You have animals, he/she is allergic

[KillarneyRose]

Originally Posted by Tulip86

I get that she loves her pet, I'm the same with dogs, but if one of my friends or family members has allergies or is scared of said dog, the human comes first.

The human comes first if I like said human more than my pet. There's actually a pretty small circle of humans who fit that bill

[33girl]

The problem is that "allergy" is far-ranging, from going into shock to just a little unpleasant sneezing. It all depends on the degree and/or how you work that degree. I'm sure there are those on the lower end of the spectrum who pretend they are on the higher end of the spectrum, and vice versa. I've always told people I have hairy animals here (I had a rabbit before the cat, which was probably 10x worse for anyone allergic) and to let me know if I should confine them if they're coming for a visit. And people who don't are usually a blend of cluelessness and assholery.

And as Munchkin03 pointed out, compromise is key. If this allergic dude turns out to be the man of winter's dreams and they do have to rehome the cats, I'd expect that he would help her do so (ask his friends and family members, etc) and not just put it all on her. That's what a partnership is.

Originally Posted by thetalady

A lot of the problem with women ditching their cats when they get pregnant is because of their obstetrician. When the obstetrician says "just to be on the safe side, no cats", few women are willing to stand up to their OB and make the small changes or even be tested, in order to keep their cat.

Unless you're a single mother in a cabin in the woods with no one else to change the litter, why on earth would an OB say this? Do some of them think just being around cats is dangerous? I thought it was only contact with the litter that was dangerous.

[Tulip86]

Originally Posted by amIblue?

I don't know if it's that they don't want people to attend as much as it is ignorance about how allergies can effect people. I've gotten the side eye from people who think I'm complaining about mild reactions and that I shouldn't inconvenience a host, when it's actually that my throat closes up as a result. For so many people in the world, I believe that if they don't directly experience something they don't believe it exists.

I think it's mostly this on her part, she's the same with her cooking, another of our pledge class is lactose intolerant but when she cooks she never bothers to check the labels if it's ok for her to eat. I think it's ignorance with a nice dash of selfish (in her case anyway).

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by Tulip86

I think it's mostly this on her part, she's the same with her cooking, another of our pledge class is lactose intolerant but when she cooks she never bothers to check the labels if it's ok for her to eat. I think it's ignorance with a nice dash of selfish (in her case anyway).

I think you all need to not let her host anymore.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by Tulip86

I think it's mostly this on her part, she's the same with her cooking, another of our pledge class is lactose intolerant but when she cooks she never bothers to check the labels if it's ok for her to eat. I think it's ignorance with a nice dash of selfish (in her case anyway).

She probably doesn't take allergies or things like lactose intolerance seriously, which is ridiculous.

[DubaiSis]

Well, you could have your lactose intolerant friend eat away and blow out a HUGE nasty fart. My guess is the problem will be solved In my case I just get terrible stomach pains, but the above I think is the more common response.

And I am totally laughing right now at the thought of it.

[Tulip86]

Originally Posted by amIblue?

I think you all need to not let her host anymore.

We try

[thetalady]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Unless you're a single mother in a cabin in the woods with no one else to change the litter, why on earth would an OB say this? Do some of them think just being around cats is dangerous? I thought it was only contact with the litter that was dangerous.

Many, many doctors believe in a "better safe than sorry" philosophy, even if it costs the cat its life or home. The chance of being infected for the first time during pregnancy is miniscule and that is the ONLY time that an unborn baby can be effected. IF the mother is positive for toxo prior to becoming preganant, it does not harm the child. Unfortunately, many doctors don't seem to care how small the chance is.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by thetalady

Many, many doctors believe in a "better safe than sorry" philosophy, even if it costs the cat its life or home. The chance of being infected for the first time during pregnancy is miniscule and that is the ONLY time that an unborn baby can be effected. IF the mother is positive for toxo prior to becoming preganant, it does not harm the child. Unfortunately, many doctors don't seem to care how small the chance is.

This sounds like the sort of assininity that only a malpractice insurance carrier could think up.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Good luck with whatever you decide, winter. Do what works for you so you are happy and won't end up resentful.

Exactly. And the being resentful thing works both ways. Just as you (the general you) wouldn't want to resent your significant other for making you get rid of your pet, I would think that you wouldn't want to end up "resenting" your pet for having to give up your significant other. People have to determine what their own priorities are and manage things as they see fit. Every situation is different and everyone handles things differently.

I actually have a friend who moved from Dallas to Houston for work. His significant other, who he had been with for 4 years, moved with him. He planned to propose. And then it all fell apart. They had two dogs together. She moved back to Dallas and took one dog, he kept the other. Without going into the whole long story, he met a new girl in Dallas. He drives up there nearly every weekend to see her (all 4+ hours), and he has to take the dog. The only people he's good friends with here in Houston are me and my boyfriend, and we can't watch his dog (apartment rules… plus, we don't want to have to play babysitter all the time). He takes the dog with him and his dad watches her for the weekend. My friend doesn't know if he's going to keep her. He LOVES the dog, but his life changed in an instant and he's found himself in a completely different situation. Fortunately, he has a good friend in Dallas who said he'd take the dog if it comes to that.

Originally Posted by MTSUGURL

I've never understood the people that get a dog/cat/whatever and then say, "I'm pregnant! Can someone take my dog/cat/whatever?" I got my Gracie while I was single and from day one had her around other animals and children to get her used to any situation we might have in the future.

First of all, pets can live a long time. You could get a pet at 22, get pregnant at 32, and still have your pet. Things change. Sometimes it's just not feasible to keep the pet.

I had cats growing up. I love both cats and dogs. But they're very different. Before my brother and I were born, my parents got a cat. The cat was very friendly. I was born, then my brother. For years the cat was fine. And then I was a toddler, and toddlers like to touch things, and grab things, and there are only so many times you can grab a cat's tail before they start to get really pissed off. After the cat scratched my friend across the face (3 of us kids were bothering the crap out of the cat), my parents couldn't keep him in the house anymore. Sometimes it's not only about mommy getting sick. Some people just don't want to run the risk of having an animal around a child (or having a child around an animal! Man, I feel bad for that cat..)

I also have a friend who still has a big scar on her arm from when her dog bit her as a child. Again, the dog was friendly (and they didn't end up giving him away), but the dog was playing and just bit down on her arm too hard.

All of that being said, if a couple doesn't want an animal around their baby, they shouldn't buy a pet when they're trying to get pregnant, or when they know that they're close to trying. I've seen people do this and it's just dumb.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

Exactly. And the being resentful thing works both ways. Just as you (the general you) wouldn't want to resent your significant other for making you get rid of your pet, I would think that you wouldn't want to end up "resenting" your pet for having to give up your significant other. People have to determine what their own priorities are and manage things as they see fit. Every situation is different and everyone handles things differently.

I agree.

[LouisaMay]

Regarding doctors' advice and Toxoplasmosis...OBs (and other health professionals) are notorious for spreading old, fear-based information to pregnant women and new moms. You should see the garbage information spread about breastfeeding. Do your own research!

There are wonderful doctors in the world, but misinformation runs rampant.

[*winter*]

At this point, I'm siding with the cats...because they cannot talk. He is so wrong for me...

(Even though the Tortishell Cat (yes that's really her name) woke me up at 5:30 am with her antics I still feel this way)

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by *winter*

At this point, I'm siding with the cats...because they cannot talk. He is so wrong for me...

Oh dear. Sorry it didn't work out.