Northern Arizona University Formal Recruitment

[33girl]

Originally Posted by irishpipes

We have put members on suspension for failure to live in.

But weren't there exceptions? (RAs, have to live in specified housing because of academic program, townies)

If Susie Sorority Member gets a scholarship to study Russian and then finds out she needs to live in the Russian House on campus to use it, I don't think the sorority could kick her out without a really giant stink.

[irishpipes]

Originally Posted by 33girl

But weren't there exceptions? (RAs, have to live in specified housing because of academic program, townies)

If Susie Sorority Member gets a scholarship to study Russian and then finds out she needs to live in the Russian House on campus to use it, I don't think the sorority could kick her out without a really giant stink.

There were a few exceptions. I just wanted to point out that it might not be as simple as "they probably can't kick you out for not living in." I'm sure every chapter has their own guidelines about that. I would feel uneasy recommending to a PNM that a rule might not really be a rule. We don't know. I have a lot of respect for the advice that VP gives, so I was just pointing out that circumstances can and do arise where a chapter has to enforce their living-in policy. (And it's a pain in the rear when they do. )

[disasterscookie]

I mean I am nervous about bringing it up...but my husband works 13-15 hours a day, I have time in my schedule to be a good wife and a good sister, I am positive of that

[Kansas City]

Originally Posted by disasterscookie

I mean I am nervous about bringing it up...but my husband works 13-15 hours a day, I have time in my schedule to be a good wife and a good sister, I am positive of that

Just don't bring it up unless asked. I spent years during recruitment as an undergrad and never once spoke about my boyfriend, now husband. Recruiters will almost guaranteed ask you about your hometown, major, etc. but I would guess that the vast majority are not going to ask you about your personal relationship with a significant other. Of course, don't lie if they do ask you about it but why offer up the information, especially if you are nervous about it?

[OPhiAGinger]

Originally Posted by Kansas City

Just don't bring it up unless asked.

A friend of mine was an active in an NPC sorority and was asked to take alumna status when she got married as a sophomore. She was so sad! I thought it was a national policy of her NPC, but perhaps it was just a local policy....? It's worth checking out that kind of thing. In a perfect world, the campus advisor the OP spoke to would have alerted her to a potential problem, but those campus advisors aren't always up to speed on every GLO policy. (The happy ending is that she wound up as a founding mother of a new OPA chapter on her campus.)

Even if there is no policy against a married woman holding active status, I agree with the OP that playing down this important lifelong commitment is essentially a lie of omission. To find the sisterhood relationship that is right for you, those potential sisters need to know the real you, including the joy you find in your marriage.

[Kansas City]

disasterscookie, I am sorry for the apparent hijack of this thread but would like to ask a question of the GCres out there ... If I had a disease, lets say flat feet, that might not allow me to participate fully in the chapter (can't live in the house and receive treatments at the same time), should I initiate a conversation about flat feet to complete strangers knowing full well that it might reduce chances of receieiving a bid? ... knowing that flat feet might not make me a poor candidate for membership but may reduce my capacity to participate or live in a house.

I think that there is a HUGE difference between lying and not initiating a personal conversation about yourself. Just as you wouldn't go to a job interview and initiate a conversation about your lack of transportation, don't intentionally tell others about the negatives. If you get the job you would just find a way to make it work (maybe the bus) just as with a sorority, if you receive a bid, you'll find a way to work it into your married life.

Also, my NPC offers alumna status to married undergrads because a married woman's priorities are generally different from an unmarried woman's but alumna status is the choice of the member and not the NPC.

[KSUViolet06]

My sorority doesn't require married women to take alumna status (we don't have any sort of early alumna status other than 5th yr alumna status anyway). If she receives a bid, she held to the same participation standards as any other sister. If her chapter bylaws don't include marriage as an exception to the live-in policy, she is expected to live-in just like anyone else. This is why it's important for married women to know about chapter live-in policies (as they probably aren't going to want to join knowing that they have to live-in at some point).

My advice is for you to find out about the chapter housing there and their live-in requirements before you get too far into recruitment. If the sororities have live-in requirements (and marriage isn't an exception to them), then it's best to know that, so you can decide to withdraw before you get a bid and then end up depledging.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by irishpipes

There were a few exceptions. I just wanted to point out that it might not be as simple as "they probably can't kick you out for not living in." I'm sure every chapter has their own guidelines about that. I would feel uneasy recommending to a PNM that a rule might not really be a rule. We don't know. I have a lot of respect for the advice that VP gives, so I was just pointing out that circumstances can and do arise where a chapter has to enforce their living-in policy. (And it's a pain in the rear when they do. )

I should have been more clear. Every NPC is bound to have different policies (and they may be different from chapter to chapter). It's one thing to say "I don't want to live in" and have no apparent reason for it when there are spaces to be filled (not what I was referring to), but I would think that at least some NPCs/chapters would consider marriage a valid reason to not live in the house. I'll edit my post to reflect that.

