leaving the house without make-up - Page 4

AXOLiz · #46 12-17-2002, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Dionysus
I find this post disturbing.

Whether you find it disturbing or not, I know a lot of girls like that. People who are very secure, self-confident people don't necessarily understand how people who aren't like that think. It can be very messed up and isn't easy to understand if you haven't been there. I know a lot of people, myself included, who've fought issues like these their whole lives.

All I meant to say by my post is that, while many women out there use makeup just to enhance their appearance occasionally, there are others who use it to cover up for deeper self-image issues. You obviously don't have that issue, but that doesn't make it something that doesn't happen. In a case where there are lots of issues, saying something like, "I don't like kissing a girl with makeup on,"or, "You don't need all that on," isn't necessarily going to get a response of, "You're right, let's leave now." It can be like telling someone who's anorexic that they need to eat, although going without mascara never exactly put anyone's life in danger.

If you think it's disturbing, imagine what it's like living your life thinking like that. It's a lot harder on the people who live through it than those who can just dismiss it as, "disturbing." I've seen it a lot and wanted to give another perspective, that's all. I didn't mean that happens 100% of the time or even that frequently, just that if you're going to comment on someone's appearance, you might want to think carefully about what you're going to say because there might be deeper problems involved.

Dionysus · #47 12-17-2002, 11:53 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by AXOLiz

Whether you find it disturbing or not, I know a lot of girls like that. People who are very secure, self-confident people don't necessarily understand how people who aren't like that think. It can be very messed up and isn't easy to understand if you haven't been there. I know a lot of people, myself included, who've fought issues like these their whole lives.

All I meant to say by my post is that, while many women out there use makeup just to enhance their appearance occasionally, there are others who use it to cover up for deeper self-image issues. You obviously don't have that issue, but that doesn't make it something that doesn't happen. In a case where there are lots of issues, saying something like, "I don't like kissing a girl with makeup on,"or, "You don't need all that on," isn't necessarily going to get a response of, "You're right, let's leave now." It can be like telling someone who's anorexic that they need to eat, although going without mascara never exactly put anyone's life in danger.

If you think it's disturbing, imagine what it's like living your life thinking like that. It's a lot harder on the people who live through it than those who can just dismiss it as, "disturbing." I've seen it a lot and wanted to give another perspective, that's all. I didn't mean that happens 100% of the time or even that frequently, just that if you're going to comment on someone's appearance, you might want to think carefully about what you're going to say because there might be deeper problems involved.

No, you're wrong. I may be content with my body image NOW. But I haven't always. Growing up, while didn't have any problems with weight, I had many other problems with body image. And, my problems with body image were a direct result of deeper problems. What's worse it started at a very early age, around 7. I had zero self esteem.

I've been there and done that. So, I do kind of agree with you. True, it's not all about make-up it's about deeper issues. THATS why I find this disturbing. That so many women feel insecure, not about the desire of wearing make up in itself.

AXOLiz · #48 12-17-2002, 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Dionysus

No, you're wrong. I may be content with my body image NOW. But I haven't always. Growing up, while didn't have any problems with weight, I had many other problems with body image. And, my problems with body image were a direct result of deeper problems. What's worse it started at a very early age, around 7. I had zero self esteem.

I've been there and done that. So, I do kind of agree with you. True, it's not all about make-up it's about deeper issues. THATS why I find this disturbing. That so many women feel insecure, not about the desire of wearing make up in itself.

Sorry, I misunderstood before. I agree with you - I also find it really disturbing that women have all these issues linked to their appearance - and that so many of them could be at least slightly alleviated if people were just nicer to each other.

This is why the entire FUPA thread, for example, pissed me off. Guys wonder why girls are so insecure about their bodies and then they make comments that could give the most secure person a complex.

Another sidenote for guys here - we understand that when you love someone, you can look past appearances a little more, but we also hear what you say and your friends say, so don't expect us to assume that you're not holding us to the same standards as a random girl you think is hot.

I understand completely about how awful self-esteem problems can be, especially if they start at a young age (because going through puberty is already hard enough). I had them too, and I think it's incredible that you've gotten through them. I'm just starting to deal with a lot of my self-esteem issues that started when I was around 7 or so, and it's probably the hardest thing I've ever done. So I guess I'm a little sensitive when it comes to stuff like this since I know how easy it is to hurt someone who's already feeling pretty low, even if you have the best intentions.

librasoul22 · #49 12-17-2002, 03:00 PM

Okay...

