Worst Wedding You've Ever Attended - Page 5

Benzgirl · #61 08-29-2007, 10:17 PM

The worst wedding I went to was a Greek wedding last year. I don't mean our kind of Greek; it was Greek Orthodox. I need to preface this by saying that I grew up Orthodox, so I am well aware of the long ceremony and customs.

First came the shower....there were about 250 women for a 1:00 shower. Most of the women showed up in cocktail attire. Just before I left, a fist fight broke out between two women.

Since I knew a lot of people who would be attending the wedding, I went by myself. The usher wouldn't walk me down the main aisle because I was not "Greek". Who cares? The only thing that I cared about was that I didn't want to sit next to the acquaintance with whom they sat me. Mark had just been fired from my employer, and complained the entire time.

The wedding started 45 minutes late because the maid of honor was late getting to the church. Then she had to "do" the mother of the bride's hair AND her aunt's hair. We were all sitting in church freezing for what seemed like ever. I kept looking back at some friends who had flown in from Texas and the looks they kept throwing me were so funny.

So wedding finally begins. Mark, who was not of Greek descent, but thought he was, began to chant with the priest. The father of the bride kept trying to run out the church for a cigarette. The mother of the bride was making hand signals to all of the brides maids. By the time the reception started, we were starved but didn't care because we needed large amounts of alcohol.

The reception was at the adjoining hall. The bride, who was on a "strict budget" had 600 (that's right) people at the wedding. The hall held about 400 at most. 10 of us were crammed into a 6 foot table. If someone behind us had to pull their chair out, we had to move in. They ran out of liquor before dinner was served. By the time our food was served it was cold. We probably shouldn't have eaten it because everyone who ordered the chicken got sick the next day.

The father of the groom handed $3000 to two of my friends to go on a liquor run. Because the church hall is in a bad area of town, they had to drive 30 minutes to find anyone who sold premium shelf liquor. We finally had alcohol about 2 hours later.

The dancing, of course, was all ethnic, whiich would be fine in most circumstances. I have never seen a bride throw stacks of $1 bills from her cleavage, then grab a push broom to sweep it up. The best (or worst) sight of the evening was Mark trying to belly dance. It was quite a view watching him wiggle his butt.

Fast forward to thet honeymoon....I forgot to mention, the bride was not just a virgin, but a very naive virgin. She knew nothing! After the wedding night, she told her new husband that it hurt too much and never wanted to do it again.

The wedding was in May, we received thank you notes in December. The "thank you notes" were printed on a home printer with a fill-in-the-blank body:
Dear___________________,
Thank you for the ______________. It really means a lot to us.
Love, Bride and Groom

Very few of us have spoken with her since the wedding. From what she told us about the wedding night, I won't expect a baby shower invitation soon.

TriDPrincess · #62 10-22-2007, 05:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AChiOhSnap

Neither of these happened at weddings I actually attended, but people still get a kick out of them. Here are the two bad wedding stories...

1. I worked as a receptionist in a chiropractic office in high school. One patient that regularly came in was very much a hick. I don't mean to be mean, because she was a very nice lady. However, she was straight up redneck: we would have to remind her not to go barefoot around in our office because her feet were gross and unsanitary, and she would always post-date her payments to us about a week (because she was always just one step ahead of overdrawing her account and the collections agency) until we started demanding she pay in cash, etc. etc.

Anyway, this woman -- we'll call her Dawnna -- was incredibly friendly and always eager to share the goings on of her life to the office staff. One day came in with pictures from her half-sister's wedding. Nobody knew Dawnna's sister or anything, but we were happy to look at the pictures. I guess whatever Dawnna's social condition was ran in the family: it was the most atrocious wedding I've ever seen.

Dawnna's sister, Shawnna, was 8mos pregnant which is fine, whatever, I don't look down on pregnant women getting married except the princess seamed dress actually actually splitting at the seams because it hadn't be altered correctly. Not to mention the fact that Shawnna was significantly overweight and the spaghetti straps were far too tight and cutting into her shoulders. However, Shawnna had apparently found the money to make one alteration to her dress: in honor of her unborn baby, Shawnna got a gigantic butterfly tattooed from shoulder to shoulder and down to her mid back. She had her seamstress alter the dress to make it backless in order to showcase her butterfly tat.

