LB's/Dating/Frat Hoes

[Phrozen1ne]

Originally Posted by nittanyalum

Pardon the crash, but if I were still single, I'd get this stitched on a pillow.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by Phrozen1ne

We all get someones leftovers. We just rather not know how many people ate from that plate.

Exactly. I couldn't agree more.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by nittanyalum

Pardon the crash, but if I were still single, I'd get this stitched on a pillow.

I'm about to use it as my siggy. Phrozen1ne you wouldn't mind would you?

[ladygreek]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

That's a cop out, and a poor excuse that a lot of women use. This is what they say: "I was out there back in the day when I was young. I felt I was too young to get in a serious relationship." blah blah blah.

Hell, when I was in undergrad, I was young too and always wanted to be with only ONE woman. I'm still that way, and I'll always be that way. I can't stand it when a woman says that same ol' lame a$$ bullisht about her being too young for a serious relationship. By the time she's in her 30s and 40s, more than likely she's been used up and screwed by a bunch of trifling a$$ bad boys. Who wants a woman like that? I sure as hell don't. When they're young they don't want the nice guy. They want that bad boy thuggish idiot who doesn't give a rat's a$$ about her. Then when she realizes her biological clock is ticking away, and that those bone head thugs aren't about anything, now she wants a decent man. Please. I refuse to go behind a thug.

I joined a social fraternity to enhance my social skills because I've always been a shy person. I'm still quite shy, but I have improved. I had several opportunities to sleep with fraternity groupies, but I turned them all down because I wanted a traditional good woman. I don't have any remorse for hoes whatsoever. They're not ladies in my book. Just because she's older and more mature now, still doesn't make a difference to me. She may have hoed around in her younger days and now may have changed, but I still wouldn't get involved with her. To me, SHE'S BEEN USED UP.

I noticed the OP meets jokers at night clubs. If I had a street sweeper, the night clubs would be the 1st place I would go to start sweeping up the trash.

While I agree with some of what you said, AKAMonet has a point, too. IMO young girls tend to form their opinions about relationships based on what they see at home between their parents. If the father is absent--either physically or emotionally--they get a skewed impression. Then society tells them that sex is the way to get a man. Oh and have a baby by him and you will have him for life.

It doesn't matter the economic or social background of the female, because it happens in middle class and upper class families, too.

And I believe it is the same for the guys. If they did not have a good role model of a relationship from their parents, then they will tend to follow in the same footsteps.

Lastly, I also blame mothers who love their sons and raise their daughters, i.e., raise them to cater to the man in the household whether it be the father or the brother.

ETA: An older soror once told me when asked about what was the secret to her 50+ year of marriage. She said she followed her mother's advice--if he goes up the street, you go down the street, because the less you know the better. Then eventually going up the street will not appeal to him anymore. LOL

[DSTCHAOS]

This convo comes up from time to time off the internet and not just among Greeks:

I'm not a frequent clubber but I believe that good people can be met at certain types of "club events." That's because EVERYONE thinks they're the only good person in the club. But if YOU'RE in the club, even for that one visit, why can't other good people be in the club?

Lastly, outside of the "fraternity superfreak" context, I think that people gossip too much about what other people are doing. And men often exaggerate who they've been with and the context in which they've been with people. Sometimes just to brag and share notes and sometimes they're bitter that a woman doesn't want them so they want to make sure no other man wants her. So when I see women labeled as "hoes" (which happens far too often while men with many sexual partners are considered "just men"--I see that PrettyBoy doesn't live by that double standard), I take it with a grain of salt. I use the term "hoe" to refer to men and women who are careless with their sexuality and find some way to make it everyone's business. Not just because they dealt with the wrong person who ran his or her mouth. It's subjective and isn't only based on number of sexual partners, especially since no one has to tell you how many people they've been with when they get with you. And if they refuse to tell you, it isn't safe to assume they've been with a lot of people, it's just not your business so stop guessing.

Someone with 20 sexual partners isn't automatically a "hoe" if most people don't know their past BUT someone with 2 sexual partners can be a "hoe" depending on how it was done and who is talking. This doesn't mean that it's acceptable to sleep with entire groups of people (like men who sleep with sorority chapters) or rack up more mileage points than a frequent flyer.

[ladygreek]

^^^^ *slow clap*

[IlovemyAKA]

Originally Posted by ladygreek

ETA: An older soror once told me when asked about what was the secret to her 50+ year of marriage. She said she followed her mother's advice--if he goes up the street, you go down the street, because the less you know the better. Then eventually going up the street will not appeal to him anymore. LOL

This is interesting...

