Sweethearts wearing letters?

[A Random DphiE]

that's a damn shame. here i was hoping to find a real friend via the internet. [sigh]

[shinerbock]

I know its too bad. Thank God for eharmony right.

[georgewallace3]

Originally posted by ThetaChiGuy
I would never give my letters to anyone that was not a brother. Period.

\


So you wouldn't let a girl have a shirt with your letters on them?

[A Random DphiE]

Originally posted by shinerbock
I know its too bad. Thank God for eharmony right.

yup. you figured me out.

you're good. real gooooooooood.

[NUBlue&Blue]

Back in the dark ages of the 80's, I wore the letters of the fraternity where I was a little sister as often as I wore my own (but I think it was because I really liked the sweatshirt--you know how some sweatshirts just feel better than others--and my boyfriend, now husband was also in that house). We all had them, and we all wore them and it was no big deal. I believe that the only thing that an uninitiated member couldn't wear was the crest, and we couldn't have it on our little sister paddles either.

In my sorority, we weren't supposed to wear the letters until after initiation, so all of our pledge shirts had the words written out, and our first gift after initiation was usually something with the letters and crest.

This was 20 years ago, no clue what they do now--I don't think little sisters even exist anymore, do they?

We still have a bunch of old party tshirts with different greek letters on them, and we've let our kids wear them for 80's day, etc. for homecoming week. And I've seen the XYZ mom/dad stuff, but I really wouldn't feel comfortable wearing them at all....my daughter's campus doesn't have my house, so she is something else. I would wear my own letters before I would wear that, and so would my husband.

[carnation]

NuBlue&Blue, I pmed you. Please check your box!

[Ohsass]

This very thing came up last night. I was lavaliered in the early 80's and did marry my DTD :-) We have been happily married for 21 years. The subject came up because as the spouse of a chapter advisor, I told a lavaliered gf that she was not allowed to wear his letters. She was wearing his sweatshirt. She bristled quite loudly that she was lavaliered and that meant it was ok to wear his letters at any time and basically what nerve I had. To clarify if things have just changed that dramatically over the years, I also spoke to a family member who was womens panhel pres recently at her university. She said although it was not a concrete rule it was understood that it was a huge social faux pas to wear,(especially in public) letters that were not your own. Jewelry did not apply. Further, the brothers and sisters would have had a fit to see their letters so casually worn.

In my opinion, the charm on a necklace stood, and should still stand, as a sign of a committed relationship and a sign that the girl is spoken for so to speak. But this girl did not, nor have I to this day, earned the right to wear the letters of DTD. As a little sister, we had our own sweatshirts but "L'il Sis" was embroidered clearly down one sleeve. We also worked our tails off with the guys in philanthropy etc..

Whether you are pinned or lavaliered, you do not come before the fraternity, you are not a member of the fraternity, you do not have the right to learn the rituals, shake or secrets of that fraternity. In my opinion, unless guys or sorority girls as well, stress ownership and pride in the honor that being a Delt or whatever should stand for..they hurt their house and recruitment. What makes your house or group special and exclusive if anyone can wear your letters? Why bother rushing?

[Ohsass]

Having re-read this thread a few times, it seems to me that the whole subject of "Display of Symbols" should be addressed not by individual chapters or schools but by each national fraternity organization. Better yet, perhaps the Inter-Fraternity councils or National Pan-Hellenic could come up with one set guideline to be followed by all?

To clarify my previous post, we also had mixer t-shirts and sweatshirts for football etc...and that was viewed differently. If you were a girl wearing the shirt, you belonged to the sorority on your shirt and vice a versa for the fraternity. If you tried to get away with wearing letters that weren't your own, folks knew it and called you out for it big time especially at a party. Hey, you didn't pay for the beer and food after all.

Originally Posted by Ohsass

Better yet, perhaps the Inter-Fraternity councils or National Pan-Hellenic could come up with one set guideline to be followed by all?

I disagree with this.

While having NPC unanimous agreements regarding recruitment and membership-related issues are great, I don't think it'd be a good idea to have an umbrella organization dictate who can or cannot wear letters. That should be totally left up to the individual organization.

And btw, because I'm a nitpicker...if you're talking NPC, it's Panhellenic. Pan-Hellenic often refers to the Divine 9 -- the 9 historically Black Greek Lettered Organizations. It's funny how a - and H can totally mean something else.

[SxyLambdaLady6]

I would not let anyone wear my letters, not even touch them. I was the one that earned my letters not them. When I crossed I learned that you never touch anyone elses letters, tikis, nothing like that because it meant disrespect. If you were a minority greek you would understand that but if you weren't and you touched someones letters it wasn't a big deal but if you did know about it some people would get mad if you touched their letters. To some people they don't care as much but you never know so you just don't do it.

When minority greeks say that they "earned" their letters, it def does not mean that they had to be hazed....it just means that they had a "meaningful" process....not making pledges bingedrink for weeks like some other greeks do...and also greeks say they earned their letters when they are paper. not saying im trying to offend anyone thats paper. what counts is how much you contribute to your chapter in the long run.

[ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl]

I am lavaliered and wear that necklace almost all the time...though sometimes switch it for my own. My boyfriend isn't terribly happy about this, but I don't feel right wearing them on the same chain. I try to treat his as well as I treat mine. They are his letters, not mine, and he was kind enough to give them to me as a gift to a) make me quit hinting and b)find a way to show people how he feels without spending an ungodly amount on a promise ring or something...which we both feel is stupid. I think the only time it is appropriate to wear a guy's letters are...a) if you are a sweetheart and were given specific sweetheart "gear" to wear b)if the letters are on a shirt that anyone could have purchased (formal, parties, philanthropy event) c) if you are lavaliered (or given a badge because you are a mother, wife, sister, etc.). Otherwise it's disrespectful. It isn't a huge problem on our campus, but it happens...it's not cool.

[ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl]

Originally Posted by SxyLambdaLady6

I would not let anyone wear my letters, not even touch them. I was the one that earned my letters not them. When I crossed I learned that you never touch anyone elses letters, tikis, nothing like that because it meant disrespect. If you were a minority greek you would understand that but if you weren't and you touched someones letters it wasn't a big deal but if you did know about it some people would get mad if you touched their letters. To some people they don't care as much but you never know so you just don't do it.

When minority greeks say that they "earned" their letters, it def does not mean that they had to be hazed....it just means that they had a "meaningful" process....not making pledges bingedrink for weeks like some other greeks do...and also greeks say they earned their letters when they are paper. not saying im trying to offend anyone thats paper. what counts is how much you contribute to your chapter in the long run.

It isn't just minority or Divine 9 that feel like they earned their letters without being hazed...I wasn't hazed at all and I feel like I earn my letters every day that I work my butt off for them...which is almost every day. I think the main difference is that y'all probably do have a better "pledgeship" in that it seems minority greeks have the same respect for their organization as a whole right after their pledgeship that women in my chapter do maybe a year down the road (not all...but most, myself included, don't understand until they've grown up a bit). I think NPC gets a bad rap though. There are dedicated women in every chapter, people who bleed XYZ colors, and especially in the smaller chapters. I know I wouldn't consider myself paper, and won't after I graduate either...at the least I will pay alum dues and find a chapter wherever I end up...I hope to be a chapter advisor one day, though.

The no-touching rule is cool. I know we (and the fraternities) couldn't do it for all the shirts we sell and such...but I think it makes everyone then respect everyone else's letters all that much more. It makes sense, too. Random, but the thing that gets me the most is when organizations chalk the campus (not many NPCs do for the reason we don't...it's guaranteed that someone else will come along and write something nasty by the letters...but some of the guys and NPHC do)...I can't make myself walk over their letters, and the sidewalks aren't very big!

[fantASTic]

Wow, this surprises me on how strict a lot of people are on this. Our sweetheart this year was given a sweatshirt with stitched letters and "Sweetheart 2007" underneath it. He wears it, and it's cute. We love him!

As far as lavaliering goes..I was VERY surprised to see ThetaChiGuy being so upset about someone wearing his letters, since the QXs on our campus are very liberal with lavaliering here. One of our sisters got lavaliered after dating about five months, and she has letters from them. It's not uncommon.

Ohsass, I don't understand why it's okay for you to have a Lil Sis sweatshirt but not for a lavaliered woman to borrow a letters sweatshirt. Can you reason that out for me?

[ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl]

Originally Posted by fantASTic

Wow, this surprises me on how strict a lot of people are on this. Our sweetheart this year was given a sweatshirt with stitched letters and "Sweetheart 2007" underneath it. He wears it, and it's cute. We love him!

As far as lavaliering goes..I was VERY surprised to see ThetaChiGuy being so upset about someone wearing his letters, since the QXs on our campus are very liberal with lavaliering here. One of our sisters got lavaliered after dating about five months, and she has letters from them. It's not uncommon.

Ohsass, I don't understand why it's okay for you to have a Lil Sis sweatshirt but not for a lavaliered woman to borrow a letters sweatshirt. Can you reason that out for me?

Personally I think there's a difference between a Sweetheart that the whole fraternity chooses and a woman who was lavaliered individually by a brother, whether or not the other brothers approve...the letters DO belong to all of them. My boyfriend lavaliered me, but Delta Chi did not...it was his individual choice, therefore it's not my right to wear a lettered sweatshirt, for instance.

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally Posted by SxyLambdaLady6

I would not let anyone wear my letters, not even touch them. I was the one that earned my letters not them. When I crossed I learned that you never touch anyone elses letters, tikis, nothing like that because it meant disrespect. If you were a minority greek you would understand that but if you weren't and you touched someones letters it wasn't a big deal but if you did know about it some people would get mad if you touched their letters. To some people they don't care as much but you never know so you just don't do it.

When minority greeks say that they "earned" their letters, it def does not mean that they had to be hazed....it just means that they had a "meaningful" process....not making pledges bingedrink for weeks like some other greeks do...and also greeks say they earned their letters when they are paper. not saying im trying to offend anyone thats paper. what counts is how much you contribute to your chapter in the long run.

This never stops being funny to me. You wouldn't "let" anyone touch your letters? What if in a crowded elevator somebody bumped into your tote bag with letters on it? You would throw down?