Sexualize your daughters? At what age? - Page 4

kappaloo · #46 08-16-2004, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by aephi alum
This is also (in addition to Taualumna's point about dress codes) why you have to try to get your kids to internalize the message that some clothes are just inappropriate for certain situations, like school.

Once when I was in high school, a girl showed up in a see-through top with nothing but a bra underneath. A teacher saw her and sent her home to change. And he was criticized for it - by the school and by the girl's parents! Apparently he shouldn't have been looking at her boobs.

My lil sis' school has a great policy. It's a very specific dress code. If you break it - you have two options. Option A is that one of your parents comes and picks you up. Option B is that you wear one of the teacher's "extra" shirts/pants for the rest of the day. Often because the parents are unavailable/unwilling to pick up the child, option B is in effect.

The clothes are (clean but) the grossest clothes you have ever seen. Basically the teachers brought the clothes they wouldn't be seen it and then when to a second hand clothing store and bought the cheapest (read ugliest) clothes they could find for the rest. They're all huge, tacky, outfits (can't have thing too small for the biggest person in the class after all).

It took 1 month for the school to teach the kids who were dressing inappropriately to smarten up.

eta: James - people learn to be good parents by trying to be good parents. They learn from whatever they have available - teachers, friends, familiy. I'm not saying it's easy, I'm saying it's neccessary.

aephi alum · #47 08-16-2004, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by kappaloo
Or just be a good parent while also working away from home in a dual-family income - it is possible! Because the mother and father works is NO excuse for poor parenting skills.

THANK YOU!! I'm sick of people telling me my kids will turn out to be maladjusted drug addicts because I choose to continue to pursue a career outside the home.

Peaches-n-Cream · #48 08-16-2004, 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by aephi alum
THANK YOU!! I'm sick of people telling me my kids will turn out to be maladjusted drug addicts because I choose to continue to pursue a career outside the home.

People tell you that? That's awful.

People used to tell my mother that any problems my sisters and I had were because she was a single mother and returned to school when we were children. Like she had much of a choice. She became a widow suddenly when we were little so she went to law school to support us. Meanwhile these were the parents of kids who were brought home drunk or stoned or in some sort of trouble. People really need to work on their own lives before they judge others.

aephi alum · #49 08-16-2004, 01:46 PM

To be fair, nobody's ever quite put it that way to my face, but I've been on the receiving end of more than a few disapproving cluck-clucks. I did have someone once come out and ask me how many more years I intended to work before I settled down and had children. When I told this individual I had no intention of giving up my career, I got "Well, maybe you can work part-time."

Funny how nobody suggests that my husband stay home or work part-time...

</hijack>

Optimist Prime · #50 08-16-2004, 02:29 PM

Wearing make up/ear peircings etc will be deffered to my girlfriend while consulting my ex wife.

Wine&SilverBlue · #51 08-16-2004, 04:09 PM

do you really think bra straps are bad?

there was an issue in my junior high where they tried to send people home to change if bra straps were showing. a lot of parents threw a big fuss saying that it alienated the girls that *needed* bras, while the others could just go bra-less and wear tank tops. (i went to a public school and we had no dress code)

the outfits in issue were regular tank tops that the bra straps happened to poke out from underneath.

finally one day the assistant principal wore a shirt that was sheer enough in the back where you could see her whole bra. People complained that *that* was worse than anything the girls were wearing, and girls were allowed to wear the tank tops again.

I went to a public HS too (on Long Island) and people would wear tube tops w/ dangling bb rings showing, low low low rise jeans, etc and I dont think I can remember anyone being sent home to change.

AXOjen · #52 08-16-2004, 04:32 PM

Quote:

do you really think bra straps are bad?

Back in my day (which really wasn't that long ago) we would have been mortified if our bra strap showed. It was considered an act of sisterly kindness to help a girl pin her bra strap to her shirt in such a way that the bra strap would not show and neither would the pin.

