Rush - What to NOT do or say

[maddisaurus]

okay in the general advice thread someone suggested telling your fave that they are your fave... but i agree that seems a bit awkward in person. recruitment at my school is fairly relaxed, thank goodness, but still stressful with what to say!

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by maddisaurus

okay in the general advice thread someone suggested telling your fave that they are your fave... but i agree that seems a bit awkward in person. recruitment at my school is fairly relaxed, thank goodness, but still stressful with what to say!

I would not say it unless you are the PNM who would rather not be greek if you can't be in that sorority. Otherwise you could change your mind, put another sorority first, and cause hurt feelings.

[pibetaphi2013]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

I would not say it unless you are the PNM who would rather not be greek if you can't be in that sorority. Otherwise you could change your mind, put another sorority first, and cause hurt feelings.

I think you can say, "I've really loved meeting the girls in your chapter!" or "I feel very comfortable here!" or other less awkward things to tell the chapter they're your favorite if you're still unsure. Though if it's pref night, or some other point and youre 110% sure a chapter's your first choice, it's good to tell them, imo.

Similarly, try not to let your second choice know they're your second choice, just say you're interested.

[kt8319]

I think you should never flat out tell one sorority they are your favorite. A one girl in particular did that while I was in recruitment. She wentt on and on about how all she wanted was this one sorority, and she ended not receiving any bids because that sorority didn't want her and all of the others knew she didn't want them. Definitely not a great idea!

[SWTXBelle]

Originally Posted by kt8319

I think you should never flat out tell one sorority they are your favorite. A one girl in particular did that while I was in recruitment. She wentt on and on about how all she wanted was this one sorority, and she ended not receiving any bids because that sorority didn't want her and all of the others knew she didn't want them. Definitely not a great idea!

Apparently her problem wasn't that she told one sorority they were her favorite - the problem was she told EVERYONE that the one sorority was her favorite. Big difference between going on and on about it to everyone in your rush group, and whispering in your rusher's ear at pref that her sorority is your favorite.

[33girl]

Even whispering it in your rusher's ear - unless you KNOW 90% of the women in the group and know what they're thinking - can come off as desperate or creepy, if you whisper it to the wrong person. I would also think "I wonder if she's sincere or if she's telling EVERYONE this to try and secure a bid?"

Just let your real feelings shine through and don't try to be so cool and collected that no one can get to them. Do you straight up tell a guy on a date that you would love for him to ask you to marry him and ravish you right now? No. You let him know in other more subtle ways. It's the same with rush.

[Drolefille]

^^ Agree to disagree. I've seen it work for PNMs particularly when they're the 'rush crush' of an active. I've NOT seen it backfire when it was a personal comment and not a facebook posting/tent talk thing.

[33girl]

^Yes totally. It really is a case by case thing. (As would be telling a guy exactly how you feel - sometimes it works, sometimes it's a bowl of fail.)

[SWTXBelle]

Well, at pref it is fair to say the chapter as a whole has already decided they like our hypothetical pnm and can see her as a sister, or she wouldn't have been invited to pref.

I don't think it is getting into membership selection to say that one thing taken into account when determining bid lists is whether or not the chapter believes the pnm will rank their chapter #1 or accept a bid.That being the case, a pnm would do well to let her rusher (who is usually someone in the chapter who has already had contact with the pnm and liked her) know of her enthusiasm at the prospect of becoming a member.

It need not be as obvious as saying "I want to be a BBB!", but this is one situation where keeping your feelings to yourself could backfire.

[Alumiyum]

IMO, a PNM that knows she will be ranking ABC first could safely say that to the active that prefs her. What she doesn't want to do is say this in round 1, to other sororities, or phrase it like, "OMG I can't wait to be your sister, will you be my big?" (and that one is an actual example).

