Marrying Down? - Page 5

TheEpitome1920 · #61 06-22-2004, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Shortfuse

Oh before I roll out, if that person is not someone that you'll date or want to date, don't roll into the long list of TIRED and BORING excuses on why. Just don't date them. Plain and simple.

Amen.
Who's NEXT!

Shortfuse · #62 06-22-2004, 03:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by LB1914
Even when one is looking for love they still have some standards or criteria for what they are looking for in a mate.

I am a 27-year-old divorced MBA candidate, so I suppose I don't have time or tolerance for the fairy-tale bullsh!t that a lot of people spout on message boards concerning love, relationships, and the like. If you want to date someone with a GED that's fine, but don't trip on me because I choose not to.

Maybe you don't haev time for the fairy-tale bullsh!t but remember this. IF LOVE ISN'T INVOLVED, then it will FAIL, no matter what type of degree he/she has, criteria or standards that he/she meets. By the way, WE ALL HAVE STANDARDS. I didn't propose to just any woman from off the internet. I proposed to a woman that I DEARLY LOVE! Don't dismiss my point as a guy who'd date just about anyone (point being that WE all have standards).

But let me get back to the point. LOVE IS DEFINETELY the key. It's not a fairy tale. If you don't love them, then you're just CUT BUDDIES.

LB1914 · #63 06-22-2004, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Shortfuse
Maybe you don't haev time for the fairy-tale bullsh!t but remember this. IF LOVE ISN'T INVOLVED, then it will FAIL, no matter what type of degree he/she has, criteria or standards that he/she meets. By the way, WE ALL HAVE STANDARDS. I didn't propose to just any woman from off the internet. I proposed to a woman that I DEARLY LOVE! Don't dismiss my point as a guy who'd date just about anyone (point being that WE all have standards).

But let me get back to the point. LOVE IS DEFINETELY the key. It's not a fairy tale. If you don't love them, then you're just CUT BUDDIES.

Maybe you misread something because I never once stated that I would marry someone that I didn't love.

Shortfuse · #64 06-22-2004, 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by LB1914
Even when one is looking for love they still have some standards or criteria for what they are looking for in a mate.

I am a 27-year-old divorced MBA candidate, so I suppose I don't have time or tolerance for the fairy-tale bullsh!t that a lot of people spout on message boards concerning love, relationships, and the like.

Doesn't sound like a ringing endorsement to me, but if I'm wrong, take my apology in advance.

LB1914 · #65 06-22-2004, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Shortfuse
Doesn't sound like a ringing endorsement to me, but if I'm wrong, take my apology in advance.

It's all good, Frat.

NinjaPoodle · #66 12-20-2005, 02:03 PM

ttt

DC_Zeta1920 · #67 12-20-2005, 07:32 PM

This is a good topic. Thanks Ninja for bringing it back to the top.

I find it hard to relate to someone who doesn't have a college education or isn't working towards one. When I met my fiancee, we both were in school so we clicked right off the bat. I once attempted to date someone who simply had a HS diploma and it didn't work. Intellectually we weren't on the same page and he really didn't have any goals.

Usually, people tend to align themselves with others that can relate to them. An MBA candidate and thug who smokes pot and drinks 40oz Old English 800 all day can't possibly relate.

Strive · #68 12-20-2005, 11:08 PM

Personally for me, I would not marry down. I am a firm believer that the man should have a bit more than the woman. Since I have a college degree, than he should have a college degree or a military career or civilian career that matches or surpasses my degree.

If it sounds like reverse chauvinism to you, then you are hearing me correctly.

_Opi_ · #69 12-21-2005, 12:51 AM

^At least you're being honest.

I would prefer someone with at least a bachelors..or someone who attended college. I want to be able to live comfortably.

LionOfJudah · #70 12-21-2005, 04:04 PM

For me it has nothing to do with monetary gain. There are college grads out there who don't make much money at all and work in thankless jobs. I am the child of an educator...believe me I know how it can be. But it does have everything to do with what I want instilled in my child. I want him/her to grow up understanding what I/we think is important in life and have an understanding that even if you plan not to pursue money you should pursue knowledge. Be an asset to your world and your community...not only in community service but in the manner in which you use/live your life.

My wife would also have to have the capacity to think freely and for herself...we should be able to have conversations on all subjects. We don't have to agree on everything but I would at least want her to have the capacity to debate and discuss issues on life, love, the world, religion, community, etc...

LoJ

5 Pearlz · #71 12-21-2005, 06:33 PM

When I has single, I tried to give all decent guys a chance, college graduates and non college graduates alike. Unfortunately, my worst relationships have been with non college educated men.

My last boyfriend did not attend college, and it seemed like there was always this "invisible barrier" between us. For example, when I was swamped with assignments he would choose THOSE times to want to go out. Naturally, I could not go out and shake my tailfeathers while a mountain of work was due. He used to catch attitudes when I made college work my top priority and chose to complete my assignments instead of hitting the streets. His selfish behind didn't care about me keeping my grades up as long as he had his way.