Now I see racer back tanks of white with bras of red underneath. But I suppose that's not quite as bad as the thong showing above the waist-line of the jeans.

33girl · #53 08-16-2004, 04:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Wine&SilverBlue
do you really think bra straps are bad?

YES.

If it's a regular tank top, you can wear this below and your straps won't poke out. That's why they make them. People are just too lazy/dumb to buy them. (They're not any more expensive than regular bras)

School is not the place for spaghetti straps unless you wear a shirt/jacket over it that you don't take off.

Oh, and unless the asst principal wore that shirt under a blazer, she should be ashamed of herself. If you're going to wear a sheer shirt or cutaway sweater under a blazer you need to keep the blazer over it.

valkyrie · #54 08-16-2004, 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
So at what age will, or do yo think you should, sexualize your daughters?

We have debates in this country about age approriate dress and when girls should be sexually active. Which is fine.

But my qustion is when do you start dressing your daughter up in such a way that they become sex objects to males?

Specifically, when will you allow your daughters to wear make-up like an adult woman and wearing clothes that accentuate her body's sexual attributes?

These are really two different questions -- you're asking (1) when should you start dressing your daughter as a sex object and (2) when should you allow her to wear makeup or dress in revealing clothes. The first question, along with the question "Sexualize your daughters?" is, frankly, just creepy, and not at all the same as the second question.

Anyway, on the bra strap issue, I don't think bra straps are a big deal at all. There's nothing inherenly "naughty" about them.

adpialumcsuc · #55 08-16-2004, 05:45 PM

If and when I have a daughter she will absoluetly not be allowed out of the house with anything that I don't approve of. I see way too many girls wearing clothes that are too tight, too small or to clingy. That is not appropriate. I think that there are plenty of cute clothes out there that cover up and are still stylish.

As far as the bra straps go....they bother me but only in certain circumstances. It really bothers me when you see someone wearing a racer back tank with a regular bra. NO!! However I will wear a thin strapped tank with a bra as long as the color is close. I will do anything to not wear a strapless bra.

cuaphi · #56 08-16-2004, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
These are really two different questions -- you're asking (1) when should you start dressing your daughter as a sex object and (2) when should you allow her to wear makeup or dress in revealing clothes. The first question, along with the question "Sexualize your daughters?" is, frankly, just creepy, and not at all the same as the second question.

Thank you! The title of this thread struck me as odd too.

PhiPsiRuss · #57 08-16-2004, 06:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl
When I was 27, it was "OMG, Janet Jackson has a guy's hands over her boobs."

That happened this year, not in 1980.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

PhiPsiRuss · #58 08-16-2004, 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by kappaloo
My lil sis' school has a great policy. It's a very specific dress code. If you break it - you have two options. Option A is that one of your parents comes and picks you up. Option B is that you wear one of the teacher's "extra" shirts/pants for the rest of the day. Often because the parents are unavailable/unwilling to pick up the child, option B is in effect.

The clothes are (clean but) the grossest clothes you have ever seen. Basically the teachers brought the clothes they wouldn't be seen it and then when to a second hand clothing store and bought the cheapest (read ugliest) clothes they could find for the rest. They're all huge, tacky, outfits (can't have thing too small for the biggest person in the class after all).

It took 1 month for the school to teach the kids who were dressing inappropriately to smarten up.

That's great! Of course, that would be classified as hazing by some.

wrigley · #59 08-16-2004, 06:43 PM

Russ, I think what 33Girl is referring to is the 1993 album cover by Janet Jackson called "Janet". The controversy there was it originally featured her topless and a pair of someone's hands covering her breasts.

PhiPsiRuss · #60 08-16-2004, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by wrigley
Russ, I think what 33Girl is referring to is the 1993 album cover by Janet Jackson called "Janet". The controversy there was it originally featured her topless and a pair of someone's hands covering her breasts.

Oh, you're right. I forgot about that masterpiece.