Where are all the Potential PNMs?

[UCFlove]

I agree with GatorGirl's first post.. I read the stickies and even asked a question about recommendations. I know it was little controversial and some people didn't stand by it.. some did.. it was very helpful and even those who didn't agree didn't become rude.

I think its just hard to know how some things are meant to be taken when you don't actually hear a person say them, ya know?

Personally I'm just trying to lay low and take in the advice till Fall since the veterans suggest keeping it discreet.. ESPECIALLY since my school is in my name lol.

But regardless, only like a month to go!! YAY. Good luck to the other Fall PNMs!

[Meow190]

So, I admit it. I'm a lurking PNM who's been scoping out the advice and other tidbits y'all have been kind enough to leave for us clueless ladies, but I do have a question that I cannot seem to find an answer for. I can look up the quota for my school, but not only do I have no frame of reference (is that enough for most of the girls who rush (Its a small school with very few sororities, and therefore few russees)), but I cant seem to figure out what a quota is. Is it the number of girls they can take, will take, must take, or is it that they can/will/must take within a certain number of that numer, like a standard deviation, or is it a guideline? Our houses are not live in (I may have just given away my school, so if you know please dont "out me") so I know it isnt an issue of number of beds. If someone could explain this, or send me to someone who can, I would be much obliged.

Thank you all so much for your help, I hope to have a success story to post for you all soon.

Me

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Meow190

So, I admit it. I'm a lurking PNM who's been scoping out the advice and other tidbits y'all have been kind enough to leave for us clueless ladies, but I do have a question that I cannot seem to find an answer for. I can look up the quota for my school, but not only do I have no frame of reference (is that enough for most of the girls who rush (Its a small school with very few sororities, and therefore few russees)), but I cant seem to figure out what a quota is. Is it the number of girls they can take, will take, must take, or is it that they can/will/must take within a certain number of that numer, like a standard deviation, or is it a guideline?

Generally speaking: Quota is the max number of girls that a chapter can take during formal.

It is based on the number of girls attending Preference parties and the number of chapters participating.

Example: if a school has 4 sororities and 60 PNMs attend at least one pref party, quota is about 15.

[pam713]

At the risk of sounding like one of "those moms," my daughter is going through recruitment at an SEC school this year. Even though I am a member of a NPC group, this has been totally different experience. Basically I just showed up at rush and joined a sorority. Thanks to GC she has a better idea of what to expect and knows not to give one word answers, never set anything on fire, and stay out of the way of Chuck Norris. Thanks GreekChat!

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by pam713

At the risk of sounding like one of "those moms," my daughter is going through recruitment at an SEC school this year. Even though I am a member of a NPC group, this has been totally different experience. Basically I just showed up at rush and joined a sorority. Thanks to GC she has a better idea of what to expect and knows not to give one word answers, never set anything on fire, and stay out of the way of Chuck Norris. Thanks GreekChat!

HA.

See, we like moms around here. As long as they read the stickies. And don't act crazy.

Generally as long as you don't behave as if your daughter is entitled to join and is God's gift to the universe (and fly off the handle b/c she didn't get a bid or got her 2nd/3rd choice), you're ok with us.

[kddani]

Don't worry, the PNMs are coming. And they're looking for recs!

[KSUViolet06]

I just posted the other day that it is JULY.

The first recruitment of the year kicks off I believe the first week in August (Auburn is first usually).

Believe me peeps, they're coming. It's typically about this time of year when they come out!

It's just a matter of time.

