Wedding Invitation Etiquette Question

[AOII_LB93]

Originally posted by BetteDavisEyes
This is irritating beyond belief. No one has RSVP'd the way they are supposed to. Since I saw the bulk of both our families yesterday, everyone assumed that it's o.k. to tell me that they will or will not come. That's 70 people just telling me. How the hell am I supposed to remember that. Would it kill them to check off the little box? Apparently yes.

I feel your pain...and my wedding is not even in the US. The stamp is on there people...just mail the damn card back already.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

Originally posted by AOX81
Is that seafoam green? I wore a similar dress for my friends wedding a couple years ago.

The color is peridot, and the style is F4497 from David's Bridal. It has an envelope back with pretty beading.

[Xylochick216]

Originally posted by AOII_LB93
I feel your pain...and my wedding is not even in the US. The stamp is on there people...just mail the damn card back already.

AMEN! We spent all that money on postage, and the hubby's friends just told him they'd be coming. Is it really that hard to write a number on a card and seal the envelope???

[aephi alum]

Originally posted by Xylochick216
AMEN! We spent all that money on postage, and the hubby's friends just told him they'd be coming. Is it really that hard to write a number on a card and seal the envelope???

Apparently so I usually do both... if I happen to speak to the bride or groom between the day I get the invitation and the wedding day, I'll let them know if I'm coming or not, but I always mail back the reply card as well. Nothing like having to call around to everyone who hasn't replied while the caterers are pestering you for a number.

I was invited to a wedding last year, and I got the invitation two weeks beforehand. (No B list here - everyone got their invitations two weeks beforehand.) We were told to RSVP by email! Talk about cheap The couple didn't bother calling around to people who hadn't replied - they just assumed they were coming. So there were empty seats everywhere, and even so, they ran out of food!

[Xylochick216]

We had to do the email response thing for my sister's wedding since we planned it in less than 6 weeks. But under normal circumstances I love response cards. We had ours all organized in an index file so we could double and triple check with our database. We ended up having to call about half the people on our list. Most of those couldn't come, but they could have returned the card and written 0 on the number attending slot

[kansas13]

I also had to call about 1/3 of the people on my list because they didn't respond. Even out of the ones that we did call that said yes they were coming, a hand full didn't even show up...I was kind of upset.

Some advice for those little response card, put numbers on the back of them that correspond with a number next to each name on your master list. That way if you have one that shows up with no name on it you can compare it with you master list that has the numbers on it. I did that and sure enough one of my husbands friends responded without writing his name on the card. Usually you will at least have one person out of your list that does it!!

[aephi alum]

Originally posted by kansas13
Some advice for those little response card, put numbers on the back of them that correspond with a number next to each name on your master list. That way if you have one that shows up with no name on it you can compare it with you master list that has the numbers on it.

This is a very good idea. My husband and I did this when we sent out our invitations. We were fortunate; everyone who returned a response card wrote at least their names (a few wrote nice congratulatory messages as well). But it must be some fun to get a response card with nothing on it and sit there wondering, "OK, who is it from? It says '2 people attending' but which two? Where do we seat them?" etc.

As it was, we had two couples no-show after RSVPing yes, and we'd put them both at the same table... so there were 4 people at a table set for 8

[PM_Mama00]

The number thing is a good idea. Usually in the invites we get, I'm pretty sure our names are already on the response cards.

Random question.... those who respond yes and don't show, do they still send a card? That's what usually happens in our "society".

[AOII_LB93]

Originally posted by PM_Mama00

Random question.... those who respond yes and don't show, do they still send a card? That's what usually happens in our "society".

Well in the Etiquette book that I have, (which has etiquette for more than I thought possible) says that even if you don't go to the wedding, you're supposed to send a gift. Seems odd to me, but I guess it makes sense, I mean if the couple thought enough of you to invite you to their wedding, a smallish gift might be nice.

