Marriage, Age and Other Stuff - Page 3

btb87 · #31 06-27-2005, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Gyrl7
See that's what I want, hell, that's more and likely what I'm going to get. And all though I talk that game about not being ready to have children with Dr. Mr. Gyrl7, I guess he knows me betta! Let's just say mentally I am ready......(waiting for my lashing from btb87)

Mentally ready? Well. . .Po' Lars and Amanda. . .

btb87 · #32 06-27-2005, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Wonderful1908
Hey the party is over? Why didn't anybody tell me?

dsteazye74 ,

I am 27 and married with 2 kids. No I can't just at 11:13 pm go out on the spur of the moment, or spend 1/3 of my next check on a purse without weighing the options but the party is not over. You just trade the party all the time for sometimes. Its odd because my husband was at work last night and my oldest is in Louisiana for the summer with grandparents and the baby was sleep. As I was sitting there eating my tasty steak, I thought I wish my husband was home to eat with me. Being married is a beautiful thing, we try to balance the party life with the life that requires hiding christmas gifts, talking in silly voices, making grilled cheese sandwiches, buying poptarts, receiving sloppy kisses, good hugs and numerous request for school to be eliminated from our third graders routine. It also means having to never look for a date, someone to kill spiders, laugh with and think I am oh so fine all the time, and split the bills with. It's HARD work but so worth it!

Soror, this is so true. Unfortunately, I'm not at that "happy place" right now (separated), and it is indeed an adjustment, but when it was good, it was really good.

I love the "someone to kill spiders" part. I have awakened my husband out of a sound sleep to kill a spider, or catch an errant frog that unfortunately found its way in the house (and toilet). Also, when we were first married, he was TDY (former military) and one of those gigantimus palmetto roaches was in the house. I didn't want to step on him or kill him with a shoe, so I squirted liquid dishwashing detergent on him. The bug died, I left it in the floor for another few days until my husband got home, and he cleaned it up. Yes, there are perks to being married!

Gyrl7 · #33 06-27-2005, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by btb87
Mentally ready? Well. . .Po' Lars and Amanda. . .

OH NO SHE DIDN'T......OH NO SHE DIDN'T!!! Oh see, I'm gon' go Shenaynay on you on IM.........MmmmHmmmm!

Kimmie1913 · #34 06-27-2005, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
We're the 3 losers together!! YAY!!!

(((((Treblk and MulattoGyrl)))))

We can do a step together.

Add me to the "losers" list! Single (although involved), no kids, and I'll be 32 on Aug 3(best day EVER!!)!

Kimmie1913 · #35 06-27-2005, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ladygreek
I am full of surprises.

Seriously, I am not saying that children out of wedlock should be the norm. But sometimes it happens, and as college educated women we need to be prepared to handle it if it does. Plus I know many married women who are essentially raising their children alone, as well as divorced women who receive no support from the father. So I guess I am saying that we as Black women need to be prepared to handle our business in any case.

Amen! What we want is not always what we get!!!!

9dstpm · #36 06-27-2005, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by btb87
Soror, this is so true. Unfortunately, I'm not at that "happy place" right now (separated), and it is indeed an adjustment, but when it was good, it was really good.

I love the "someone to kill spiders" part. I have awakened my husband out of a sound sleep to kill a spider, or catch an errant frog that unfortunately found its way in the house (and toilet). Also, when we were first married, he was TDY (former military) and one of those gigantimus palmetto roaches was in the house. I didn't want to step on him or kill him with a shoe, so I squirted liquid dishwashing detergent on him. The bug died, I left it in the floor for another few days until my husband got home, and he cleaned it up. Yes, there are perks to being married!

I'm not at that happy place myself. Hubby and I are separated as well. I have to say that it was good while it lasted and we are separating as friends. I used to think just like dsteazy that I had to be married and finished having my kids by the time I was 30. I'll be 30 next month and I'll be heading to divorce court for the second time before 2005 is out so matrimony is not all it's cracked up to be because things happen. I am realizing that maybe things happen for a reason. I have invested so much of myself in being a good wife and mother that I lost myself in the process. I am now going to concentrate on getting to know 9dstpm again. This summer while the childperson is in Mississippi with the grandparents, I will take a Spanish class so that I can be a more marketable social worker, I will learn to swim at the Y, I will travel and see some of my sands and some of my friends that I haven't seen since my last visit home, and I will explore possibly moving to Phoenix, AZ in the next year or so because I am tired of Michigan and the snow and cold. I will most likely not marry again unless Dennis comes along

. And as for the more kids thing, I'm still working my way through the infertility and all. The childperson is 10 and I'm thankful that I have him and while I would LOVE to have a little girl, I'll just wait patiently and see what HE has in store for me.

christiangirl · #37 06-27-2005, 03:16 PM

I can understand that "too old for kids" concern, I can give you the flipside on this one. My mom had me when she was forty-something and although I love her to death, I feel like I missed out on a lot with her. We never practiced softball or played at the park or anything, she was too tired for all that. That's why I wanted to be a young mom, but I'm not really trippin' off it now. I'm in college, my life is just starting to get good! LOL, besides I need a man first

The Truth · #38 06-27-2005, 03:24 PM

Marriage just ain't what it used to be. This man told me and the friend I was with that he doesn't cheat on his wife, he cheats on his girlfriends. What........in..........the..........world.

