Married women can't join sororities???

[AlwaysSAI]

I know that my sisters Alpha Gam chapter accepted a woman who was married and a non traditional older student when she rushed. She has been a really involved sister, but they just drop the live-in rule for her, since she's married.

Also, a married woman rushed on my campus last year and I believe she became a Phi Mu. I know she went somewhere, but I can't remember where. That chapter also has (or maybe had, I think she graduated) a sister who was married to someone in the armed forces and was pregnant when I rushed. She was one of my rushers and I really enjoyed her company.

I personally, think married women would be great assets to any GLO. They have life experiences that many singe college women don't have and could help improve the chapter in many ways, such as money management, time management, resource management.

I dunno...maybe it's just me.

[AOII Angel]

Knowing how my chapter reacted to the only married sorority member on campus, I'm sure we would never have pledge a married woman. It really is sad that in this day and age, women are still judging each other by such silly standards. Of course a married woman could offer as much as a single woman to a chapter. The single women could learn a lot about relationships from someone in a longterm committed relationship. Also, I'm not sure why marriage is such a taboo...aren't we told that marriage is a sacred institution that should be protected? Why are we afraid that it will embarass us or taint us in some way? Who knows...convincing 18 year old girls to accept it may not be so easy.

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

Knowing how my chapter reacted to the only married sorority member on campus, I'm sure we would never have pledge a married woman. It really is sad that in this day and age, women are still judging each other by such silly standards. Of course a married woman could offer as much as a single woman to a chapter. The single women could learn a lot about relationships from someone in a longterm committed relationship. Also, I'm not sure why marriage is such a taboo...aren't we told that marriage is a sacred institution that should be protected? Why are we afraid that it will embarass us or taint us in some way? Who knows...convincing 18 year old girls to accept it may not be so easy.

You bring up great points. It pains me to say this, but I think classism has a lot to do with the prejudice against young married women. This is especially prevalent in parts of the country/metropolitan areas where it's looked down upon to be married young (as if the only type of wedding that an 18-20 y.o. could possibly have was a shotgun wedding!! ) I don't want to start a debate about the merits/detriments to being married young, but I firmly believe that there are young college age couples in this world that actually make informed decisions before they tie the knot.

That said, while I think it's unfair, I'm not blind to how recruitment works on some campuses. I don't think there was a single NPC sorority on my campus that would have bid a married PNM. Most of the students in my school came from the same three counties where young marriage was virtually unheard of, and people would have been like "Whaaaa???" if a married PNM went through recruitment. But I'm with you, I've met a ton of young married women in my life who I think would have been great sorority sisters and I think their relative maturity would have been an asset to any chapter.

A few years back, I was talking with a friend of mine (a member of another NPC sorority) and somehow we got on the topic of what we would do if we had a married PNM come through recruitment. Her response was something to the effect of "if you're mature enough to get married, you're mature enough to give up "the traditional college experience" to focus on your marriage." I really do think that there are a lot of sororites out there which view the "sorority experience" as solely the prerogative of young, single women.

[MayFlowerSister]

One of our newest sisters was married when she rushed. Now she is highly active in the sorority. Anouther girl that rushed with her was engaged. She was given a bid. She later depledged because her fiance thought sororities were stupid and he kept giving her shit about wanting to join one. I think it really depends on the girl.
Maybe a stupid observation but something odd I have noticed. Reading this thread it sounds like pledging a married sister is a bigger deal in the southern competitive sororoties. Yet from people I know and peoples profiles i read online...it seems like marriage is common in the late teens and early 20s. Kind off a odd combonation if its true. I have never lived in the south so young mariage may just be a myth.

[dgdramadawg]

Originally Posted by MayFlowerSister

Yet from people I know and peoples profiles i read online...it seems like marriage is common in the late teens and early 20s. Kind off a odd combonation if its true. I have never lived in the south so young mariage may just be a myth.

Having grown up in the north and attended a competitive southern school, I can safely say that it is not COMMON to get married under 21 in the south, but it is certainly MORE common than in the north.

In both cases, though, you have to consider the area. In a small town in the south, probably nothing wrong with starting a family at 18. In a suburban area like the one where I teach, it's a big no-no.

