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  #31  
Old 08-08-2001, 10:08 PM
DeltAlum DeltAlum is offline
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Just two thoughts -- and neither is very deep...

My oldest daughter married a young man her age when she was a senior and he was just graduated from college.

They are divorced. I'm not sure either of them was mature enough to put up with the other's immaturity. Make sense?

Tomorrow she is marrying a man about fifteen years her senior. I feel much more comfortable.

My sister-in-law is married to a man who is twenty years older than she. He is now approaching what we would consider "old" and beginning to experience health problems. She is "middle aged" and will probably outlive him by a long time. I'm sure that is something she does not like to think about -- but they have had nearly thirty years of very happy married life to this point. Nothing wrong with that.

DeltAlum
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  #32  
Old 08-09-2001, 12:44 AM
drunken_scholar drunken_scholar is offline
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Interesting discussion.

I've noticed relationships emerge in contexts where a shared intellectual endeavor was the basis -- the common ground -- that made an age gap somehow more digestable. It's a curious phenomenon.

Many men like younger women b/c they can appear more innocent; less world weary; more open to new experiences. (Hold those flames: I don't mean to overgeneralize -- to the contrary, these assumptions often turn out poorly for the person who depends on such goofy assumptions; c.f. Nabokov and the Lolita effect.)

When I was younger and surfed all day for a living, I sometimes spent time in the company of older women. I've been in good commited relationships with women my own age. And now that I teach, I have occasion to be in the company of younger women.

I suspect that being true to one's own heart is not a bad way to live.

Cheers.
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  #33  
Old 08-09-2001, 01:36 AM
CRMSNTiDEGRL717 CRMSNTiDEGRL717 is offline
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Question

DeltAlum--- So how old is your sister-in-law? I ask b/c, if she was 20(which is young) when they got married and they've had close to 30yrs. of marriage that would make her approaching 50 and he 70? Sorry, just trying to figure this one out

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  #34  
Old 08-09-2001, 03:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by CRMSNTiDEGRL717:
DeltAlum--- So how old is your sister-in-law? I ask b/c, if she was 20(which is young) when they got married and they've had close to 30yrs. of marriage that would make her approaching 50 and he 70? Sorry, just trying to figure this one out

I was trying to figure that one out too.

But I have something that tops that.

Mom was only 21 when she married Dad...and dad was 54. They endured a lot of crap when they got married, but the 20 years they were married shushed all the critics.
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  #35  
Old 08-09-2001, 11:57 AM
Corbin Dallas Corbin Dallas is offline
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wow, 21 and 54, that's crazy. it's great that it worked out though. my grandpa was 15 years older than my grandma, and they were very happily married for close to 30 years. i had a friend in junior high whose parents were 20 years apart. they're still married, but their really wierd, i mean REALLY wierd.

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  #36  
Old 08-09-2001, 02:50 PM
CRMSNTiDEGRL717 CRMSNTiDEGRL717 is offline
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My mom is 10 yrs. older than my stepdad and their 14th anniversary is coming up on Feb. 14th!! So, it's a little different since my mom is the older one They have a great marriage though and I love them both!!!


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  #37  
Old 08-09-2001, 07:26 PM
DeltAlum DeltAlum is offline
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Teeny and Tide...

I'm not sure of the exact ages, but you're pretty close. Probably within a couple of years. She had just finished a Masters and he was/is a practicing lawyer. They worked for the same firm when they met.

BTW, maybe they've only been married 28 years or whatever, but the point is the same.

DeltAlum
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  #38  
Old 08-09-2001, 08:02 PM
Miami1839 Miami1839 is offline
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When I was an active brother one of our alums who was pushing almost 30 started dating a XO (19) and now their still happily married.

Kevin

[This message has been edited by Miami1839 (edited August 09, 2001).]
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  #39  
Old 08-09-2001, 10:21 PM
Miami1839 Miami1839 is offline
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DeltAlum,

Thats great about the many years of marriage your sister-in-law enjoyed. Some people go through their whole life unmarried but then I guess its not for everyone I suppose.