One thing you need to realize is that when a guy thinks some random girl is hot, that does NOT mean he is thinking of leaving you to go be with her. He does NOT see long-term girlfriend potential in her, he just sees as nice looking chick. Do you not do the same when a good-looking guy walks by? Do you not sit around with your girlfriends to discuss hot guys? Why the double standard?

I, too, find it seriously disturbing that women MUST have make-up for the purpose that was mentioned. I also think that rather than trying to JUSTIFY your self-esteem issues you should try to work them out and deal with them. And I don't mean the person that posted about this (but if the shoe fits..), I mean ANYONE who truly thinks they need enhancements or makeup to be beautiful.

Why do we base our self-worth on someone ELSE'S opinion? This does NOT make sense.

AXOLiz · #50 12-17-2002, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by librasoul22
Okay...

One thing you need to realize is that when a guy thinks some random girl is hot, that does NOT mean he is thinking of leaving you to go be with her. He does NOT see long-term girlfriend potential in her, he just sees as nice looking chick. Do you not do the same when a good-looking guy walks by? Do you not sit around with your girlfriends to discuss hot guys? Why the double standard?

First, to address this point - I don't see a double standard, but that could be because I didn't directly include the girl version of that scenario. Yes, my female friends and I check out guys, however, if a guy I was dating was with me, I wouldn't be commenting on another guy's body. Maybe I'm being too careful, but I wouldn't want to be going, "Damn, that guy's hot!!!", in front of another guy. It just seems kind of rude to me, but I might be the only one who thinks so.

Obviously, just by checking someone out, you aren't going to run off and leave the person you're with. People are free to check out the opposite sex left and right (or the same sex if you're so inclined), but I wouldn't tell a guy I was dating how hot another guy was looking. For some reason, a lot of my friends have had a guy here or there who'd constantly comment to them about girls around them and they got upset. Maybe it doesn't bother some girls, but it can bug some. That's all I meant. If you're checking out a guy or a girl, the guy or girl you're with might not want to hear about it.

Quote:

Originally posted by librasoul22

I, too, find it seriously disturbing that women MUST have make-up for the purpose that was mentioned. I also think that rather than trying to JUSTIFY your self-esteem issues you should try to work them out and deal with them. And I don't mean the person that posted about this (but if the shoe fits..), I mean ANYONE who truly thinks they need enhancements or makeup to be beautiful.

Why do we base our self-worth on someone ELSE'S opinion? This does NOT make sense.

I agree with you. People shouldn't base their entire self-worth on another's opinion and they shouldn't justify their self-esteem issues. I'm the first to admit there's a lot of stuff I do because I have issues that are all in my head and they aren't anyone else's fault but my own. That's why I've been getting help for a while now - I was tired of placing blame and never finding a solution.

When people justify their behavior and place blame on everything but themselves, nothing ever changes. If you are upset because you're overweight, talk to your doctor, try diet and exercise, figure out why you're overweight (even if there's a chemical/hormonal/genetic reason) and do something about it, don't sue the fast food companies. If you are depressed because of what other people think about you, work through those issues so you don't focus on that anymore and boost your self-esteem.

However, it's generally difficult for people to admit they need help in these areas. There's still a fairly strong stigma placed on mental illness and seeking therapy. When you have these problems, you have to decide for yourself that you need to work through them even though people may think less of you (which isn't something you'll know until you tell them). Some people live their entire lives never wanting to admit they have a problem because they're still caught up in what other people think. I've seen it happen in my family many times.

And despite the fact that I think people need to work through their problems instead of just covering them up, I'll go back to my original point yet again - be gentle with other peoples' feelings and be tactful with even the most constructive criticism. You may be trying to help them, but you never know what they're trying to deal with already.

bcdphie · #51 12-17-2002, 04:54 PM

If I'm just running some basic errands like going to the grocery store, there is no need for me to put on make-up. I do not need to lool like a super model to go and pick up milk and cereal. But if I'm going out with my boyfriend or friends, then I will get done up.

Rudey · #52 12-17-2002, 05:22 PM

I resent the FUPA comment. You just have to deal with that as a handicap. It's like guys who lose their hair. Hey nobody wants it, but it happens.

-Rudey
--Makeup and FUPAs are different. I pity the girl who rubs concealer on her FUPA though.

