Propose or not? - Page 3

GoldenGlow2000 · #31 06-21-2006, 02:18 PM

I don't plan on asking my honey. In my mind since I have been a little girl, I have dreamed of the guy asking me. It's too much pressure. Why put it on myself!

PerfectVerse06 · #32 06-21-2006, 02:27 PM

Question:

Do you all think that by making the proposal the man's responsibility, we are essentially giving him the reigns and allowing him to dictate when you two are ready to take the relationship to the next level?

And to answer the initial question...I'd much rather be proposed to than propose. I'm a hopless romantic as well, and I just think it would be so wonderful for him to get down on bended knee and profess that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Plus, I don't know too many men who'd react the way a woman would when proposed...that's part of the excitement and fun, seeing her reaction!

lil_sunshine · #33 06-21-2006, 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PerfectVerse06

You must be bored since you're bumping up all these old topics lately...aren't you supposed to be reading all the applications we've received for our University of Ghetto Pimpology?

*hijack*I have read a lot of the apps. I just haven't spoken to you- my VP- as far as who to accept. Can't let just anyone in, ya know. *end hijack*

And now back to the regularly scheduled program.

divainred · #34 06-21-2006, 02:37 PM

No, I don't think you are allowing him the power to take the relationship to the next level, because if you are not ready then you can say no and then the burden is on you. Who knows, you might have to propose to him and give him the choice of saying yes or no next time (if there is a next time).

However I believe that by allowing him to propose, you do know that he is ready and (hopefully) wants to make that commitment to you. I think that many people push marriage before either one of them are really ready to make that commitment (their friends are getting married, biological clock ticking, just the idea of marriage), so if a man has not proposed, maybe that can be a clue to the woman that he is not ready for that. Better to find out that he wasn't ready then vs. after you are married.

But, I'm a hopeless romantic and I want a man to "be a man" and propose to me also.

PerfectVerse06 · #35 06-21-2006, 03:16 PM

*hijack*

We'll need to set up a time to go over the applications, lil_sunshine. Let's do lunch. Have your people call my people (you know since we're important and all we have 'people')

*end hijack*

Thanks for answering, divanred. I had this discussion with a friend and they thought that we were giving the man all the power as far as where the relationship stands and where it's headed are concerned.

AlphaFrog · #36 06-21-2006, 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divainred

No, I don't think you are allowing him the power to take the relationship to the next level, because if you are not ready then you can say no and then the burden is on you. Who knows, you might have to propose to him and give him the choice of saying yes or no next time (if there is a next time).

Not to sidetrack this thread....BUT...

I know many people that believe that a declined proposal is a definite end to a relationship. Several theories why:

1. Weirdness factor - it's out there, and now either the girl starts to feel the pressure or the guy feels squicky for getting rejected.

2. Biological clock - He's proposing because he's ready to settle. If the girl is not ready to settle, it might be time to find one that is.

3. Why? - The guy starts to think about whether she's just not ready to get married to anyone, or if she's not ready to marry HIM. If she's not ready to get married period, see #2. If she's not ready to marry HIM, why continue the relationship further??

I'm not saying I agree or disagree, but I'm just throwing it out there.

lovehaiku84 · #37 06-21-2006, 06:06 PM

The man has to propose to me. No ifs, ands or buts about it!

What if you knew that a man would never propose to you, based on the fact that he doesn't believe in marriage? He's perfect in every other way, just doesn't feel that the piece of paper is necessary? My friend and I had a long arguement about it the other day, so I'm just curious about how others feel about this.

TRSimon · #38 06-22-2006, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovehaiku84

The man has to propose to me. No ifs, ands or buts about it!

What if you knew that a man would never propose to you, based on the fact that he doesn't believe in marriage? He's perfect in every other way, just doesn't feel that the piece of paper is necessary? My friend and I had a long arguement about it the other day, so I'm just curious about how others feel about this.

IF you're in a relationship with a man who doesn't want marriage, and you do, you might have to ultimately end that relationship. I don't think that proposing to a man who doesn't value the institution would make for a highly successful marriage, but that's just me.

dzdst796 · #39 06-22-2006, 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Icebergslim tha 4

I would definately have to disagree with letting my future wife pick out the ring. To me, the ring is a symbol of my commitment, love, and what would be an undying trust within our relationship. After all, I am asking YOU! (This is what I have! WILL YOU BE MY WIFE?) The question within itself should back up the meaning of the ring.
By saying that, the relationship should be at the point of security that when he does propose, the ring should make you feel like you are wearing the Hope diamond :-) I feel that picking the ring out before the question, or after, takes away the passion from the man, and yourself for that matter. Let him show you how he feels with what HE has picked out.

