Moving in with BF! I need advice.

[GreekGirley]

Sorry for being idyllic...

Guess I was born in the wrong era, because I'm of the school of thought that says you should be able to give your husband something special...somthing that you've given no one else. And if you've already moved in with (whether it means buying or leasing), had sex, started a family, or etc. then why even get married? I mean, just for the wedding? REALLY? If that's the case, then I'd advise against it, because you'll certainly lose out on the marriage penalty tax thing...

Maybe we just need to re-evaluate the reason for marrige.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

The only time I want to be married is when I refer to my boyfriend in a professional kind of situation. Like, talking about post-grad-school employment prospects with my professors, it sounds ridiculous to be like "oh, I have to consider where my boyfriend can do residency" instead of "where my husband can do residency".

But that's not so much about being married as it is having some kind of word that signifies "committed living together boyfriend".

I use the word "partner" for things like that.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

I hope it asks me to move in and then proposes to me...

Posts only want one thing, and it sure as hell ain't marriage.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by GreekGirley

Sorry for being idyllic...

Guess I was born in the wrong era, because I'm of the school of thought that says you should be able to give your husband something special...somthing that you've given no one else. And if you've already moved in with (whether it means buying or leasing), had sex, started a family, or etc. then why even get married? I mean, just for the wedding? REALLY? If that's the case, then I'd advise against it, because you'll certainly lose out on the marriage penalty tax thing...

Maybe we just need to re-evaluate the reason for marrige.

You made it sound like all there was to marriage was moving in together, and once you've done that with someone, the magic is over.

It's fine if you think moving in shouldn't happen before marriage, but implying that it's pointless to get married if you do is kind of ridiculous.

[DrPhil]

I always used "significant other" or "partner." Here's why:

1) I think post-college people are too old and too accomplished (or on their way) to have boyfriends and girlfriends. Or, at least to use that terminology in professional settings. It's about as silly as saying "my man" around people who aren't family, friends, or personal acquaintances.

2) Using "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" is very gendered when it tends to be unnecessary.

3) Using "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" is very sexual orientationed when it tends to be unnecessary.

Depending on the context and what you are saying, some people will wonder the gender of the "significant other" (or "life partner") and whether you are married. But, unless they are being nosey as hell, those details tend not to matter for a simple comment like "I have to consider where my significant other can do his residency." Using "his" would calm the gender and sexual orientation curiosities of some people. It still doesn't divulge the actual status of the relationship except that he's significant enough to be your significant other.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by GreekGirley

Sorry for being idyllic...

Guess I was born in the wrong era, because I'm of the school of thought that says you should be able to give your husband something special...somthing that you've given no one else. And if you've already moved in with (whether it means buying or leasing), had sex, started a family, or etc. then why even get married? I mean, just for the wedding? REALLY? If that's the case, then I'd advise against it, because you'll certainly lose out on the marriage penalty tax thing...

Maybe we just need to re-evaluate the reason for marrige.

I may be wrong but I seriously doubt someone named "GreekGirley" was born in a different era than the rest of us.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by agzg

Posts only want one thing, and it sure as hell ain't marriage.

Well, they might not want it NOW.. but one day.. they'll come around..

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

Well, they might not want it NOW.. but one day.. they'll come around..

But they won't subscribe to the thread if they just click the thread.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by agzg

It's not just men that will move in with someone and but don't want to get married, either, and it's not just women who "want the ring" and freak out when they don't get one.

Of course not. I even said that in my situation, I was the one who didn't want the relationship to go any further. I've just seen a lot of cohabiting relationships implode lately and the majority of the cases were like I mentioned above.

Originally Posted by 33girl

This is why the movie "About Last Night" should be required viewing for every college freshman. Without the happy ending.

I had a MAJOR crush on Rob Lowe when that movie came out (yes, do the math). It wasn't until I was older that I actually watched it.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I had a MAJOR crush on Rob Lowe when that movie came out (yes, do the math). It wasn't until I was older that I actually watched it.

Rob Lowe is crushable.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Rob Lowe is crushable.

I was 5!

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I was 5!

I was ignoring that and focusing on Rob Lowe.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by GreekGirley

Sorry for being idyllic...

Guess I was born in the wrong era, because I'm of the school of thought that says you should be able to give your husband something special...somthing that you've given no one else. And if you've already moved in with (whether it means buying or leasing), had sex, started a family, or etc. then why even get married? I mean, just for the wedding? REALLY? If that's the case, then I'd advise against it, because you'll certainly lose out on the marriage penalty tax thing...

Maybe we just need to re-evaluate the reason for marrige.

So, you get married, have kids, spouse dies and there's no point in a second marriage because you've already given "everything" to someone else?

The "point" of marriage is commitment -- mutual, unreserved and loving commitment.

And just to make sure I'm clear, I'm not saying that a strong, mutual, unreserved and loving commitment is only found in marriage. It can certainly be found in couples that choose, for whatever reason, not to get married (or are not able to marry). Nor am I suggesting that all marriages live up to the ideal or that divorce isn't sometimes the best option.

But if you're talking about the "point" of marriage, it's not sharing something with that special someone that you've never shared with anyone else. Not at all. It's commitment. Pretty much everything else is icing.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I was ignoring that and focusing on Rob Lowe.

LOL. I think I had pretty good taste for a kindergartener.

Originally Posted by GreekGirley

Guess I was born in the wrong era, because I'm of the school of thought that says you should be able to give your husband something special...somthing that you've given no one else. And if you've already moved in with (whether it means buying or leasing), had sex, started a family, or etc. then why even get married? I mean, just for the wedding? REALLY? If that's the case, then I'd advise against it, because you'll certainly lose out on the marriage penalty tax thing...

Maybe we just need to re-evaluate the reason for marrige.

Idyllic? Marrige? Aaaah my eyes they bleed.

[ASTalumna06]

WOW, what a coincidence...

I just noticed that my ex posted as his Facebook status earlier today: "Officially has an apt with his beautiful girlfriend!!!"

He just graduated from college. She's going to be a junior next year. The only difference is that they've only been together for 5 months.

Yea...