DARK/LIGHT...SKIN COLOR.........Is this still an issue? Let's be honest Sorors & SF'

[Dionysus]

Originally posted by Honeykiss1974
Seriously, how is this (what ShiningStar said about prefering darker-skinned brothas ) any different from a person that prefers a black women......

with long hair
with short hair
with natural hair
with straightened hair
weigh less than 130 lbs.
weigh more than 130 lbs.
with pretty eyes
with no kids
etc.

Where does a person "cross the line" so to speak from simply having a preference to marginalizing lighter or darker skinned folks? If I prefer to NOT date a brotha that wears locks, am in some way marginalizing that aspect of black culture as well?

I'm not really sure where one crosses the line and see all sides to this, but I think it is unfortunate that we cannot have a preference like everyone else, without being accused of having self-hatred.

[Sistermadly]

For me the difference between expressing a preference and prejudice is this:

If you express a preference for something, you are saying that you would choose someone with that characteristic above all others - but that you would not exclude anyone who didn't fit that criteria.

If you're demonstrating prejudice, you're basically saying that you only want that one thing and nothing else.

[Bamboozled]

Originally posted by markmywords
I don't understand this mentality either. This smacks of the same nonsense just in reverse. Just b/c darker skinned people have been marginalized it doesn't make any sense to turn around and marginalize lighter skinned folks. I get in this argument all of the time when people say "oh it's just my preference." What's wrong w/ just plain prefering someone who is Black?

I totally agree with you on this. I was just having this conversation with one of my girlfriends the other day. She is dark skinned and often talks about ignorant comments that others make or how some men will straight up tell her they would date her if she was lighter. I understand the pain behind that and I think it's awful. However, five minutes later we were talking about a guy I was dating who happens to be light skinned and she commented that she and I have such different tastes because she is NEVER attracted to lighter men. Huh? How is that any different than what men have said to her? I never understood why it's PC for women to say they only date light/dark skinned men, but when a man admits that he has a preference, whether it be light or dark, he's color struck. Now, I'm not saying that it's right for either to say it. I just don't get the whole color preference thing. Maybe I don't get it because I love brothas whether light or dark, dreaded or bald, tall or taller , etc... *sigh* I guess I just love men.

[Conskeeted7]

I've noticed that it usually makes a difference what color you are when you make these kind of comments. For me, a honey colored sista, to say that I don't date dark skin men would be out of line. But if I said that I didn't want to date light skin men, people would not be offended.

I think it's ridiculous that we exclude color as something that we are allowed to have a preference about. We can say loud and clear that we don't date short men, or fat girls, or people with bad skin, or girls who wear weaves, but color we aren't supposed to care about. It's just ridiculous to me.

[sphinxpoet]

Being darkskinned I do not a have a problem with the shade of people. However I do like women with certain traits physically. A preference does not make you ignorant. However if that is the sole basis that you choose as an indvidual then that is stupid beyond belief. To judge one ability to be a compatible partner based on skin tone is ignorant! There are many beautiful sistas and brothers out there regardless of their skin tone.

[markmywords]

My issue is this. What are sometimes seemed as preferences often become prejudices. Why is it that I've heard several little black children say things like "i don't like him he's too black" or "i'll only date light skinned women." That is no longer a preference that is a prejudice often learned in the home. What does that tell the members of the group that aren't so called preferred?

Instead of preferring a skin tone, why not prefer someone who has a relationship with God, who is independent, who knows how to care for a mate, someone who possesses a thirst for knowledge. Why not ask for these things and let God provide a mate suitable for you. If God brings you a mate I'm sure it will be someone you "prefer".

[Conskeeted7]

Originally posted by markmywords
My issue is this. What are sometimes seemed as preferences often become prejudices. Why is it that I've heard several little black children say things like "i don't like him he's too black" or "i'll only date light skinned women." That is no longer a preference that is a prejudice often learned in the home. What does that tell the members of the group that aren't so called preferred?

Instead of preferring a skin tone, why not prefer someone who has a relationship with God, who is independent, who knows how to care for a mate, someone who possesses a thirst for knowledge. Why not ask for these things and let God provide a mate suitable for you. If God brings you a mate I'm sure it will be someone you "prefer".

I agree that there are intellectual qualities and moral convictions that should be considered in choosing a mate. However, it is unrealistic to expect everyone to look solely at those qualities. To sustain a relationship, there has to be attraction on all levels, physical included. So, why is it so wrong to admit that you prefer a certain look? Sure, I wanted someone who could treat me well and loved the Lord more than me. But I also would have had trouble waking up to someone who I found repulsive physically. I'm sorry if that sounds wrong, but I don't think it is. It is my preference for my mate.

Now, if I took that preference and turned it into my hiring practices or the people I choose to live near, it becomes a prejudice, not simply because I chose a mate that I was attracted to.

[mccoyred]

I think the problem stems from people who turn away from/discount/insult someone JUST BECAUSE they don't fit a personal 'preference'.

I am chocolate but all of my serious relationships, even my marriage, have been with light-skinned men. Not necessarily my preference, it just worked out that way. Now I have had relationships with brown- and dark-skinned men but for whatever reason, they did not develop into long-term or serious relationships. Hence the reason why my mother thinks that I prefer light-skinned men; nothing wrong with that, but it is just erroneous.

