Dating a "sort of" married man - Page 4

Lindz928 · #46 08-25-2005, 01:26 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by TheBest!
Wow that is shocking.
I guess sometimes we get in situations without even noticing it.
Last night he called and said I was mean to him and saying in a sad tone of voice: "I always loose."
I told him: "don't try to be the victim now", and I hung up.

AOII_LB93 with that comment you scared the hell out of me.
Now I won't even answer his phone calls.

That is so good to hear! I know you care about this guy, but you obviously realize that it is not a healthy situation for you. Congratulations on being so smart!

Quote:

You know, that's part of why I think people are really stupid. Why don't people just try to AGREE and work things out rather than fighting over every little thing and wasting tons of money on legal fees? I mean, if one party is an ass there's not much you can do, but I'd really hope that adults who at some point loved each other enough to get married could put aside their differences for long enough to negotiate and come to some sort of agreement on property division.

You would think so.... But adults all to often do not act like grown ups. People going through divorce are almost always in pain and they will lash out like this. They often forget that they once loved this person because really, it does not even seem like the same person that they married.

This is all personal speculation- not from my personal experience, but from watching my parents go through a divorce. I remember even as a young kid wondering how my parents could have ever loved each other. They were very childish and mean and petty during their divorce. It was only when I got older that I heard stories from my mom and learned how much they had really loved each other at one point. They just grew up and became different people. I guess it just happens that way.

Ok, sorry for the rant.

madmax · #47 08-25-2005, 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by TheBest!

What do you think? Should I keep going out with him or disappear from his life completely.

If it was rme, and I met a hot blond that was married. I would go out with her. I am not cheating, she it.

jharb · #48 08-25-2005, 03:06 PM

This isn't a good situation, run far far away!

LightBulb · #49 08-25-2005, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by madmax
If it was rme, and I met a hot blond that was married. I would go out with her. I am not cheating, she it.

Yes you are, if you know she's married! Same thing.

madmax · #50 08-25-2005, 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by LightBulb
Yes you are, if you know she's married! Same thing.

No it isn't. Who would I be cheating on? It is only cheating if you are married. Girlfriends don't count either.

valkyrie · #51 08-25-2005, 03:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by LightBulb
Yes you are, if you know she's married! Same thing.

I don't agree with that at all. If you're married, you are the one who is cheating -- you are the one who made a promise to be faithful to your spouse. The person with whom you're cheating didn't make a promise to your spouse, and he or she owes nothing to the spouse. There's no cheating involved on the part of the other man or woman.

BobbyTheDon · #52 08-25-2005, 03:47 PM

Ever see Unfaithful? Whatever you do, don't get hit by a snow globe man. bad things can happen, lemme tell you.

sugar and spice · #53 08-25-2005, 04:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
I don't agree with that at all. If you're married, you are the one who is cheating -- you are the one who made a promise to be faithful to your spouse. The person with whom you're cheating didn't make a promise to your spouse, and he or she owes nothing to the spouse. There's no cheating involved on the part of the other man or woman.

Sort of.

I agree that there's no cheating involved on the part of the other man/woman, but do you really think that the other man or woman owes the person's spouse NOTHING? I think that, at the very least, s/he owes them the common courtesy of treating the spouse like they'd like to be treated. It's still morally wrong -- just not AS morally wrong as the person who made them a promise to remain faithful.

Lindz928 · #54 08-25-2005, 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sugar and spice
Sort of.

I agree that there's no cheating involved on the part of the other man/woman, but do you really think that the other man or woman owes the person's spouse NOTHING? I think that, at the very least, s/he owes them the common courtesy of treating the spouse like they'd like to be treated. It's still morally wrong -- just not AS morally wrong as the person who made them a promise to remain faithful.

Agreed! I would think it would still make you feel like crap.

And I personally think that Girlfriends and boyfriends DO count, madmax. If you were dating someone you loved, and they slept with someone else, that would be ok with you since ya'll aren't married? I would (and have) not liked it at all.

I considered hooking up with a guy once who had a gf... My friend pointed out how I would feel in that situation and I didn't do it. He also pointed out that karma is a bitch.

valkyrie · #55 08-25-2005, 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sugar and spice
Sort of.