Just one mo' reason I ain't thinkin' bout traipsin' down nobody's aisle.

1browngirl · #39 06-27-2005, 04:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Kimmie1913
Add me to the "losers" list! Single (although involved), no kids, and I'll be 32 on Aug 3(best day EVER!!)!

Can I be added to the loser list too?

I'll be 33 in October. I'm single, not dating, and have no kids. When I was younger I thought that by now I'd have my 2.5 kids, husband, great job, and lovely life. Things turn out alot differently that we expect or want them too. However, I still want children and I'm not putting a time limit on myself to have them. If I have my kids at 35, 36 or even 40, that'll be good, as far as being "too old" that's only a state of mind, if I believe that I'm too old and tired.... that's how I'll turn out. I still want to get married but I'm waiting on God and whatever he has planned for me. But right now I just need to enjoy my single life, my friends, family, sorors, etc. when the time is right I'll know it.

Steeltrap · #40 06-27-2005, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Kimmie1913
Add me to the "losers" list! Single (although involved), no kids, and I'll be 32 on Aug 3(best day EVER!!)!

Can I also join y'all as losers? I will be 41 in October, no kids, not involved.

treblk · #41 06-27-2005, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 1browngirl

I'll be 33 in October. I'm single, not dating, and have no kids. When I was younger I thought that by now I'd have my 2.5 kids, husband, great job, and lovely life. Things turn out alot differently that we expect or want them too. However, I still want children and I'm not putting a time limit on myself to have them. If I have my kids at 35, 36 or even 40, that'll be good, as far as being "too old" that's only a state of mind, if I believe that I'm too old and tired.... that's how I'll turn out. I still want to get married but I'm waiting on God and whatever he has planned for me. But right now I just need to enjoy my single life, my friends, family, sorors, etc. when the time is right I'll know it.

Sistergreek, this is me right here. I'll be 32 in Oct. and have no kids, no husband (not even a potential, unless you count me and Michael Ealy(ms)

) and I am fine with that. I know that my time will come. If I can't have kids naturally, then there are tons of kids that need mothers and loving homes. As much as I would love to live my childhood fantasy about being married before 30, GOD has his plan for me, not the other way around.
I'm even open about adopting after 35, if I'm not married, but hey, who's to say, as long as you keep doing what makes you happy, then I believe it will all work out.

Proverbs31 · #42 06-27-2005, 05:18 PM

Well, first let me say that I know I'm still young, but I really cannot see myself getting married to anyone for a VERY long time. I'm not even sure if I want to get married at all. All of my comments stem from trust issues that I have (being hurt constantly) and situations that I've been through. But, I think that I could be a happier individual as a single person.

But who knows, maybe I'll look back at this post one day with a totally different mindset...

Conskeeted7 · #43 06-27-2005, 07:18 PM

It's good to hear that most people are satisfied with where they are in life, whether its married, single, a parent, or whatever. I think the main thing is to be pleased with where you are. Each of us has a different plan and different needs. I'm very happy to be married and I did it very young. I can honestly say that my party just began!! I don't think the original poster was saying that everyone else should follow her same path.

And let's find another term for the word losers. That is so far from an accurate description.

Gyrl7 · #44 06-27-2005, 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Steeltrap
Can I also join y'all as losers? I will be 41 in October, no kids, not involved.

OH HAYLE NO...........YOU CAIN'T JOIN NO LOSERS CLUB CAUSE YOU AINT NO LOSER......CASE CLOSED CLUB CLOSED AND SO IS THE LIKKA STO!!

Well anything worth having is worth praying for, so I'm praying for my son Boi7 (since I think I have his daddy). A little male angel who will turn into to this bad, hard headed little toddler that is making me constantly buying sneakers/tennis shoes because I will always be chasing him around the house. And I will just pray that he will be a productive member of society when he grows up.

It might sound silly to some but as the bible says we have not because we ask not!

Wonderful1908 · #45 06-27-2005, 09:28 PM

btb87 and 9dstpm,

Sorry to hear about your seperations, I know how difficult it can be. First and formeost pray and ask God to help you through it. Secondly have either of you read "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian. That book changed my life and whole take on marriage. I read it like 2 years ago and recently again. I was also seperated from Mr. Wonderful1908 cause he wasn't being so Wonderful, and I truly thought I was gonna have to divorce him, if anything just for my minds sake. I prayed and prayed and stayed on my knees alot, especially considering I was pregnant and we had just built a house. It was SO HARD because I began to think maybe I am crazy and clearly I am above this BS and I am to smart to be dealing with this crap, but prayer did work! Things are so good now, I had to learn to stop being so demanding and verbally assaulting him and realized where he was weak I was strong and vice versa.

I was going to PM you, but anytime God does something glorious in our lives we should let everybody know.