind, and end up putting their daughters in a bad predicament. I love your love, your street-smarts, your knowledge, your wisdom, your sense of humor, and your committment to your family. I love you, lady.

To My sister in law


How are you gonna ask my husband if your kids can come back next summer??? Didn't you get the memo? YOU HAVE BURNED THAT BRIDGE BEYOND REPAIR!!!! Unless I get a word from the LORD, the next time your kids will see Chicago is when they get grown.
What kind of mother are you? Those kids have barely been home two weeks, and you're already trying to set up a place for them to go next summer? Wouldn't most mothers be so happy that their children are home, that they wouldn't even be able to imagine sending them away again so soon? But not you, huh? You're a different kinda mother, aren't you? If you weren't so pathetic, I would find you almost funny.
GROW UP!!!
And in case you didn't get it, the answer is a loud, and resounding...NO.

To my Aunt Glo

You really looked out on my mother's bridal shower. Thank you so much. You really helped her to have a wonderful time, and I really appreciate that.

[Nubian]

To Calz Pizza:

Why are you so cheesy and hot and tempting? Why? I have a figure to maintain dang it!