What if you never get married?

[Peaches-n-Cream]

Originally posted by James
I don't think I''ll get married.

I don't think I'll be alone.

I know quite a few men who don't want to get married so you definitely won't be alone.

[tunatartare]

When I was younger, I was kind of skeptical about marriage and it didn't sound all that appealing to me. Truth be told, now as I get older, I seem to get more and more scared of having to settle down and raise a family and all that. I don't know if I'll ever get married, but even if I do, I only want one child, a girl, and I've decided that I don't want to have my own child, I'd rather adopt. I wanted to have a kid at around 35, so if I'm not married by the time I'm like 35-40, I'd probably just adopt the little girl anyway.

[PureGoldF2K1]

I totally want to get married someday. I will be VERY disappointed with my life if i dont meet anyone I love well enough to marry, get to plan a wedding, have kids, a marriage, other married couples as friends, family vacations, etc! I guess getting married isnt a necessity to a fulfilling life, but maybe to me it is. A great career would be wonderful, friends and blood relatives are super, but I dont think I'll be completely happy without also starting my OWN family!

I also think that if I'm not married by the time I'm in my 40's, I would be willing to settle for someone who I love, but I'm not "in love" with.

[RUgreek]

Originally posted by dphies00
I think most men go through their lives thinking they're going to get married some day... I just don't think its in human nature to believe that we're all going to be alone, not part of a pair.

I just know I don't want to get divorced. So if it means waiting till I find the perfect match and possibly never finding her, so be it. I notice that more women obsess about the marriage subject than guys. It's just not a big deal to some of us...

RUgreek

[LightBulb]

Adoption is such a wonderful choice... there are so many kids out there who need a loving home.

I hope I get married. I will probably get married soon after undergraduate school. I don't know when/if I will have kids but probably soon after that, since I am Catholic.

I would be so sad if I never get married... there are just so many things I want to share with my future husband.

[AchtungBaby80]

Originally posted by James
I don't think I''ll get married.

I don't think I'll be alone.

You won't.

[XOMichelle]

Originally posted by Peaches-n-Cream
I know quite a few men who don't want to get married so you definitely won't be alone.

ha!

[AKA_Monet]

Valkyrie--

While many of the post by my younger colleagues dishearten me immensely, i.e. "I wannabe married by 2 and have 50 boys at 10", I think that your question is very profound. What if it NEVER happens...

Well, I was one to accept the "NEVER"... I wanted to meet a man that I loved and he loved me, too and we just get married and have a family... And my age just crept up and up... Sure I met plenty of suitors, I loved them, but they didn't love me or vice versa...

So in betwixted my 30's, after my illness, I was like, the next guy that I love and he loves me, I am gonna be straight up with him and put him on a "heartbreaker--dealbreaker, time schedule of 3 months". My logic being that after 3 months of serious dating, then having to break up because of lack of commitment issues won't hurt as bad as in my "old 30-something" age creeps upto 40ish and 50ish or beyond and a nowhere going relationship keeps on for umpteen years...

Well, my now husband called my bluff--within the 3 month time limit...

The fact is I think most young ladies here are putting up with stuff and settling for less with the men in their lives...

However, there are those young ladies that like the glamorous life... And a husband can't fit into that schema...

But what bothers me most is that some young ladies here have a "jaded" view about life and it will bite them in the azz... Not everything is gonna wind up as a rose garden, sweetheart... And there are plenty of men on GC that are telling them this skrait up and personal...

I may be unable to have children. My husband does not want children. I am nearing 40... I personally do not want to become pregnant at 40 and I will not have any biotechnology affecting my uterus... But, hey, you just deal with those facts and realities. One can be a mother to the motherless... Adoption, esepecially for children of color and African American children are strongly needed... So the lack of available children out there isn't the issue for me...

I just think my genomic DNA is of superior quality to influence the gene pool...

[adpiucf]

I feel like I have been really lucky. I worked hard and had a great time in college, moved 3,000 miles away from my family and friends post-graduation and had a crazy adventure for 2.5 years. I dated a lot, traveled, volunteered, worked mad hours... and then I decided to switch coasts again.

Now, I'm about 1,000 miles from my loved ones, and living out a different sort of adventure-- but starting over, making new friends, etc. I'm getting re-settled, I'm seeing that dating is a little harder than it was before and that I'm settling into bigger responsibilities. I'll be 26 next week, and as I creep closer to 30 (ok, I have a few more years before that!), I realize that I do want a husband and children... in the near future. I hope it happens, but I also know that I'm my best source of happiness and I'm going to continue living for me and today-- not that I don't look forward to the future, but I think it's best not to get too caught up in things outside our own control.