The cake: the bride and groom's senior pictures (not a picture of the two of them together, but side-by-side senior pictures scanned onto the cake. Mullets and all.) The bridesmaids: the bride was only 18 and 7 months out of high school, so she had all the bridesmaids re-wear their prom dresses. The ceremony: performed by Shawnna and Dawnna's dad (who was a minister) under one of those horrific balloon arches in the VFW hall. Reception: VFW hall with cheese 'n' cracker platter. Standing room only. The guests: Many high school friends, drunkenly packed into the very tiny VFW hall. Flasks abounded in the pictures.

Dawnna, naturally, got misty-eyed when showing us the pictures saying it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen. Good for Dawnna, I bet it was fun. Later on that year, Dawnna made me and the other staffers Christmas ornaments made out of -- I shit you not -- dried applesauce formed into a heart shape. I don't get it either. But bless Dawnna, she really was a very sweet woman.

2. Through college, I worked summers as a receptionist at a local country club. The country club is located in a very tony zip code of a very wealthy suburb, so you'd think that weddings there would be the epitome of class and style, and most were. One wedding, however, was so indescribable that I actually had to call a friend to "run something over" to my work so he could see it for himself....

This woman, let's call her Julie, was getting married for the second time. She had one attendant, her 11 year old daughter from a previous marriage. I knew something was going to go horribly wrong when the catering manager stopped by my desk a half-hour before Julie's ceremony was supposed to start in the club garden. The catering manager exasperatedly complained that she didn't think the bride and groom were going to "go through with it" and stomped off in frustration. Ooooh boy, I thought, I'm in for good old-fashioned freakshow. And I was not disappointed.

The highlights:
- Julie's and her fiance went through the ceremony with the minister but the fiance refused to sign the marriage license.
- Julie's 11 y.o. daughter flounced into the reception in a pink mini-dress with those ripped-up looking handkerchief hems (you could see her butt when the wind blew). The dress had S&M style metal rings down the front, with a white lace ribbon criss-crossed through. Great for an adult halloween costume, totally inappropriate for a preteen. The daughter actually told me she didn't like the dress but her mom picked it out for her.
- Julie and the fiance spent the majority of the reception screaming at each other on the club patio while the minister tried to mediate.
- At one point, Julie walked by my desk and through tears demanded that I call her a cab so she could leave. Julie's dad marched over to me, pointed a finger in my face and growled "Don't you dare call that cab." I smiled politely and told them I was going on my dinner break and I would be happy to do whatever it was they decided when I got back.
- Julie's fiance finally, FINALLY signed the license after two hours of screaming, but not before the best man drunkenly tried to punch the minister because the minister wasn't "minding his own business." The minister quickly ran out.
- One guest brought an escort. An actual bonafide prostitute. I know she was an escort because she wore a 1980s red taffeta minidress with a sequined halter bodice, was at least 50 years old and incredibly haggard looking, and asked her date (decked out in his finest Don Johnson "Miami Vice" gear) "what do you do for a living, honey?" Totally awesome.
- One poor old woman started choking on the chicken dinner at the reception. The heimlich worked, but I still had to dial 911. The paramedics pretty much broke up the party. The bride left in tears.

I LOVE bad weddings!

That story is hysterical!- thanks for cheering me up. I'm so glad my wedding didnt look like any of these stories lol.

bluefish81 · #63 10-22-2007, 09:42 PM

Not a wedding that I attended (I was at my cousins wedding with the worst date ever - who I promptly dumped afterward), but my friends all told me about missing the worst wedding ever last year. The bride looked like something out of the late 80s in her dress. The night before the wedding, she began bawling profusely and saying that she was making a mistake. Her dad kept asking her if she was sure that she wanted to get married. The wedding proceeded. On the guest list was not one, but two ex-boyfriends from college. She had requested a song to be played so that she could dance with one of them - Jesse's Girl (and his name is Jesse). The groom apparently looked less than thrilled.

