Woman sues UF fraternity brothers for videotaping sexual encounter

[SWTXBelle]

I have drilled into my daughters' (18 and 16) heads all kinds of rules to live by that are designed to 1.) make sure they are safe and 2.) help them make choices which demonstrate self-respect. It's tough raising girls in this culture which seems to put such a premium on sexiness.

I plan to do the same with my boys (5 and 6) - and also include what I think are behaviors which demonstrate respect for themselves, and for the young women they will someday date. I hope they will be fraternity men, and I hope they will treat all women as well as they would want men to treat their sisters. "Boys will be boys" just won't cut it.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

I have drilled into my daughters' (18 and 16) heads all kinds of rules to live by that are designed to 1.) make sure they are safe and 2.) help them make choices which demonstrate self-respect. It's tough raising girls in this culture which seems to put such a premium on sexiness.

I plan to do the same with my boys (5 and 6) - and also include what I think are behaviors which demonstrate respect for themselves, and for the young women they will someday date. I hope they will be fraternity men, and I hope they will treat all women as well as they would want men to treat their sisters. "Boys will be boys" just won't cut it.

This is excellent and I love the gender egalitarian way of raising children.

Both your daughters and sons will have to overcome peer pressure that tries to override what you taught them. But kids who are taught usually defer back to what they know is right. Even if they make occasional mistakes (prayerfully not really big ones) because no one's perfect.

[EE-BO]

Well said ZTAngel. I think we are on the same page after all.

[EE-BO]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

I have drilled into my daughters' (18 and 16) heads all kinds of rules to live by that are designed to 1.) make sure they are safe and 2.) help them make choices which demonstrate self-respect. It's tough raising girls in this culture which seems to put such a premium on sexiness.

I plan to do the same with my boys (5 and 6) - and also include what I think are behaviors which demonstrate respect for themselves, and for the young women they will someday date. I hope they will be fraternity men, and I hope they will treat all women as well as they would want men to treat their sisters. "Boys will be boys" just won't cut it.

On the "boys will be boys" just won't cut it, I am of the opinion a fundamental change in career opportunities in the past couple of generations makes that a new reality.

Women don't have to rely on getting married to find financial stability or make a life for themselves. And while marriage is still a great thing, I would imagine better practical options for women today make it easier for them to have expectations of potential husbands more in line with what men expect of potential wives.

[Tinia2]

i agree with the following as well. i too, sadly and unfortunately, know of a few date rapes that were never reported. and from what i understand the gentlemen involved if they ever gave it a second thought it was not a negative one. nor did their brothers.

Originally Posted by ZTAngel

That's my argument right there. I'm really not trying to pick on you...I promise...I'm just pointing out the differences in how we view men and women when it comes to sex. Ladies don't have one night stands in fraternity house but what about the fraternity guys that are engaged in that same act with the lady who had sex in the frat house? He ultimately is still considered a gentlemen.

I just kinda feel that a lot of the posts have in a way blamed her for getting filmed. I don't agree with the suing part but it's like she's being bashed for hooking up with the guy in the first place. Did she make a mistake by having sex with this douche-bag? Yes. Did she deserve to be filmed? No. To take it a step further, this is exactly the reason why many women won't come forward when they're sexually assaulted. The public passes judgments on her such as: "Well, if she weren't a party girl, this wouldn't have happened to her" or "If she didn't go home with this guy, this wouldn't have happened." Nobody deserves for this type of stuff to happen. Obviously, this is something that hits close to home as one of my best friends was raped not too long ago after making a bad choice...she was drunk and went back to her friend's house to sleep it off and do a bit of kissing. He ended up raping her and she didn't report it because she didn't want the police, or the public, to dig through her personal life and pass judgments on her for her choices or past reputations as they tend to do with the female victim. I would hate for anyone to think of her as a whore just because she made a poor choice and she was a bit of a party girl....

Originally Posted by EE-BO

Well said ZTAngel. I think we are on the same page after all.

[Blue Skies]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

I have drilled into my daughters' (18 and 16) heads all kinds of rules to live by that are designed to 1.) make sure they are safe and 2.) help them make choices which demonstrate self-respect. It's tough raising girls in this culture which seems to put such a premium on sexiness.

I plan to do the same with my boys (5 and 6) - and also include what I think are behaviors which demonstrate respect for themselves, and for the young women they will someday date. I hope they will be fraternity men, and I hope they will treat all women as well as they would want men to treat their sisters. "Boys will be boys" just won't cut it.

ITA, and I also like your idea of having sororities tell their new pledges NOT to go upstairs...very wise advice.

College is such a huge adjustment in terms of learning how to live independently. I honestly think that the freshmen coming in (especially the girls) could benefit from better organized advice about how they can have fun but stay safe as well.

As for the girl in this story...exactly how drunk was she not to notice the big lump in the other bed? What did she think it was...a pile of dirty laundry? Yeesh!

[Elephant Walk]

Originally Posted by Blue Skies

ITA, and I also like your idea of having sororities tell their new pledges NOT to go upstairs...very wise advice.

I thought this was standard operating procedure?

[EE-BO]

Originally Posted by Elephant Walk

I thought this was standard operating procedure?

It was at Texas when I was there.

[Blue Skies]

Originally Posted by Elephant Walk

I thought this was standard operating procedure?

One would hope.

But from what this article was saying, the woman in question wasn't even an enrolled student.

[SWTXBelle]

Originally Posted by Blue Skies

One would hope.

But from what this article was saying, the woman in question wasn't even an enrolled student.

Yet another advantage to joining a sorority - they will look out for your best interests, even if you won't!

[DeltAlum]

To take a very brief step back to the discussion of using the woman's name as oppossed to protecting her identity. Unless things have changed since I worked in newsrooms, that is a matter of courtesy (or perhaps ethics), not one of law.

From the Wikipedia link earlier in the thread, "As a matter of courtesy, most newspapers and broadcast media in the United States do not disclose the name of an alleged rape victim (the complaining witness) during the trial, and if the alleged rapist is convicted, most will continue to not identify the victim."

Adult victims and suspects of felony cases are commonly identified in the news media. Minors are different and protected by law in many places. Often a rape victim's identity is also protected -- but not always.

In any case, as has been pointed out repeatedly in this situation, the sex was consentual.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled debate.

[la_boca_loca]

Originally Posted by OTW

Exactly. Her last login date lists April 2008, but the incident took place in 2006. You'd think she'd want to practice some discretion a little.

You'd also think she'd remove the guys' names from her list of friends on her MySpace page!

[la_boca_loca]

Originally Posted by CrackerBarrel

I think the names of minors and victims of some sex crimes are legally supposed to be protected.

Misdemeanor voyeurism is NOT a sex crime in FL.

[la_boca_loca]

Originally Posted by Kevin

If everyone could help me police this thread, I'd appreciate it if you report anything which might help identify this woman.

Ok, then: Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel, Palm Beach Post, Chicago Times... yada, yada, yada. First of all, this was not a sex crime. So the girl has no statutory right to have her name withheld. Further, SHE chose to go public with a frivolous lawsuit.

[la_boca_loca]

Originally Posted by jessicaelaine

Civil suits do not mean the person is just out for money all the time.

It does when the person has suffered no injury which warrants compensation. When someone is physically injured, money can go toward making their life a little bitter. For what does Lauren Highley deserve to be compensated? How will the money help her life, by affording her a fancy car and nice clothes?