As an alumna, how WELL should you know a PNM in order to write a RecForm/Sponsorship?

[alphaalpha]

Should I write a warning letter? An anti-recommendation letter? I don't think she would be the correct fit for my chapter, but on the off chance, should I write or inform someone at my chapter?

I don't know that much about rec's. i went to a small school in california, but i have to say that I would want to know about a girl that you have described. I know my chapter was very anti alcohol/drugs and there are many girls that came through with this ohhh i love the fact that you girls dont drink, only to find out that this girl gets drunk every weekend and partied every night durn rush. We eventually droped her because she got caught by the dorm people drinking otherwise we would have never know. She was so nice and sweet during rush and i swear i could not tell that she has been drinking.

Anyway, i am not super P.C. on rush stuff but I would want to know about a girls character, especially if its about drinking and getting in trouble with the police.

That is just my 2 cents.

[Tippiechick]

Originally posted by carnation
You could call someone in the chapter and discuss it with them. Then if they need a formal "no-rec", maybe you could do it for them.

I can't believe I am saying this, BUT I agree with Carnation!!!

No-rec her. That way, you can make SURE that the chapter remembers her during recruitment. She won't fall through the cracks if she has a no-rec. (This is if I am reading you correctly that this girl SHOULD IN NO CIRCUMSTANCES be considered for membership.

[honeychile]

Let me see, I agree with:

TippieChick & Polarpi about the Info-Only Rec. If I know the PNM's family and/or her friends well enough, I'll add that, too.

DolphinChicaDDD - I haven't seen a Tri-Delta rec sheet in years (since my neighbor filled one out for me!). On ours, we have a box which we can check that says we do NOT recommend that the PNM is given a bid, no explanation needed. We do need to give our name/address/phone number, in case the chapter really loves that PNM and an Advisor can get in touch with you as to the "why". There's a huge difference between "she dumped my son & made him cry" and "she has a police record & is a horrible person all around." If you have that option, I would use it. That way, the PNM still maintains some privacy, and Tri-Delta is spared a horrible sister.

Good luck, and follow your conscience. And if there's an ADPi chapter there, you might want to PM me a heads up, too!

[roqueemae]

I asked this question on Phi Mu's site last year. I was so scared to write my first rec. How was I to know HALF of the stuff on those forms? I would have had to grill the girl for information. I had an alumna call me and ask me all of the questions on the form so she could fill it out completely for me but some of those questions were kind of intimidating. I don't write many because working in Greek Affairs is kind of a conflict of interest. I can't be recruiting girls for Phi Mu when I am supposed to be neutral. I do write them for the people I would have known outside of the office (co-workers, family friends). The Phi Mu form is very specific on what kind of rec you are giving (info only, good, know people who say it is good, Alum Panhellenic says is good, or no rec)

Sidenote: I had a frantic phone call from a mother to the Greek Affairs office the other day. She wanted to know if her daughter is late getting started finding recs for recruitment next August! I told her that she is early and made her not as worried. She had been talking to some LSU mothers and was quite worried. Their recs need to be in by June. Our chapters get about 15/150 sent in without asking for them. The rest are found by the chapters. I tell parents/girls that it is nice to get them if you know someone but they are by no means necessary. LSU can sometimes mess that up for us esp with Alum Panhellenic helping out by hosting Informationals.

[adpiucf]

I see nothing wrong with writing an info-only rec for someone.

I don't think a rec should take undue time to put together. I make sure the PNM does the research-- giving me the address for the sorority, fills out the fields I need and then by asking some questions about here, I can craft a simple letter stating the woman's interests and highlighting her accomplishments. I always close the letter, adding, "I hope you will enjoy meeting 'Patty PNM' and I wish you a wonderful recruitment and school year!"

If the PNM has taken the time and effort to learn about sorority life, recommendations and alumnae, I consider her someone who has a genuine interest in being Greek. I'd like to help her put her best foot forward.

I'd expect that during recruitment the chapter will learn if that PNM is the right fit, and should she become a member and turn out to be a bad seed, the chapter will deal with that person appropriately.

Also, I see my rec as the PNM's first real contact with the sorority as a potential member, and I'd like her to see that alumnae are kind people who are involved with sorority life post-college. Often we're the first point of communication and can set the tone for how the PNM will view the sorority coming into recruitment. Call us a goodwill ambassador, if you will.

Also if I have personal knowledge of someone who would not be a good member, I have no problem writing a no-rec. In the situation above where it involves a friend's daughter, she could write a no-rec and send it in. Her friend will never know that she wrote a no-rec-- what is the sorority going to do? Call the mom and tell on her friend?

[DolphinChicaDDD]

Originally posted by honeychile
DolphinChicaDDD - I haven't seen a Tri-Delta rec sheet in years (since my neighbor filled one out for me!). On ours, we have a box which we can check that says we do NOT recommend that the PNM is given a bid, no explanation needed. We do need to give our name/address/phone number, in case the chapter really loves that PNM and an Advisor can get in touch with you as to the "why". There's a huge difference between "she dumped my son & made him cry" and "she has a police record & is a horrible person all around." If you have that option, I would use it. That way, the PNM still maintains some privacy, and Tri-Delta is spared a horrible sister.

Good luck, and follow your conscience. And if there's an ADPi chapter there, you might want to PM me a heads up, too!

ETA: No ADPi, no worries, lol. Although, I do feel the need to warn the other sororites I'm on campus who I have friends in. But I don't think my conscience will let me go that far. Because I'm friendly with those girls, but not best friends. I mean,how much stock would anyone's chapter put in my words anyway?

I checked the Tri Delt rec form and it doesn't have a no-rec option, although that would be great. I could have SWARN that used to be an option, and considering I've only been around for almost 2 years...it had to be a recent change. Or maybe I'm making it up, I do that alot.
Anyway, I've talked to 3 or 4 sisters that I'm pretty close with still, and they suggested I call the rec person at the chapter, introduce myself and then see if she would want me to send in a bad letter.

Thanks for the advice all!!

[kddani]

bumping b/c it's a hot topic again

[CutiePie2000]

Originally posted by kddani
bumping b/c it's a hot topic again

I think it's important enough to even be "stickied" at the top.

[KSigkid]

This may be different on the fraternity end, but...

I would have to know someone REALLY well to write a rec or even give a verbal rec to the chapter. To me, it just seems like a big deal to give someone that recommendation; what you're doing is giving them a boost above the other guys who are rushing (unless your chapter doesn't like you, then you may be hurting his chances..haha).

There would really have to be a solid reason for writing the rec; if not, then he would just have to take his chances like everyone else.

[kddani]

bumping again because it relates to discussions in other threads going on right now