FSUZeta · #64 10-31-2007, 10:09 AM

my husband and i attended a family wedding a few weekends ago. they were not able to hold the ceremony in their home church because their minister told them that it was church policy to not have weddings on saturdays, because they could not get the church ready for services the next day. they booked another church which was way too small for the guest list. people actually had to stand in the back.

when the usher asked if we were to be seated on the brides or grooms side, i told him "bride" and that we were family, so he walked us to the third row from the front, which was marked as a family pew. i saw my cousin and her family in that pew, but it appeared that someone was trying to save the other half of the pew, because there was a tissue box, a hymnal, a Bible and a camera bag strewn across the cushion. my cousin wasn't holding the seats for anyone and invited us to sit down. a little later a woman, man and darling twin girls came and sat down in the "reserved seats". i didn't know them-neither did my cousin(who, by the way is the brides aunt). shortly another woman came up, glared at us and said loudly to the man(her husband) "i had saved 5 seats for us." i started to say that we were family and were supposed to sit there, but the womans husband pulled her down in the seat. they were not family!

we sit for a while, anticipating that the wedding will begin shortly when we see this woman dressed in a black pantsuit sort of skulking down the aisle. when she reaches the end of the aisle, she whips around and we all see she is holding a sheet of notebook paper, on which she has scribbled the message,"turn off cell phones", she them proceeds back up the aisle pausing at each pew and brandishing her message at us all. she does this not once, but twice!

the wedding is lovely. bride is beautiful, dress is beautiful. skirt is very wide. after the part where the minister asks who gives this woman in marriage, the bride and the groom start to walk up these narrow, narrow steps to the altar-i envisioned one or both of them falling off those steps, but somehow they managed it and the ceremony went off without a hitch.

the reception is held outside at the home of the groom's sister, which is on the banks of a river. there is a dock leading out to a boat shelter and my husband wants to walk out the the end of the dock. i feel like i owe him, so off we go. we get about half way out and begin to hear yelling from the shore-we figure that it is just someone hallooing someone else across the yard and proceed to the end of the dock, stand there a few minutes admiring the view and then turn around to start back. we see the cell phone sign lady waving her arms at us and she begins to run out on the dock toward us. she meets us about half way, and informs us that no one is supposed to be one the dock, for at least 30 minutes. we apologize and say that there was no sign or barrier telling us not to walk on the dock, so then she says, "you know, you're right. how about you 2 stand here(we had reached dry land again) and keep everyone off the dock?" it turns out the bride and groom are going to arrive via boat and they do not want anyone on the dock so they can make a grand entrance. so we got to be the gate keepers, shooing anyone who dared try to stroll down the dock. next, the cell phone sign lady shows up with a bag of sand, votive candles and paper bags. you got it, she is going to make luminerias to line the dock. right now. at the reception, which is in full swing. she enlists some of the servers and us and we get an assembly line going. it turns out that this woman is the reception coordinator. has a heart of gold, but is brash in her manner. tacky, tacky!

now realize that all this time we have had nothing to eat because we have been shanghaied to do this womans bidding. we have had 2 watered down diet pepsis, which were so watered down we ended up dumping them out. can't get near the alcohol, once we are released from dock duty. can't get near the food, either. got to speak briefly with my cousin and my aunt(the brides mother and grandmother) but of course did not tell them of the adventures we'd been having. we ended up leaving shortly after the bride and groom arrived, and ate dinner at the cracker barrel next to our hotel, in our wedding finery!

NutBrnHair · #65 10-31-2007, 10:22 AM

Too funny, FSUZeta. Ya can't make this stuff up --

MysticCat · #66 10-31-2007, 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

they were not able to hold the ceremony in their home church because their minister told them that it was church policy to not have weddings on saturdays, because they could not get the church ready for services the next day.

Great story!

But what church doesn't do weddings on Saturday?! At least around here, 90% of weddings are on Saturday.

FSUZeta · #67 10-31-2007, 04:08 PM

it was a baptist church, but it was that particular church. i have been to plenty of weddings in baptist churches on saturdays-mornings, afternoons and nights.

as my husband pointed out, unless the reception is being held in the church social hall, what's to clean up? and as most churches ask for a nominal fee, where does that go, if not to pay the church warden/janitor?

ForeverRoses · #68 11-07-2007, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

it was a baptist church, but it was that particular church. i have been to plenty of weddings in baptist churches on saturdays-mornings, afternoons and nights.

as my husband pointed out, unless the reception is being held in the church social hall, what's to clean up? and as most churches ask for a nominal fee, where does that go, if not to pay the church warden/janitor?

I always thought weddings were money maker for a church. However a church near my in-laws doesn't allow weddings in the main sanctuary-they are held in the atrium instead. Not that I would want to be married in the sanctuary since it looks more like a basketball arena than a church.

