Non participation in NPHC as a D9 member

[Senusret I]

Originally Posted by grad

I feel that my free time should be spent doing what I want to do.

End of story.

I have yet to attend an NPHC function in my city, either. The extent of my involvement is sending out emails I feel might be relevant to the member chapters on the DC Pan-Hellenic list serv.

Sidebar: I don't enjoy picnics, so you will never find me at an NPHC picnic anywhere at anytime, DC or not.

[Watcher]

OP's punishing the entire NPHC group because of what 1 person did? Yeah, that's mature.

[Senusret I]

So are sockpuppets.

[CrimsonTide4]

Originally Posted by grad

First of all, I'm not a troll. I post regularly on GC. I just don't want this post associated with my real GC name because well . . . let's just say my situation is not one I want out there. I admit it's a strange one and I've never talked to anyone about it - not even my sorors.

Ok, I am a member of an NPHC sorority. Been so for 2 years now. My issue is not with my sorors. It's with the other 3 NPHC sororities - with specific idividuals to be more clear, not with the sororities as a whole. Since I came trough, I have attended 1 NPHC event and that's because due to the circumtances, I had no choice. I hated it the entire time. I don't do NPHC events like everyone else does. I don't like them. I purposely avoid them and even if I have nothing to do, I will not go.

Why? Because I don't feel like running into these individuals from the other sororities. I also don't go to any events the other NPHC sororities sponsor. Same reason. Some of these individuals have left a not-so-good impression on me (to put it nicely) and I just keep away from them and their org or else I feel like a hypocrite, which I'm not. Their org reminds me of them, simply put and supporting their org means supporting them Basically, you can say that I isolate myself from other greeks by staying within the bubble of my own sorority. That's where I'm happy - in my sorority. I'm extremely active within my sorority and have gotten to know sorors nationwide. I go to everything except NPHC events.

NPHC members, I don't know if I'm being childish or crazy. But I don't want to do NPHC events. A soror approached me to tell me about the next NPHC event. Most sorors from our chapter will be out of town and she would like those of us in town to go and represent our chapter. I told her no thank you b/c I already have plans (in reality I don't) I'm always busy when there's an NPHC event going on. Do I feel bad saying "No, I'm not gonna make it to this one" - of course! But I do it anyway. Noone has caught on that I purposely avoid NPHC events because they see me everywhere else our sorority is having a function. I drive alot to support other chapters in the state. Do I feel like I'm missing out on the whole NPHC experience? Of course I do - but the alternative (running into these people) is just too much for me to handle and so I choose to miss out.

NPHC members, I would like your serious opinion. I'm a grown woman in a grad chapter. I feel that my free time should be spent doing what I want to do. Serving my sorority and our community I do with all my heart and I do it willingly and happily. But NPHC - I don't feel like it should be a priority when I'm doing everything else a soror can possibly do within my sorority. I even hold an office.

NPHC members, do you think I'm skipping out on my responsibilities as a member of my sorority by not doing anything related to NPHC?

I don't.

I seldom go to NPHC events. Not because of an anti-NPHC mentality, but I just choose not to go. I'm not one who hangs out like that.

You're active in your sorority and that's where your vows/oath lie.

While it's great to interact with NPHC members, it's not written in stone or in any of our by-laws that I am aware of. Maybe it is and I'm the one whose in violation.

[CrimsonTide4]

Originally Posted by rhoyaltempest

I don't know why you didn't discuss this with a soror or two but anyway you are not the first person to feel this way and you won't be the last. I happen to be in a city (Philly) where the NPHC is very active and supportive of one another but I can tell that if most of the members weren't cool I probably wouldn't want to go to NPHC events either. Fortunately we don't have that problem and I have met great people in the other NPHC orgs. We all attend eachother's programs and buy tickets to eachother's events, which is a win win for everyone! That doesn't mean however that I go to everything but I do understand that if you don't support others, they won't support you.

You don't have to go to everything but if it's important for your chapter's networking ability for you to represent at NPHC events sometimes, then suck it up and do it. Think of it as something you're doing for your org. There are some sorority events I don't want to go to or don't feel like going to, but I go because people are counting on me and sometimes I go to NPHC events, not because I want to go, but because it's important for my chapter to be represented in the community.

My Soror KimL (on GC) is like Ms. NPHC in Philly. She knows everybody and from what she says, you all as a city have a great NPHC.

[CrimsonTide4]

Originally Posted by grad

I agree 100%




No, it's nothing like this. Let me clarify exactly why I don't participate. Here's an example of what one member of another NPHC sorority did (before all this happened between us, I did not know her). I used to date a guy who used to date her. He was not cheating on her with me. They were over before I came into the picture. She didn't agree with that decision so one day she went to my home and slashed the tires of his car while he was visiting. WTH? What self respecting woman in her late 30's does that? Another incident occurred at my house another day where I had to call the police on this woman. This time, he was not there. I took it personal. This had nothing to do with him anymore. She's disrupting MY home, not his. I'm the type that believes if you are an intruder in my home I have the right to shoot your a** for trespassing. Why? Because it's my home and I have the right to defend myself. Obviously I didn't shoot her. Instead I called the police.

Fast-forward to today. If I see her I will give her the a** whooping I didn't give her back then for 1) disrespecting MY house 2) scaring the sh*t out of me in MY own home and 3) being the type of woman who does this crazy sh*t for a stupid man. I mean, come on, she should have known better than to go crazy for a stupid man who didn't want her (God knows we women will if we let ourselves!).