[PrettyBoy]

LG I agree with you 99%, but you lost me on the up the street down the street thing. My folks have been married for 44 years, and my folks never do anything without the other. Everything else though, you're right about.

DSTCHAOS, I wouldn't classify a woman who slept with 20 people as a hoe, but I most certainly would not get involved with a woman who slept with that many people. My question would be why so many men? Though I don't pull the double standard thing, I still do blame these men more than I do the women. Too many men have a very hard time being faithful to just one woman. They cheat, and spread their seads all over the place from woman to woman, which gives these same women insecurities, which is then taken out on the next man who just may be a good man.

I believe without a shadow of a doubt that EVERY woman wants to know that her S/O is completely loyal to her in thought and deed. Me personally, I still can't get down with the cheating and FWB thing. I believe a man should be firm in adherence to his promises that he makes to her. When a woman says that she wants a faithful man, what she's really asking for is a man who will not cheat and who will be loyally committed to her, and her only. I honestly don't think there's an excuse for the excessive partners. As ladygreek stated it comes from background. I agree with her, but I don't think anyone wants to be treated badly no matter what the background is. I really don't. How can anyone be completely satisfied having sex without a serious commitment? I don't think anyone wants that. I think it's the insecurities that get in the way. DSTCHAOS and ladygreek, you two make sense and I guess I'm being a bit unrealistic, but a woman with strong morals who believes in a serious relationship is very important to me, and I won't settle for anything less. I would die single before I do that. Seriously.

I remember when I was in undergrad my fraternity brothers were doing the FWB thing and trying to get me to do it too. I wanted a commitment, so I never slept around, and still won't so that's why I can't accept a woman in my life who has/had multiple sexual partners. This doesn't make her a bad person, I just know I wouldn't be able to get past that.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

DSTCHAOS, I wouldn't classify a woman who slept with 20 people as a hoe, but I most certainly would not get involved with a woman who slept with that many people. My question would be why so many men? Though I don't pull the double standard thing, I still do blame these men more than I do the women. Too many men have a very hard time being faithful to just one woman. They cheat, and spread their seads all over the place from woman to woman, which gives these same women insecurities, which is then taken out on the next man who just may be a good man.

You assume that she would feel it her duty to share that info with you?

I blame society for the double standard. Men are doing what they've always been taught men are supposed to. Sons are taught to have sex but wrap it up and daughters are taught to keep their legs closed. I think that's dumb because the sons will be having sex with someone's daughter. So the double standard is irrational.

Even monogamous men and women can get high numbers. I always find it humorous when men and women in their 20s and 30s say they've had tons of boyfriends and girlfriends. This fast monogamous dating means that almost any person of the opposite sex is a potential mate. So having a lot of sex partners is okay with them because each of these people was an exclusive relationship.

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

DSTCHAOS and ladygreek, you two make sense and I guess I'm being a bit unrealistic, but a woman with strong morals who believes in a serious relationship is very important to me, and I won't settle for anything less. I would die single before I do that. Seriously.

You aren't being unrealistic. You know what you want. I don't tolerate infidelity but I base that on a man's present and what he understands about relationships. I don't ask him about how many women he has been with. I don't care beyond making sure he is clean.

So if you find a good woman who wants to give you the world, don't turn her away because of something that you may get over if you try hard enough to. Also, don't turn her away if she won't tell you how many men she has been with. Like I said, it's really none of your business as long as her business isn't out in the streets. And, like I also said, she could have been with 1 other man and just thinks that it's none of your business period.

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I remember when I was in undergrad my fraternity brothers were doing the FWB thing and trying to get me to do it too. I wanted a commitment, so I never slept around, and still won't so that's why I can't accept a woman in my life who has/had multiple sexual partners. This doesn't make her a bad person, I just know I wouldn;t be able to get past that.

You're honest with yourself. Do what you're comfortable with. We all have our criteria. But many people's criteria changes as they see what's really out there. There are some deal breakers and the rest are just things you'd want in a perfect world. For example, men who date older women would be hard pressed to find an older woman who hasn't had a few sexual partners. Not impossible but difficult--even if she's celebate. Go based on how she's handled her sexual history and whether he has a constant need to be around other men. Stuff like that rather than numbers.