Which reminds me of a former co-worker's wedding. He was married in a church that has steps going down the main isle. Well, here comes his bride down the steps in her really wide dress. About half way down the steps the inevitable happens. She bites it- luckily her Dad was able to keep half of her upright. Well, then she starts crying about how embarassed she is- so the minister lets her try it again. So the wedding starts over again- including all the bridesmaids and flower girls walking in again.

Then at the reception they served us fried chicken, green beans, and mashed potatoes catered in by Grandy's (a local fast food place similar to KFC).

SirHornyToad · #69 11-08-2007, 01:23 AM

I've luckily gone to some pretty decent ones. I was in my brothers and it was kind of shady because the brides friends and family were ghetto. We're standing there in Tuxedo's on a damn riverboat and people show up in raiders T-shirts and jerseys.

My cousins wedding kind of sucked because it was Uber religious and only lasted 1.5 hours (including reception, with no booze or dancing allowed)

I went to a wedding a few weeks back that was ok except for getting too drunk and dancing with my ex all night, not that there's anything wrong with that except that I have no intention of ever getting back with her and I could of been making time with other women attending...

Umm I think that's all I can say about bad wedding experiances... Oh and one more went to my aunt's best friends wedding, when the Angels were in the world series, see I'm a life long hardcore angels fan and they basically sucked for most of my life, it was the one where they scored I believe 10 runs in the 7th, had to watch MOST of the game standing at the bar on a 15 inch TV because the bride hated sports and didn't care that getting married in mid october is dumb... =(

MysticCat · #70 11-08-2007, 09:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForeverRoses

I always thought weddings were money maker for a church.

Except for a few "popular wedding churches" in big cities, I've never known of a church that charges anything more than the cost of paying the sexton the extra hours, a nominal charge to cover utilities or the like. Often, those charges will be will be waived if the bride or groom (or the family of either) is a member of the church. Separate arrangements usually have to be made with the organist or other musicians.

But then, I'm also used to churches where it is made very clear that the wedding is a service of worship, not The Bride (and Groom) Show, and that have very strict rules on flowers, music and the like.

APhi Sailorgirl · #71 11-19-2007, 11:31 AM

Ok, here it goes. I mentioned the "wedding" I attended yesterday in the christmas gifts thread, so here's the story. Let me also state that these people will be family in less than a year since my boyfriend and I got engaged 2 weeks ago.

Ok so I get back from my cruise on Friday to find out that yes, we know what church to go and what time. Wow, well at least we know two days before the wedding instead of the day before. I mean these people couldn't even send out an evite so we know what is up? Then the attire question is asked. Fiance says, he doesn't think guys will be wearing suits. What?? This is still a wedding, whether it's the 5th btwn the two of them or not. So we find out Sat night that no, guys aren't wearing suits. I ask, is the groom, my fiance can't answer that.

And wedding day is here. We pull up, I'm overdressed. I am wearing a navy blue dress with white polka dots, a white cardigan and navy blue low wedges. AND I'M OVERDRESSED!! The groom does have on a suit and the bride wore a tasteful cream suit (white white hose, but hey, I'll take what I can get).

The kids all look like they rolled out of bed, but with 5 combined, I guess just having them dressed is a blessing. The ceremony starts. Apparently no one told people where to sit. We have bride people on the groom side, groom people on the bride's side and the kids run back and forth in the front row during the ceremony. The bride actually cries during the ceremony (which is ironic to me, she's done this 2 other times, she's got it down.)

Ah the reception, we head over to their new we-can't-afford-this-but-we-bought-it-to-look-classy house for the "reception." We are all supposed to sit outside under a tent. WHAT?? It's November. It's cold and windy! For food they have frozen shrimp, ham sandwiches (helloo, what if eating pork is against your religion?) meatballs, chicken nuggets, fruit and crackers and dip. Not too bad, if you don't mind sharing with the 50 other people. I don't think they ran out of food, but I didn't chance going back. Then the cake. They actually had a wedding cake. Unfortunately you could see the cake through the icing and it tasted like cardboard. Oh and did I mention that the kids and groom have all changed into jeans at this point? Yep they're running around the backyard kicking balls and throwing toys.

The funniest part was the bride looks at the tent and goes "Oh where where will I and husband sit?" Helloo, you don't have enough seating for everyone? And I thoroughly enjoyed the CD on the boom box that kept being repeated over and over. Thankfully no one danced and it was just background.

