Doctors telling people they're fat

[ilovemyglo]

My sister in law went to the gyno (a female) who told her for her age and size she needs to lose about 30 pounds because she is technically obese and this could lead to problems with conceiving.

My sister in law is STILL pissed a year later, but she hasn't done ANYTHING to take the weight off.
That's what kills me. The doc was being honest. But her defense is "Well, it isn't like I don't KNOW I need to lose weight but she basically told me I am too fat to have babies." No, that is not what she said at all.

People hate to be told to their face what their problems/shortcomings are and I think this is another issue of that. But the fact is, as her doctor, it is his job to try and help her become HEALTHY. She's obese, which leads to <insert over a hundred medical issues> what should he say "uhm, so, ya want some phen phen?"

(btw I know that is an illegal substance now, it was an example)

[Lady Pi Phi]

This woman obviously doesn't care about her health, and you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. At what point does the doctor just give up?
The more I think about this, the more I feel her doctor should probably just drop her as a patient. Can he do that? Because it seems to me, with this lady, nice doesn't work and mean doesn't work either. She's just not interested in losing weight.

[aephi alum]

Originally posted by KLPDaisy
I don't think he could have been more tactful about it. He was doing his job. He spoke with this lady about this several times before, and each time she refused to do something about it. At least this way he got it to stick in her mind for a little bit instead of going in one ear and out the other. And honestly, if she really is 5'7" and in the 250lbs. range, then I'm sure that her doctor isn't the only person who told her she needed to lose weight.

He apparently told her that her husband (also obese) would die before her and she'd end up single and obese. That's tactless and hurtful. It's not her fault if her husband is obese.

She still needed the kick in the @$$. It seems to me that she hasn't accepted the fact that she has a problem - obesity. Unless and until she accepts that fact, she won't try to lose weight, because she doesn't think she has a problem.

[dzandiloo]

My .02 on the whole deal: You know what? If a doctor hurts your feelings, get another doctor. Period. Tell your friends he was offensive-that will hurt his business...but complaining to the medical board about it? Please. He did what he needed to do, especially since he had discussed it before, presumably in a tactful way, and it didn't work!

Some people need only be told to chill out on the ice cream by a physician to get serious about losing weight-thank goodness there are doctors who are willing to talk about it now. I gained alot of weight with my first pregnancy. My doc hardly said a word...I visited her partner a few weeks b/f I delivered so I could meet her in case she had to cover for my doc, and after our intro's, she looked at the chart & said "you don't miss many meals, do you?" You'd think I would have been horrified, but I was so relieved that she said it - it was true, and I needed a physician to tell me to stop the madness. When I had my second child, I switched to her b/c I knew she would be straight with me from beginning to end. She told me in no uncertain terms not to gain an ounce over 25 pounds, and you know what? I didn't - simply because my doctor had told me not to....

Perhaps the best solution in this case, would have been for the doc to view the woman as a non-compliant patient, and simply inform her that she needed to find another physician - docs do it all the time when they have patients w/other diagnoses, like diabetes, etc., who refuse to follow doctor's orders...obesity should be no different. Shame on the state AG for going after this guy, when there are probably alot of other physicians out there getting away with REAL malpractice!

[KSig RC]

Originally posted by aephi alum
He apparently told her that her husband (also obese) would die before her and she'd end up single and obese. That's tactless and hurtful. It's not her fault if her husband is obese.

It's not tactless, it's the truth in no uncertain terms, according to the epidemiology of obesity (if you want to argue the merits of this application, fine, but don't argue the numbers).

It's not hurtful, unless she takes the doctor's advice as some sort of value judgement of her and her lifestyle, which would be a clear misrepresentation of his intentions from all indications.

[The Truth]

The folks getting offended are just mad because somebody said something about them being big. As opposed to folks sniggling and giggling, talking about them behind their backs. Just more ashamed and embarrassed. Being overweight taps into that mental sh*t and folks get all willy nilly. So until they decide to do whatever it is they have to do to change, they will have to deal with all being big as h*ll entails.

Tact or no tact, fat or not fat. You can't have it all.

[Buttonz]

There is a way to tell a person that s/he needs to loose weight. I'd be offended if my doctor used some of those words.

[OtterXO]

Originally posted by Buttonz
There is a way to tell a person that s/he needs to loose weight. I'd be offended if my doctor used some of those words.

Just out of curiousity...what do you think he should have said???

