Confessions...

[Bajan_Delta]

My confession isn't saucy but it is something I need to get off my chest. I don't like my grandmother, AT ALL. Now I'm not saying I hate her but I just don't like her ways, I don't like talking to her, I just don't want to be around her. I hear other people being all warm and fuzzy about their granny and I think, is something wrong with me. Someone asked me a while back if I would cry if she passed on and I couldn't say yes. I don't know that I would, I don't think that I would.

I've had to tell her off a couple of times, not using swear words but to set her straight about some things. She tries to buy my affections by giving me gifts and I don't want to take them because I know that she will only talk about it to make her self look good, but if I don't then she says I'm ungrateful. So folks understand where my feelings come from, my grandmother is quite a two-faced individual who will talk about me fiercely then if confronted would bring down the heavens that she didn't say it. She has lied to other family members about me, telling them that I said things I really didn't say. I feel severe anxiety when I'm forced to be in the same room with her and exchange more than 3 words. I moved several states away to get away from her (and other relatives). If these feelings make me a bad person so be it but I can't help how i feel.

Thanks all GCers for letting get that out.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally posted by Bajan_Delta
My confession isn't saucy but it is something I need to get off my chest. I don't like my grandmother, AT ALL. Now I'm not saying I hate her but I just don't like her ways, I don't like talking to her, I just want to be around her. I hear other people being all warm and fuzzy about their granny and I think, is something wrong with me. Someone asked me a while back if I would cry if she passed on and I couldn't say yes. I don't know that I would, I don't think that I would.

I've have to tell her off a couple of times, not using swear words but to set her straight about some things. She tries to buy my affections but giving me gifts and I don't want to take them because I know that she will only talk about it to make her self look good, but if I don't then I'm ungrateful. So folks understand where my feeling come from, my grandmother is quite a two-faced individual who will talk about me fiercely then if confronted would bring down the heavens that she didn't say it. She has lied to other family members about me, telling them that I said things I really didn't say. I feel severe anxiety when I'm forced to be in the same room with her and exchange more than 3 words. I moved several states away to get away from her (and other relatives). If these feelings make me a bad person so be it but I can't help how i feel.

Thanks all GCers for letting get that out.

Don't feel bad about someone that close. I feel the same as you do, but I haven't done the same as you have toward my mother-in-law.

Sometimes, we have to learn how to let go of extremely manipulative people who we are "suppose" to love... That is one of the toughest things to do, but I know there is a way to do it and deal with those kind of people.

From what I am reading, I am intepreting that she is making you a nervous wreck when you are around her... Correct me if I am wrong...

[Bajan_Delta]

Trust me when I say I try to get away from her (an other negative family members) but some how they won't leave me alone. I will admit that I'm a fiesty woman and there are times when I let their comments go and times when i need to let some of my relatives' little nasty comment go but I don't. Instead I let them know where, when and how to get off, after all I have my pride and there is only so much I can take. I figure if I live far away there is no way that they can get me caught up in the drama but lo and behold my name is brought up in some mess. I think my grandmother is worse of all because she is so sneaky about it, my other relatives (aunts mainly) will at least say something to my face.

My grandmother doesn't make me nervous when I'm around her, she makes me angry. She will say something to make me want to go off (like how I should be glad that she brought us to america or some other random nonsense like that). She is not close to any of her children and my mum holds a firm belief that my grandmother doesn't like her. Their relationship (if you want to call it that) is very strained. I thank God daily that my mother is not like my grandmother, and that our relationship is as strong as it is.

Originally posted by AKA_Monet
Don't feel bad about someone that close. I feel the same as you do, but I haven't done the same as you have toward my mother-in-law.

Sometimes, we have to learn how to let go of extremely manipulative people who we are "suppose" to love... That is one of the toughest things to do, but I know there is a way to do it and deal with those kind of people.

From what I am reading, I am intepreting that she is making you a nervous wreck when you are around her... Correct me if I am wrong...