[Tropical_Dancer]

my little sister is one of those PNMs and she will probably be around here searching for recs, she emailed the alumnae panhellenic and wrote letter to some of our aunts but no one has responded yet. So since she is going to an SEC school she will probably come to me soon freaking out, then I will probably come to you guys,

[pam713]

Almost everyone who wrote a rec for my daughter asked her what other recs she still needed. Frequently they could point her in the right direction. She also asked friends who they got certain recs from, usually it was someone's mom that she knew. There are still three groups that she does not have a rec for, but she just figures she won't get her heart set on those.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by pam713

Almost everyone who wrote a rec for my daughter asked her what other recs she still needed. Frequently they could point her in the right direction. She also asked friends who they got certain recs from, usually it was someone's mom that she knew. There are still three groups that she does not have a rec for, but she just figures she won't get her heart set on those.

And you absolutely cannot count on it, but it's possible those chapters may have alumnae networks who are working on recs that your daughter doesn't know about.

I know I've written recs for girls who didn't ask me for one.

But again, don't get complacent. The best thing is to try to secure a rec that you've requested and provided information for to every group on your campus.

[Zillini]

I confess that personal experience has jaded me. One of my first years being involved as an alum a collegian begged me to write a Rec for her "rush crush" who didn't have one. I did and the girl ended up becoming a member. I spent the next 4 years with that girl in standards for behavior, grades (despite a fabulous HS GPA), finances, everything imaginable and I felt personally responsible. It wasn't until later the thought occurred to me that perhaps this was the reason she was unable to find an alum to write her a Rec who actually knew her. You never know.

I vowed to never again write a Rec for someone I had never met. In essence a Rec is telling a Chapter that not only do I believe this young woman would be a good member, but it says that I would be happy to have her as my sister. How can I say that about someone I've never met and have no idea what her character is like? Resumes don't say squat about a person's personality.

I know I've probably let one bad apple spoil the whole bushel. I'm sure that the vast majority of PNMs are nice, sweet, smart, funny, etc. But I'm just not willing to put my reputation on the line like that for someone I don't know ever again -- even for an info only Rec.

My 2 cents.

[AnchorAlumna]

I know that some of our chapters insist that a sponsor personally know the PNM. But frankly, we simply do not have enough alumnae in our state to require that.

Heck, I've lived in my town for 40+ years, and I don't know everybody. But I do my best to find somebody who knows the PNM, or at least her family, and can tell me about them.

I will echo Zillini in one aspect: if you have an alumna reluctant to write a sponsor form for a particular girl, don't try to change her mind. I've had to do that twice (persuade an alum to change her mind because a sister fell in love with a rush crush), and they both ended badly.

I've also seen chapters totally ignore "no" recs - to their regret.

[carnation]

You know who I feel sorry for? The girls who are from non-Greek families or small towns who've been to Orientation at their universities and gotten their Go Greek materials and desperately want to be Greek and don't even know where to start. Some of these girls would make fabulous members. They've asked dozens of women if they're alums but so far, no luck. Oddly enough- in this large town I live in, asking teachers used to net few results because so many had attended 1 of the 2 colleges in town; 1 with no Greeks, the other without national Greeks until recently. Especially at the county schools, the PNMs were desperate.

Anyway, many of these girls may be cut heavily after 1st and 2nd parties at the big universities because cuts are so heavy then and these girls don't have the social network that others have. PNMs, if you're reading this, please try to use every avenue possible to get recs; maybe the women at www.npcwomen.org can help you locate alums. Whatever you do, don't sit back and give up!

[Tippiechick]

Originally Posted by carnation

You know who I feel sorry for? The girls who are from non-Greek families or small towns who've been to Orientation at their universities and gotten their Go Greek materials and desperately want to be Greek and don't even know where to start. Some of these girls would make fabulous members. They've asked dozens of women if they're alums but so far, no luck. Oddly enough- in this large town I live in, asking teachers used to net few results because so many had attended 1 of the 2 colleges in town; 1 with no Greeks, the other without national Greeks until recently. Especially at the county schools, the PNMs were desperate.

Anyway, many of these girls may be cut heavily after 1st and 2nd parties at the big universities because cuts are so heavy then and these girls don't have the social network that others have. PNMs, if you're reading this, please try to use every avenue possible to get recs; maybe the women at www.npcwomen.org can help you locate alums. Whatever you do, don't sit back and give up!