[aephi alum]

Originally posted by KSig RC
It's not tactless, it's the truth in no uncertain terms, according to the epidemiology of obesity (if you want to argue the merits of this application, fine, but don't argue the numbers).

It's not hurtful, unless she takes the doctor's advice as some sort of value judgement of her and her lifestyle, which would be a clear misrepresentation of his intentions from all indications.

It is tactless and hurtful to blame her for her husband's obesity. She can't control what he eats.

Yes, she needed a wake-up call. I've already said so in this thread. Telling someone they need to lose weight or face the complications of obesity is not tactless and hurtful. Telling them, "You are going to die alone and fat," is.

[OtterXO]

Originally posted by aephi alum
It is tactless and hurtful to blame her for her husband's obesity. She can't control what he eats.

Yes, she needed a wake-up call. I've already said so in this thread. Telling someone they need to lose weight or face the complications of obesity is not tactless and hurtful. Telling them, "You are going to die alone and fat," is.

I don't think he was blaming her for her husband's obesity. He just said that since her husband is obese too he will likely die before her.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

Originally posted by KSigkid
That's great that he's doing better - there have been a ton of impressive advances in cardiology over the years, and it's good that your fiancee has benefited and is doing well.

So many other problems can stem from obesity - better to be blunt than sugarcoat the effects.

Thank you so much. We're very fortunate to have this technology and so many talented doctors who can help.


I meant to add earlier that he used to be obese when he was younger until a doctor told him that he needed to lose weight. He honestly didn't know that he was obese until the doctor told him. He knew that he was big, but he did not realize he was obese and that his health was at risk. He lost the weight and became an athlete and SCUBA diver.

[PhoenixAzul]

I have a point of contention with the "be blunt" approach. As someone who was greeted by their doctor with "Someone's gotten fat this year"...being blunt can be detrimental. It made me not want to go back to see that doctor because every time I did, she harped on my weight that was slow to come off, and never commented on how well my Hb1Ac was or my BP or my other readings, it was always weight weight weight weight. She never offered help on how to do it, why it was there, why i had a hard time losing even when on a 1200 calorie diet (yes, her idea). It's that "once bitten twice shy" thing. I know that all she's going to do is yell about my weight and harp on it, so I'm not going to see her, which means the potential for other diseases to go undiagnosed because the doctor is 1) unsupportive 2) unmotivating 3) insensitive to feelings.

just a thought.

[KSig RC]

Originally posted by aephi alum
It is tactless and hurtful to blame her for her husband's obesity. She can't control what he eats.

I didn't take it as blaming her, but rather pointing out that how he would also be afflicted and its impact on her future.

Originally posted by aephi alum
Yes, she needed a wake-up call. I've already said so in this thread. Telling someone they need to lose weight or face the complications of obesity is not tactless and hurtful. Telling them, "You are going to die alone and fat," is.

He did NOT say "you are going to die alone and fat" - he inferred this in some fashion, yes, but the VERY POINT OF TACT is to infer something without saying it explicitly.

He did that.

[Glitter650]

As a doctor, he should be commenting only from a health standpoint, NOT the social concerns that may come with being over weight, infered or not.

[PM_Mama00]

Originally posted by KSigkid
Also better than ending up on an operating room/catherization room table after having a heart attack.

That's if the person is "unhealthy". (quotations because I understand that being overweight is unhealthy, I mean it in a way as having clogged arteries, etc.) Not every overweight person has these things wrong. I'm obese, have tried everything to lose it, but I can't because of my insulin level. Besides that everything else is perfect. (just had a FULL bloodwork physical last October so yes it's recent) You can't always assume that overweight people are very unhealthy.

Come to remember, the woman doctor I went to wasn't exactly nice about the way she told me stuff. She kept telling me that my knee problem was no excuse to not work out (at 15 I was told not to do anything athletic without a knee brace, which I no longer have... I've had knee probs since I was born, not due to being overweight) She wasn't understanding the pain I get in when trying to work out without it. I needed the stern-ness, and she did put me on a diet to lower my insulin which started to work, but she didn't have to be so stern about my knee when she doesn't know the pain I go through every time I work out. (I just walk it off now, I guess feeling like your knee cap is gona bust outa place for the rest of the day and sometimes week isn't so bad of a feeling)

But I didn't write a letter to the board or even say anything to her. I just stopped goin to her and went to the other doc.