D was told she would be offered a bid at Preference Night and then did not receive th

[FSUZeta]

PNMs must list all sororities where they have attended parties for that round, except pref round, but they must attend all parties to which they have been invited.

If the PNM chooses to, she can list just one choice on her MRABA (bid card) after pref round. This is called single intentional preference, abbreviated SIP, aka suiciding. It is not recommended that PNMs do this, because they are not eligible to be a quota addition should they not match with their single choice.

The recruitment counselors are encouraged to counsel the PNMs to list all the sororities where they attended pref parties, because Panhellenic's goal is to have as many PNMs receive a bid as possible. The RCs sometimes mistakenly tell PNMs that the computer will kick out their MRABAs if they don't fill it out completely. This is not accurate.

Panhellenic's goal is accomplished by PNMs maximizing their options by listing all the sororities they attended pref parties for in rank order, but the PNM does not have to do so. Had your daughter only listed her first choice, she most likely would've not received a bid. Thank goodness she was open to her 2nd choice.

[leiaamiedala]

JLCo, if no one has said it yet: Congratulations to your daughter for getting a bid to a house she likes!

I am sorry about her preference recruitment experience. Simply put, bid promising should not happen, and it sounds like it negatively impacted her view of greek life. She can report it to the greek life adviser at her school if she wants, but it will not change the outcome.

I hope that she rallies and makes some new, amazing sisters in the chapter she got a bid from!

[Katmandu]

Whether you realize it or not, people on this thread are being extraordinarily patient with you. You claim to know nothing about Greek life, yet buy into and perpetuate the "top tier" "lower tier" mentality which almost every regular poster on this board tries to avoid and educate against; you clearly feel the bite that your daughter did not receive a bid to what you perceive of as the top tier group; you have engaged in generalizations of sorority women as elite and monied and you don't listen when people have tried to explain the system. Yet, people are still responding with patience to your situation. Just because you don't like some answers does not mean the poster is mean.

In most schools, almost every potential new member going through recruitment is an over achieving, attractive, polished and articulate young woman with an impressive resume. That being so, not everyone gets her first choice, even if she has a "top tier" boyfriend. Recruitment isn't perfect, but it's not as unfair as some people think. If you are invited to Pref, you ARE on the bid list and they DO want you. Not everyone on the bid list is high enough to receive a bid, and you will never know why. The actives recruiting your daughter were not lying. They did love her. They just can't extend bids to the entire bid list...only half of them.

If your daughter believes she was genuinely PROMISED a bid (not simply, we hope to see you tomorrow, or you will love our tailgates--which is not bid promising) then SHE should go speak with Greek Life, face to face, not anonymously. You should not be involved.

[andthen]

^^^^^ THIS times a thousand.

[QueenD]

From the OP:
As for being condescending to posters here, I feel I have been respectful to those who have offered genuine positive critique and advice. There have also been some spiteful attacks and I have responded to those as many of those attack were jumping to conclusions, missing some of what was said, or applying mean-spirited lack of logic.

You may feel that you have been respectful in this thread, but you actually have been pretty disrespectful to several people who have given you accurate and appropriate guidance about this situation. There is not a single person in this thread who has suggested that the NPC recruitment process is perfect, but unfortunately you have chosen to dismiss information that you don't seem to want to hear as "mean spirited" pretty much across the board.

I get it. You feel your daughter was wronged, and you want to fix it. The problem is, you can't fix it. You are very fortunate that your daughter seems far less upset about this situation than you do. In your situation, I think your best course of action is to simply encourage your daughter to move forward as an involved, active member of her new chapter. This will only continue to be a problem in your family if you allow it to be.

[33girl]

Your daughter has a bid from a sorority that wanted her. Encourage her to concentrate on the sorority that DID bid her and put the one that didn't bid her in her rearview mirror.

A boy might do a jerky thing. If he does, be thankful he showed his true colors before they got super serious, and encourage her to put him in her rearview mirror.

Sometimes sorority members say things at rush that are purposely meant to mislead a rushee. Sometimes they are just excited and super nervous and say things accidentally. There's no way to know which, but you will more likely get over it faster if you just chalk it up to plan old human error.

[NYCMS]

I want to note something as well:

Your daughter not only went to pref parties to two very strong houses but got a bid to one of them as a SOPHOMORE! I don't know how competitive the Greek system is at her school, but if it is competitive then this is very impressive. Chapters want members for the full four years so it can be harder to get a bid at many schools.

And the fact that she got back to two houses she loved and pledged one is also noteworthy because this is not the case for many girls. I know of girls who had only one pref party to attend due to hard cuts and those who went back to houses they didn't think they liked. These are the hard bumps of rush that unfortunately happen which is why your daughter is blessed.

I think the thing to do now is rejoice that your daughter had a very successful rush and is in a house she wanted and they wanted her.

[Remiechi]

I'm not sure whether this has been mentioned yet, but the bid list order is typically known to only a select few members and advisors; 99% of the members participating in prefs do not know where their PNM is on the list. They're preffing a girl who they've gotten to know during the week and probably would love to see as a sister, so are doing their best to convince them that this is the best chapter for them. Even the chapters with the highest returns don't know exactly how far down into the bid list it will take to make quota, so they treat each PNM at prefs equally and give them the best possible experience. If I had to guess, maybe your daughter was preffed by a sophomore who just got carried away by the excitement and emotions of the day, and spoke out of turn.

[JLCo]

Originally Posted by leiaamiedala

JLCo, if no one has said it yet: Congratulations to your daughter for getting a bid to a house she likes!

I am sorry about her preference recruitment experience. Simply put, bid promising should not happen, and it sounds like it negatively impacted her view of greek life. She can report it to the greek life adviser at her school if she wants, but it will not change the outcome.

I hope that she rallies and makes some new, amazing sisters in the chapter she got a bid from!

Thank you. Although everyone here seems to think we are focused on the tier thing, one thing I did not mention was that this house was listed as her first choice on the second day. She decided to list two other houses 1 & 2 and this house 3 on the third day (and another upper tier lower on the list) only because she thought they would not call her back if they put the higher tier houses further up on the list. The following day she put the two others that were higher tier below this house. So, she definitely did like this house and felt a connection there.

I think the GPA ave is higher at the house she got the bid from. Also, the sleeping arrangements are more conducive to maintaining a higher GPA (Not big rooms holding 6 or more girls). So, in the end this is a good fit for someone who must maintain a very high GPA to achieve her career goal. And, again, the house is the bomb.

[JLCo]

Originally Posted by Remiechi

I'm not sure whether this has been mentioned yet, but the bid list order is typically known to only a select few members and advisors; 99% of the members participating in prefs do not know where their PNM is on the list. They're preffing a girl who they've gotten to know during the week and probably would love to see as a sister, so are doing their best to convince them that this is the best chapter for them. Even the chapters with the highest returns don't know exactly how far down into the bid list it will take to make quota, so they treat each PNM at prefs equally and give them the best possible experience. If I had to guess, maybe your daughter was preffed by a sophomore who just got carried away by the excitement and emotions of the day, and spoke out of turn.

I really wish we had known this going in. Thanks for the info though.

[carnation]

It's time to close this thread.