Still, it's easy to get wistful. The grass is always greener on the other side. I hope there's a great guy out there for all of us, ladies, but I hope for now, too, we all spend time enjoying ourselves.

[CarolinaDG]

Originally posted by valkyrie
I'm noticing more and more comments young women make here and there involving getting married and/or having kids someday. I'm not trying to pick on anyone at all, but examples include saying something like I don't want to get a tattoo that could be visible in a wedding dress, or I don't want to get something monogrammed because I'll get married and change my name someday (and by "I" I don't mean me, of course, lol).

But what if it never happens? Sure, most people get married, but it's not guaranteed. What if you don't meet the man of your dreams? Will you settle for someone who's just okay because getting married is so important, or would you rather be single until and unless you meet someone so awesome you can't imagine spending the rest of your life without him? Isn't it presumptuous to assume it will happen?

The same goes for having kids. "When I have kids I'll..." is fine and all, but what if you don't? How can anyone assume it will happen? What if you never meet the right person, or what if one of you can't have kids? Will you adopt? What will you do?

I don't mean to be raining on anyone's parade, but it seems troubling that young women are putting so much thought into some future thing that might or might not ever happen. Yes, chances are, you will get married someday, but if you're not even dating someone you might want to marry now, why even think about it or plan for it?

It's funny, because I was just thinking about this today and just found this post. I haven't read anyone elses posts to know what the most updated post is, but here's my thought.

Today I was driving and passed these condos in the city that I live in. My thought was, "In a couple of years I'd like to have enough money saved up to buy one." It got me thinking about this very subject. I am already planning on buying a house in a couple of years, because I actually do NOT expect to find anyone. And it's a really hard thought for me, because I would love to get married and have kids. I've always pictured myself in a huge two-story house with a BMW and a Mercedes and a dog. Well, right now I'm on the second floor of nice apartments with a Toyota Corolla Sport and a Dog. And that's fine by me, except I would like to buy my own place in a couple of years. OK, so I kind of got off subject. I started thinking that thinking I would buy a condo in a couple of years is crazy because I'm only 22 and for all I know I COULD be married in a couple of years. Granted, it's not very likely, but it could happen. I could meet someone tomorrow.

The thing is, I think this is what deep down most people think. Well, I will PROBABLY get married, and if I do I want to make sure I don't have monogrammed towels or a tatoo that will show in a dress or a newly bought condo when I have to move in with my husband in his two-story house with his Mercedes and BMW.

Also, I just bought a dog about a month ago. She is a very sweet 12-week-old Jack Russell, and chances are in the next 15 years I will have kids, so I'm trying to train her as if I will. I mean, maybe I won't have kids, but I would rather train her "just in case" to be used to kids and not jump on small kids or bite them. Just in case.

The fact of the matter is, all of us think at some point in the back of our minds that we won't get married one day or have kids, but when it comes down to it if we want the marriage and the kids eventually than we try to keep that thought at the back, and not the front.

[SmartBlondeGPhB]

Originally posted by CarolinaDG
I've always pictured myself in a huge two-story house with a BMW and a Mercedes and a dog.

Nothing says you can't have those without being married.........

[SmartBlondeGPhB]

Originally posted by LightBulb
I don't know when/if I will have kids but probably soon after that, since I am Catholic.

Well, I'm Catholic too but that's not running my timeline.......

[CarolinaDG]

Originally posted by SmartBlondeGPhB
Nothing says you can't have those without being married.........

Well, having a 2-story house without someone living with me would be a little large... I may get scared at night. But the Mercedes and BMW are definitely in my 10-year plan! The Beamer was going to be my family car, though, and the Mercedes was going to be my convertible.

[AlphaSigOU]

I just turned - egads! - 40 on Monday and am so not in a hurry to marry and have kids. Sorry to disappoint you, Mom and Dad, you ain't getting any grandkids for a while.

[amycat412]

Originally posted by AlphaSigOU
I just turned - egads! - 40 on Monday and am so not in a hurry to marry and have kids. Sorry to disappoint you, Mom and Dad, you ain't getting any grandkids for a while.

Happy Belated Birthday. I'm 35 and feel the same way...tho I am in a serious long term rela and we plan to get married one day, but we're just not in a hurry. Life is good as it is, why rush things. lol