I agree that there's no cheating involved on the part of the other man/woman, but do you really think that the other man or woman owes the person's spouse NOTHING? I think that, at the very least, s/he owes them the common courtesy of treating the spouse like they'd like to be treated. It's still morally wrong -- just not AS morally wrong as the person who made them a promise to remain faithful.

In an ideal world, people would all treat each other with common courtesy and not bang the spouses of others. Aside from that common courtesy, though, there is no duty to someone else's spouse.

Would I find it morally wrong for me to hook up with some married dude? Yes. However, there are people who don't feel the same way.

Kevin · #56 08-25-2005, 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
You know, that's part of why I think people are really stupid. Why don't people just try to AGREE and work things out rather than fighting over every little thing and wasting tons of money on legal fees? I mean, if one party is an ass there's not much you can do, but I'd really hope that adults who at some point loved each other enough to get married could put aside their differences for long enough to negotiate and come to some sort of agreement on property division.

ETA: Of course I'm not referring to anyone here -- these are just my general observations.

I work in a family law office right now, and when I finish law school, I imagine my practice will include a lot of these types of cases. What I see more and more is people going straight away to mediation following discovery. Usually a good mediator will get things hammered out pretty well.

Oklahoma is not a state that cares anything about "fault", and assets are not necessarily divided 50/50 either. I forget the technical terms for that.

At any rate though, there's no reasonable excuse that I can think of as to why this guy is still with his "wife" other than that he and she may have some reservations about becoming divorced -- otherwise, they'd take the plunge.

As for saying "lawyers get the whole thing", that's silly. You can end up a LOT worse off if you don't have a lawyer to protect your interests. At least someone needs to know what they're doing.

We do plenty of amicable divorces in our office. Husband and wife agree to a list of terms, (we only represent one), we type up a decree, send it to the soon to be ex who gets it reviewed by another attorney, get it signed off on, and whamo, divorced!

It can't be much more complicated than that elsewhere. If they're living in the same house, surely they are on good enough terms to work out the particulars of a decree.

But writing the decree and all that by yourself? I'd only recommend that if you had no serious assets, and sometimes, not even then.

AOII_LB93 · #57 08-25-2005, 07:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by TheBest!
AOII_LB93 with that comment you scared the hell out of me.
Now I won't even answer his phone calls.

I wasn't trying to scare you, just put it in perspective.

When folks screw around with married people, whether they are single or married, they're acting like trash. Yes, everyone has a choice in the matter, but come on...when has it ever been right to screw with someone's marriage whether it's good or bad? - unless of course there is drug/child/alcohol/spousal abuse going on, then someone needs to get involved and not by hopping into a relationship with either person.

In MOST marriage vows it includes the saying, "What God has joined, let no one separate." That doesn't mean only if you know the person you don't mess with them, that means you don't mess with married folk. It's a respect issue, self and human.

Kevin · #58 08-25-2005, 11:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AOII_LB93
I wasn't trying to scare you, just put it in perspective.

When folks screw around with married people, whether they are single or married, they're acting like trash. Yes, everyone has a choice in the matter, but come on...when has it ever been right to screw with someone's marriage whether it's good or bad? - unless of course there is drug/child/alcohol/spousal abuse going on, then someone needs to get involved and not by hopping into a relationship with either person.

In MOST marriage vows it includes the saying, "What God has joined, let no one separate." That doesn't mean only if you know the person you don't mess with them, that means you don't mess with married folk. It's a respect issue, self and human.

You bring up a good point. If his objection to breaking it off is a religious one, then why the eff is he dating around?

AOII_LB93 · #59 08-26-2005, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by ktsnake
You bring up a good point. If his objection to breaking it off is a religious one, then why the eff is he dating around?

THANK YOU! I mean come on...hypocrisy!

valkyrie · #60 08-26-2005, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by ktsnake
You bring up a good point. If his objection to breaking it off is a religious one, then why the eff is he dating around?

Because he's full of crap. He has no religious objection to anything -- he just wants his wife at home and a hoochie on the side.

(I'm not calling OP a hoochie -- I'm sure if it's not her, it'll be someone else.)