Needless to say, I believe one invites or rejects drama. I reject it. I cut my ties with this man I was dating b/c that was just too much drama for me LOL But now I have to deal with her at NPHC events. And I'm not supposed to whoop her a**? Not supposed to say anything to her at all? Oh, let me tell you I have plenty to say to her! It's been 2 years of self control and yes, I still harbor feelings about it. How could I not?

The reason why I don't go to NPHC events is because I'm actualy worried at how I'm gonna react when I see her and what will happen due to my reaction. I'm not afraid of her. But I'm big on image and the fact that I'm a walking talking billboard for my sorority. Plus if I react, everyone will wonder why. Now my business is out for ALL the greeks in D9 to discuss (and we all know how we do it!)

So what do I do instead? I purposely avoid the situation of being around her b/c I know how I can get LOL. So, this is just one example of why I avoid NPHC events - it's more than dealing with annoying people. Annoying I can handle - I do it all the time at work. But this type of thing is more serious than that. Or am I exaggerating?

You've shed more light on the subject which makes it more understandable in your particular situation.

[CrimsonTide4]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

And any kneegrow that pits two women against each other--do I have to guess which fraternity he's in? Typical...

Umm all men, fraternity or otherwise, have the potential to pit two or more women against each other.

[grad]

Originally Posted by Watcher

OP's punishing the entire NPHC group because of what 1 person did? Yeah, that's mature.

If you read my previous posts, I did say this was just ONE example, just to give you an idea of what I was dealing with, which was more than just annoying people.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by ladygreek

This went from having issues with members of the other NPHC sororities to having an issue with one person over a man. Posted in the GL forum rather than your own org's forum (which would seem like a better place to ask for such advice) under an assumed name.

I'm not buying it.

I'm glad I didn't have to be the first naysayer.

What's more interesting than this BS story is which GC regular it could be. Idunno.

A 2 year member who really thinks that not attending NPHC events amounts to a hill of beans if you're not the designated NPHC rep for your chapter? Not buying it. I didn't read her rants about some love triangle but I saw someone mention fighting over a man. Yeah, right...blah.

[grad]

Originally Posted by CrimsonTide4

You're active in your sorority and that's where your vows/oath lie.

I went straight to my soror's house yesterday after I logged out of GC and told her about it. She said this same exact thing as you just wrote above CT4!!! I asked her to come with me to the next NPHC event, but she was like "Why? B/c you feel that you have to go? Nah, you don't have to go. Go if you want to, not because you feel you have to. . . ." She said she would not say this about a sorority event, but for an NPHC event, she felt it wasn't as important. The truth is that I really don't want to go to an NPHC event for reasons stated earlier - at least not right now. Maybe one day I will change my mind. So, I'm not planning on going anytime soon.

[CrimsonTide4]

Originally Posted by grad

I went straight to my soror's house yesterday after I logged out of GC and told her about it. She said this same exact thing as you just wrote above CT4!!! I asked her to come with me to the next NPHC event, but she was like "Why? B/c you feel that you have to go? Nah, you don't have to go. Go if you want to, not because you feel you have to. . . ." She said she would not say this about a sorority event, but for an NPHC event, she felt it wasn't as important. The truth is that I really don't want to go to an NPHC event for reasons stated earlier - at least not right now. Maybe one day I will change my mind. So, I'm not planning on going anytime soon.

Can we play "Guess What Org You Belong To?" I'm bored at work.

[Senusret I]

I think I know who it is based on the writing style.

I also wanted to add.... I think I would attend something that was all fraternity, but not something both frat and sorority....men act shady to each other when women are present. This is why I would support a Brother to Brother Fraternity Luncheon.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by CrimsonTide4

Can we play "Guess What Org You Belong To?" I'm bored at work.

Hmmmm...let's see...she's 1 out of 4 NPHC sororities.

I'll just call her lame for creating this sockpuppet and move on.

[CrimsonTide4]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

I think I know who it is based on the writing style.

I also wanted to add.... I think I would attend something that was all fraternity, but not something both frat and sorority....men act shady to each other when women are present. This is why I would support a Brother to Brother Fraternity Luncheon.

Hmmm this warrants further study, but I have to go fraternize with co-workers now.

[grad]

Originally Posted by ladygreek

This went from having issues with members of the other NPHC sororities to having an issue with one person over a man. Posted in the GL forum rather than your own org's forum (which would seem like a better place to ask for such advice) under an assumed name.

I'm not buying it.

You don't have to buy it LG, but it's true. Weird as it may sound lol
And like I mentioned earlier, this was ONE example so folks saw that it was more than just dealing with annoying people. This was about trespassing into MY home to harm ME. This had nothing to do with a man. This was now personal vendetta on me - I was not fighting for that man. She could have accomplished more by talking to me than by what she actually did. I do have issues with the other NPHC sororities due to the ethics, conduct of their memberS (note that the "s" makes it plural), like I state in my first post. I mean, in this particular example, wth was she thinking? Over a man? For real? I would have issues with my sorority too if I knew of more than one soror that did this type sh*t in her old age LOL This was ONE example of why I have issues with this particular sorority member, her sorors b/c they crazy too and HER sorority as a whole. Now, am I judging a sorority based on a few members? Maybe. But supporting their sorority would be pretty hypocritical of me right? I feel this way about the other 3 and a few of the fraternities might I also add.