My husband did all the ring shopping and diamond research without any input from me. All I told him was that I didn't want something gaudy. I want something tasteful and beautiful that fit my hands. ( Not everyone can wear big rings). I was ecstatic when I got my engagement ring which is shaped like a pear which is the shape of his birth mark( I know TMI) just wanted to share. I would not have wanted it any other way.

SummerChild · #40 06-29-2006, 06:52 PM

Interesting question.

I guess I would vote for waiting for the man to ask the woman. One practical benefit that was pointed out that I agree with is then you know that he's ready. We all know that marriage is a big commitment for each party and for a man, he has to be ready to take on the responsibility as head of the household for a family. For that reason alone, I can't see asking him b/c how am I going to ask him to take on all that? I say he has to be ready and when he is, I think that most men will ask. Now I also feel like sometimes the women have to let them know that they are not going to be around forever and that the man needs to move it along if marriage is his intention, but I say let the man make that step. It's just the first in many that he must make to lead a family. If I can't count on him to take that initiative and trust that he will, then why would I count on him to take initiative for leading the household on a daily basis. But again, I think there's nothing wrong with a woman bringing up the conversation about what direction they are together and individually headed in.

TonyB06 · #41 06-30-2006, 09:51 AM

Interesting thread, ladies.

I think I'd feel weird if a woman ever proposed to me. Not that it couldn't happen, but I think I'm too much of a traditionalist to let it go down that way.

As to "pressure" I think I agree with Summerchild, but subtlety is key. I think if it's a good relationship you know after a reasonable amount of time (I define "time" not by a calendar but by the level of spiritual commitment and range/depth of experiences you've shared together) whether she's the one you want to walk into the future with.

If I had to get "nudged" at all, I'd rather it be gentle rather, than overt. It still has to feel like it's my call on that level. ...because it is.

SummerChild · #42 07-14-2006, 04:53 PM

TonyB, why don't you give us some tips on how to subtly exert pressure.

Also, what let's you guys know that you want a woman to be your wife? I know it may vary for different men but what the heck, give it a go. LOL.
Let us in on the secrets discussed at the meetings.

SC

Quote:

Originally Posted by TonyB06

Interesting thread, ladies.

I think I'd feel weird if a woman ever proposed to me. Not that it couldn't happen, but I think I'm too much of a traditionalist to let it go down that way.

As to "pressure" I think I agree with Summerchild, but subtlety is key. I think if it's a good relationship you know after a reasonable amount of time (I define "time" not by a calendar but by the level of spiritual commitment and range/depth of experiences you've shared together) whether she's the one you want to walk into the future with.

If I had to get "nudged" at all, I'd rather it be gentle rather, than overt. It still has to feel like it's my call on that level. ...because it is.

TRSimon · #43 07-14-2006, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SummerChild

TonyB, why don't you give us some tips on how to subtly exert pressure.

Also, what let's you guys know that you want a woman to be your wife? I know it may vary for different men but what the heck, give it a go. LOL.
Let us in on the secrets discussed at the meetings.

SC

Next you're gonna want the handshake...LOL...

TonyB06 · #44 07-20-2006, 12:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TRSimon

Next you're gonna want the handshake...LOL...

Thank you, TRSimon!! dang!

TonyB06 · #45 07-20-2006, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SummerChild

TonyB, why don't you give us some tips on how to subtly exert pressure.

Also, what let's you guys know that you want a woman to be your wife? I know it may vary for different men but what the heck, give it a go. LOL.
Let us in on the secrets discussed at the meetings.

SC

yall crazy. but anyway...

Emotional maturity plays a big part in decisions like this. Your core issues and values endure, but issues you thought were "dealbreakers" when you were 25, still carry importance, but have been moderated by other values that have come to mean as much, if not more.

I don't have the full "wife" answer yet. But when the central questions are consistently and comfortably answered:

- does she mean as much or more to you than your own interests?
- does she make you feel different (more comfortable) than anybody else on the planet?
- do you not want to envision your life without her?
- do you think about her interests/welfare before your own?
- if everything just vibes better when the two of you are on?

then, even if she takes the last piece of chicken when you were getting ready to handle it, you don't trip.....

...becuase she may very well be the one.