Relationship - Taking a Break

[minDyG]

Sorry for not reading the entire thread before I reply, but in my opinion, asking for a break is just a way of keeping his security blanket just in case his taste of freedom doesn't turn out to be as glamorous as he expects it will be. Don't let him jerk you around on a chain, and don't keep him on one either if/when he ever comes crawling back to you. If the thought is even in his mind that he may not be sure he wants to be with you, after being together for such a long time, that translates to ready-to-move-on. Cut the umbilical cord.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by kathykd2005

Haha, what happened?

I've been through the same garbage in the past the OP was talking about. It happened over and over and after a while I just got tired of it, so now I don't keep coming back. Once I sense mixed feelings from her, I'm out for good. If she tries to call she'll go right to v-mail without a return phone call. I don't play games nor do I cheat. I want the same in return. I'm glad the women I dealt with in my past were soft like that though, because it's only made it easier for me to move to newer and better things without looking back. I'm not only speaking for myself, I've seen this crap happen a thousand times to other people, and like idiots they keep coming back. I do the K.I.S.S. "Keep It Stupid Simple", dump her and move on. That simple. Relationships are not that hard people, it's the idiots/idiot in the relationship that make them hard.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by minDyG

Sorry for not reading the entire thread before I reply, but in my opinion, asking for a break is just a way of keeping his security blanket just in case his taste of freedom doesn't turn out to be as glamorous as he expects it will be. Don't let him jerk you around on a chain, and don't keep him on one either if/when he ever comes crawling back to you. If the thought is even in his mind that he may not be sure he wants to be with you, after being together for such a long time, that translates to ready-to-move-on. Cut the umbilical cord.

minDyG you are all that. You don't know how right you are. Yup....CUT IT OFF COMPLETELY!

[kathykd2005]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I've been through the same garbage in the past the OP was talking about. It happened over and over and after a while I just got tired of it, so now I don't keep coming back. Once I sense mixed feelings from her, I'm out for good. If she tries to call she'll go right to v-mail without a return phone call. I don't play games nor do I cheat. I want the same in return. I'm glad the women I dealt with in my past were soft like that though, because it's only made it easier for me to move to newer and better things without looking back. I'm not only speaking for myself, I've seen this crap happen a thousand times to other people, and like idiots they keep coming back. I do the K.I.S.S. "Keep It Stupid Simple", dump her and move on. That simple. Relationships are not that hard people, it's the idiots/idiot in the relationship that make them hard.

That's the way to be!!!

[blackngoldengrl]

I hear what you are saying, to the OP, but the question I posed is a bit different I think. Perhaps more information is needed, but w/o giving all that away I guess what you are saying is: no breaks. If there is some issue or issues that you cannot work out with your partner, then move on completely.

I think in my case, I'm wondering what those who have been through this before with successfully getting back together felt that the break did for their relationship? Gave you clarity,allowed you to focus on yourself and getting your life together, gave you the opportunity to explore other relationships if you wanted to, etc. And if you didn't get back together, do you feel that it was worth it?

Gracias and goodnight!

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by blackngoldengrl

I hear what you are saying, to the OP, but the question I posed is a bit different I think. Perhaps more information is needed, but w/o giving all that away I guess what you are saying is: no breaks. If there is some issue or issues that you cannot work out with your partner, then move on completely.

I think in my case, I'm wondering what those who have been through this before with successfully getting back together felt that the break did for their relationship? Gave you clarity,allowed you to focus on yourself and getting your life together, gave you the opportunity to explore other relationships if you wanted to, etc. And if you didn't get back together, do you feel that it was worth it?

Gracias and goodnight!

One chance! She messes up...see ya.

[Infamous12]

Originally Posted by 1908Revelations

Thanks for bumping this.....Thanks a whole lot.

I can not answer your question, but I had never read this thread before and needed to.


BTW TWIN if you are reading this just know that T has got to go. I will probably put it in a PM

Awww shoot...let me break away from this newsletter and re-read.

[AKA_Monet]

PB--

When your married, you have to give chance after chance. You just cannot break up whenever you want to. But, you can have "breaks" when you figure stuff out on your own for a few hours and come back rejuvenated...

