xrachie's MAYBE recruitment, spring 08!

[xrachie]

Round 3
I'm exhauted. There's no other way to put it - emotionally, physically, mentally, everything. Things didn't go as well as I would've liked them to and I had a total freakout on the phone with my mom during a break. I just feel like I should still be home. I feel guilty for even starting this process and I don't really know if I want to continue. I got asked back to two houses, one of which I really enjoyed, the other I just keep getting asked back to and I just don't fit there. I feel awkward and I can't join an organization to join an organization, its not me. I simply could not accept a bid from them. All of the girls are genuinely nice people, but nice isn't enough to build a sisterly bond on, for me.
Today I toured:
Trafalgar Square - I remember thinking last year that this house was where I could see myself the most. Out of my two options right now, I still think that. The girls I spoke to today were much more active in conversation and within the house itself. They were down to earth and really chill people. I felt more comfortable here than I have in the previous two rounds. The house was really nice, too, which was a plus. This was my third choice from the five of the last round, so I guess its not all that bad. I've heard things about the sisters not getting along well, but they all seemed very cohesive to me. I suppose thats part of rush though, even if it is forced. It didn't seem forced, at very least to me.
Big Ben - Nothing new here. More stunted, awkward conversation. Smiling and nodding. Pauses. At this point in the evening I was so fed up with everything I just didn't care anymore. As I stood waiting to go inside, I looked over at Millenium Bridge (which happens to be across the street from Big Ben), wishing I were there instead. The house was cute, but on the tour the sisters seemed so indifferent towards the house and towards eachother. I didn't feel welcomed, I didn't feel the love that I felt at Trafalgar Square. Even if I go to prefs here, one round can't change 3 previous ones of me feeling strange here.

Honestly, at this point, if I am invited back to both I would suicide Trafalgar Square. Again, I'm not one of those people who can lukewarmly enter something. I go into things headfirst, balls out. Its actually something I got from my dad. He was a no bullshit kind of guy and I inherited that from him. I can't bullshit my way through a sisterhood. Its disrespectful to those who are in it for the real deal. If theres anything I learned from him, its that respect for others, no matter who they are or what you think of them, is always of the utmost importance. If I am put in the situation where my only possible choice is Big Ben, then I have to respectfully bow out.

Originally Posted by xrachie

Round 3

Honestly, at this point, if I am invited back to both I would suicide Trafalgar Square. Again, I'm not one of those people who can lukewarmly enter something. I go into things headfirst, balls out. Its actually something I got from my dad. He was a no bullshit kind of guy and I inherited that from him. I can't bullshit my way through a sisterhood. Its disrespectful to those who are in it for the real deal. If theres anything I learned from him, its that respect for others, no matter who they are or what you think of them, is always of the utmost importance. If I am put in the situation where my only possible choice is Big Ben, then I have to respectfully bow out.

I could so HUG you for this.

My late father was the same way, and I know I get that from him too!

Sending you good vibes for a Trafalgar Square bid card!

[Benzgirl]

If you are invited to Pref both chapters, go to both. I typically wouldn't encourage suiciding, but if you really only seeing yourself in one, then go with your heart.

Hope things look up for you.

[SWTXBelle]

But do go to both prefs - give both groups a chance, and then do what you feel right when you sign your pref card.

[FSUZeta]

hugs to you. i hope that you can keep on going. hang in there-it is stressful for everyone, even for the sorority members and not many(if any) are having to deal with what you are dealing with. best wishes for an invitation from trafalgar square!

[AGDee]

You are going through what will be one of the most difficult things you'll ever experience so most of your feelings (about thinking you should be home, having your emotions bouncing all over the place, etc) are to be expected. I lost my mom in September and am just now starting to feel almost normal again. You are going to have freak outs when you least expect them and will have them even more when you're under stress. I can't even imagine going through recruitment during this time. Don't be hard on yourself. Do what feels right. Freak out when you need to freak out. It's all part of the process. Consider grief counseling if it feels overwhelming. I hope things work out in your favor.

<hugs>

[Nieng17]

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad I think I know what school youre rushing at. If I'm right I'm so excited! The weather descriptions brought back memories...lol hopefully I'm right.

The best of luck this weekend.

[xrachie]

I must tell you all, I look positively lovely right now. I have decided, however, that I am not right for greek life right now. I was sitting in our meeting room today in my pretty dress, and I realized that I didn't know what I was doing there. I felt strange as the RGs talked about what would happen tomorrow on bid day and I was thinking to myself "jeez, I really don't want to do that tomorrow." Thats when I decided that I would withdraw from the process. They handed me back my schedule and the only house on it was Big Ben. Then I knew for certain.
I made the right choice for me, I think. I am super involved with a lot of other things on campus (if any of you current students have a SIFE organization on your campus, I highly recommend joining! That has been one of the most rewarding organizations I have joined on campus) and taking a pretty hard semester. While pledging would have been fun and rewarding as well, its simply not right for me right now. I've heard rumors about a recolonization of another sorority on campus, but we'll see about that.
I want to thank you all for your support with this and with my family situation, its been nice coming back from rounds to a small cheering section! Won't lie, I'll probably continue lurking around here. If any of you are curious about my school or the code, feel free to PM me, I'd be more than happy to tell. I don't think I said anything particularly nasty about any of the chapters and I happen to really love my school, so I don't have much of a problem answering any of those questions.
A friend of mine is in a play that I can now catch the matinee showing of! I'm off!

paix.

[AGDee]

The best of luck to you in all of your endeavors! Of course you can lurk around here. There are non-greeks on this board too. <hugs> again.

Dee

[AOE2AlphaPhi]

Although that can be a hard decision, I'm proud of you for giving recruitment another try during such a hard time for you. I really hope that you stay happy with your other fabulous activities, and maybe get to be involved with the recolonization! Good luck!

[lilzetakitten]

Aww, I'm sorry to hear about your decision, but you definitely had to make the one that was right for you. And you seem ok with your decision, which is a really good thing. Honestly, it really is better to not be Greek than to be in an organization where you don't feel you fit.

Should the re-colonization rumors prove to be true though, go for it! It's an incredibly rewarding experience to help build a chapter up from the ground, and it's amazing to look back at what you've built at the time of your graduation, and probably even more so later on in life!

Originally Posted by xrachie

I've heard rumors about a recolonization of another sorority on campus, but we'll see about that.


paix.

I normally don't pay much attention to rush threads, but I have to say that you were definitely my favorite this season. Maybe it's because I know what you're going through with your dad, I don't know. Based on what you've shared with us, I admire you for your strength.

If recolonization takes place (and many are crossing our fingers that it does! ), please do keep us updated should you decide to pursue it.

Best of luck to you, and please do stick around! You don't need letters here to participate!

[Hopeful_Bubbles]

^^^ Seconded. I've been [kinda] where you are and don't know that I could have done it. My condolences. I'm glad SIFE is going great for you and hope we continue to hear from you.

[xrachie]

A small addendum - I was in the elevator going to see a friend in another res hall, and a girl I had spoken to in one of the houses that I was cut from (which house I will keep quiet out of respect for her) entered. She waited a moment in elevator silence and turned to me and said "Just so you know, I fought for you." I smiled and thanked her and said that I was flattered. If nothing else, I guess it means I'm actually pretty spiffy.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by xrachie

If nothing else, I guess it means I'm actually pretty spiffy.

Oh, you are, sweetikins, you ARE!
May God give you strength. Looks like He already gave you wisdom!
Hugs!