Marriage question for the ladies.

[James]

I really don't believe a lot of people would start out thinking about what they get if the marriage ends. I hope that is mostly not true. Although you can't help be aware of the standard of living you will have with a wealty person.

What I am saying is that when or if a relationship ends there is often hard feelings, and the viewpoint on taking money and such can be very different than when the marriage starts.

How many stories have we seen on GC where a non-married break-up results in hard feelings and one or both EX's doind some really messed up stuff to the other person.

I am sure they didn't plan to be evil or vindictive when they first fell in love.

Originally posted by adpialumcsuc


I know I probably feel differently about this than every one but I don't believe that you have to have that piece of paperwork to prove your love to some. However, given the scenerio at hand if it was brought to me in that manner I would probably leave. BUT I also understand the need from him to want to protect himself. Especially, since there are a lot of people out there just in search of money.

[bethany1982]

Originally posted by Ginger
I believe there is a type of pre-nup that not only protects one's assets from before marriage, but also specifies that each person is entitled to only what money he/she made over the course of the marriage. I don't remember exactly how it worked, but I used to work in a law firm that handled a lot of family law, and I remember seeing something very similar to this.

You're right about this. Some people even enter into agreements after they are married. To me, the legal question would still revolve around the jurisdiction and possibly which side has the best attorney.

[AKA_Monet]

I have no opinion on your questions James... I need more information beyond what you previously described.

I can say this... Lemme put it to you like this:

So folks need "paper" to feel important...

Others do not...

Michael Jackson is not married and is having 3 or 4 kids--I forget how many he is currently expecting now... And he's an "alleged" pedophile...

The other issue is can relationships be "purchased" in the 21st century with 26-degrees of "eHarmony"??? Or whatever number of questions they have on there...

Or is there such a thing as "rent a spouse"--try it on for size?? You get a 30-month or your money back guarentee--operators are standing by... Be ready with your credit card--VISA, Mastercard and AMEX accepted... 1-800-WANNABE-MRS...

The cavalier attitude of society toward marriage is the topic of so many articles... I do not know what to say...

But, as far as the genetics goes... Random mating helps with the evolutionary process... You are always naturally selecting newer combinations of genes and proteins for the survival of the fittest... So, as far as the human species goes, biology is not an issue...

[norcalchick]

Originally posted by James
"Hell Hath no Fury as a Woman Scorned . . . "

I think divorces can take on a life of their own. Especially when lawyers get invovled and there are serious assets at stake.

As far as planning for failure . . . I think people enter into relationships with the greatest of good will, however, for whatever reason, most fail. I think that on the legal side of marriage that has to be taken into account.

Marriage is a two-sided coin: There is the romantic love aspect. But there is also the legal and economical relationship. I think we forget this sometimes.

In fact there might be a greater honesty to this type of relationship than an actual marriage. Why? Because the relationship has to last on its merits. Not on the perception that there is a huge penalty for leaving, or that the label marriage means that you have to stay even if you are desperately unhappy.

That last part will be the subject of a different thread lol . . .

Co-sign with James on this.

There can be different scenarios though.
-Some people don't believe in "marriage" because they're not religious.
-Some couples have been together for years and they aren't married and are perfectly happy with that arrangement.
-Marriage has legal ties for each spouse. So if the rich guy had a business and it tanked or something where he was in finaccial trouble, the government or whoever can go after the wife also.
-And with the divorce rate in America, who wouldn't be scared?!

But I definitely agree on the "Hell Hath no Fury as a Woman Scorned" because a lot of women will try to get all that they can if they're pissed off! Not that men won't either. Has anyone seen the Dr. Phil show where he's following a couple that is getting a divorce. They're both fighting over EVERYTHING!! Even down to trashcans and tupperware!

[Peaches-n-Cream]

I know a couple who broke up because of a prenuptial agreement. They were negotiating terms and started to argue and called off the engagement and wedding. It was really sad. They are middle class not rich or comfortable.

It's funny. There are so many wealthy people in New York City. I have never dated anyone like that, but my friend has. These women have last names that you might recognize. He probably could have married one or two of them, but he didn't love them enough. Their millions of dollars couldn't compensate for a loveless marriage.

[bamabelle005]

i am a Christian girl living in the Bible belt so this could never happen to me because i don't believe in sex before marriage, but i don't think it would be best for the children to be raised in that kind of an environmnet in which their father doesn't trust their mother. but if i fell head over heels for a guy who would never marry me i would pick up my broken heart of the floor and try to find a nice southern gentleman!

[honeychile]

Since I can't ever imagine living with someone without the benefit of marriage (even if not for religious reasons - which they are - but for the sake of any children born), I probably shouldn't be answering - but I am intrigued by the pre-nup talk.