[ladygreek]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

LG I agree with you 99%, but you lost me on the up the street down the street thing. My folks have been married for 44 years, and my folks never do anything without the other. Everything else though, you're right about.

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Knowing your folx I don't doubt that. And not to imply anything but how long were they married before you and your brother were born? And at what age did you become aware of the fact they never did anything without the other?

[Phrozen1ne]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I'm about to use it as my siggy. Phrozen1ne you wouldn't mind would you?

Go right ahead. If anyone asks you tell them it was a Phrozen1ne orginal.

[Phrozen1ne]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

Someone with 20 sexual partners isn't automatically a "hoe" if most people don't know their past BUT someone with 2 sexual partners can be a "hoe" depending on how it was done and who is talking.

True.

Originally Posted by ladygreek

While I agree with some of what you said, AKAMonet has a point, too. IMO young girls tend to form their opinions about relationships based on what they see at home between their parents. If the father is absent--either physically or emotionally--they get a skewed impression. Then society tells them that sex is the way to get a man. Oh and have a baby by him and you will have him for life.

It doesn't matter the economic or social background of the female, because it happens in middle class and upper class families, too.

And I believe it is the same for the guys. If they did not have a good role model of a relationship from their parents, then they will tend to follow in the same footsteps.

Lastly, I also blame mothers who love their sons and raise their daughters, i.e., raise them to cater to the man in the household whether it be the father or the brother.

Also the women are raising there daughters to be sexy vs. being a beautiful person and being valued for more than the exterior.

And the boys....
When I talked with my 8th grade boys, one of them said that his father doesn't mind him having sex as long as he "straps up" and isn't gay. The look that I gave him is similar to this. I guess that was his father's version of the birds and the bees. Now when he has a child he will be able to pass this info on to his son. How wonderful!

[PrettyBoy]

DSTCHAOS thanks for that and you make sense and I agree with a lot of what you stated. No, I don't expect a woman to tell me how many partners she's had. I usually wait until it comes out in conversation. Time always exposes people. So I just sit back and wait.

ladygreek, my parents weren't even married a year before my sister was born, and then they were married for a little over 4 years before my brother was born and over 7 years before I was born. I'm not sure how old I was before I realized they never did anything without the other, I guess as long as I can remember. Infact, my dad was still in college when my sister was born. My dad always said he puts his family 2nd to Christ and 1st before anything else. I've always seen his actions match his words.

Folks, I guess I was born 100 years too late, because 20 men is way too many. I know that's pretty much the norm in todays time, but in my eyes it's unacceptable, and if I found out that she slept with that many men, I'd have to let her go.

[ladygreek]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

DSTCHAOS thanks for that and you make sense and I agree with a lot of what you stated. No, I don't expect a woman to tell me how many partners she's had. I usually wait until it comes out in conversation. Time always exposes people. So I just sit back and wait.

ladygreek, my parents weren't even married a year before my sister was born, and then they were married for a little over 4 years before my brother was born and over 7 years before I was born. I'm not sure how old I was before I realized they never did anything without the other, I guess as long as I can remember. Infact, my dad was still in college when my sister was born. My dad always said he puts his family 2nd to Christ and 1st before anything else. I've always seen his actions match his words.

Folks, I guess I was born 100 years too late, because 20 men is way too many. I know that's pretty much the norm in todays time, but in my eyes it's unacceptable, and if I found out that she slept with that many men, I'd have to let her go.

As I said, I am certainly not implying angthing about your parents, but many times children do not see the whole picture. What I am trying to point out is that you said you didn't get my statement. But trust many do.

And I am really glad that you are a one woman man.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by ladygreek

As I said, I am certainly not implying angthing about your parents, but many times children do not see the whole picture. What I am trying to point out is that you said you didn't get my statement. But trust many do.

And I am really glad that you are a one woman man.

LG, I knew you weren't implying anything. I know you're not that kind of a person, I was just responding to the question the best way I knew how to.

I agree, children don't see the whole picture, and I'm sure I wasn't seeing the whole picture either, but from what I have seen they rarely would go places alone. If they did, they knew where to find the other one.

No, I didn't understand the statement. I guess when I see a couple that's married or in a serious relationship and one goes the opposite direction to keep from seeing what's going on at the other end of the block, to me that sounds like something dishonest is going on. I'm not sure if I was reading that right though, that's why I was saying I didn't understand what you meant by that. But again, LG I know you were not implying anything. You didn't even have to mention that to me, you know I wouldn't think that about you.