[AKA_Monet]

Originally posted by Bajan_Delta
Trust me when I say I try to get away from her (an other negative family members) but some how they won't leave me alone...after all I have my pride and there is only so much I can take...I think my grandmother is worse of all because she is so sneaky about it...My grandmother doesn't make me nervous when I'm around her, she makes me angry... I thank God daily that my mother is not like my grandmother, and that our relationship is as strong as it is.

What strikes me is the "having your pride" in the face of idiodacy. Like, you can be proud but it still won't change how your G-ma treats you or your mother... So, if it is not going to make a difference and you can leave (spelled=run) to another universe, but you cannot hide from your "wonderful family members" then you need some tactics to deal with them.

Do they know how to be "completely cut off" or could you actually do something like that? Just asking? Because if you choose to go that route, you will have "find that hardcore lump of ice coal" to do it, but you will not have complete tranquility, serenity and resolution... This issue is about "resolution" so you can move on and live a happy life no matter what they say to you...

And obviously, there's a saying, "to whom the god's wish to destroy, they must first make them angry..." So, somehow, your G-ma KNOWS and is very well adept to pushing your "right" buttons to set you off... The key is, you've gotta find a way to not make those buttons work anymore... And guess what? It'll frustrate the hayle outta dem and they'll be pissed off with you...

I know there is a way to deal with those kinna people, you do have options... And it does not include leaving an uncomfortable situation or confrontation... It's more relaxed than that... It's actually rather ice-breakingly funny--like just laughing at most of the chit they say to you on general principle--because in reality, will it make the world stop spinning??? Really?

[Bajan_Delta]

This issue with my grandmother is not just a problem for me but for all of my cousins. The problem with cutting off my aunts also means cutting off my cousins who I feel close too. Unfortunately I have not found that absolute resolution. Not responding to them only opens the door to more foolish statements from them cause they see it as a sign of weakness. I used to go off quickly when I was younger, I found that to be ineffective. What I do now when confronted by one of their nasty comments i simply remind them that they aren't gold either. For example my mother's twin brother made some stupid remark to me some years back, and rather than get cuss him out I simply said to him "the lord will still bless you for raising someone else's child". This fool has full custody of a "biracial" child that has no trace of black in her and the mother was living with a man at the time she got pregnant. With that statement (which was made about 6 or 7 years back) he has never came back up in my face with any thing else.

I have found strength in my mother's support. Plus she knows all the dirt, so when someone starts to act up on me, my mum quickly buss them down. Sadly my grandmother has diluded herself into thinking that she was a good mother and grandmother and it is the general consensus that she was not. However, she has left a legacy of competition and jealousy among her children. Fortunately it has not trickled down to our generation. Us cousins may not alway be one big happy family but at the end of the day we do care deeply for each other and don't let the nonsense affect our relationships.

Originally posted by AKA_Monet
What strikes me is the "having your pride" in the face of idiodacy. Like, you can be proud but it still won't change how your G-ma treats you or your mother... So, if it is not going to make a difference and you can leave (spelled=run) to another universe, but you cannot hide from your "wonderful family members" then you need some tactics to deal with them.

Do they know how to be "completely cut off" or could you actually do something like that? Just asking? Because if you choose to go that route, you will have "find that hardcore lump of ice coal" to do it, but you will not have complete tranquility, serenity and resolution... This issue is about "resolution" so you can move on and live a happy life no matter what they say to you...

And obviously, there's a saying, "to whom the god's wish to destroy, they must first make them angry..." So, somehow, your G-ma KNOWS and is very well adept to pushing your "right" buttons to set you off... The key is, you've gotta find a way to not make those buttons work anymore... And guess what? It'll frustrate the hayle outta dem and they'll be pissed off with you...

I know there is a way to deal with those kinna people, you do have options... And it does not include leaving an uncomfortable situation or confrontation... It's more relaxed than that... It's actually rather ice-breakingly funny--like just laughing at most of the chit they say to you on general principle--because in reality, will it make the world stop spinning??? Really?

