Interracial relationships, the acid test of racism?

[Jill1228]

Originally posted by honeychile
Following a preference is one thing. Denying a very real attraction because you feel you're better than the other person is what would make you a racist.

DING! DING! DING! DING! She hit the nail on the head!
Honeychile, do you know that I think you are awesome?

I really want to see the movie "Something New". I will probably buy it when it comes out on DVD and watch it with Mr. 1228.

My bio sister and I have had this conversation before. She says she could never date anyone outside her race. Does that make her (or anyone else who has said this) a racist? Hardly. Does it make them close minded? Good question

I have NO issues about dating or marrying outside my race. Been there, done that, have the bling to prove it. Mr. 1228 was NOT the first time I have dated outside my race. First time I dated/married outside my nationality (those damned Canadians!)


If someone had a problem with it, it was THEIR problem, not mine.

Back to the question:

If someone says that they don't want to date outside of their race, does it make them close minded? Not racist, but close minded for not expanding horizons...

[KSig RC]

Originally posted by Jill1228
If someone says that they don't want to date outside of their race, does it make them close minded? Not racist, but close minded for not expanding horizons...

I think that it makes them narrow or 'intolerant' on precisely the level that they're operating on - for instance, someone earlier posted they were not intolerant for not dating felons, when the reality is that this behavior (not tolerating a felony record in a potential mate) is pretty much the definition of 'intolerant' if you remove the racial connotations from the word.

There are reasons other than racism to prefer a mate from a certian group. For instance, I could see how someone who is black might prefer to marry someone who has had a similar experience as they have growing up - and may prefer to raise their children in a household where both parents understand what it means to be black. Being white, I understand that I can't really provide that perspective, and so if that is desired I'm obviously out of the running.

The same situations have been occurring among some religious populations for a long time - I'm thinking specifically Catholic and Jewish communities, but I'm sure there are others. This just means they'd prefer someone inside their particular group, with a shared experience or belief system . . . I could imagine doing the same for a cultural or ethnic background.

This really doesn't equate to 'closed mindedness' on any level that really matters, although it may inexplicably narrow the potential for happiness by attempting to ensure a certain common ground with a partner.

On the other hand, I don't find that simply dating someone from another race indicates a lack of prejudice or racism, just as Rudey has stated.

[AKA_Monet]

So, I use to live in San Diego, California... Folks called it "white boy heaven" because all the girls were blonde haired and blue eyed... And the black men chased after the same women and got them...

So I don't even have to see "Something New..." because I probably actually lived it.

My girlfriends and I would call it "crossing the street"... On the lines of "sometimes you've gotta cross the street..." Black men failed to speak to us. We, the powerhouse sistahs would have Master's, Doctorate and professional degrees in topics that would blow the minds of most of our contemporaries. Some of us were corporate executives and partners in law firms. Some us were doing the million dollar deals on a daily basis. And we looked exceptionally good--like supermodel status. But if we needed a date, why take Bobo-the-clown-gangsta-rapper with the gold grillz who has a criminal record to a black tie event put on by the Mayor or Governor? And our folks are highly respected in the community, so what do we look like with Bobo?

Most of our elders, especially the women wondered what was wrong with us? Why couldn't we find a good man to marry? Then we could go down the list and say there are none available--unless we decided to "cross the street"...

Now, that was not the easiest thing to do in the world. I think it was fear in most guys eyes. Most men in general do NOT like the "hard sell" to the friends and family--especially if they don't come from a significant background. Many powerhouse sistahs are worked to get were they were from strong support from their families who had high expectations and probably treated them like princesses because they are successfull. Their families expect a "prince"... But as you know statistics, most Black men cannot compare for many reasons, some of it due to institutionalized racism--i.e. the fact a lot of them are caught up in the judicial system, etc, (i.e. Claude Allen)... But there's another part to it... I am unsure what it is now that I am married... Asked me a few years ago and I could tell you what I've endured...

An powerhouse sistah, which I think Sanaa Lathan's character played, is the one that men from other races are not suppose to touch--so goes the stereotype... When I was single, the minute man from another race came upto me or my friends at a bar or a club, all the Black men would bum-rush the guy, force them to leave making him very nervous. I remember dancing with a rather attractive guy who was caucasian and was going to talk to him after the song was done, but the Black men told him he cannot speak to me--I was off-limits... Meanwhile, they can talk to all the caucasian girls they want, leaving me and my girlfriends in the lurch... Talk about double standards...

So, do I think its racist for a caucasian guy to not want to try to date a woman outside of his ethnic purview? Well Cashmoney was blunt about it, he will only seriously date and marry blonde-haired, blue-eyed women because he wants his children to look like that... Would I call him a racist because of it? No. An idiot? Yes, but a racist--that's what he wants...

But you have to see it from the sistah's side, too... Some sistah's are fearful moreso...

[ShaedyKD]

I'm white, and I date an Asian guy. I love him and all, I'm just a little worried that if we have kids, they might be short. Does that make me racist against short people? Oh sorry, I mean vertically challenged people?

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by Honeykiss1974
I can definitely say that 95% of the differences between me and my SO (who is white) are class related. He grew up a la "mom moved everytime the rent was due" whereas I grew up middle class with both parents (for a while). I was surprised because I did expected it to be cultural, but its not.

This is true w/ the Mr. and myself.

[Rudey]

I only date Scandinavian women that weigh 100lbs and are 6 feet tall at least.

-Rudey
--We yodel together.

[tld221]

Originally posted by BobbyTheDon
Check this out. My best friend really is black. And she is also a lesbian. So she killed two birds with one stone for me.