A PNM that is torn doesn't want to do this, because if she changes her mind and ranks XYZ first (or worse, tells them both she'll rank them both first) she can easily cause hurt feelings. And telling ABC in round 1 or 2 that she wants only them isn't necessarily safe, either. Actives talk, and if one from ABC gloats to XYZ, she could get dropped by XYZ before she has time to really think it through. (Which is also something that I have seen happen, and to more than one PNM).

Basically, if it's pref night and you know you're going to list XYZ first, it's probably ok to tell them they're your favorite group. What you don't want to do is sound desperate (I can't wait to be your sister!), tell two groups you'll put them first, tell a group you only want them before pref night, or just downright lie. The key here being you know which group you will be listing first. If there's any doubt in your mind (which is the case for the majority of PNMs), it's best to keep it all to yourself other than general comments (I really like it here) in case you change your mind to avoid any hurt feelings.

[Drolefille]

Did actives really talk in detail about PNMs on your campus? During recruitment, not only did we not have time to hang out with the other sororities the rivalry was so strong we weren't talking about favorites. The only info that got passed along was some of the crazy stories and then mostly if the Pi Chis saw it. We would NOT have passed along Suzy PNM saying we were her favorite, not even to brag. We might have passed along if Suzy walked in and said OMG YOU ARE MY FAVORITE at the top of her lungs before she'd met us.

PNMs should just trust their own judgment, reading this thread they'd not have a clue of what to actually say.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

Well, at pref it is fair to say the chapter as a whole has already decided they like our hypothetical pnm and can see her as a sister, or she wouldn't have been invited to pref.

Emphasis on the bolded.

Hopefully the chapter knows who is clicking with who by pref and pairs them accordingly, but if you end up with an individual sister who just isn't that into you, it could backfire.

It's also a lot different when pref comes after 4 rounds of parties, as opposed to when it's the first invitational round (i.e. the first time a sorority could cut people). Then again, in that situation rush should be deferred anyway...

[Drolefille]

Per green book rules, anyone coming to (a true) pref must be on your bidlist anyway. You could, hypothetically, get bumped to the bottom for your statements, but it's highly unlikely they're doing much to change the list post-pref anyway.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Did actives really talk in detail about PNMs on your campus? During recruitment, not only did we not have time to hang out with the other sororities the rivalry was so strong we weren't talking about favorites. The only info that got passed along was some of the crazy stories and then mostly if the Pi Chis saw it. We would NOT have passed along Suzy PNM saying we were her favorite, not even to brag. We might have passed along if Suzy walked in and said OMG YOU ARE MY FAVORITE at the top of her lungs before she'd met us.

PNMs should just trust their own judgment, reading this thread they'd not have a clue of what to actually say.

Aboslutely. I heard many reports of it as a recruitment counselor, but actually heard it happen first hand both as an active and recently as an alum with three different PNMs...and of course I knew RCs who did talk to their chapters during recruitment rules be damned, and "I only want XYZ" got passed along that way, too. It's a small campus, and the fact is, people talk. Personally, I think the motivation is that if Suzy says she only wants XYZ after round 1 and XYZ passes that along, she'll be dropped from just about everyone else, pretty much guaranteeing that XYZ gets her. But obviously I don't know for sure the why, just that it does happen.

Though many of us have different opinions, I think the bottom line is don't pull the "I only want XYZ" unless it's pref and you mean it (in other words, when it's too late to be cut). There are too many chances that a statement like that could end up limiting a PNMs choices, otherwise.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

Though many of us have different opinions, I think the bottom line is don't pull the "I only want XYZ" unless it's pref and you mean it (in other words, when it's too late to be cut). There are too many chances that a statement like that could end up limiting a PNMs choices, otherwise.

Except I disagree. I think PNMs should use their own judgement. If they really do ONLY want XYZ then saying that is probably fine earlier. A more benign statement about XYZ being their favorite even if they're still interested in other chapters is also probably fine earlier.

I don't think there's a bottom line that we all agree on, nor will there be.