Originally posted by Conskeeted7
I agree that there are intellectual qualities and moral convictions that should be considered in choosing a mate. However, it is unrealistic to expect everyone to look solely at those qualities. To sustain a relationship, there has to be attraction on all levels, physical included. So, why is it so wrong to admit that you prefer a certain look? Sure, I wanted someone who could treat me well and loved the Lord more than me. But I also would have had trouble waking up to someone who I found repulsive physically. I'm sorry if that sounds wrong, but I don't think it is. It is my preference for my mate.

Now, if I took that preference and turned it into my hiring practices or the people I choose to live near, it becomes a prejudice, not simply because I chose a mate that I was attracted to.

[Eclipse]

If someone had asked me my preference before I got married I would have said darker skinned men. Most, if not all, of the men I dated were medium brown and darker, save my 8th grade crush that I went to the Fair with and when we went on the Tilt a whirl...wait, I'm digressing!

Anyway...I met my now husband in college and fell in love with his mind. I freaked out one day when I compared his leg to mine and realized how light he was. I was like "but I don't date light skinned men!" Stupid, I know.....

I know of situations where people fell in love with folks they did not initally think were attractive (not just because of skin color). You will be suprised what you find endearing after you fall in love....

[Choo-ChooAKA]

I always dated men over 6'2". I actually sought them out (color was never a factor as long as they were Af Am). About 6 mos after I met my husband I realized that he is only a couple of inches taller than I (I'm 5'6") and that he's actually quite handsome.

It's funny how when I fell, I fell hard. His looks were just sooo far from my heart that they didn't even register for the longest time. And before that, looks were so very important! Go figure.

[sphinxpoet]

As we grow our choices in mates change. What our prefernce is now may change over time. There is nothing wrong with having physical standards. Some women like men who work out and vice a versa. Does that mean they hate people who do not work out? No it just is what they like. I like all shades of sisters but because I do not date white women does that make me a racist?

[Conskeeted7]

Originally posted by sphinxpoet
As we grow our choices in mates change. What our prefernce is now may change over time. There is nothing wrong with having physical standards. Some women like men who work out and vice a versa. Does that mean they hate people who do not work out? No it just is what they like. I like all shades of sisters but because I do not date white women does that make me a racist?

Perfectly stated...

[MsFoxyLoxy77]

No Surprise - Skin Tone Study Reveals Preference for Light-Skinned Employees
Date: Sunday, September 24, 2006
By: Michael H. Cottman

A controversial study on skin tone has revealed what many black folks have been whispering about for years: Light-skinned blacks are often more likely to be considered for jobs over dark-skinned blacks.

The University of Georgia’s unprecedented study indicates that dark-skinned blacks face a distinct disadvantage when applying for jobs, even if they have resumes superior to lighter-skinned black applicants.

Matthew Harrison, a doctoral student at the University of Georgia, recently presented his research at the 66th annual meeting of the Academy of Management in Atlanta.

"Our results indicate that there appears to be a skin tone preference in regards to job selection," Harrison said in a statement. "This finding is possibly due to the common belief that fair-skinned blacks probably have more similarities with whites than do dark-skinned blacks, which in turn makes whites feel more comfortable around them."

"I think what was most shocking to me was to find that dark-skinned black males with greater credentials were still recommended less -- or seen as less of a candidate -- than light-skinned blacks with worse credentials," Harrison told BlackAmericaWeb.com in an interview last week.

"I think it has a lot to do with the general comfort level that people have with dark-skinned blacks and light-skinned blacks," Harrison said. "The media depicts dark-skinned black men as violent and threatening."

Harrison said he was reminded of the controversial Time magazine cover that featured O.J. Simpson during his murder trial when the magazine darkened Simpson’s image to make him appear more menacing.

"The findings in this study are, tragically, not too surprising," Harrison said.

"We found that a light-skinned black male can have only a bachelor’s degree and typical work experience and still be preferred over a dark-skinned black male with an MBA and past managerial positions, simply because expectations of the light-skinned black male are much higher, and he doesn’t appear as ‘menacing’ as the darker-skinned male applicant," he said.


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[Choo-ChooAKA]

And the preference is more pronounced as job candidates' melanin and hair curliness decreases: Hispanic over Black (light or dark), Asian over Hispanic (light or dark), White over Asian, etc. Once you get to white vs. white, then higher credentials and work experience actually begin to count. Light/dark, black candidates are still at the bottom of the hiring pool--this is the issue that should be addressed. Creating division simply serves to undermine the progress that solidarity will (hopefully) bring.

[pretty edAKAted]

My niece is 5 and has very fair skin. when she was around 3 picked her up from school she loves to tell me what happened and i listen and conversate with her about everything that went on that day. well this day, she pointed out that she is "YELLA" and her baby doll is now "BLACK" and she may want a "YELLA" doll like herself !

I asked her who told her that she was yella and she says that her teacher told her that. (Surpised as heck!) So i told my sister and she and her husband had to talk to her.