I completely agree. I get tired of people on here saying, "Go ask your alumnae panhellenic," or "ask your teachers." In my small little town, ONE, yes, ONE teacher/person went to a sorority. We currently have a total of 3 people either in a sorority or who have just left college. But, since the other girl and I live in in other towns, it's back to the same ONE person in the entire county... So,

Sometimes, there just ISN'T anyone to write a rec. And, people don't seem to understand what it is like to go down every single avenue only to find NO ONE who is in a sorority. Rural areas don't have a ton of alumnae.

So, I am not as hard on girls who come here looking for info on recs. I have even written a rec for a girl in the same situation I faced when rushing.

Back then, I called the headquarters of the groups to get more info on trying to find alumnae in my area. Some were nice. Some actually told me, "If Ole Miss wants you, they will find a rec FOR you. But, we will not help you find an alumna. Bye." (I still remember that bit of unkindness today.)

Point is, there are girls who just have very few options when it comes to recs. I think it almost amounts to a bit of an unfair advantage for girls in more urban areas with PA to help them out.

I just see no need to be totally against people seeking help to secure a rec. They just need to be nice, discreet, and not stupid about it. I can always point them in the direction of someone in their area. And, honestly, I don't see why more people can't do the same! It takes two or three minutes to look up a key woman for the area...

ETA: The girl I wrote a rec for??? Not only joined, but has become a distinguished member and officer. See? Not every PNM is stupid and evil... Now, if the PNM is from, say, Dallas or Nashville proper, then I have issues with her finding a rec. But, chick from Podunk, TN? That is a situation I would consider helping...

[exlurker]

Originally Posted by Tippiechick

I completely agree. I get tired of people on here saying, "Go ask your alumnae panhellenic," or "ask your teachers." In my small little town, ONE, yes, ONE teacher/person went to a sorority. We currently have a total of 3 people either in a sorority or who have just left college. But, since the other girl and I live in in other towns, it's back to the same ONE person in the entire county... So,

Sometimes, there just ISN'T anyone to write a rec. And, people don't seem to understand what it is like to go down every single avenue only to find NO ONE who is in a sorority. Rural areas don't have a ton of alumnae.

So, I am not as hard on girls who come here looking for info on recs. I have even written a rec for a girl in the same situation I faced when rushing.

Back then, I called the headquarters of the groups to get more info on trying to find alumnae in my area. Some were nice. Some actually told me, "If Ole Miss wants you, they will find a rec FOR you. But, we will not help you find an alumna. Bye." (I still remember that bit of unkindness today.)

Point is, there are girls who just have very few options when it comes to recs. I think it almost amounts to a bit of an unfair advantage for girls in more urban areas with PA to help them out.

I just see no need to be totally against people seeking help to secure a rec. They just need to be nice, discreet, and not stupid about it. I can always point them in the direction of someone in their area. And, honestly, I don't see why more people can't do the same! It takes two or three minutes to look up a key woman for the area...

ETA: The girl I wrote a rec for??? Not only joined, but has become a distinguished member and officer. See? Not every PNM is stupid and evil... Now, if the PNM is from, say, Dallas or Nashville proper, then I have issues with her finding a rec. But, chick from Podunk, TN? That is a situation I would consider helping...

Tippiechick, carnation, and others: I agree with carnation's post and what several others have said. I do fear that a lot of people are misled by their metro area experiences and have no idea at all what very small town rural life is like. Plenty of young women from tiny towns would indeed make great members. . . .

ETA: <originally posted by carnation: You know who I feel sorry for? The girls who are from non-Greek families or small towns who've been to Orientation at their universities and gotten their Go Greek materials and desperately want to be Greek and don't even know where to start. Some of these girls would make fabulous members. They've asked dozens of women if they're alums but so far, no luck. . . . >