Quote:

Originally posted by AXOLiz

Sorry, I misunderstood before. I agree with you - I also find it really disturbing that women have all these issues linked to their appearance - and that so many of them could be at least slightly alleviated if people were just nicer to each other. This is why the entire FUPA thread, for example, pissed me off. Guys wonder why girls are so insecure about their bodies and then they make comments that could give the most secure person a complex.

Another sidenote for guys here - we understand that when you love someone, you can look past appearances a little more, but we also hear what you say and your friends say, so don't expect us to assume that you're not holding us to the same standards as a random girl you think is hot.

I understand completely about how awful self-esteem problems can be, especially if they start at a young age (because going through puberty is already hard enough). I had them too, and I think it's incredible that you've gotten through them. I'm just starting to deal with a lot of my self-esteem issues that started when I was around 7 or so, and it's probably the hardest thing I've ever done. So I guess I'm a little sensitive when it comes to stuff like this since I know how easy it is to hurt someone who's already feeling pretty low, even if you have the best intentions.

AXOLiz · #53 12-17-2002, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Rudey
I resent the FUPA comment. You just have to deal with that as a handicap. It's like guys who lose their hair. Hey nobody wants it, but it happens.

-Rudey
--Makeup and FUPAs are different. I pity the girl who rubs concealer on her FUPA though.

I agree with you. And I am in no way saying you're at all guilty of this, but I hate when people make fun of something that's a "handicap." If it CAN'T be improved without undergoing cosmetic surgery, leave it alone. Pointing out someone's FUPA is right up there with laughing at a guy whose hairline is receding or ripping on the size of a guy's package in my opinion.

-Liz
--Concealer on a FUPA definitely wouldn't work. Maybe hair in a can?

alphaiota · #54 12-17-2002, 06:19 PM

i must be stupid, but what is FUPA? i've been seeing this in a few threads and i'm still not able to figure it out.

Rudey · #55 12-17-2002, 06:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by alphaiota
i must be stupid, but what is FUPA? i've been seeing this in a few threads and i'm still not able to figure it out.

Send a private message to K Sig RC. Rob has a fetish for girls with them and can go into extreme detail explaining them.

-Rudey
--Tell him Rudey sent you!

Angels&Arrows · #56 12-17-2002, 07:59 PM

When I first saw this thread... I laughed!!!!!

I am from the south (though I grew up in Germany and now live in New England!!)

We moved to Boston five years ago, I have slowly stopped wearing make-up to the grocery store, quick trip to the mall, etc. I would never step out my parents front door in Madison, Mississippi without make-up on...

"You never know who you might run into!" My mother (who I might add always wears make-up) laughes at me!!!!

I am lucky, in that I get to fly home several times a year... I will get on the first plane (no direct flights to Jackson International Airport!) without make-up on... but before I land in Mississippi, I have my make-up bag out and apply my face!

I am sure this sounds a bit outlandish to those who are unfamiliar with the South, but for those that are.. I know you are laughing!!!!

alphaiota · #57 12-17-2002, 09:59 PM

how about you pm me and just define it. i couldn't send him a pm for some reason.

shelley j
sigma k

IowaHawkeye · #58 12-17-2002, 11:15 PM

FUPA was in the Easilly offended?? Don't Click here!!! thread.

read and discuss.

alphaiota · #59 12-18-2002, 01:12 AM

so i'm assuming it's the furry (normally or naturall) area and not the lower abdominal area.
wow, are you kidding me? i've never heard of a guy finding that bad. the guys i've been with like a "fat kitty". as if it's something the girl can control. i think i've never run into this problem cuz i just don't care to associate with guys who would find this to be a problem. seems pretty shallow to have that be a turn off. would you rather see her pubic bones? now that seems nasty to me.

shelley j
sigma k

Rudey · #60 12-18-2002, 01:41 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by alphaiota
so i'm assuming it's the furry (normally or naturall) area and not the lower abdominal area.
wow, are you kidding me? i've never heard of a guy finding that bad. the guys i've been with like a "fat kitty". as if it's something the girl can control. i think i've never run into this problem cuz i just don't care to associate with guys who would find this to be a problem. seems pretty shallow to have that be a turn off. would you rather see her pubic bones? now that seems nasty to me.

shelley j
sigma k

You've changed my life forever.

-Rudey
--Grabs some Kibbles and Bits and skips along to find a "fat kitty."