Coming down to crunch time for me. 33 days to go, and 25 until we leave for Ireland. =)

[honeychile]

Originally posted by BetteDavisEyes
This is irritating beyond belief. No one has RSVP'd the way they are supposed to. Since I saw the bulk of both our families yesterday, everyone assumed that it's o.k. to tell me that they will or will not come. That's 70 people just telling me. How the hell am I supposed to remember that. Would it kill them to check off the little box? Apparently yes.

First, realize that these people are ignorant bores. It takes very little effort to check off "Yes" or "No" and write how many & your name! Just keep that in mind for when they either get married, or need to be counted upon for something, because they've proven their unreliability. It will help you through some bad times.

Then, whichever system you're using, mark what you've been told, and ask Beloved what he can remember. If you've given them the option of say, Prime Rib or Chicken McNuggets, they've already selected the McNuggets by default.

Yes, every bride (or bride's mother or MOH) has to call the truly rude a few days prior to the Last Count. It is usually preferred if they keep the profanity to a minimum, but you'll (or they'll) hear every excuse in the book. Let's face it, even if someone has lost their invitation, they surely know how to email or telephone.

Oh, and while an invitation technically doesn't mean a gift, IRL, you really should cough up something.

And don't forget - there's a separate ring in hell for those who bring their progeny to an "Adults Only" reception!! I have one poor friend whose wedding video was ruined by a screaming toddler!

[mu_agd]

Originally posted by honeychile

And don't forget - there's a separate ring in hell for those who bring their progeny to an "Adults Only" reception!! I have one poor friend whose wedding video was ruined by a screaming toddler!

Ha. We had a close family friend that stopped speaking to my family because my sister wouldn't allow her kids to bring their kids (the grandkids) to her "Adults Only" wedding. These are people that my family has been friends with since before my sister was born. And then she told her kids not to go since their kids weren't invited, then she invited herself to the rehearsal dinner and then she sent my parents an email saying my sister were cold bitches because we didn't run over to her to say hello the moment we saw her at the rehearsal dinner and reception.

Needless to say, my parents weren't thrilled with her either.

[AchtungBaby80]

Originally posted by honeychile
And don't forget - there's a separate ring in hell for those who bring their progeny to an "Adults Only" reception!! I have one poor friend whose wedding video was ruined by a screaming toddler!

That is the absolute worst. I have been to so many weddings and receptions where children ran screeching like a bunch of heathens so that it was impossible to concentrate on what was going on. If that ever happened to me, people would see livid like they've never seen it before...heads would roll, believe me. I don't like children very much anyway, but really, it's a matter of respect--if the couple prefers to do things 'Adults Only,' that's the way it should be. No one's gonna think your 'little darlings' are so cute when they're ruining someone's day.

[adpiucf]

How does one specify Adults Only? I mean it is one thing to mark at the bottom of the invite "Black Tie" or "Black Tie Optional" ... but can you get away with "No Children"?

Just curious about how that's done... I don't have kids, nor have I planned a wedding (nor do I expect to!)...

And I agree that the only guests who should attend are those who have been formally invited and who have formally RSVP'd. Nothing is worse than a no-show or a wedding crasher.

[bcdphie]

I have a few family and friends who have children and asked me about taking them to my wedding, I politely explained that no children were allowed.

You can include a small, polite note when you send out invites asking guests not to bring children, that it is an adult only affair, something along those lines.

[kansas13]

Originally posted by adpiucf
How does one specify Adults Only? I mean it is one thing to mark at the bottom of the invite "Black Tie" or "Black Tie Optional" ... but can you get away with "No Children"?

I have seen something like that at the bottom of invitations, but it says "Adult Reception." I have also seen it on the reception card that tells everyone where the reception is. It says something like this, "Please join us for an adult reception at...."
The rule for our wedding, because we had so many friends and family, was that if the child was in college they were invited...unless they were close family or someone that stood up in the wedding like my cousins.