"My best friend is black"

"My best friend is gay"


But she is not poor though . So now I need to find someone who is poor.

hell, you could roll with me and my 2 friends (edited b/c i deleted their names). you get a package deal--a gay white guy, a fat, straight, kinda poor black woman, and a skinny closeted bisexual chinese guy.

that plus the GF of yours, you got the united colors of benetton right there!

(jokey joke cause i dont really have much to add...)

[macallan25]

Well, I completely disagree with you.......and I would be really pissed if someone told me that I was prejudiced for only dating white girls. I don't really have any black friends...does that make me a racist? No.

Originally posted by enigma_AKA
Man---if I had a dollar everytime I heard that! (re:"My best friend/childhood playmate/neighbor/etc is Black"...usually followed or prefaced by "I'm not racist"), I'd be rich. Especially at my school.

As far as the class associations are concerned, I'd be interested in hearing more on that, especially in terms of educational attainment (new class and so on). That certainly seems to be the case, nowadays.

To answer the OP: No, I think racist is far fetched. Prejudiced yes; limited in thinking and in expectations, yes. Racist no. I think it's a matter of comfort--how far one is willing to reach out/live outside of their own boundaries and understanding of race, social conditions, etc and get with/date/grow with another.

I don't agree that the movie was more about class issues, but I can see how the differences in her background compared to his added to issues of race. For him, it wasn't as much of a concern-who he was attracted to and who he could date. For Black women, oftentimes, we are expected to date within our own. Not saying it's right or wrong. That just more often than not, this seems to be the case. I can't speak for any other women of a different race.

I don't have any issues with dating outside of my race. I'm attracted to anyone who is attractive. As far as dating goes--either we kick it or we don't. You can be Black, White, Purple, Green, Orange, etc--if you're wack, you're wack. If you're cool, then cool. Period.

enigma_AKA

[enigma_AKA]

Perhaps you didn't read this thread or my post clearly enough. I posted (re: 'To answer the OP') to answer the intended question which was:

Anyone else have an opinion? If you are attracted to a member of another race but refuse to date them, are you not in fact racist?

Your not having any Black friends is besides the point. Of course, if you don't have any Black friends, it's because you don't have any Black friends, for whatever reason.

However--in the context of what was asked and then answered in my post---A REFUSAL to date a hypothetical Black/other race friend on grounds of their race IS prejudice, which--for your information--is defined as a "(1) preconceived judgment or opinion (2) an adverse opinion or leaning formed without just grounds or before sufficient knowledge b : an instance of such judgment or opinion c : an irrational attitude of hostility directed against an individual, a group, a race, or their supposed characteristics", according to Merriam Webster Online Dictionary.

Or basically stated, to refuse to date someone of another race is an active gesture of rejection/reluctance to act based on a notion without basis of knowledge.

enigma_AKA

Originally posted by macallan25
Well, I completely disagree with you.......and I would be really pissed if someone told me that I was prejudiced for only dating white girls. I don't really have any black friends...does that make me a racist? No.

[tld221]

i see you, enigma_AKA! get 'im!

[HotDamnImAPhiMu]

OK, everybody jump me:

I like dating people who are like me. I always date guys who are white, close with their families, went to college, like dogs, like church, etc.

I don't know why that is. It just kind of is. Why would I stress out over that?

[kddani]

I think this is an interesting discussion. Like HotDamn, I try to date guys that are similar to me. Over the years, I have dated people outside my race- Hispanic, Indian, etc. but when it comes down to it now that i'm older and more particular, i'm attracted to guys that look more like me. I'm generally not attracted to dark haired, very dark olive skin Italians, for example. (I am fair skinned, fair haired and fair featured, and 5'7 tall and always wearing high heels).

But then again, I don't date short men. Period. Under 5'8, no way. 5'9 to 5'10 is pushing it. 5'10 and over is where it's at... preferably 6'0 and over.

Does that make me prejudiced against short guys? I don't think so. Just means that I'm not programmed to be attracted to a short guy.

[Dionysus]

Why do most people ASSume that if you date someone of the same race that you would automatically have a lot of things in common? Yes, unless you grew up around people who had a different racial background than you, chances are that you will have more in common with those of the same race, but it is not always the case. Same thing, the other way around, I don't think it is hard at all to find someone of another race who you have a lot in common. If someone is not into dating other races, fine. But, I don't think saying "Oh, we won't have anything in common" is a very good explanation.

As for the OP, no I don't think you're a racist if you're hesitant to date outside of your race. I do think it is a red flag, especially if you are attracted to people outside of your race. Not so much of a red flag for racism, but for caring too much of what others think of you or not willing to get out of your comfort zone.

And, I agree with Rudey, that you can still mess around with those of different races and still be prejudiced. Anyone watch daytime talkshows? It's not an uncommon topic.

[ZTAngel]

I'm the same way. For the most part, I've been attracted to guys who are like me. Light hair, light eyes, tall, college-educated, good family, upper-middle class, liberal ( ), etc.

I'm rarely attracted to people who are outside of that mold. At a bar, if there's a group of guys standing together, my eyes will always go to the tall, light-haired guy. That's my type. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It doesn't make me racist or predjudice just because I'm not attracted to someone who doesn't have those traits.

Look at your group of friends. I think few people can say they have a very diverse group of friends. People are more likely to build a relationship with someone if they have common backgrounds.

I agree with Dionysus that you could be the same race as someone and have absolutely nothing in common. Your geographic location and socioeconomic class plays a bigger part in your personality. I feel that I have more in common with someone who grew up the same way as me.

[BobbyTheDon]

Originally posted by kddani
I I am fair skinned, fair haired and fair featured.

Just means that I'm not programmed to be attracted to a short guy.

Fair skinned, fair haired and fair featured, and not programmed to like a certain thing.

Are you Vicki from Small Wonder?

She's a SMMMMAAAAAALL Wonder. DOO DOOO!