[KAPPAtivating]

Originally posted by Bajan_Delta
This issue with my grandmother is not just a problem for me but for all of my cousins. The problem with cutting off my aunts also means cutting off my cousins who I feel close too. Unfortunately I have not found that absolute resolution. Not responding to them only opens the door to more foolish statements from them cause they see it as a sign of weakness. I used to go off quickly when I was younger, I found that to be ineffective. What I do now when confronted by one of their nasty comments i simply remind them that they aren't gold either. For example my mother's twin brother made some stupid remark to me some years back, and rather than get cuss him out I simply said to him "the lord will still bless you for raising someone else's child". This fool has full custody of a "biracial" child that has no trace of black in her and the mother was living with a man at the time she got pregnant. With that statement (which was made about 6 or 7 years back) he has never came back up in my face with any thing else.

I have found strength in my mother's support. Plus she knows all the dirt, so when someone starts to act up on me, my mum quickly buss them down. Sadly my grandmother has diluded herself into thinking that she was a good mother and grandmother and it is the general consensus that she was not. However, she has left a legacy of competition and jealousy among her children. Fortunately it has not trickled down to our generation. Us cousins may not alway be one big happy family but at the end of the day we do care deeply for each other and don't let the nonsense affect our relationships.

I must tell you that I think a lot of people feel this way about somebody in their family. I cannot stand my father! We tried to rekindle our relationship (which he let go for 15 years while he was married) and I was stupid enough to move around the corner from him. Now because he cannot dictate who I talk to (he's very controlling and manipulative over people), he doesn't speak to me anymore. I know I would not cry if he died. Now he has some MONSTER chick as his girlfriend and she caters to his every need. I loathe the both of them.

[Bajan_Delta]

I figured that more people feel the same way, however it's so taboo to say that you don't like your father, mother or grandmother. People like to believe that respect is due to these people. My thoughts are that respect is earned not due. My mother has gone above and beyond what an average mother needs to do and for that she will always have my utmost respect and undying love.

As for this situation with your father, you made it this far in life and have become the person you are with out him, and you will continue to grow and prosper without him. If he thinks that you will some how suffer and fall apart because he not speak to you then thats his faulty thinking. Keep on trucking

Originally posted by KAPPAtivating
I must tell you that I think a lot of people feel this way about somebody in their family. I cannot stand my father! We tried to rekindle our relationship (which he let go for 15 years while he was married) and I was stupid enough to move around the corner from him. Now because he cannot dictate who I talk to (he's very controlling and manipulative over people), he doesn't speak to me anymore. I know I would not cry if he died. Now he has some MONSTER chick as his girlfriend and she caters to his every need. I loathe the both of them.

[KAPPAtivating]

Originally posted by Bajan_Delta
I figured that more people feel the same way, however it's so taboo to say that you don't like your father, mother or grandmother. People like to believe that respect is due to these people. My thoughts are that respect is earned not due. My mother has gone above and beyond what an average mother needs to do and for that she will always have my utmost respect and undying love.

As for this situation with your father, you made it this far in life and have become the person you are with out him, and you will continue to grow and prosper without him. If he thinks that you will some how suffer and fall apart because he not speak to you then thats his faulty thinking. Keep on trucking

Thanks Bajan, I put that dude in the wind so long ago it is rediculous. Jealousy is his motive. I told him about a year ago, "Don't hate me cause you didn't make me the person I am today."

[soft&beautiful]

I met a man I REALLY like on a mb. Now I know there are creeps on mb's and you must be careful; but I have been secretly talking to him for a little over 6 weeks. We have had intimate conversations but I made him very aware that I did not want that but he says it's ok. He is a Kappa and he is mad intelligent, witty, and extremely talented (he is an artist). We talk, literally, for hours everyday before, during, and after work. He has seen me and I him. I know it's new but I have a crazy crush on this man.

The thing is, I feel he knows my nose is wide open. He said we could be friends with benefits, I told him he benefitted from having me as a friend. He says he likes my style (of word play) , really likes talking to me and loves my accent. He says he likes a woman that knows what she want, and I am a girlfriend possiblilty, but if we can, be friends with benefits. He doesn't want a relationship nor do I.... but sex with a man from a mb is NOT an option!
At first, I was a little taken when he said this to me, but then again men I see here say things just as worse in person. *shrugs*

Plus, that lame okey doke, you cool but let's be friends with benefits doesn't work either. I told him I am aware that he will stay around for as long as it takes to reach his goal and that he has a really long wait, he didn't seem bothered.