Oh and they ran out of soda. Lots of beer, some wine, but no water, no punch, and no soda. You all have 5 kids and no regular drinks?

But hey, there wasn't a riot, they're married and come next October they'll be my brother and sister in-law.

FSUZeta · #72 11-19-2007, 03:02 PM

good one!! now i'll have to cruise over to the christmas present thread to see what you decided to do.

LegallyBrunette · #73 11-20-2007, 10:44 PM

Okay, I thought I had been to some awful weddings, but these are priceless!

My contribution:

A few summers ago, my (now ex) boyfriend and I attended the wedding of one his childhood/hs/college friends. The ex was a groomsman and his mother was also invited since they had been friends for such a long time. The wedding was held at a beautiful old church and the reception was held at a historic home in downtown Portsmouth, NH, about a half-mile away. The ceremony was nice enough, nothing really to note.

BUT, after the ceremony, it was announced that since there wasn't any parking at the reception site, all guests were expected to walk in a procession behind the bride & groom, who would be travelling in a horse drawn carriage. Had it just been the ex and I, this wouldn't have been a problem, but his mother was recently recovering from foot surgery, so walking that far was totally out of the question. The compromise, I would drive her enormous SUV through the winding, cobblestone streets of the city, drop her off, then walk myself. My ex didn't feel he could skip the bizarre processional, since he was a part of the wedding party.

It was a bit of an adventure to get my ex's mother all dropped off--I drive a tiny car and nearly took off side view mirrors a few times, then walk the half mile alone in stilettos. I was slightly annoyed by the time I got to the wedding and only become moreso, when I got there and realized the only food being served was a sweaty wheel of brie and some wilted grapes (trust me, money was NO object for these two).

It doesn't often get over 90 in NH, but on this day it did, and not anticipating the hordes of thirsty and hungry guests, the reception site ran out of water and soda, leaving beer and sangria as the only beverage options. To recap: that's 90 degree heat, no food, no water, lots of booze. Amazing combination and my ex refused to be anyone other than the last guest to leave since he was a groomsman (did I mention he's my EX?) Needless to say, I was not in any condition to drive home that night, but totally not in a fun way. Instead, I, along with most of the other guests, was disgustingly dehydrated, sweaty, hungry, and sporting some nasty blisters from my 1/2 mile walk in stilettos.

And I never got a thank you note for my gift.

Still BLUTANG · #74 11-21-2007, 11:45 AM

another example of cute ideas that don't work in the real world.

we had a procession when my old roommate got married, but this was at a resort. it was fun but my fee hurt and we just walked from the grand entry to the gazeebo (2 minute walk).

Fleur de Lis · #75 12-05-2007, 01:37 PM

I heard this story from a friend of mine, and it just has to be repeated.

First of all, the bride and groom had already eloped, but didn't want to tell their parents because they wanted a formal wedding, too. The ceremony was set in the middle of a field - no, not rolling green hills but an unkempt, tall weedy field. The procession began from a farmhouse a quarter-mile away, and the party was walking on a cheap paper runner that clung to their shoes, so they were horse-stepping their way down and looking ridiculous.

The officiant begins by quoting divorce statistics. He says the divorce rate for couples like you is staggering, but I know you'll make it because of your friends and family who are here. (My friend is thinking, don't almost ALL weddings include friends and family?) While he's talking, there is a strange coughing noise in the crowd and my friend cannot figure out who it is. Finally, they realize it's the ring bearer, and during one of his coughs, he drops the rings into the knee-high weeds. So they stop the ceremony and spend five minutes trying to find the rings. The officiant never gets back to the friends and family supporting the couple, but it's probably moot anyways.

So the wedding party tramps back up to the farmhouse and the officiant leaves. Well, no one is sure what's next because it didn't say on the invitation. So they're all looking at each other and they hear a "hey ya'll" coming from a white tent a few hundred yards away. The DJ says "bring your chairs and let's have us a party". So everyone, including old ladies and kids, drags their heavy folding chair across the dirty field to this tent. The rest of the reception is fairly uneventful, except for the black-clad mother of the bride hopped up on painkillers and making a fool of herself.

Apparently, the couple is now divorcing. As she puts it, "we probably could have gotten counseling and worked it out, but neither of us really wanted to put in the effort. It's just easier this way".