Can Men and Women Be Truly Just Friends?

[Strongbeauty]

I have a male friend who I have been friends with for about 3 or 4 years and sex has never come up. I have more male friends but I haven't known them as long so who knows what will come up in the future. One in particular I view more like a little brother so that would be like incest.

I say that to say yes men and women can be just friends. That's like saying that homosexuals can't have friends of the same sex because they are somehow genetically wired to want to jump each others bones.

[AKA_Monet]

Are you looking for a mate or are you looking for a friend?

If you are dating and are looking for a mate, it will be tough to become friends depending on your maturity level.

If you are just looking for friendship in general, I think it will be relatively easy for opposite sexes to be friends no matter what the sexual orientation. Commonalities, general likes and dislikes, whatever, the bonds of friendship are shared when one keeps a perspective on the purpose of this relationship...

Whereas, seeking a mate is different. Eventually, those involved could be friends. However, there are many ways to express one's mating habits. If one is attracted physically and sparks fly whenever they are together, then it will be extremely difficult to build any kind of friendship relationship.

That thing about agape and eros...

At any rate, personally, I do not have very many male friends. Especially now that I am married. And my husband has very few female friends that I know all about. Most of the ones I know about are married with children. Besides if he wanted to get with one of them for whatever reason, he knows he'd be giving up on the best thing that happened to him

[MsFoxyLoxy77]

there is a reason why most married couples say their significant other is their BEST FRIEND. Either (a) they started off as friends or (b) their relationship grew to more than just a romantic attraction and they connect on the basis of genuine friendship. I think men and women can be friends. However, I do not think that men and women can just be best friends or even close friends without emotions coming into play.

In fact, if my female friends knew I was writing this right now they would die from laughter. I have a great guy friend whom I confide in as much as a my best friend; in fact, he is my best guy friend. Everyone (and I do mean everyone) including my mother thinks we're secretly dating. It didn't matter how many dates I went on everyone told me we were putting up a front. I used to think everyone had lost they're minds...but a few months ago I realized that it's not everyone else whose crazy...that in between our almost daily conversations there's a lot we don't say to each other.

So...Yes, I think we're both attracted to certain aspects of each other. No, I still have no intention of pursuing a relationship with him...after all he's still one of my best friends and I wouldn't have it any other way. However, if my significant other had a friendship like mine and I didn't think he or the friend could keep the friendship platonic she or he would have to go...that's just how I feel.

[southernelle25]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

ETA: A lot of the women I was involved with who wanted to be "just friends" with me were a bunch of spiritual and emotional freeloaders who wanted the security and benefits of being in a relationship without the committment required to maintain one. I do not waste my time with those types. If a woman says, "Let's just be friends", I say, "HECK NAW" and get outta dodge.

They ain't about to cry on my shoulder and keep me awake until 3 and 4 in the morning telling me sob stories about how some thug kicked them to the curb after they got f[rea]ked and chucked by them. As they say, "Save the drama for your mama".

Isn't that what friends do, provide a shoulder for the other to unload all this "drama"?

[DSTCHAOS]

Yes.....

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by southernelle25

Isn't that what friends do, provide a shoulder for the other to unload all this "drama"?

I feel what Rain Man is saying.

I don't let anyone unload their drama on me. I'll listen to a couple of stories from my real friends but, for the most part, I'm not the one to call if you have constant and ongoing stress in your life. I like to have peace so my small group of friends know that they need to have more good than bad stuff to share with me (on a constant basis) or I will mysteriously be unavailable whenever they call.

[crimsondanger10]

I have two guy friends, one of whom I call my best friend. Both are married with children. Both wives know me, and I have also formed friendships with the wives. We have been friends since high school and I think he (best friend) knows everything about me. I don't THINK either of us have ever thought about "getting with" the other. I have never had problems with any other females, who they formed romantic relationships with, thinking that we would ever "go there."
Of course we get the occasional comments about our friendship, but we both understand "us" and I truly don't think we will ever be anything other than friends.

[thesweetestone]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

I feel what Rain Man is saying.

I don't let anyone unload their drama on me. I'll listen to a couple of stories from my real friends but, for the most part, I'm not the one to call if you have constant and ongoing stress in your life. I like to have peace so my small group of friends know that they need to have more good than bad stuff to share with me (on a constant basis) or I will mysteriously be unavailable whenever they call.

I agree with with Rain Man and you. Letting others unload all their crap on you will drive you CRAZY.

[PositivelyAKA]

yes you can be just friends, if neither is attracted to the other. but most of the time somebody wants to be more than just friends and will go along with the "friendship title" until they either get what they want or give up and move from the "friendship

[PrettyBoy]

I don't think men and women can be friends. They can be associates but not friends. Well...maybe in some rare cases, but I've never had that luck. I've tried to be friends with women and they always have wanted more. They'll seem to be friends with me, but as soon as I find interest in another woman as more than friends, they get jealous, and the whole time I'm thinking "Wow, I thought we were just friends."

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I don't think men and women can be friends. They can be associates but not friends. Well...maybe in some rare cases, but I've never had that luck. I've tried to be friends with women and they always have wanted more. They'll seem to be friends with me, but as soon as I find interest in another woman as more than friends, they get jealous, and the whole time I'm thinking "Wow, I thought we were just friends."

How did you manage to fit into this thread with such a big head? Just kidding. Trust that you will be able to find (maybe plenty of) women who only want to be platonic with you. If your male ego can stand it. I find that many men's egos can't, so be prepared to receive what you're asking for.

Sidebar: I have male friends who I've had for yeeeeeears and it has remained platonic. This doesn't mean there isn't some attraction with some of them or that they wouldn't try to get down if there was an opportunity. However, those of us who don't feel the need to date or have sex with everything that expresses interest in us are able to keep friendships platonic if we don't want to ruin the genuineness of it.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

How did you manage to fit into this thread with such a big head? Just kidding. Trust that you will be able to find (maybe plenty of) women who only want to be platonic with you. If your male ego can stand it. I find that many men's egos can't, so be prepared to receive what you're asking for.

Sidebar: I have male friends who I've had for yeeeeeears and it has remained platonic. This doesn't mean there isn't some attraction with some of them or that they wouldn't try to get down if there was an opportunity. However, those of us who don't feel the need to date or have sex with everything that expresses interest in us are able to keep friendships platonic if we don't want to ruin the genuineness of it.

Can women and men be friends without any physical attraction at all? I can't see it. Hey, I can't help it that women can't keep their hands off of me.

[delph998]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Can women and men be friends without any physical attraction at all? I can't see it. Hey, I can't help it that women can't keep their hands off of me.

WOW! I'd love to see this Pretty Boy!

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Can women and men be friends without any physical attraction at all? I can't see it. Hey, I can't help it that women can't keep their hands off of me.

Well, some women are desperate and have low expectations.

But your question is like asking "can human beings walk down a crowded street without finding at least ONE person physically attractive?" Sure, it's possible to NOT but if the other person is physically attractive and you notice that person, you're usually going to find that person physically attractive. Unless you know too much about that person and the thought of physical attractiveness just makes you sick.

But finding someone attractive doesn't mean you'll want to hump that person. I have longterm male friends who find me attractive but have never made a move. They they me that they've said to themselves "oh, that's just DSTChaos...we're like brother and sister" or "we're homies so I wouldn't want to confuse things."

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by delph998

WOW! I'd love to see this Pretty Boy!

You ever seen that deformed monster thingie from the Goonies?