[basket96]

KansasCity,

I agree with your point, but flat feet are unlikely to be noticed in a PNM whereas a wedding ring is likely TO be noticed. I think many actives are likely to make assumptions NOT in OP's favor that's why I recommend being up front. I'd hate to see her NOT get a bid because actives assumed she would not have the time to dedicate when clearly she has stated she does. I think by being up front she assuages that doubt in the minds of the women she meets and they are able to look at her with a more open mind. I think it's being proactive and turning a potential negative into a positive.

Also, I would think that most house boards would allow live-out status to a married undergraduate. But, it's probably best to ask those things up front so they don't come back to hurt you later. Like has been said previously, EACH chapter is different.

[irishpipes]

Originally Posted by Kansas City

disasterscookie, I am sorry for the apparent hijack of this thread but would like to ask a question of the GCres out there ... If I had a disease, lets say flat feet, that might not allow me to participate fully in the chapter (can't live in the house and receive treatments at the same time), should I initiate a conversation about flat feet to complete strangers knowing full well that it might reduce chances of receieiving a bid? ... knowing that flat feet might not make me a poor candidate for membership but may reduce my capacity to participate or live in a house.

I think that there is a HUGE difference between lying and not initiating a personal conversation about yourself. Just as you wouldn't go to a job interview and initiate a conversation about your lack of transportation, don't intentionally tell others about the negatives. If you get the job you would just find a way to make it work (maybe the bus) just as with a sorority, if you receive a bid, you'll find a way to work it into your married life.

Also, my NPC offers alumna status to married undergrads because a married woman's priorities are generally different from an unmarried woman's but alumna status is the choice of the member and not the NPC.

My point is only about housing. If a chapter states up front that they have a housing requirement, and you know that you cannot meet that requirement, I think you have an obligation to bring it up. Now, if the chapter states that they only encourage living in, or that living in is required but there are exceptions, fine, I agree with your point. The problem is that the chapter may make the exception for the PNM, but the corporation may not. I know the corporation that I serve on has no established exceptions to the requirement to live in. Once the house is full, we consider exclusions, but if the house is not full, every member is required to live in or pay for the empty bed.

[NAU_OPhiA]

I'm brand new to GC and have really enjoyed the recruitment threads I have read so far. I joined a service sorority and did not experience the formal recruitment process, so it is interesting for me to read. I'm excited to hear what it is like at my alma mater!

Good luck!

[SmartBlondeGPhB]

Originally Posted by irishpipes

My point is only about housing. If a chapter states up front that they have a housing requirement, and you know that you cannot meet that requirement, I think you have an obligation to bring it up. Now, if the chapter states that they only encourage living in, or that living in is required but there are exceptions, fine, I agree with your point. The problem is that the chapter may make the exception for the PNM, but the corporation may not. I know the corporation that I serve on has no established exceptions to the requirement to live in. Once the house is full, we consider exclusions, but if the house is not full, every member is required to live in or pay for the empty bed.

Agreed (especially the bold part).

[violetpretty]

You'd think that the chapter and house corporation would align their policies.

[irishpipes]

I think most house corps and chapters work well together. But, the corporation has bills to pay, and truthfully, are less likely to be emotionally involved with the chapter members. If a mortage or rent payment has to be made, the corporation has to take in enough money to make it. In my post I said that the chapter might make an exception that the corporation may not recognize. To me, that means the chapter makes a decision to violate policy on behalf of a member. So, even if the chapter's policies are in line with the corporation's, if one of them violates a policy, even with good intentions, they are no longer aligned.

[disasterscookie]

I think I am just going to honest. I think it is so much easier. Plus, I have plenty of friends in a majority of the sororities that I am sure it would get out quite quickly that I was married.
When asked about being married and how it will affect my sorority life, I will simply let them know that I am willing and able to make the commitment, I want it, and obviously I am a commitment kind of person (marriage and sisterhood are both life long commitments, correct?)
In my personal opinion, I think I have much more depth than JUST being married, and if the sororities find it more important that I am married and cannot live in, then I don't think it would be the situation or the organization for me. As it states on many of the threads, sorority life is not for everyone. I want it to be, I think it can be for me...but in the end they have to choose me, correct? And if they don't, then it's obviously not for me...right?
I feel good about it. I rather be honest.
Thank you for all your help and opinions. Friday is the first day of official recruitment, I'm really excited to get started, get some questions answered, and to keep you guys posted on how it goes and what I learn.