Would you get married quickly if you had no doubts?

[TonyB06]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

... So what say you, GC: If you were both absolutely certain you wanted to be together forever (and were in a financial/situational place to do so), are you the type to push for marriage or do you prefer the low-pressure long-term?

Interesting thread. My theory is that you don't really know a person until you have seen two things:
-until you have seen them angry
-until you have seen them angry at you because of something you have done (or something they perceive you have done).

Nothing "sexy" or "flattering" about either of these scenarios but both of them will show the character of who you are dealing with for real.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by TonyB06

Interesting thread. My theory is that you don't really know a person until you have seen two things:
-until you have seen them angry
-until you have seen them angry at you because of something you have done (or something they perceive you have done).

Nothing "sexy" or "flattering" about either of these scenarios but both of them will show the character of who you are dealing with for real.

I agree. It is a bad idea to fall quickly in love (or in like) and make the marriage leap before you've seen that person in different moods, around family, and how they behave when shit hits the fan.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by TonyB06

Interesting thread. My theory is that you don't really know a person until you have seen two things:
-until you have seen them angry
-until you have seen them angry at you because of something you have done (or something they perceive you have done).

Nothing "sexy" or "flattering" about either of these scenarios but both of them will show the character of who you are dealing with for real.

I'm going to add:

-until you have seen his credit report

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

Only for Lenny Kravitz.

Everyone else has to wait a while.

Originally Posted by Jen

I would wait. Because that marriage shit is expensive.

LOL!

[Kevin]

Old thread, but my folks dated about 3 weeks before getting married. They've been married 36 years at this point...

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by TonyB06

Interesting thread. My theory is that you don't really know a person until you have seen two things:
-until you have seen them angry
-until you have seen them angry at you because of something you have done (or something they perceive you have done).

Nothing "sexy" or "flattering" about either of these scenarios but both of them will show the character of who you are dealing with for real.

Totally agree. Yep, I just think that what you posted is so important. I mean, I wait because I want to be with him long enough to see patterns. Like, how does he interact with people, how does he handle stress, the way he handles money, is he indecisve, is he able to calmly gather the facts, like making rational and wise decisions under pressure, or does he explode, fall apart, his habits etc. I just think that too many people (mainly women), are so anxious to be married that they don't pay attention to these signs. It's just that this happens because they are "in love" therefore everything their guy does is okay or can be changed later. Uh uh, what you see is ultimately what you get. I just don't get why no one ever rationalizes that the cost of cancellation before a wedding is far less than the cost of a divorce, emotionally as well as financially.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I mean, I wait because I want to be with him long enough to see patterns.

PREACH!!!!

[psusue]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Uh uh, what you see is ultimately what you get. I just don't get why no one ever rationalizes that the cost of cancellation before a wedding is far less than the cost of a divorce, emotionally as well as financially.

My mom always says 'even if you were to run screaming back down the aisle, it would ultimately still be cheaper, less embarrassing, and less painful than a divorce'. FWIW.

[Alumiyum]

No. I would not, end of story. I'm not impulsive (except when shopping ) and I'm in no hurry to get married. Likely I'll meet someone eventually...but I honestly cannot at this point in my life conceive of a person that I would want to spend the rest of my life with. I guess I like commitment...until it's permanent. That doesn't appeal to me.

When I was younger I talked engagement with two boyfriends. One was a trainwreck, and I knew even when we were discussing it I would never actually say yes. As for the other, I said I was just too young to be worrying about that and we could talk about it after I got my degree...and I'm glad I went that route because it saved a lot of mess when he cheated and got dumped. Every "real" relationship I've been in has either exploded, imploded, or just fizzled and got boring around a year and a half...so for me I won't even bother to consider it until I've reached that point with a guy and am still reasonably happy.

Of course, it seems even less appealing to me right now because I'm enjoying being totally dating/talking/boyfriend/anything free for the first time in 8 years. I'm fickle. But no matter what I would never, ever rush into it. I've not picked good guys for the most part, but even the good ones hid deal-breaker issues until around the time we broke up. So one thing I've learned from my dating record is that you really don't know a person until you've been together with them long enough to see patterns as CG put it...and I'm not a trusting or particularly forgiving person, so I'd rather wait it out and see those patterns before I lock myself in and have to choose between leaving or overlooking things I really am not ok with. (Because I'll choose leaving).

[angels&angles]

I met my BF in kindergarten (actually probably earlier, as his older bro and my older sis are the same age), and became friends in high school. We started seeing each other casually after I graduate college (actually a bit earlier, but since we weren't in the same state any encounters were months apart so I don't count it), and it took over two years for us to become "official" (i.e. even though we were exclusive, if someone asked if he were my BF I would say no). So in other words... not the rushing in type.

His parents saw each other a total of 10 times over 6 months before they got married. Mine got married after 1 year (3 months of which my dad spent no-contact in Antarctica). Both marriages are still very strong.

I sit and watch my friends get married and think "HOW can they be comfortable with this?" Although I'm obsessed with weddings I feel no desire whatsoever to be married... it's weird. Our friends are constantly befuddled by our relationship, but we're comfortable with it and it works for us. Which is my answer, I guess. If it works for you.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by psusue

My mom always says 'even if you were to run screaming back down the aisle, it would ultimately still be cheaper, less embarrassing, and less painful than a divorce'. FWIW.

lol
Your mom is so right. To me, based on what I see happening today, prospective husbands no longer have to court women, or behave like gentleman. The reason why is because too many women are willing to fill in the blanks in the relationship themselves in order to have a man. It's pathetic. And yet, many of these women still end up unfulfilled or repeatedly alone. It's just that because of our longing for a relationship with a man, we often accept less than what a great guy is or should be. It's just that knowing the behavioral patterns of true love helps us to be more discerning. I just think that what it boils down to is choosing to be honest with ourselves, even when it hurts, because it's the only safeguard against repeatedly being a victim in romantic relationships.

[preciousjeni]

I got married about seven months after getting engaged. We had known each other for just under two years and had been together for one year when we got married. Actually, maybe we don't qualify as getting married fast.

I knew I was going to marry him about a month after I met him, but I didn't mention anything until we got more serious.

ETA: Our five year anniversary is a couple months away.

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Your mom is so right. To me, based on what I see happening today, prospective husbands no longer have to court women, or behave like gentleman.

I was courted.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

I was courted.

And congrats on your 5th year of marriage. May God continue to bless you with many more.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

And congrats on your 5th year of marriage. May God continue to bless you with many more.

Thank you!

[honeychile]

I wish I could remember to whom this should be attributed, but I've heard that you should never marry someone until you've untangled Christmas lights together. I think that you should go through one year of holidays together, and if you plan to have children, babysit together. But whether you should do that under the same roof or not is up to the individuals involved.