My ex also got quiet when I tried to discuss local politics, race relations, international affairs, or any important issues with him. He was content with talking about hip hop and sports. When I became a Zeta, the first words out of his mouth were "why did you go and do something like that?". My other guy friends (college guys) supported me during my probate, gave me hugs, well wishes, and showed me much love. My ex gave me absolutely no support at all, and his attitude was similar to other non-college educated men I dated.

College educated men have never treated in that manner. Matter of fact, most of our dates were study dates. We always had something in common and had fun together. I met my new boyfriend at a TN Public Health Association conference. He came to my table during a break and introduced himself. I saw his Omega pen, he saw my Zeta necklace, and our conversation took off. We've been together since.

Black women are always made to feel guilty about our dating choices. We're always told by other Black people, society, and the media that we should stop having "standards" and just accept lil Pojo at the car wash. We are called stuck up b*tches if we want the men in our lives to have the same level of education, belief systems, and financial stability as we do.

I had to learn to STOP dating by society's standards and focus on my well-being and happiness.

The sistas that want to be guilt tripped into dating non-supportive men have my blessing, but I will only have relationships with college educated men.

darling1 · #72 12-23-2005, 06:28 PM

i usually dont respond to convos like these. but im on bedrest...lol.

i appreciate the intelligent dialogue in this thread. it seems that everyone is giving their honest feelings on the subject. i dont really like the idea of 'marrying down'. to me it goes along with the shallow assumption that if a person isnt degreed or comes from a family who is indexed in "our kind of people" then they are not quality or are not a suitable candidate. there is nothing wrong with having standards and preferences. but if you would choose to let go of someone that meets all of your personal requirements for a mate except for having the proper degrees and/or family experience then you are the ultimate fool.

ive have come across plenty of new money negros that wear me out with their bourgie mentality. they dont have a pot to piss in and cant hold an intelligent conversation. they want to know your entire resume and go 10 rounds of negro geography. its ridiculous!

if you take the time to think about what you desire in a mate then you subject yourself to folks who will never meet your standards. if you assume that a formally educated person will provide you with a better life in a marriage than someone who isnt, you are mistaken and set yourself up for a string of shallow and loveless unions.

to me there is no fine line to this. a person who feels they are ready to be in a committed, intimate relationship with someone has to know what they want and the consequences of those choices. i often wonder if men or women who put on certain 'requirements' for a potential mate actually take the time to take personal stock. i have a feeling that many dont.

just my opinion.

Honeykiss1974 · #73 12-23-2005, 09:03 PM

I don't know if this is considered "marrying down" but I want a husband that is loves God, loves me, hardworking, romantic, and has a sense of humor. I want someone that I can discuss anything with, from the silly (ex. is Tupac still alive?) to the serious (ex. Walmart and its effects on the global marketplace) to the person (ex. he is my best friend in life).

I've met men that met these qualifications both with a degree and without one. If I marry someone without a degree, I would not consider him to be "beneath me" because truth be told, the only difference between me and him is the grace of God.

darling1 · #74 12-24-2005, 12:47 AM

using the term 'marrying down' usually refers to social and/or economic standards and imho border on the shallow. considering a man's work ethic, spirituality and demeanor first is just what is priority. everyone should consider what you mentioned as well as the socio/economic part but it seems that those that choose the latter as dealbreakers tend to forget the other stuff.

Quote:

Originally posted by Honeykiss1974
I don't know if this is considered "marrying down" but I want a husband that is loves God, loves me, hardworking, romantic, and has a sense of humor. I want someone that I can discuss anything with, from the silly (ex. is Tupac still alive?) to the serious (ex. Walmart and its effects on the global marketplace) to the person (ex. he is my best friend in life).

I've met men that met these qualifications both with a degree and without one. If I marry someone without a degree, I would not consider him to be "beneath me" because truth be told, the only difference between me and him is the grace of God.

mulattogyrl · #75 12-24-2005, 11:12 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Honeykiss1974
I don't know if this is considered "marrying down" but I want a husband that is loves God, loves me, hardworking, romantic, and has a sense of humor. I want someone that I can discuss anything with, from the silly (ex. is Tupac still alive?) to the serious (ex. Walmart and its effects on the global marketplace) to the person (ex. he is my best friend in life).

I've met men that met these qualifications both with a degree and without one. If I marry someone without a degree, I would not consider him to be "beneath me" because truth be told, the only difference between me and him is the grace of God.

I'm with you on this one. I really don't care about his financial or educational status. I care if we can relate, and like you, I have met men I can relate to both with and without degrees. Just because someone doesn't have a formal education doesn't mean I can't relate to them. I have also experienced NOT being able to relate to certain men, and again, this was with men with and without degrees. From my experience, it just depends on the man and if we 'click', not whether or not he makes money or is formally educated.