What did I do wrong?

[ASTalumna06]

If you still think you might want to be Greek, I would truly try to get to know some of the sisters in the sororities, including the one that you turned down. As some have already said, chapters can sometimes be VERY different after recruitment ends.

Sometimes, a girl will get into her DREAM chapter... only to find out that the dream was just that... a dream. When reality kicks in after bid day, some girls find that they went after that chapter for all of the wrong reasons.

On the other hand, you could be like me, and go through recruitment (granted, it was informal, but this example still applies), and find that the sisters aren't as "welcoming" as you had hoped. One or two girls really stood out as being potential sisters, but as a whole, you didn't feel that "click". But after the first ceremony, when everyone hugs you, gives you a huge congratulations, and makes sure to include the new members in as much as possible, you know you're in the right place.

And actually, I was completely surprised to get a bid in the first place. While my main "rusher" picked me up at my dorm to bring me to recruitment events, I didn't feel like the rest of the sisters would accept me. I was a lot more reserved back then when in new social situations, while they all appeared to be social butterflies and very talkative (at least with each other). It was actually rumored that they were the "most selective" chapter (mainly in the appearance department), and were stuck up, so to speak. I found out later that this clearly wasn't the case (although I wasn't too sure during recruitment).

As with any situation, getting to truly know someone in a matter of days, hours, and sometimes minutes, isn't exactly easy. I'm sure you've met people in your life who you weren't too sure of in the beginning, but once you got to know them, you realized that they're great people who may have just come off the wrong way to start.

If you really want to be Greek, I would aim to meet as many people in the Greek community as possible and hope for the best in the upcoming months. And if you made any friends in your recruitment group, stay close with them. I've heard of this working to the benefit of some potential members in the past.

Whatever you do, keep your grades up, get involved in other clubs/organizations/activities, and just be sure that if you do go through recruitment again (whether formal or informal), keep a completely open mind about all of the groups, and try to give everyone a fair chance.

Good luck.

[KD4Me]

Tifferini - I am sorry that you were released from the houses that you liked. I am sure that it stings, and totally understand that it leaves you wondering why you were not invited back to those houses. You sound like a nice young woman and, from your description of yourself, it sounds as though you would be an asset to a collegiate chapter. I am also sorry that you have received such criticism from some of the people who have replied to your post. I do not think it was warranted.

I suggest that you go to some COR events hosted by the chapter that did invite you to pref. I understand that you didn't feel a connection with them, but you said that they have a strong sisterhood, which appealed to you. That is, perhaps, the MOST important quality in a collegiate chapter!

I recently had an opportunity to attend a "mock" recruitment event at a local collegiate chapter (not where I attended college) of my sorority. We practiced the party twice. Two different girls "rushed" me. They basically said all of the same things, but I really connected with the first girl, not so much with the second one. It made me realize how much impact whoever you spend the most time talking to at a party has on your impression of the whole chapter. After the first party, I was ready to pledge again! After the second party, I felt that if I were an actual PNM, I probably wouldn't rank the chapter very high on my preference card. Nice girl, but just different than me. Hope this makes sense.

What I'm saying is, get to know the entire chapter and then make a decision, because this might be your best chance to join a sorority. Good luck in whatever you decide.

[als463]

Originally Posted by Jen

als463, using your analogy of dating, if you were dating that nice guy who treated you right, but there was no chemistry. He was nice, but there was no spark ... would you marry him?

There's a difference between not giving a group a chance and giving them a chance and just not finding a connection. Regardless of whether this was the OPs situation or not, just because a group wants someone doesn't mean that person will feel comfortable with them, and they shouldn't feel obligated to join just to join.

Jen, I have to somewhat disagree. Maybe the dating analogy wasn't very good (I'm not always good at giving perfect analogies), but we can all agree that (for the most part) women who go through recruitment and say they didn't "feel comfortable" or didn't "fit in" it is because they thought they were "Too Good" to be in that organization. I fail to believe that of all the NPC chapters there (which all have something incredible to offer) she couldn't find ANYTHING good about that one particular organization.

Please realize that I have no idea where she goes to school. She may go to a school with no chapter of my organization, so this isn't about getting defensive about my GLO-it is about how disgusted I am that women say they go in with an open mind, yet they decide to drop out because the chapter that actually wanted them didn't "fit" them. I don't believe it. I don't feel sorry for her. She will not be getting any sympathy from me.