For the gentlemen, that's when you play golf or basketball on the court all day...

For the ladies, that's when you go to the spa and get "rejuvenated" by Javier... (J/K--or am I? )

[OneTimeSBX]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

PB--

When your married, you have to give chance after chance. You just cannot break up whenever you want to. But, you can have "breaks" when you figure stuff out on your own for a few hours and come back rejuvenated...

For the gentlemen, that's when you play golf or basketball on the court all day...

For the ladies, that's when you go to the spa and get "rejuvenated" by Javier... (J/K--or am I? )

i second that! nothing makes me feel better than going to the mall and buying a hot pair of shoes...something that makes other guys stare at my legs when we are out together ...i have a cousin, not married a whole year yet and every week they are divorcing, or so they say. giving each other space certainly helps that, if you are always up underneath each other you dont have time to miss each other. take a break, a girls weekend away or see a game with the guys, just make sure you come back lol!

[Animate]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

PB--

When your married, you have to give chance after chance. You just cannot break up whenever you want to. But, you can have "breaks" when you figure stuff out on your own for a few hours and come back rejuvenated...

For the gentlemen, that's when you play golf or basketball on the court all day...

For the ladies, that's when you go to the spa and get "rejuvenated" by Javier... (J/K--or am I? )

I agree but I don't think PB was talking in a sense of marriage. Moreso in a pre-marital relationship. I learned early that the whole "breaks" thing wouldn't work most of the time. My ex tried that and I simply responded "What for?". If you want to be in the relationship don't run away from it. Chances are if you have to think twice then the decision has already been made.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by Animate

I agree but I don't think PB was talking in a sense of marriage. Moreso in a pre-marital relationship. I learned early that the whole "breaks" thing wouldn't work most of the time. My ex tried that and I simply responded "What for?". If you want to be in the relationship don't run away from it. Chances are if you have to think twice then the decision has already been made.

Well, I should let PB speak for himself as I know he can... The thing is, how you are in a SERIOUS unmarried relationship dictates how you will probably be in a marital relationship. So, say you have a "steady girl/boy-friend", if you are gallivanting around hangin' in the homeys and the boys, then it is more likely you will do it when you are married. Now, it should be the partner's choice if that is "okay" with him/her to allow you to hang out in bars to be wannabe Stars and VIP. But if it is not "okay"--and with most young people it isn't, then that means someone is more secure with themselves while being in the relationship...

All, I am saying is if someone needs a "temporary break" to sort things out, just like a bird, you have to let them free. Nothing is going to stop that person from NOT being there. However, when your married, that brings a whole new different set of rules. And "temporary breaks" may need to occur, but when they do, are they really profitable?

[PrettyBoy]

I wasn't speaking of marriage, but since it's been brought up, I would have to agree with AKA Monet. Yes, breaks are needed in a marriage. Sometimes we need that alone time, but I think the OP was saying that people will say they need a break, in other words lets break up for a while and then get back together later. My response to that is NO. That's unacceptable. I would tell her don't come back because I won't be there. Like I said before there are no breaks. o.k. here's the deal and I know you guys are going to think I'm this possessive stalker from hell, well I'm not, but I do take relationships very seriously and this is why. When I go out with a woman on the 1st date, I'm not just going out with her just to be going out with her. The physical attraction is the 1st thing that's going to get me to go out with her in the 1st place, and then from that point on is when I'll try to see if she and I are compatible. I've never casual dated. I only date one woman at a time and I expect the same from her. If we're not compatible then move on to the next. I believe in one man for one woman and vise versa for long term to marriage. None of this lets take a break because we're having problems or I think we should meet new people. o.k. Why? I've said this in another thread, but I've been this way since puberty. Seriously, when I was 17, if my ex in highschool didn't cut me a loose, I would still be with her to this day. She thought since I was going to college that I would be more interested in college girls than her. She was two years younger than me. Anyway, she was wrong. I would have never done that. I would have only been interested in her. See, it's problems like this that confuse me. Why break up if you don't have to. If there's no cheating, and no abuse then what's the point. This is why I say there should be no breaks. There's too much of this going on today and I think this is a huge contribution to the high divorce rate. I hate that when people say, "I think we should meet new people." I think we need to take a break." "Why?" "Because it's just not working out." "But why?" See, this is what the conversation is like. There is no reason why. It's flat out stupid, and pointless. That's why I say don't come back. I'll move on to someone who has the same thinking about relationships as I do. In a marriage, you've got to work it out or don't get married. Marriage takes sacrifice. Pre-marital relationships do too, just not as much sacrifice. Why would you say I need a break just to go date other people? What? You think that's going to be better? A joker that does that is just going to keep going from one relationship to the next. In a marriage it's fine to have fun with friends because it's not like you're splitting up. Breaking up for no reason is pointless.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by OneTimeSBX