When you're in your early twenties, neither spouse is making much money at all, and sees no big change in the future, it's not very important. But when you hit your thirties and are getting married, it's a whole new ballgame. You have your current money, your pension, your assets, and probable inheritances to consider. Also, if you've been married before, you have your children to think about, to make sure that they're not "fleeced" by a greedy exspouse. If I were to marry a man with children or a lot of money, I would fully expect to sign a pre-nup - after my attorney checked it out. Similarly, if I lived in a state where inheritance was considered community property, I would insist upon one.

NO ONE goes into a marriage thinking about a divorce, but realistically, roughly half of the marriages in the United States fail. No one plans to have major hospital expenses, either, but most still carry insurance - same with home insurance, car insurance, etc. There are contingencies in life, and it's only wise to prepare for them.

[_Opi_]

First off, marriage is sacred. If he doesn't want to "marry" me because of $$$, then that is a big problem. But then again, society has changed so much that people do everything taht is typically done during marriage ie. living together, having sex, having kids, etc. So then what is the point of even getting MARRIED? I think that is sad because it devalues the concept of marriage.

Back to the question at hand: If he thinks I'm after the money, then we can sign prenuptual contracts. Nothing wrong with that. But I would probably leave him because he doesn't realize the concept of marriage, or has some underlyign trust issues.

[MTSUGURL]

Marriage or nothing.

[aphibeach]

The reason: He knows if something goes wrong that you could take a huge chunk of his net worth in a divorce. A networth that he made without your help.

one word: prenup (although this has probably been mentioned over and over again....i know i'm lazy and didn't feel like reading)

i mean whats the point.....it seems to me the guy wants his cake and eat it too. he wants the family life but doesn't want to wear the ring. that just doesn't make any sense

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by honeychile

When you're in your early twenties, neither spouse is making much money at all, and sees no big change in the future, it's not very important. But when you hit your thirties and are getting married, it's a whole new ballgame. You have your current money, your pension, your assets, and probable inheritances to consider. Also, if you've been married before, you have your children to think about, to make sure that they're not "fleeced" by a greedy exspouse. If I were to marry a man with children or a lot of money, I would fully expect to sign a pre-nup - after my attorney checked it out. Similarly, if I lived in a state where inheritance was considered community property, I would insist upon one.

NO ONE goes into a marriage thinking about a divorce, but realistically, roughly half of the marriages in the United States fail. No one plans to have major hospital expenses, either, but most still carry insurance - same with home insurance, car insurance, etc. There are contingencies in life, and it's only wise to prepare for them.

You're absolutely right.

I don't think prenups spoil the romance of a wedding or impending marriage. If you're smart, there are other things you should do to protect yourself, spouse, and respective families--such as beefing up your life insurance policies, writing or refining wills, putting on paper such things as DNR orders, organ donation directives, and the like. These things might be "unromantic," but they're realistic.

I know couples who incurred student loan debts before and during their marriages and signed prenups in order to keep those debts separate in the case of divorce. Can you blame them?

But--back to the main topic. The woman is an eeediot. DO NOT have children without being married, and this is coming from a legal standpoint, not a religious one.

[AGDee]

Originally posted by James
Thats a fair question. I would sign a pre-nup if asked. But also, there is still a skew towards women when it comes to divorce settlements. Men are less likely to get the same settlement that women are in similar situations.

Statistics don't really show that...

According to Long Island University's National Center for Women & Retirement Research, the average woman sees a 45% drop in her standard of living after divorce, while the average man improves his standard of living by 15%.


From Business Week Article

[James]

I read that. That still makes sense from this thread's prespective. If a woman that is a homemaker or has a lesser income than her husband gets a divorce of course she is going to have less available money.

That would happen even if she got a monstrous settlement from a billionaire. She would have less income earning power than he did.

Originally posted by AGDee
Statistics don't really show that...

According to Long Island University's National Center for Women & Retirement Research, the average woman sees a 45% drop in her standard of living after divorce, while the average man improves his standard of living by 15%.


From Business Week Article

I know someone said this earlier in this thread but in some states, including my state of SC, a common law marriage is recognized. In turn, if the couple breaks up, the "spouses" can stake claims to the other's assets.

If he won't sign a pre-nup, then, I would probably be suspicious of his motives. I would think that he's more concerned with his assets than the relationship and this would be vice versa. I would expect a male partner to be suspicious of me if I made more than he and I wouldn't sign a pre-nup. It can go either way. I am all for common law marriages because lots of times marriage certificates can really screw up things. Once that piece of paper, the marriage license that is, is signed, all of a sudden, the pressure is on like a load of bricks. I think one should enjoy the relationship and sign a pre-nup. Otherwise, shape up or ship out.

[norcalchick]

OT

Does your credit standing effect your spouse's credit when your married? Like if you have bad credit before you get maaried, does that effect your SO?
/OT