[marriedPNM]

Well, a lot of posters are making it sound like a hopeless case to rush as a young married woman and they would never consider one. Which makes me pretty sad, because there really is no justification other then some preconcieved societal notion of a women's place. Also, the desire to be a part of a sorority is no reflection on one's maturity level, or lackthereof.

I really just cannot wrap my head around how prejudice the concept of refusing a well-established student on campus with an excellent gpa, proven leadership skills etc.. just because she's married. Marriage isn't a life-consuming commitment that eradicates any desire for a social life. I actually prefer hanging out with single women, because my "taken" friends only ever talk about their guys (that's just annoying). I guess I'm just modern or an oddball, depending on your view.
[/2 cents]

Anyway, I have already put out the money to register for recruitment and the necessary outfits. If the girls on my campus want to be pretentious and overlook me because I was blessed to find my soulmate early, so be it, at least I tried. Can't say that you girls/guys haven't made me about 40x more nervous though...

Thanks for the all the responses. While I disagree, I appreciate the differing views! Opinions are a fabulous thing.

[scbelle]

marriedPNM said, "the desire to be a part of a sorority is no reflection on one's maturity level, or lackthereof."

From everything I've learned, I would hope that the desire to be part of a sorority would show great maturity, and nothing more. The decision you make in going through recruitment and accepting a bid is a lifelong decision. You have committed yourself for life to your sisters, which is not unlike the lifelong decision you make when you marry. So, if anything, I would think groups would welcome married PNMs, as they are the ones you know are fully ready to make serious commitments. Good luck to you in your recruitment, marriedPNM!

[sarasmile]

Originally Posted by AChiOhSnap

I don't think there was a single NPC sorority on my campus that would have bid a married PNM.

A few years back, I was talking with a friend of mine (a member of another NPC sorority) and somehow we got on the topic of what we would do if we had a married PNM come through recruitment. Her response was something to the effect of "if you're mature enough to get married, you're mature enough to give up "the traditional college experience" to focus on your marriage." I really do think that there are a lot of sororites out there which view the "sorority experience" as solely the prerogative of young, single women.

That pretty much sums up the way my campus was too. We had 13 sororities, and its unlikely that a married PNM would have received a bid. Unless she had prior connections with a group and joined through COB rather than formal recruitment.

From what I recall, it was unusual for a girl to even get engaged while an active member of any of the groups on my campus...maybe a handful of seniors did, but they were usually less active because it was their last semester in school anyhow.

However, that attitude wasn't something that was unique to sororities - it would have been unusual to meet a married undergraduate student on my campus period. (Unless it was someone non-traditional...a little older, etc.) So, I suppose it makes sense that if married young undergraduates weren't represented much as a whole on my campus, they wouldn't be represented significantly in sorority life either. Commuter schools and/or schools with a highly non-traditional student body might be more likely to have a Greek system that would be accepting of married PNMs.

marriedPNM - have you started recruitment yet?

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by marriedPNM

Well, a lot of posters are making it sound like a hopeless case to rush as a young married woman and they would never consider one. Which makes me pretty sad, because there really is no justification other then some preconcieved societal notion of a women's place. Also, the desire to be a part of a sorority is no reflection on one's maturity level, or lackthereof.

I really just cannot wrap my head around how prejudice the concept of refusing a well-established student on campus with an excellent gpa, proven leadership skills etc.. just because she's married. Marriage isn't a life-consuming commitment that eradicates any desire for a social life. I actually prefer hanging out with single women, because my "taken" friends only ever talk about their guys (that's just annoying). I guess I'm just modern or an oddball, depending on your view.
[/2 cents]

Anyway, I have already put out the money to register for recruitment and the necessary outfits. If the girls on my campus want to be pretentious and overlook me because I was blessed to find my soulmate early, so be it, at least I tried. Can't say that you girls/guys haven't made me about 40x more nervous though...

Thanks for the all the responses. While I disagree, I appreciate the differing views! Opinions are a fabulous thing.

Best of luck, marriedPNM! I hope that attitudes have changed since I was a collegiate member. It's amazing how a few extra years under your belt help you see the error of your previous ways!

[dont_forget]

As a married woman who just went active, I think it really does depend on the GLO. I was afraid that my being married would be a hinderance on Bid day, but it wasn't.

Good luck to you. If you ever need to yammer about it- feel free to PM.