long distance relationships

[greekdee]

I love reading all of the ways people stay in touch --video chatting, online games, etc. My husband and I were in a long-distance relationship for three years. We were only 4 hours apart (by car) but this was back when call waiting was the most exciting technology out there.

[KillarneyRose]

I was in a long-term relationship from second semester freshman year until I was 23; so about 5 1/2 years. I was at Pitt and my bf was at Columbia University. We saw each other once or twice a month and all summer and then we both lived in New York City for a little over a year.

What happened next was weird, but I met my husband when he was home on leave (just after the end of the first Gulf War so I'm really dating myself!), I fell hard for him, we were engaged within 6 weeks and married within 4 months. (and still going...)

The moral of my story? Sometimes ldrs work out...and sometimes they don't. I think it's a crap shoot, personally!

[CeCe Newbie]

Originally Posted by KillarneyRose

What happened next was weird, but I met my husband when he was home on leave (just after the end of the first Gulf War so I'm really dating myself!), I fell hard for him, we were engaged within 6 weeks and married within 4 months. (and still going...)

Awwwww

[melindawarren]

Originally Posted by CeCe Newbie

Awwwww

Double aww!

PS: your parents' love story is super-sweet.

[KillarneyRose]

Originally Posted by greekdee

I love reading all of the ways people stay in touch --video chatting, online games, etc. My husband and I were in a long-distance relationship for three years. We were only 4 hours apart (by car) but this was back when call waiting was the most exciting technology out there.

Was this also before unlimited long distance calling? I remember it was ten cents a minute to call my bf at the time; I had some nasty phone bills!

[Tulip86]

I had a ldr with my ex-boyfriend for a while when I was doing my internships and he was on an internship in the middle of nowhere. We were 8 time zones apart and that sucked!

We broke up later (when both in the same city) because he turned out to be an ass anyway.

[CeCe Newbie]

Originally Posted by melindawarren

Double aww!

PS: your parents' love story is super-sweet.

It'd be cuter if he was my real dad.

...Juuuuuuuuuust kidding!!

[lovespink88]

Originally Posted by txpacer

^^
Letters and care packages are the best! Especially when schedules keep you from being able to see each other to do nice and thoughtful things.

If he has time, you could ask him to take a picture a month or something of a new place that he has found. This could be a cool restaurant, a beautiful park area, or a museum or whatever. That way, he is getting out and about and also feels like he is doing something that is directly contributing to the relationship (because, of course, you two will be able to look through the pictures and then actually go to those places and experience them together).

We also fall asleep on the phone together. We'll just put our phones on loudspeaker and talk until we pass out.

If I can remember other things that you haven't already mentioned that we've been doing for the past couple of years, I'll try to remember to post them.

Ohh, I love the idea of him getting out and exploring to find something for us to do together. When I come to visit, I find that we're scrambling to look up stuff to do/places to eat, etc, so that sounds perfect.

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

Since you are in contact though, you can send things in the mail, send e-cards, or random texts and pictures if your plan allows it. Or maybe you could both make a goofy kind of "advent calendar" to get through the long periods. Get small things or make little notes, take pictures, get silly and creative then send them to each other to open at set times between visiting each other so you're creating memories at the same time with mementos that will be around to remind each other. You could open them on webcam while having "dinner" together. Find a book you both want to read and have your own private book club, it doesn't have to be new so you could get it from the library for free.

Very cute ideas! Love the dinner thing. Knowing our time constraints, that one is very doable, and sounds very sweet.

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

If I remember right, he is in a new city you eventually plan to move to? I know a couple who buy Groupons or Living Social deals for the other and to use when one visits the other. You mentioned he was staying in on the weekend so you could always scope out his new area and see if there is anything related to his interests or hobbies and if it isn't too costly get him a ticket to an event at a park or zoo after hours that features nocturnal animals (horrible example) or even restaurants to try off of yelp so you don't have to eat somewhere crappy if he's scoped it out first

Unfortunately, it looks like I will no longer be moving there. There are next to no advertising opportunities in that city. I've done everything I can and have not been able to find anything. Even a really really good recruiter who specializes in media told me I'm basically SOL in that city. :\ On the plus, my fiance has realized that the school he is at is just not going to be a place where he make a career. He's moving back in June, whether or not he has a job here (although at the very least, he can likely go back to his tutoring job, which pays shockingly well).

I've been checking out Groupon and Living Social a few days before each trip, to see if there's anything nice for dinner for us, but it never occurred to me to look for things just for him. That is a great idea!