Kevin
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  #40  
Old 08-10-2001, 09:50 AM
mgdzkm433 mgdzkm433 is offline
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This is off the original topic a little--but we're talking about ages here. My grandmother of 79 just married a 86 year old man in March. I just think that is so cool! If my grandfather were still alive, they'd have celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary this past February. My mom was 18 and my dad was 19 when they got married--young by today's standards--and they just celebrated their 35th anniversary in July. ok--so I'm proud . . .
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  #41  
Old 10-12-2001, 01:56 PM
James James is offline
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A Doctor I know (40) is marrying his girfriend (18) I'll have to cut and paste this thread for him . . .
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  #42  
Old 10-12-2001, 02:05 PM
SigmaChiCard SigmaChiCard is offline
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I don't see how such age gaps are really that bearable for people like us. This sounds terrible, but people who don't really do much but go to work, don't go to school, or really even strive continuously to advance their career, they'd have an easier time to adapt, but goal-oriented, bookworms like many of us are (yeah, right?) are in completely different phases of our lives than someone a few years older than us, because we have completely different obligations and I'm not speaking of love, just that I don't see how you can ignore the phases of life, the focusing of concerns and what have you. I dated as a 20 yr-old a 23yr old who'd just graduated, and believe me, that was very difficult because of the phases shifts and what-have-you
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  #43  
Old 10-13-2001, 12:52 PM
AlphaChiS2K AlphaChiS2K is offline
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I'm 20, and the summer I turned 19 I met a man who was 28... he was divorced with 2 kids that he had joint custody of. That's a lot of baggage for anyone to enter into a relationship with, let alone someone as young as myself. My parents/friends/family were apprehensive, but they trusted my judgement and that summer was one of the most educational experiences of my (young) life. I was in a relationship with someone who understood responsibility, and for once I wasn't playing "mind games" over who would call next. It was open, honest, and loving. I think his relationship with his children had a lot to do with it- he made sure that they ALWAYS came first, which I respected a great deal. It was probably one of the reasons I was so attracted to him- that he was such a great dad to his kids and had his priorities in order. We talked about marriage, but I knew I wasn't ready (not till after grad school, honey) and anyways, I had to return to college- 10 hours away- so a LT relationship wasn't that feasible.

In the year since that experience, he has not left my thoughts for a day. I've dated other people and so has he, but our hearts keep coming back to each other. We recently spent two days together, a reunion of sorts, and it was like letting out a deep breath that I never knew I was holding. We accept that we love each other, but where we are in our lives right now (distance and whatnot) prevents the kind of relationship we'd both like to have. I will be in school for the next 6 years, and I won't consider going to a school near him just for proximity's sake. I still have a great deal of life left to experience, and I'm not willing to return to my hometown just yet- and he can't leave b/c of the kids.

That being said... we do love each other. Enough to where each of us realizes that where we are right now is not compatible with a relationship. Perhaps in six years things will be different. Perhaps they won't be. But if I (or he) had let the idea of an age difference impede on our feelings for each other, I would not have learned so much about myself, nor would I have had the experience of loving and being loved by him. Barring everything else, we have a wonderful friendship, and I respect him and his choices a great deal.

Relationships can take many forms- my parents were 9 years apart when they married, and while they were only married 7 years, their relationship flourishes today. They are best friends and talk every day, and have been wonderful in raising myself and my sister. They love each other even more now that they are not married, and their relationship is one I would take in a heartbeat. Their incompatibility as a couple had nothing to do with their ages- they are much closer now that ever before.

Just my $0.02. It may not make any sense, but hey, if you can't ramble on GC, where can you ramble?
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  #44  
Old 10-13-2001, 06:40 PM
James James is offline
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That is actually a really touching story . . .
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  #45  
Old 10-13-2001, 11:51 PM
Miami1839 Miami1839 is offline
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It sure is
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