Gosh, this feels so good to get off my chest, if I could only confess more esp. on this.....................

[PerfectVerse06]

A blood relation with someone won't necessarily guarantee that the relationship will be wonderful and perfect.

Yes, you share some DNA but your personalities, beliefs, and lives will be different because you are individuals. You are more than your last name and some chromosomes.

Yes, it may hurt to see others who have great relationships with their relatives, but as you can see there are plenty of people who have lackluster relationships with their folks too. You aren't alone and there's nothing wrong with you and the way you feel.

You don't have to like everyone in your family.

[teena]

PV06, you reminded me that I have a confession.

I can not stand to be around my older brother. He is a USER. Everytime I come in contact with him, literally, he leaves with something of mines, money, stuff from my house, stuff out of my car. He NEVER gives me anything. Just takes. I try to live my life by Biblical principles the very best that I can. He manipulates that to try to extort more stuff from me. I think he hates me but feels like I owe him something. Recently I reached my final breaking point. He lived with me rent and expense free for 5 months. I helped him move out. I loaned him my tv. When I went to ask for it back, he starts dodging me and talking major trash. I finally got my television back after an extremely nasty exchange and cut ties with him.

I need to learn to balance forgiveness with distance. You can love people from afar.

[RedefinedDiva]

Please don't feel bad about not liking or loving a close relative. My aunt says it best: You don't owe anybody anything.

Ultimately, you have to live your life for yourself. Of course, family is family, but regardless of that, there are TOXIC people in the world. And to make matters worse, one of them may be someone in your family. Be it a parent, grandparent, sibling, aunt/uncle, cousin, etc., you must rid yourself of toxic people. Some folks don't and won't EVER change. EVERYONE has a toxic person in their lives that they must rid themselves of. I have had several over the years. I am dealing with one now. You just have to resolve to live YOUR life.

Let go and let God. Ask God to help and guide you. He will. You can still have that family love for them, but you do NOT have to like them. Nor do you have to deal with anyone that brings you down simply because they are family. You will be OK. I can testify. God wants us to love and you can do that without having contact with someone who brings you down. God knows your heart.

[teena]

Originally posted by RedefinedDiva
Please don't feel bad about not liking or loving a close relative. My aunt says it best: You don't owe anybody anything.

Ultimately, you have to live your life for yourself. Of course, family is family, but regardless of that, there are TOXIC people in the world. And to make matters worse, one of them may be someone in your family. Be it a parent, grandparent, sibling, aunt/uncle, cousin, etc., you must rid yourself of toxic people. Some folks don't and won't EVER change. EVERYONE has a toxic person in their lives that they must rid themselves of. I have had several over the years. I am dealing with one now. You just have to resolve to live YOUR life.

Let go and let God. Ask God to help and guide you. He will. You can still have that family love for them, but you do NOT have to like them. Nor do you have to deal with anyone that brings you down simply because they are family. You will be OK. I can testify. God wants us to love and you can do that without having contact with someone who brings you down. God knows your heart.

Thank you. I hear you. Pray on it and do the best I can. That is all I can do.

[PerfectVerse06]

RefinedDiva, you worded that perfectly!!

[AKA_Monet]

Originally posted by Bajan_Delta
I figured that more people feel the same way, however it's so taboo to say that you don't like your father, mother or grandmother. People like to believe that respect is due to these people. My thoughts are that respect is earned not due...

It says in the Christian Bible to "respect your mother and father..." But is also says, in so many words for parents do not cause your children to leave you or hate you...

I think folks forget that part about being a responsible adult toward children, then expect to be respected due to age...

One must do respectable things in order to be respected... Besides, the issue is "reverence". Are they living a "revered" life--that is respect with joy and honor.

So don't feel bad or that it is taboo because elders are misbehaving. A child will never be the parent no matter what the age is. But a child does grow up and become an adult...

And Christ said, "I put childish things away..."

Some folks who are adults will never be at that point in their lives... So just like my Soror Redefined said, you all ain't a toxic dump, why should they leave their waste around you?