i second that! nothing makes me feel better than going to the mall and buying a hot pair of shoes...something that makes other guys stare at my legs when we are out together ...i have a cousin, not married a whole year yet and every week they are divorcing, or so they say. giving each other space certainly helps that, if you are always up underneath each other you dont have time to miss each other. take a break, a girls weekend away or see a game with the guys, just make sure you come back lol!

Nothing wrong with doing fun things and hanging out with your friends. I agree 100% about not sitting up under your significant other all the time, but that all depends on where ya'll are hanging out, and how much ya'll are hanging out.

Also, I disagree with you when you say you would buy a pair of shoes so other men will look at your legs. Now if you said you bought some shoes to look good for yourself or your significant other then that's cool, but unless you're single, you shouldn't be trying to turn other men on. Not cool. Well, I wouldn't like it if my girl or wife was doing that mess. Whatever floats your boat though.

If my girl or wife said she was going to hang out with her friends, I would be cool with it as long as it was somewhere decent. To me a club or a strip club is not. There's no way I would be with a woman that hangs out at night clubs, and strip clubs (I'm not saying you, but some married men/women do). Hey, if that's the type of crowd she likes to hang around, that's fine by me, we just won't be together, that's all. They say birds of a feather flock together, so for me it's good to see what kinds of friends she's close to.

Btw: Hanging out with friends weekly while married I'm not down with either. Your spouse should be your best friend. Kickin' it weekly with girlfriends is too much. I'd have to let a woman like that go.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by Animate

I agree but I don't think PB was talking in a sense of marriage. Moreso in a pre-marital relationship. I learned early that the whole "breaks" thing wouldn't work most of the time. My ex tried that and I simply responded "What for?". If you want to be in the relationship don't run away from it. Chances are if you have to think twice then the decision has already been made.

Ditto. I agree with you 100%. That's my point. If she has to think about it, then I gotta go. I can't be with a shakey indecisive woman who doens't know what she wants. I don't have time for that mess.

[OneTimeSBX]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

If my girl or wife said she was going to hang out with her friends, I would be cool with it as long as it was somewhere decent. To me a club or a strip club is not. There's no way I would be with a woman that hangs out at night clubs, and strip clubs (I'm not saying you, but some married men/women do). Hey, if that's the type of crowd she likes to hang around, that's fine by me, we just won't be together, that's all. They say birds of a feather flock together, so for me it's good to see what kinds of friends she's close to.

Btw: Hanging out with friends weekly while married I'm not down with either. Your spouse should be your best friend. Kickin' it weekly with girlfriends is too much. I'd have to let a woman like that go.

i agree. people neglect to remember why they went to the clubs BEFORE they were in a relationship. that shouldnt be going on in an exclusive situation. my man and i will go together on occasion. sometimes we just want to go bump & grind on a dance floor with a few drinks in us. and at the end of the night, i can take him home!

my fiance sees his best friend maybe once a week or so. there is no constant hanging out, not that i dont love his friends, because i really do like every one of them, but he isnt gonna run around and chill while im stuck in the house pregnant . damn that! i think another thing i noticed is that the older the guy gets, and the more settled his friends get (kids, jobs, wives, etc) the less time everyone else has to hang out. they are all content sometimes just renting a movie and watching it at the other persons house, for a change of environment.