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

Even though it is 15 hours you could also investigate places in between the two of you could meet on a holiday weekend, as I think you both have straight up interstate to travel on. Other than planes, I'm pretty sure there is a daily train that runs direct and though it is a few more hours than driving one of you could drive part way to meet the other or take trains and meet along the route. Amtrak puts up weekly specials so it is worth checking out though travel can't be done on Friday or Sunday but since he's a teacher his school may plan have a schedule that is more flexible for him to ride a train and for you to meet him.

I never really thought about the halfway point, that's definitely worth investigating.

I did look into Amtrak. Unfortunately the train there takes 19 hours Trust me, I really wanted that one to work; my aunt and uncle has $1400 worth of rail fare that they won't use and offered to me. Unfortunately, my trips down there are only 3-4 day weekends, since I'm trying to save vacation for the wedding. He is the one making the trip back up here during longer breaks because he has those week long breaks around holidays. Gonna check out the halfway point of the train, though.

Thanks for the suggestions, everyone

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by KillarneyRose

Was this also before unlimited long distance calling? I remember it was ten cents a minute to call my bf at the time; I had some nasty phone bills!

I only had to deal with being away from my college boyfriends (two different ones) during the summers when we went home but it was before unlimited long distance and email, etc. I used to get a roll of quarters and go to a pay phone and talk until the quarters were gone. I think we used to get about 45 minutes out of a $10 roll of quarters..lol. We also wrote letters, almost every day. There is something special about those. Pages sometimes, of angst about how much we missed each other, our thoughts, our dreams... I wish I'd kept some of those.

For lovespink though, definitely look into halfway points. A 7.5 hour drive is more doable. And look on the bright side.. Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming up so you'll see him then. He gets a long break in February and one in April, doesn't he? Then it will be June. It will be done before you know it.

[lovespink88]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I only had to deal with being away from my college boyfriends (two different ones) during the summers when we went home but it was before unlimited long distance and email, etc. I used to get a roll of quarters and go to a pay phone and talk until the quarters were gone. I think we used to get about 45 minutes out of a $10 roll of quarters..lol. We also wrote letters, almost every day. There is something special about those. Pages sometimes, of angst about how much we missed each other, our thoughts, our dreams... I wish I'd kept some of those.

I love writing letters. We did this fairly often during the summers that he stayed at school to take classes and I went home to do internships. (This was only a two and a half hour drive though). He wrote some absolutely beautiful letters. I've been reading those often lately

Originally Posted by AGDee

For lovespink though, definitely look into halfway points. A 7.5 hour drive is more doable. And look on the bright side.. Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming up so you'll see him then. He gets a long break in February and one in April, doesn't he? Then it will be June. It will be done before you know it.

Yep! Week off in less than 3 weeks, a little over 2 weeks off in December, a week off in February and a week off in April. I'll also be visiting in January, March (maybe twice) and May.

And then it's June.

Oh and I just texted him. We have a video chat dinner date on Friday. I'll have to get a candle and some wine

[greekdee]

Originally Posted by KillarneyRose

Was this also before unlimited long distance calling? I remember it was ten cents a minute to call my bf at the time; I had some nasty phone bills!

This was 1987 -- 1990 (which is when I finally relocated and we got married 18 months later) Phone bills were horrendous! Page after page after page --the bills were so thick, I knew it was going to bad before I even opened the envelope. We had to curtail the phone calls after awhile. By the time we paid them, we didn't have extra cash to do things when we got to see each other.

[melindawarren]

Originally Posted by CeCe Newbie

It'd be cuter if he was my real dad.

...Juuuuuuuuuust kidding!!

PLEEEEEEEEASE tell me USC is on your list of potential schools.

[libby13]

I entered into college in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend and I are 6 hours apart and he's in a different time zone. Everyone said I was wasting my time or that I'd be missing out on the college experience. It's been hard. He's a sophomore in college and I'm a freshman but we've been dating for 2 and a half years now and it seemed like quitting if we didn't at least give it a try. It's tough but I'm so happy we're sticking with it. It's not impossible.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by greekdee

This was 1987 -- 1990 (which is when I finally relocated and we got married 18 months later) Phone bills were horrendous! Page after page after page --the bills were so thick, I knew it was going to bad before I even opened the envelope. We had to curtail the phone calls after awhile. By the time we paid them, we didn't have extra cash to do things when we got to see each other.

When I was in HS my cousin, who's 2 years younger, was seeing someone who moved away. This was in the late 90s, so this was before Skype and internet calling. My aunt (who was not all that vigilant about the time her kids spent on the phone) was shocked to see a few $1,100 phone bills. Sometimes they'd just listen to each other breathe.

Good thing they've been married for almost 10 years now!

[TonyB06]

I think LDRs (by definition, serious relationships) can be "successful" if some sort of implicit time element is involved. That is, somebody, or the couple jointly, is going to move together in some reasonably agreed upon timeframe.

otherwise, yall just playin'.